Connor

Looking back, I guess you could say I should’ve expected it. I should be grateful, but by God does it hurt.

The disturbing part is how all of this happened so fast. Went through a nasty breakup over the summer. Not hung up on it anymore but then I was, so I downloaded some music making software and wrote a couple songs and uploaded them. I remember at first it was just some of my friends or family watching them under a stage name I made for myself: “Cole Butcher”. And I don’t know how social media algorithms work but whatever I was doing was working. I checked my views on one of my songs and it surpassed 12k. A couple weeks later it had over 100k views. It was only for one song, but you can’t have everything, can you? Hundreds of thousands of wannabe musicians struggle to get any ears to listen to them, yet alone 100k.

I remember they were nice at first, just men around my age listening to my music. Really all I wanted to do in the first place besides just getting my thoughts on paper. If I can speak to someone like me, and I can lift them up and make them feel less like shit, It makes me feel like a hero.

After it surpassed 100k views though, the comments shifted. What was once people saying how they’re discovering me before I made my big break came with a hoard of people making fun of my singing, my rapping, my production, my lyrics. Later found out some low effort short form content creator uploaded a video of herself showing off my song and mocking it, and that led to the comments.

I was in a gas station by myself one day, just checking the isles for snacks and whatnot. I was noticed by these two teen girls, on the younger side. Likely freshmen. They saw me and started whispering. I’m not a creepy guy but this was certainly not my first time being laughed at by women out of nowhere. One of them, taller with straight brown hair and braces approached me, struggling to hold back her giggling.

“Are you ‘Scream like a toddler with down-syndrome thrown in a meat grinder’ guy?” That was one of the lyrics I wrote at the time, not proud of it.

“No?”

“You look like him”

“I have no idea what you are talking about”

At that point, my face was pig pink and I am usually a calm and collected guy but anyone and their Mom could tell I was lying. I was more focused on not dying of embarrassment at that very moment.

It was also the first time I’d been clocked in public as Cole Butcher. The name I made for myself. Look, I know all of this is stupid on my part but It’s not like I can go back in time and stop myself from writing those stupid lyrics, and as much as I’m not liking my stage name as much as before, at least it’s preventing people from knowing my real name. Besides, I don’t know what to change it to.

I only had two or three real life encounters since. Got doxxed midway through last semester but nothing came of it. Still scared the shit out of me. All of it made me think about all those pop stars and rappers people would jump on a bandwagon to hate on. A 14 year old nepo baby who got famous after an annoying song, rappers people dunk on just cuz they act corny. Sometimes there isn’t even a reason, they’re just popular and hating popular things is cool. Only it isn’t a thing, it’s a person. I sometimes thought about what it would be like for a fan to have their favorite artist being treated like a punching bag, and now it was my turn to be in the punching bag’s shoes.

All of this reminded me of AYDEN. In case you don’t know, he’s a relatively new pop star, only been on the scene for a couple years. The kind of person you bring up to your average non-music fan 20-something and you’ll get them to feel more out of touch with the kids then they already thought they were. The guy has just as strong of a fandom as he does as a hatedom, if I had to guess, it was because he attracted the same type of audience as k-pop and boy band fans. Or a male, toned down and a bit more mature Jojo Siwa. Colorful outfits, fun, typically G-rated lyrics. Very overproduced. Basically the opposite of the music I create.

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I don’t stand around and judge musicians so harshly anymore, not like I have room to be pointing any fingers. But he just felt so fake. Yeah, they say this about every artist, especially young ones. But nothing about him felt like this was the natural expression of a teenage boy. I can’t think of many guys willing to style their hair into purple locs and wear a light green suit and pink bow while dancing to a song about falling in love in the summer, I’ll just say that. And it always puts me the wrong way when I see people fangirl over him online and make edits and complaints of him making the most basic expressions. Are girls really into that? I guess if I was an emotional, fake positive femboy who dressed like an over-decorated ken doll with the voice of a castrato and wore more makeup than my girlfriend, I guess Bella wouldn’t have broken up with me.

Sorry, did I say I don’t judge musicians as much anymore? I try not to, I keep them to myself, I mean. But I can’t stop being a human with opinions. And my opinion is that he does kinda deserve the hate. But he certainly never shows any reaction to his ‘haters’, I’ll tell you that. A lot of artists have an anti-hater song but he just never gave them the time of day, not even a ‘your words can’t hurt me’ song that you’d expect to be played in the trailer of some C-tier kids animated movie. Nothing. Never lets the mask slip and never breaks the fourth wall.

I was studying for AP’s when I got a notification on my phone. AYDEN was live, and the livestream in question was titled, Announcement. Oh yeah, I followed him that afternoon, to keep up, maybe see what the hype was about. I was looking for a good distraction so I went on. There he was, donned in something only slightly less formal than the gaudy outfits he wears onstage with that same smile you could see in almost any photo of him. He appeared to be in his room, or a set made to look like his room. I still heavily doubted AYDEN’s authenticity.

“The livestream is starting soon! Is everyone here? Are you guys ready?”

He said this as if anyone not on his stream yet would be able to comment…while not on his stream, but it was certainly rhetorical. His hair wasn’t dyed this time and his black coily hair wasn’t styled into locks but left natural.

“As you have been anticipating for a while now, I have some exciting news!” It was probably a music or tour announcement or something as superficial as a merch drop. The novelty was quickly wearing off. No way I would be able to see the other side of the mask, until…

“Unfortunately guys, I will be taking a brief hiatus for three months because this summer, but I have some exciting news. I have been invited to participate in a special workshop for rising college freshmen run by Rhizome Entertainment in Austin Texas. In case you don’t know, the finalists of the workshop will win 300,000 thousand dollars.” I felt my eyes get bigger at that statement as if I was a cartoon character, “But the finalists will get to be signed into their label and debut as solo or group acts under top producing working on putting together a new label. You guys are amazing and I couldn’t have been able to get such an amazing opportunity if it weren’t for all of you! Stay tuned!”

I am more surprised than I have any right to be. This guy got invited to some American Idol type thing–isn’t he already signed into a label? Not that I checked. Why would he want to move or even go to this thing if he’s already massive and making the charts? I guess the obvious answer would have to be ‘more money’ but still.

When I look up at my computer, my homework isn’t there anymore, and I already typed Rhizome Entertainment Workshop into my search bar and went on the website.

They were still taking sign-ups.

Well more like ‘sign-ups to audition’ and the deadline was only two weeks away. Funny, guess there isn’t as much hot young talent willing to join a new label as I thought. Weird. Ironically enough, I would be graduating high school soon. I already picked a school, but I didn’t really have summer plans–besides being a camp counselor for the third time.

But 300k…a label signing…debuting. Hypothetically–not that I’d get in-, I wouldn’t have to worry about carrying a song on my own. I’d have producers, writers all helping me. AYDEN, lucky bastard, if everyone I’d be competing with was on his level I would be sweeped on the first day. My ass didn’t stand a chance.

But I did technically have one success. Can’t say that about many people my age. And there are still slots available, calling my name.

I click on the big, purple APPLY button and put in my details.

Guess I have a plane to catch…