“Blake, you…” he hears from the wall behind him, but it's too late.

[I know I am a monster. I am sorry Father] Blake looks up, his left eye is swollen closed, but his right can see his father coming down the stairs, his face hard and hateful. Blake can feel the cold air that is damp and humid from the heat of the boiler in the back of the basement, the numb pain at his wrists where the manacles are locked closed burn a but, the weakness of his arms, he can’t feel his hands, and his feet are numb, but he watches his father. “I am sorry father, I didn’t mean to…”

But he is cut off with a hard smack to his face, “Shut it, do you know what happen just now, I am surprised you stayed quiet when we have company, but that is not enough, do you have any idea how much your mother and I had to do now to get those agents to leave?” the father says with a growl.

“No but…” Blake started but was cut off as a punch landed in his gut.

“No you don’t, you useless shit, do you understand the stress your mother goes through every time those fuckers show up, you weren’t careful enough,” his father says before walking over to a wall of tools and picking up a hammer, “Now so you can’t go and worry your teachers again, I am just going to make sure you understand what being handicapped feels like.” before walking back.

Blake screams out as the hammer lands on his leg, snapping the fragile bone, “Please father I am sorry, I didn’t me…” and he screams again as the other leg is broken, and he grunts as his hair is pulled up, his eyes glazing over at the pain.

“No, not yet you little fucker, you think this is enough.” His father scolds, his grip on Blake’s hair tight, “Your uncle will be here in an hour, so I have more time to teach you not to make people worry, make them waste their time on a useless waste of air like you. now shut up and pay attention.” the man says before smacking him again.

Blake hangs in the shackled chains, his pain making him wish to cry, [but if I cry, he will punish me more]

“Blake, you are…” again a voice called to him.

{I am useless, I am a monster, I know] he thinks as he sees his father's shoes, looking up a bit only to be smacked away from meeting his eyes.

“You little monster, do you remember what you did?” The man asks as he uncoils a whip and steps back, “I don’t suppose you do, do you, probably thought she didn’t matter, well it matters, so let me help you remember!” the man shouts a bit as he cracks a whip at him.

Blake grits his teeth, [ if I scream, then I get punished, I deserve more, it is my fault.] his abdomen burns after the whip is pulled back.

“Blake, you aren’t the…” the voice again, it's coming from somewhere in the basement.

[I know Mother, I am not the one you want, I am sorry, I didn’t mean to, I shouldn’t have done it] he shakes as the whip hits him again, grunting at the pain.

“Is that enough you remember now, you little fucker,” his father asked out while pulling the whip away, “do you remember what you did, you little murderer.”

“I am sorry father, I didn’t…” he grunts again as the whip strikes his fragile chest.

“No, you don’t get to be sorry, you did that because you were jealous, you were greedy, you talentless useless shit” The man roared as he cracks the whip again.

[I deserve this, I did this, it's my fault] Blake screams internally.

“No, you aren’t, come back Blake” the voice calls out from behind him, making him shift to look.

“Where are you looking,” The father demands as the whip strikes his chest again, making Blake shake in his bindings “You don’t get to look away you shit. I want to hear it.” he bellows as he steps close, dropping the whip and strikes at the chest, hands clenched into fists. “Say what you are monster.” Blake coughs as a second fist forces the air out with a crack of his ribs. “Say it, you a useless failure,” the third cracking a few more ribs, “do something right, accept your punishment.” the man demands before stepping back.

[ he is right, it is my fault, I did this] “I am a talentless useless monster that hurts people because that is all I can do Father” Blake speaks out between pants.

“No, Blake remember who you are, you are…” the voice again calls out from behind him but is silenced as a fresh punch land on his gut.

“AND?” his father demands.

“I killed my sister because I was jealous of her being a talented beautiful smart and kind girl, and I am not. I am sor…” Blake coughs hard as a new punch connects deep, spitting up a bit of blood.

“No, it was not your fault.” Calls the voice.

But Blake doesn’t move, if he does then he gets hit. [it is my fault] he thinks to himself.

“Yes, yes, you are, I can’t believe that you are my son, to think a demon would be born next, after our angel,” the man says as he walks over to the tools. “Now how will I make you feel her pain today.”

Blake lifts his head to see the knife being picked up. [please no father, not the knife.]

“Blake, it wasn’t your fault, come back, please” the voice calls, it sounds like it's next to him.

Blake screams as the knife cuts at his exposed arm, but he turns to look at the voice. Finding a new sensation, no pain, not burning, or freezing, something different, it is soft and warm and pressed on his lips before it pulls away.

“Come back to us” The voice calls.

[who, to who, no one helps monsters] he thinks, he feels the chains break but he can’t move.

“You aren’t a monster. You are Blake.”

[no, monsters don’t have names] he thinks as the chains come back.

