Kai
I don’t think I’ve been this nervous in front of a computer my whole life.
Dad signed me up for a summer music workshop in Texas.
He called me to his office, “Kai, I found a program you could do over the summer?”
“What is it?”
He’s on their website, “It’s a music workshop, it looks pretty competitive but I already filled out an application. Seems like they require auditions to get in.”
“Well that’s fine by me”
“It’s a pretty interesting one too, you know Ayden mentioned that he would be attending.
My excitement de
flated just as soon as it perked up. “No no, I don’t want to go.”
“Why, because Ayden’s going to be there?”
“Yes.”
“Come on, it’s not like you two didn’t like each other. You were friends!” We were never friends, we were acquaintances at most. “He’ll be happy to see you.”
“No. Even if I get accepted, I’m not showing up to the audition.”
He lets out a subtle groan, “Kai, please give it a chance. It looks like a nice program where you could really sharpen your skills. I promise Ayden doesn’t hate you. Plus you don’t have to talk to him! You can make new friends.”
We went back and forth repeating the same points and I almost forgot about the entire thing before I received an email from “the Rhizome Entertainment Workshop ''. that my application was accepted and they wanted me to audition online. Guess they think I’m in the same boat as Ayden. Great.
I shouldn’t have let it get to the point where I’m sitting at my computer with notes written by Dad on my desk waiting on a video call, waiting to audition. I should have emailed them that I wasn’t interested, but then Dad would get upset and I didn’t want to explain that I was backing out of a selective music workshop because a famous classmate of mine would also be there. Alright, I know that was dumb and petty but Dad was excited and the director seemed so nice and well, the good samaritan in me couldn’t let them down
And that “Good Samaritan” brought me here
The text at the bottom of the screen says that the host has joined the video call and was letting me in. Next thing I knew I was on video with three people, one woman whose name on screen read as Elza looked on the younger side with brown french braids and a brown barrette, looking a bit formal in my opinion for a video call, or maybe that just highlighted how underdressed I was wearing whatever was easiest to take out of my closet and just tidying my hair.
The second was the only man other than me and was named Bryce. he was an olive-toned man dressed in a…how do I say this without being
offensive?...Feminine way. Wearing a pink top and what I believed to be lipstick.
The last named Maya was a pale east asian woman with a bright smile on her face and reddish brown hair that I couldn’t tell whether or not was dyed dressed like she was going to perform on stage.
Thoughts of flunking the audition were dispersing. I couldn’t just humiliate myself in front of three people, even if not doing so would mean I would have to spend the entire summer with Ayden of all people, “Oh umm, hello everyone.”
Elza responded, her voice slightly delayed and gritty through my speakers, her voice is young and professional, not giving away many hints of emotion, still with a smile on her face. “And hello to you, Kai Maxwell. It is a pleasure to meet you.”
I nodded, putting on my best face. I was usually liked by adults and this audition shouldn’t be any different. “So umm, are we going to do an interview, or should I just send you my audition tape?”
Maya speaks, her voice on the higher side, “Sure, why don’t you introduce yourself. Tell us who you’re all about!”
I exhale, “Well I’m Kai, I’ve been singing in choir since 4th grade and playing the guitar since sixth. I’ve produced and released music on Waveword and got and got one song with about 20k views as well as other songs uploaded and in production.” I pause, they don’t comment, it seemed as if they wanted to know more, “I’ve also dabbled in poetry for a bit, I sometimes attend the Black Student Union and Christian Student Union at my school, I attend church frequently, I work after school as a tutor?”
“All splendid,” said Elza. The people judging the auditions ask me a few more questions, why I signed up for the program–said I was interested in becoming a better musician, age, experience, past programs I attended, all until Elza dropped the big one:
“Well then, why don’t you send us your audition tape?”
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I knew it was coming. I had my guitar at my side and the lyrics of the song I had workshopped. I wasn’t going to perform live on the video call, I guess they functioned the same as giving a teddy bear to a freightened child. Now I was regretting not having practiced several nights before I submitted my tape. For talent shows and recordings I would practice like I was studying for finals, but I guess somehow that didn’t stop me from slacking before a performance that was part of an interview–Go Kai!
