I woke up to the sound of someone typing on an old computer. I mean like 1990s old computer. I was standing in front of a desk.
"You can sit down if you like, there's everything from Aaaaa to Zzzverigalziz in the fridge. And yes that includes local beverages from your home planet." said the old woman sitting in front of the computer.
She continued to type away as I sat down. I looked around the computer to see what she was typing and found that she was typing on a keyboard that was not a QWERTY keyboard. I had no idea what it was but it had 42x6 rows and fit her normal hands perfectly. I say that but I am consciously aware there is no possible way that it could fit her hands perfectly.
"So uh, what am I in for? And why did truck-kun bring me to hell?" I said.
"Oh bless your heart, you're not in hell child, we're worse. We're the bureaucracy of the universe! Now you have years of paperwork ahead of you. It says here that your supposed to... oh dear. bless you child, just... just bless you." Said the woman apparently doing my interdimensional taxs.
"What did I do wrong now? I haven't even filled out the first form yet!" I said, reaching for the stack of paperwork she had passed to me. I should probably be screaming or throwing a tantrum, or threatening a lawsuit, but somehow I can't bring myself too when I knew this would be coming for a long time.
"Oh well, it says here that you supposed to be Isekai to another world as the hero that saves them from the demon king." She said.
"Well shit, that sucks." I said, and I genuinely meant it. Don't let the fact I was friends with survival nuts fool you I hated the outdoors. Give me my warm bed, A/C, modern snacks and foods, and the internet and her unlimited pleasures, any day of the week, and twice on Sunday.
"Oh no, that's not the oh shit part. We get isekai through here all the time, nothing major. Usualy you and the other guy go around screw off, screw up, screw down everything that'll open its legs for you, which let me tell you usually is practically everything, and then screw each other when the two of you get board. Then you isekai back home where and when you started, done deal." She said.
"Well shit, that still sounds terrible to me. I've still got to fight a guy I've never met." I said.
"Oh don't worry I'm getting there. You see the world that your supposed to go to is currently under Ragnorok. So it's going to be destroyed. Honestly the demon king would probably prefer if you defeated him, they get isekiaed over there just like you. Basicaly the opposite of you really. Where they were looking for a potential hero from your summoning, they look for a villainous evil being for the demon king summoning, usualy with some kind of evil features like horns wings or tentacles for your species, and then summon the poor bastard just like you." Said the woman.
"Being Ragnorok there are thousands of demon kings, and even several demon gods down there on... is that a planetiod? Yes, apparently the owner of this solar system wanted to make a xanxia world. And it just so happens that they had a dinky little planetiod in that particular inhabitable zone. So a planet the size of three of your Jupiters is going to crash into that planetoid. Then the sun is going to explode in a super nova because they want, 9? Yes, 9 moons. One of which will be the remnants of your planetoid, about the size of your pluto. At least 3-4 are expected to be inhabitable and will be 'lesser worlds' for the xanxia 'greater world'. Doesn't really matter to you though." She said, typing away at her not QWERTY keyboard.
"So yes, if you can even find Axxxnogstic and defeat him in something, even a thumb war, that will make him quit being a demon king and give up you will be eligible for re-isekai back to your home when this first started in your six year old body..." The woman looked up from her computer back to the man sitting in front of her.
A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
"I'm no expert... But you do not look six yours old to me." She said.
"Are you talking about when you started sending trucks after me? Yeah, I dodged those... until you dropped one out of a plane on me!" I let a little bit too much of my emotions into my voice at the end there.
"Ahh, yes, the old owner of this solar system had gone to this place called 'japan' and thought that the only way to isekai was through some form of tragedy, like being thrown into a volcano or burnt at the stack or something. He had since updated his ways and found the true way of something called otaku. Since then all transmigrations have been through a truck of all things. I mean he could have created a doorway, or picked you up while you were asleep or just made you read a never ending story. He is a bit of a jackass if you don't mind me saying. Anyway, he got bought out by a big chain so his dinky little planet is getting ragnoraked. You should probably find your way away from that by the way. If you get ragnoraked yourself you won't be eligible for isekai back home, even if it is to your six y/o self." She said, still typing away.
"So yes, it looks like your isekai return will not be immediate, you will live out your days. Oh, and there is an anti-suicide protection. Some dude tried to game the system a few years back, so if you want to read the fine print on the various anti-hacking system protections you can read that here." She said, pointing. I tried to read where she was pointing, until I realized she wasn't pointing at the form I was holding but an entire library off to the side. I had originally thought that was the office of whatever interdimensional hell hole this was. But apparently that entire library was just to contain the fine print. The fine print of one small section of a small part of the smaller of many forms I would have to fill out. I cried a little inside then.
"So yes, you weren't actually supposed to isekai, I actually have to put in an overide. I mean honestly, the kingdom you are being isekai'd to doesn't even exist anymore. Apperently they gamed the system a bit, because the princess that was supposed to summon you, or at least the hot, desperate, submissive, female sage that would fall madly in love with you and perform your every bidding is also dead. The only people that are there is the 3 year old peasant that has some royal lineage who knows how much removed, and a bunch of novice magicians. Oh, get this, it's being led by a dark magician that's actually the peon of the demon king you're supposed to slay! Oh this is precious. That's is not how this summoning is supposed to go, I don't care how much that guy messed up the system. Oh, this is rich, I have to share this with my coworkers later." She said.
"Um, if it's so bad, maybe you could not perform the overide? I mean, I don't really want to go soo... And do you really need to tell me that your going to share all my personal information with your coworkers? I mean I worked retail, so I know, but do you have to tell me that?" I said.
"Sorry hun, but it's not on your end. I mean you did sign up for this, but it isn't you that needs to veto this. But yes, this is highly irregular. So I'm going to start you off with killing that evil sorcerer that's summoning you. I think he sent him there to help power level you, and that is not how this is supposed to go." She said.
"Then why am I going to kill him?!" I said, it sounded like a good deal to me.
"First off, evil sorcerers are not supposed to be the ones doing the summoning. Second, if you don't do it, I'm going to make you become my assistant eternaly and if you think your forms now are long... Oh, honey do I have something to show you!" She said lewdly. I did not want to see what was under the hood. Either of this old woman or interdimensional politics.
"Now, normally you would have had a beautiful thirsty goddess to lead you down, and foreshadow that she would be joining your harem as soon as she could. Unfortunatly due to your circumstances not only can we not get a god to do that, your stuck with me by the way, what am I not goddess enough for you?-" She laughed at my expense "-But your harem has unfortunately been killed off, not your fault, even had you come over at 6 years old they would still be dead, and you too probably.
That kingdom you were part of was nuked by a demon god in a fight with 6 other gods, pretty nasty, I gotta show this clip to the rest of the office.-" She clicked on the clip and dragged it off before attaching it to an interoffice email. "-Anywho, you actually helped us out a bit with all those extra accidental isekais. There have been a lot of missed isekai heroes because of the whole redaction of the planet. So I'm going to give you a special bonus and just isekai you over there on nightmare mode without your goldfinger, k?" She said. I shivered... Luckily she did not follow through with that threat.