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“Then who named you.” the voice asks, its tone sounded wrong, it wasn’t angry, or mad, but something different.

[Julia…, Julia named me] he recalls a name, as the image of a woman smiling at him, a look he didn’t understand in her eyes.

“Who is she?” the voice asked, its tone still wrong, it should be mad, but it's not.

[she was the person who found me.] he remembered her, it was cold, and the house was quiet, his father said they were leaving but he didn’t come back.

“Why did she find you?” the voice asked again, its tone was something he felt was familiar.

[she was a teacher at school, she heard I moved but I wasn’t in a new school, she came with men in uniforms.] He recalled the day they came down the stairs, he couldn’t see them well.

“And what did she do?” the voice asked with that odd tone.

[she cried, but she wasn’t hurt, she said she was sorry, but she didn’t do anything wrong, she held me but did not hurt me, she said I would be ok and she was there] he remembered this, the confusion at her pain, she wasn’t punished, she did nothing wrong.

“Do you think she saw a monster?” the voice asked its tone, Blake knew it, it's called compassion, and this was the day he learned about it.

[no, she called me her kid, she said to men she would take care of me, she named me, she called me Blake Winters, son of Julia Winters] Blake’s mind summoned a rush of memories of him in her house, cooking together and eating together, real food that is warm and filling, her holding him at night when he remembers the basement, her washing his hair carefully, and teaching him about love and care, of compassion and trust, of everything he had forgotten in the basement. [I miss her, she was my mom.]

“We aren’t her, but we can hold you too, open your eyes, come back to us” the voice called to him, beckoning him away from the dark room he was in, the voice was soft and compassionate.

[I don’t want to hurt, I don’t want pain, I want to be a person, please] he thinks as the memories of his life after the age of ten rushed back, forcing the pain and the hate he felt away, and burying them deep, his memories of his father and mother, of the basement, of his aunt and uncle.

“Then open your eyes, Blake” the voice called out, it was crisp, like he was right next to it, not far away.

Opening his eyes, he saw Jackie’s face, she was crying, but so was he, his breathing still fast, and labored, his body held by two sets of arms that are shaking as he hears two more people crying, one against his back and the second on his shoulder. He can feel Jackie’s hands on his face wiping away tears, her eyes are filled with pain at his torment. But he wants to see her smile not cry, he smiles, but it is still broken, a forced smile that breaks her more, as she comes in and presses him into her, hands cupping his head.

“I am so sorry, I didn’t see those.” she says with a soft tone, her hands stroking his hair. “We aren’t going to leave you or hurt you, Blake.” she said.

Blake can’t hold back and unleashes his pain, the subconscious terror that eats at him unbridled, the mental scars that have a permanent home in his mind, the endless suffering that plagues three years of his life, his body spasming in the collective hold around him, the agony made audible. And in their arms, he breaks down, the man that fights for others without reservations, he would sacrifice himself to make a child smile, who fought in two wars to help protect his nation, who threw himself to save a schoolbus of children, freed dwarves for nothing in return, battled a troll to save a village he didn’t know, massacred a whole goblin tribe to save twelve women, who rushed to the defense of six strangers from whom three are holding him so that he can bear his soul.

His mind quieted after a few more minutes, his mind collapsing to rest, as his pain is quelled for now, but not true sleep, as he hears the world around him.

“Jackie what the helgan happened to him.” Phanna’s voice sounded, as one set of hands stay around him.

“He…, he remembered something horrible and painful.” Jackie’s voice said back, cracking as she spoke.

“What the hell did you see, what did he remember to do this to him.” Hilda’s voice spoke beside him.

“I…, I don’t know how to explain it, I didn’t see those memories when I used my spirit night walk, they were buried deeper than that skill can go.” Jackie said after a second, then the sound of floorboards creaking came.

“Wait a minute, your skill didn’t see them, how?” Hilda’s voice rang out with the sound of movement.

“Because it is too much maybe, I saw glimpses of them when I led him back out, but for a bit, I was watching out of his eyes” Jackie said, then shuffled a bit. “He suffered something no child ever should, not even one that is classless, and…” she choked as she realized something.

“And what?” Phanna asked, but Jackie didn’t answer.

“And what, Jackie?” Hilda asked again, this time the sound of knees hitting the floor came.

a soft wail rang out, “I made him remember, I said that the village would abandon children. Like he was, he was abandoned for an accident, one he was led to believe was his fault, one he is still convinced is his fault.” Jackie answer, her voice filled with pain at the evidence of her being the cause of the pain he had just undergone. “We need to get him to bed so he can rest, I’ll go let the village know that he needs a minute.”

Blake's mind gets jostled into arousal, as Phannna shifts him, and his eyes flutter a bit as he groans, his hand coming up to his face, rubbing at sore eyes. “Water please.” He says in a coarse voice.