I nodded my head, I didn’t want to let them see my fear, even though the ring lights above the computer were making me sweat, just hoped my desktop camera was bad enough that they couldn’t see it–Did Dad really think that I would be able to pass an audition that Ayden of all people got into? I nod my head, pasting the link into the chat that I knew all three of the adults were going to watch. As if to make sure nothing went wrong, I pull up the same video on my screen. There I was, last afternoon,
In the video I pulled up my guitar until it was sitting in my lap. The judges watched the video in silence, waiting for the ‘me’ in the video to set up and perform. It continues rolling, I took out my pick and strummed some chords to one of the songs I wrote: “To Mama”. This wasn’t the one that got popular, but it was one of my favorites that I had written. Still bitter it didn’t get as popular as I wanted it to be.
And I sang:
Mama, look how your boy has grown
Long past the height chart on the kitchen door
I put a little emotion in my voice, should I have prefaced that I would be performing my own piece, too late for that now.
From training wheels to driving lessons
Outgrown shoes as I walk to another
Mile of my life and who better to thank
Than the woman who raised me?
Let us return the favor now
The chords and words were flowing out of myself, as if I was listening to any other song on the radio. But my eyes were stuck to the screen before me, analyzing their stoic expressions. I could see that Elza was writing on a notepad as she watched. Singing and playing were practically second nature to the Kai on screen.
Seasons change and come back again
I’m 18 now and you’ll be 48
You sang me a lullaby so I’ll sing you this song
We’ve been your family all along
Oh Mama
Never forget you’re our Mama
The song finished up much faster than I imagined in my head. The clapping begins from the screen, though it is staticy and cut off because of the delay from each of the computers.
“alright, we just finished watching your video. Excellent erformance,” Elza says, in a matter-of-fact way.
“Thank you Miss, I wrote it myself.”
“Ooooohhh a songwriter! We love to see that!” Maya says, I couldn’t tell if she was talking to me, the other judges, or herself.
“So, what happens now?”
“At the end of the month we’ll announce the students who made it into the Rhizome Entertainment Workshop, stay tuned until then!” That voice came from Bryce, the only man and who was previously silent until now. He sounded like he was from the west coast.
“That’s great, is there anything else you want me to do?”
“Do you have any questions?” asked Elza.
“Can you choose roommates?”
“Not as of yet, though the rules may change depending on if anyone has conflicts with another roommate or if two people of the same sex are interested in being roommates.”
I held out on the first bit. If I happened to share the same dorm as Ayden I was turning around and flying back to Maryland.
“How many people will be in the workshop?”
“Approximately 20 rising college freshmen. Though that number may change if students drop out.”
“Gotcha.”
I make my goodbyes and the video call ends. I turn off the ring light and place my guitar back in its box. There was too much on my mind and I couldn’t tell how much of it was anxiety induced, contradictory or whatever. I leave the office and grab myself a glass of water and a box of chocolate covered pretzels.
******
I blink and May is almost over. I’ve graduated High School, made my speech and walked out with a diploma. My friends and I spent the night playing some games, watching the first half of a movie and ordering in some sushi. I made a promise to myself that I’ll do my damndest to see these people again. Only one of them–Jonah–is going to the same university as me. I make my “bed” on one of the couches in Cody’s basement, people are still talking and it feels like the last night on earth. I lay down. Four years. I thought I’d accomplish more, but as of now, I’m content.
My phone buzzes.
It was an email from the Rhizome Entertainment Workshop
What’s this? I almost forgot. The email was long
Congratulations to the students accepted into the Rhizome Entertainment Workshop!
Hello,
If you are receiving this email, it means that you have been selected to participate in our workshop this summer! Your acceptance is a testament to your hard work and promise as a musician. This summer, you will join a community of young artists and learn from faculty who care about your journey and take your skills to the next level. We are excited to have you all. Within the next few days, you should all receive schedules, information regarding travel. If you have any questions, feel free to contact us.
Below was an image with a list of names: Adam, Anora…Ayden…Belle, Christiana, Connor, Friday, Griffin, Hana, Inez, Jazmin, Jonah, Kai–that was me! Lola, Luis, Mathias, Noah, Rowan, Serafina, Stephanie and lastly, Theo. I recognized some of those names
Was this actually happening?
Did I even want to do this?
I received a text message from Dad, he forwarded me the email and gave me a congratulations, not knowing I just saw it. I didn’t know how to respond.