“Well, that happened.”

I opened my eyes. If you’re being run over by a dozen crew cabs it’s just good etiquette to avoid making eye contact. Don’t make it weird for them. It’s not like they WANT to be running you over. I mean sure, they enjoy it, but they’d rather be doing other things, like driving with four of their friends in a ‘V’ formation through a desert, or hanging out in dark driveways with Matthew McConaughey.

The first thing I noticed when my eyes opened was that “Oh my god, my stats!”

The white-bearded Elohim smiled at me. “Welcome back” he said with a small shake of his head. “How was your first thought not ‘oh no, my family, friends, and LIFE ON AN ENTIRE WORLD.’”

“Well, can I do anything about any of that?”

“No.”

“Well, I try to stay positive. I’m sure I’ll break down into an absolutely useless mess in a month or two after my subconscious has had time to process and I have some downtime without FREAKING AWESOME NEW STIMULI BEING INTRODUCED.”

We looked at each other for a moment and I said “Why don’t we start over.” I paused a moment for dramatic effect. “Oh god! Why would this happen to someone like me, someone who returned other people’s shopping carts on the regs and even once barely judged at all when he accidentally attended a furry convention!? I can’t believe that I’ll never be able to see the people I love again unless the world you’re sending me to has some form of interdimensional space-time magic which I will learn after defeating a dark lord whom events conspired to pit me against and who I only beat because of the power of love and some kind of CGI mental willpower battle which ends in everyone slowly standing up in a cloud of dust after the explosion when I push his mindbeam back at him in fulfillment of the wildly over-specific and weirdly personal prophecy!”

“Is that better?”

Stolen story; please report.

“...”

“Seriously though, I assume you can’t tell me, but is there interdimensional space-time magic? That would be pretty cool. Oh shit, is this one of those ‘erase my whole existence‘ things? I don’t want my people to forget about me, that would totally ruin my funeral.”

The old man gently laughed. “Don’t worry about that. We’re not going to alter anyone’s memories. As to movement between different worlds, it is certainly possible, however whether you could ever learn is by no means certain, and moving through dimensions would be even harder.”

“So you’re saying there’s a chance!”

He rolled his eyes at me. All fifty or so of them. At least for a moment, before my mind switched back to the two I normally perceived. Weird. “Alright, since you obviously have had no problems regaining your memories, let’s go over what happens next. You are, in fact, going to be sent to what you would call a fantasy world. With a level up system.”

“Awwwyeaaaaaaahhhhh!” I replied. “So, do I get one of the customary cheats? Like, do I level up at a crazy fast rate? Or get a wildly overpowered sword, or can I get powers from the monsters I eat?”

“You aren’t being sent to become the main character in a webnovel. You’re being sent because you’re in Purgatory, remember?”

“Dang, I forgot about that.”

“Yeah, kind of an important detail.”

“Well, do I have to defeat ten-thousand monsters or something? Make a woman love me before the petals fall from a magical rose? I’m not really into kidnapping and Stockholm Sydroming.”

“No, nothing like that. You just have to live a normal life. However, there is going to be two of you.”

Oh. Huh. So are you going to need a rib or something?”

“Yes.”

“Weird. Will it hurt?”

“No, I’m not going to take a rib you silly algorithm. I’m going to split your soul and make two copies of you on your new world.”

“Ooh, fancy. I’ve always wanted to know what I’m really like.”

“You’re certainly... different.”

“Yeah” I said with a smile, my head tilted to the right and upward toward the heavens. The Elohim just shook his head. “Well, good luck in your new world.” I immediately responded “Hey hold on, my bad, my bad. I’ll be good. Why are there going to be two of me? Also, will I remember any of this? Oh, and what’s the point? Do I have to do anything? I know you said I just have to live, but really, should I do anything? Ie., am I going to keep finding myself back in the position if I don’t complete some task or come to some realization or learn to love myself or something?”

“Nope. You will be fine. Remember that the point of this exercise that concerns you is to begin to prepare you for timelessness. The big ONE always has a world of reasons for everything They do. It’s ok that you only understand bit and pieces of them. You live inside of time and can’t see the Words, the world’s code that make up reality. If you listen you’ll be ok.

The old man smiled at me. “Alright, I’m going to send you now. You will be allowed to remember this encounter.” I started to fade out; feeling a strange pull on what I would have to guess was my soul. Before I winked out of this place and into another, the old man addressed me “by the way, my name is Bin.”

With the last bit of my existence I shouted “hey, give me some cheats!”

He just laughed.