Hilda gets him a cup. Takes it with a smile and drinks the whole thing down before seating upright and taking deep breaths, until he tilts his head and locks eyes with Jackie, making her flinch, but he reaches out to her “Come here, please”

Jackie watches him for a second before walking over and taking his hand, but he pulls her in hugging her tight and burying his face in her shoulder. “It is not your fault, I forgot that is not who I am, you are right, that is not who I am, that man is not my dad, and the woman that birthed me is not my mother, my only parent is Julia Winters, and I know love because of her, so I know that you are hurt because you care about me. So don’t question your right to care for me.” he says not letting her go until he is done, then pulls her away a bit, “I am sorry,” he glanced around to all of them, then back to Jackie. “To all of you for making you worry. I will be alright.”

“Blake, you said yourself, that you don’t always have to be strong so if you need a shoulder you can borrow mine.” Hilda said after him, kneeling down, and hugging him from the side.

“Yeah, dumbass, if you are hurt just tell us, it's better than walking around with it” Phanna added as she reached around his waist and hug him too.

“I meant what I said, and I think it's the same for most of us you saved, we will not hurt you, and we will always be here for you if you need it.” Jackie said as she leaned up and hug him tight as well.

“Thank you all, I still don’t know if I do deserve this, but I am thankful for it.” Blake said back as his arms came around Jackie and Hilda.

They held together for a minute before breaking apart, each finding their feet at their own speed, Blake took his time as his head felt light, having to lean on the table, making all three look at him concerned, “Sorry to ask, but can I get more water, looks like my crying as made me light-headed.” he said sheepishly and was giving a new cup, which he hungrily drank, before handing it back out, getting more.

“Blake do you…” hilda started to speak but she stopped as she looked at him.

“Sure sit down, I’ll tell you this much at least. “ he said as he sat down, getting the three to come around and find a spot on the benches. “So, let's start with facts, My name when I was born was Lucuas Mainfield, I am the second child of Tobias and Matilda Mainfield, and my older sister was Angela Mainfield, when I was six, I caused her death. She was a prodigy, skilled in arts, music, and math, and knew three languages by the age of five, she died trying to save me from a flash flood.” his voice was forced to calm as he breathed carefully to keep himself from slipping.

He glanced at each as he spoke, watching them digest the information, “My parents blamed me for her death as they had told me not to play around that river, but I liked the stones in the river bed, so I went there to get some. She had found out about the incoming flood and rushed to save me, but she was caught in it after she got me to safety. They found her body downstream, she had been pulled into a tree. My parents started slowly getting me out of different things like my lesson for everything, no more tutors, or afterschool activities, then when I was seven, my father chained me up in the basement of our house and started taking his pain out on me, he said I had no name now, and that I was a demon, not his son. I tried to tell teachers at school but my father never left marks, then he stopped sending me to school, and he kept me down in the basement all the time.” his hand closed together tight to keep his mind still, a wish to not let himself feel the next part clear in his heart.

His eyes were down but he could see them shift at the tale, the discomfort at the idea of treating a child that way clear as they spoke soft prayers to themselves.

He took a deep inhale, his will to not let the next bit overwhelm him finally will be tested as he continued “I was only ever untied when he wasn’t home so that my aunt and uncle would use me for other things, mostly to make money, they always told me if I did as they said they would save me. By the age of eight I forgot what rain was or sunlight, at nine I stopped eating anything but dog food which I was forced to do on my knees as the table was for people, and at ten my father started to use things like tools, knives, whips, sometimes he would burn me a bit with fire pokers. About halfway through the year, I think, he sold the house to someone else. I was found by one of my old teachers that I had spoken to, she took me in and helped me, she took care of me and renamed me to Blake Winters. She is my mother and is the only reason I didn’t die in that basement.” he said before letting a long exhale out, his hand releasing to wipe away a tear, as Hilda’s hand cupped around the one, he kept on the table. Making him finally look up and lock his eye on her.

“It’s over, we got you, and I understand now why you fight so hard all the time.” She spoke.

“Yeah, I know but that history, it does have an impact on me, it is why I am so scared of losing control. I may have a different name, but I know I can be capable of the same level of cruelty.” he said slowly, while looking away a bit.

“That is not true, your father gave in to his grief and chose to find control by hurting you,” Jackie added after him. “But after your late wife died, did you start hurting people? No, you found solace in your friends and mother and worked through your grief.”

“Yeah, if you ever forget, remember that we all trust you will never hurt us.” Phanna added, smiling at him to ease his heart a bit. “Besides, you will be a father soon enough and I am ready to see you be a great father.”

“Thanks, I am happy I got to meet all of you.” he said with a wary smile, his body still wanted to rest for a bit. “Sorry, I am going to lie down for a bit, go and enjoy the party, and apologize on my behalf, and tell them I’ll be there in a bit.” he said as he stood up, smiling as best his still light head brain could manage.