Returned Maybe

(Samantha)

Spoiler :

So hear is another chapter of this fic...actually there are a few more backstory chapters until it gets back to the other world...but the story is how it is...not like any one bothers to read this anyway!

I got out of the hospital changed from who I had been.

To me the greatest change was my new closeness and engagement with Ramona, we started to do various activities together…and we continued many of the ones that we had started in the hospital. Like watching random online videos, and discussing various things that we read, as well as helping each other with homework.

I also made a point of going to her band recitals, and concerts of which there were two since my return. I also spent much of my own free time reading completely by myself not only various online works but also the classics, and other books I hadn’t really bothered to try before because of my lack of time.

But other than Ramona everyone seemed to be so caught up in their own lives that it took quite some time before they noticed, the to me major but probably to the outside minor changes with in me.

I think change most obvious to others was how I acted in school. Firstly, I didn’t sign up for track and other clubs again. Actually I greatly cut back on all my extracurricular activities.  Although I still ran every morning and evening like I had when I had been in various sports, I no longer did it seriously, for training.

It was mainly because of habit, and thus had become a completely leisure and recreational activity. One that I tried to get Ramona to participate in with me as I was worried about her health again this time, probably because of our increased closeness. Unfortunately I only managed any form of success a few scant times.

And what a depressing success it was, as she had complained the whole time, and as I was much faster than her I had to constantly hold myself back, knowing that if I left her behind I would find her sitting or walking at a snail’s pace having given up without my encouragement/a person to complain to.

I mainly maintained my grades, but I didn’t take it quite as seriously as I had before. I would study, and I would do all my homework. But I wasn’t anywhere near as obsessed with any mistakes that I made as I had been in the past. There were also a few times where I found myself close to certain deadlines, and not fretting at all in fact even letting myself do other pointless things.

Once or twice I even left things to the last minute, but as such an action would temporarily bring back the old stresses and pains that I had experienced in the past I had soon learned a happy medium and though my grades dropped a bit at times I never felt the hectic fear of probable failure again.

At first, my parents didn’t notice even these changes or if they did they didn’t take them seriously. Of course my ‘friends’ and my teachers had already noticed my changes but other than asking if this was really what I wanted, they left me alone. Though I had been useful I had noticed and realized anew that I wasn’t integral to the workings and doing of which I had participated in.

As the saying goes ‘there is always someone else’, my retiring from that mouse race, especially because it had been at the end of a long hospital stay during which they had already gotten used to my non-participation, was scarcely noticed.  

But as I think I have told you before, being competitive people my decision to no longer compete wouldn’t escape my parent’s purview forever.

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I think they first realized something was up, when my mother heard about me not signing up for any sports or other extracurricular activities. When she questioned me, concerned that I was still in pain from what hospitalized me. I quickly reassured her and explained things as I wanted to take things slower as the hospital had given me a new lease on life.

I felt a bit guilty as I knew she would assume that by ‘slower’ that I still meant to get back in the game, I was just not immediately.  When my father came to me later in his rare free time to give me some pep talk about having to take a break not being the end of the world.

I only smiled and nodded and by doing so increased my guilt even more. A lie of omission in my mind is still a lie, but I didn’t want to see the disappointment and probably anger on their faces when I told them the rest of the story. Even more shamefully was my secret fear that if I started to act like Ramona that I might end up being treated like Ramona.

I think my brother, may have been the one in my family to realize my changes the most, as we had been quite close despite the often intervention of Lucy. But being of the type to not want to make waves other than giving me an odd look now and then him did nothing.

Luckily the B***h Queen was quite busy with her own matters at the moment, so much so that she didn’t have the time to insult any of us let alone take a second look. So for a time there was a peace not much different then the quietness we had before.

I knew it to be merely the calm before the storm, and that it was only a matter of time for the conflict to begin.

What started to set things to a simmer was my decision not to participate in one of the family trips. They were planning to go one of the usual family hiking trips over the weekend. I didn’t not mind hiking, and sometimes it could even be fun especially when you go to a place with lots of nice scenery where you can really experience nature.

This time, was one of the more boring trails, and it was a workout to boot. I would have considered playing the sick card if I wasn’t so terribly healthy most of the time, as well as the more condemning fact that last week I had agreed to go on a hiking trip that had been to the same place.

One major difference between the two was that last week Lucy had been too busy to go, and thus it had been just my parents my brother in me, Ramona as usual choosing to relax at home despite my entreaties. Though it hadn’t been that fun, it hadn’t been terrible either I had an okay time. And I had shown no sign that the exercise was out of my capability.

This time Lucy and somehow managed to find the time to go, I suspect it had something to do with the fact she was worried that I would somehow still her minion, our brother, away from her or something. Whatever, no matter wat the case having to hike up that boring hard trail while listening to her derogatory, comments was not my idea of a good time.

Besides that, I was in the middle of reading quite an interesting book, and I was at what looked to be quite  an exciting part.

Though I wouldn’t consider myself to be a slow reader…I didn’t think I would be fast enough to finish the book before the weekend ended, if I had to take the time out to go hiking. As there was a test due next week I didn’t want to take time away from my studies either.

With more than two checks on my list of pros, I asked for I think the first time ever, if instead of going hiking I could stay with Ramona. I realized later that in some ways it might have been a mistake, for it revealed a picture of me that was quite alarming to most of my family.