It's already been two months since my memory returned, and these two months have been brutal. Who would have guessed that my life as a cultivator will begin from such a terrible start?

I don't know if regaining my memory is fortunate because it caused me worse than good.

To start, I rarely sleep at night because of the plaguing nightmares. Some nights I dreamt about the two young masters. While other nights I wake up in the middle of the night gasping and sweating.

I always dreamed of being chased by someone. I am troubled that I'll be sent back to the dungeons when they found the truth.

The nightmares are only the beginning. My mind and body are always tense… always alert looking at my back, always-on guard, paranoid. I became cautious around people, most especially around the elders and senior members of the sect.

And finally, there's the guilt. My memory returned, and more. When I was interrogated, I answered the things I believed to be the truth. That may be the reason that the peak master could not find lies in my answers.

When the elder asked me if I killed someone, it never occurred to me that it was about the two young masters. I thought I only knocked them unconscious.

My naïve mind was unable to tell it was connected…that there is a possibility of me killing someone. While I was being interrogated, I kept asking myself self,

"Why were they doing this to me?" and yet I found no answers. Thinking about it now, I discovered the answer to be quite obvious.

You could say my naïvety saved me. I agree…but my naïvety, my being innocent, is killing me inside. I wish I was a cold-blooded killer that kills without blinking his eyes. To kill without remorse. So that I won't be experiencing what I'm feeling now.

I killed someone! I did not mean to, yet I did. Now I'm reliving the memory of the time I killed them.

The action movies I watched and the dozens of novels and xianxia I read were unable to prepare me for this.

I continued with the daily life of a cultivator. The daily practice of Qigong made my body stronger and healthier. I learned how to read and write with this world's common tongue.

The meditation every afternoon made my mind sharp, and my Qi increased. I've reached a 2-star herald even though I am the slowest. My slow improvement attracts ridicule from other sect members. This caused me to be alienated from the other kids in our class, even with my roommates.

Wuxia novels always talk about how the heart demons of cultivators. Heart demons can affect their cultivation and hamper their advancement. It could even kill a cultivator. I'm uncertain what I have is a heart demon… I hope it's not. All these things make me depressed.

The sole person who talks to me is Lou Yi. She is also always alone like me, so we get along quite well. I'm not sure, though, why she seems to avoid the others, so I asked her.

She said: "I don't like other people, and they are not nice to me… well, except for you because you are nice to me and saved my life."

From her answer, I was able to have a glimpse of Lou Yi's past. It seems she suffered some terrible things from people. When I first found her, she was thin, and the sadness in her eyes is evident. I wanted to ask what happened to her, but I restrained myself. It seems she doesn't want to talk about it like I don't wish to talk about the things that are troubling me.

From all the depressing things that happened, I have only one good news. Ashley is getting bigger at an alarming rate and feeding time also gets frequent. She is now about one foot tall, and her hair is started growing longer. Every so often, she would open her eyes. I could see the intelligence within, unlike the blank look of an ordinary newly born baby.

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This afternoon meditation is finished, so we have an hour of free time before dinner. I am alone as I stroll around Good Peak. Lou Yi is not with me since she has a different schedule since she advances faster than me.

Lou Yi is a yellow talent, and she has already reached a 4-star herald. They have combat practice and are learning how to control their martial tools.

Gold Peak is composed of four courtyards with four main/central buildings. They call it: Beginners Courtyard, Intermediates Courtyard, Proficient Courtyard, and the Experts Courtyard.

The whole of Good Peak is surrounded by stone walls constructed on the edges of the mountain. One of my favorite spots to spend my free time is on top of the wall erected near a cliff. I like that place because of the view and the open sky. But more importantly, no one is going there since it is isolated from the three courtyards. Here I can be alone and have peace of mind.

On the way there, I ran into a group of youth coming from the Intermediate Courtyard. They just finished with their training and are strolling around. Because I was absent-minded, I accidentally bump one of them on the shoulder. I only glanced at him and continued walking.

When I was studying back home, bumping into someone without apologizing is a common thing. No harm was done, and students just too busy to care. Yet, I have overlooked something crucial… I am no longer a student at a University.

You can already guess what happened next. I got my ass kicked big time. I did not dare to fight back because they have higher cultivation. Gold Peak allows fighting between sect members. This is to promote competitiveness, as long as no killing. If I fight back, I don't even want to imagine what they will do to me.

Finally, they were satisfied and left me to nurse my injuries. Thankfully, daily cultivation made my body a lot stronger than before. They only employed physical strength to beat me, so no severe damage was inflicted.

It took a while, but I finally arrived. The walls are about 3 to 4 meters wide at the top and 10 meters high. Stairs are built strategically in different locations for easy defense during an attack.

I climbed the stairs and proceeded to a secluded part of the wall. My feet dangle as I sat at the edge of the wall. The sky is gorgeous this time of the day… an orange-colored sky.

I am enjoying the sunset, and the incident earlier has already been forgotten. However, my more significant problems still return to haunt me... I was lost in thought when someone pulled me.

"Have you lost your mind? To kill yourself is an act of cowardice."

Saber! What is she doing here? It was Saber that pulled me and hauled me away from the edge. What does she me--- Wait, does she think I was going to commit suicide?

"Be a man and stop feeling sorry for yourself."

I was too surprised to explain this is just a misunderstanding. Duh, I don't plan to die yet.

She got more annoyed because of my lack of response, so she flung me down.

"How did you know I was here? Were you following me?

She was about to walk away, but my question stopped her, and she turned to me with eyes blazing with anger.

"Who said I was following you? I just happen to pass by…."

I am unconvinced by her excuse. And apparently, it shows on my face because I felt a chill on my spine as she exudes killing intent.

"Okay! I believe you!" This girl doesn't know how to chill.

She snorted and turned her back on me. She murmured something I barely heard.

"In this world, you must kill or will be killed. It is hard, but you must learn how to live with it."

I heard these words many times from movies and read them all from many novels. But, the way she said it affected me more than me saying the same words to myself over and over again.

We tend to believe someone who talks about their first-hand experience. Because experienced people know what they are talking about. The way Saber spoke conveys this impression.

I did not know why she was saying these things out of the blue. But her words made me feel better, somewhat. I felt convinced I did what I did to defend myself. I still don't like it, but it's something I need to live with.

I wanted to thank her for "encouraging" me, yet she was already gone.

That night I was able to sleep peacefully. I woke up rested and refreshed. I did not know, but Sabre's pep talk was beneficial…like a significant burden is taken off my back.

For the next few days, my cultivation has undergone a considerable boost. It was like water released from a dam because I was able to catch up with Lou Yi. I will be able to join her for the advanced lessons. Finally, I will be able to learn how to fight and control my martial tool.

I am still wary of the elders of the sect and other senior sect members. But now I have the goal of getting stronger, so I could protect myself. There is no telling when will they will find out what I did. But I'll make sure I will be ready to defend myself self…, but first, I need to get stronger.