Studying my status screen, I focused on the new skill that had showed up and brought up its details. I’m thankful at least that works like normal.

Skill- Basic Swordplay: - The basics of the basics of the basics of how to use the sword. Make sure the sharp end is pointed away from you while you’re training how to swing sharp chunks of metal.

Effects:

·         Minor correction to accuracy and damage while using a sword.

·         Training the sword becomes easier.

Alright, so for a while I’ll use a sword until I get some more skills. Does this mean that if I use an item I’ll get a related skill? That’s definitely something I have to test out now, but it’s not like I have other weapons.

So, what’s the deal with the jokey sounding title you may ask?

Title- The Knight who didn’t say Ni- The first animal you defeated is a descendant of the feared rabbit of Caerbannog and you did it without getting hurt!

Effects:

·         Increased Defense against Knights (Especially those with antlers on their head)

Lackluster I know. Why they have to reference a show almost 150 years old I have no idea.

Looking at the corpse of the rabbit in front of me I realize that there aren’t any drops. That’s a bad sign, I just hope it means that this particular mob had suffered under the grip of the RNG gods. I know what I have to do and I don’t like it, but to test my thoughts this is the only way.

Squatting down I jabbed the sword into the rabbit and started to remove its fur. Or tried to. Why is this so difficult? I’m only getting patches of damn fur that are covered in blood. Maybe I can wash the blood out. A skinned rabbit in front of me and dozens of pieces of bloody rabbit fur in my hand, I was starting to reconsider my belief that complex and realistic systems were better.

No skill.

Fuck.

Ok, next plan. Cutting the rabbit open and gagging at the smell I pulled out its innards and cut the flesh into a dozen chunks. This is definitely something that doesn’t need super high definition sensory quality. Butchered it, maybe I’ll get some cooking or butchery skill.

No luck.

Still no skill.

Double Fuck.

Fine let me try starting a fire and I’ll roast the meat.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Stolen novel; please report.

An hour of fiddling with sticks later and a small fire was gloriously flickering in front of me. Skewering the meat pieces with another stick I held it over the fire. Watching it char, it actually smelt good, and it was cooking really quickly. Much faster than it would in real life.

Oh, oh, oh? This is good. I have a good feeling about this!

Nope.

No skill.

What is wrong with this?

“Alright Miranda why am I not getting a skill?” Giving up and asking for help is the best thing.

“What, you think you can get a skill just by setting fire to some rabbit in a forest?” The superiority in her voice is just proof that AI’s shouldn’t have personalities.

“So, what will get me a skill?” See I’m the soul of peaceful conversation.

“You little flying bug.” I muttered.

Since she didn’t hear, that’s still totally peaceful.

“Think about it Jackass. What is a skill? I can’t tell you more than that.” Nasty, nasty. This bug really talks like a teenager trying to imitate a street tough.

“Hey, I resent that.”

“That you’re a Jackass?” She tilted her head at me.

“No. That I know. The fact that you’re supposed to be my resident AI, or navigational companion or some shit like that. You shouldn’t be able to call me a jackass.” Hey, I know myself. I’m not the most pleasant of people. People? Persons? Uhhh… ok, whatever.

“That’s just silly Jin. I can do whatever I want.” What’s with that attempt at an adorable pose? Wait. Jin?

“Hey, don’t use my real name. Call me Lord Banana, or Lord B. That’s the setting I gave you not even an hour ago. I mean, come on! Why ask for it and then not use it.” Also, I’ll ignore the fact that this bug can so casually mention my personal information. Not that I have the right to say that, but it’s the principle of the thing after all.

“No one except you can hear or see me Jin. Unless you give me or them permission for it.”

Huh. That’s useful to know. If someone else sees me talking to the air they won’t automatically assume I’m insane. She hasn’t been able to tell me anything really useful till now. Let me nag and see how much I can drag out of her.

Which is what I did.

Not much result. Either I just couldn’t access the information or she didn’t know. Alright new approach then.

“Tell me Miranda. Are you part of a larger AI or a separate system that’s assigned to me?”

“I’m assigned to you directly Jin and I was born when you joined the game.’

Nodding at the expected answer I asked her some more questions before finally getting to the topic I was most interested in.

“How is your personality assigned? Is it from a standard package?”

She froze and seemed to consider my question, so I guess it’s a bust. I must have hit some security protocol.

“I’m apparently allowed to tell you that Jin. It’s based on your brain wave patterns and basic psych profile as established at last year’s census evaluation.” Her widened eyes told me that she really thought she wouldn’t be able to answer. Looks like they missed blocking this question in their testing, but that seems kind of strange, since if all the other AIs were as snarky as his was there would be many people becoming really curious about the subject.

How could they have access to my census evaluation? That’s restricted by the cooperative and doesn’t that just mean that she’s based off me? I’m not that flippant, I’m sure. Looks like it’s better that I don’t tell anyone about her or her behavior then.

Kinda depressing really if I think about it. No wonder people avoid talking to me and why did Lynda even start dating me?

No, no. Gotta be positive. I wanted complex and I sure as hell don’t understand shit about what I’m doing so that means it’s got to be super complicated. Since I don’t know what to do, it’s time to utilize my trump card.

“Now what do I do Miranda?”

“Head to a village.” Quick response! Had she expected this question?

“Which way is the nearest village?” I have no idea. I would probably end up wandering the forest for days let alone trying to determine any sort of human passage. Following her arm poined in some direction, I nodded before trudging through the woods.

Happily murdering every one of those evil rabbits that crossed my path I sang some classics in my off-key voice as I moved through the trees, not caring if anything heard me. Miranda had her hands over her ears. I may not be very good but I’m not that terrible either. I used to be in a choir you know.

Oops, better skin these little bastards.

Boy I love games.