“The hell you are doing here?” Xiodar asked.

“We came at the party!” Vpierdoll answered.

Three Demon lords just barraged to the Pendragon and currently are in the throne room. Xiodar already know the two but it was the first time he saw Dourin. She was a tall woman with the long black hairs, horns that looked like a crown and split pupils. He would see that if his eyes weren’t glued on the two large things attached to her chest since they entered.

“What party?” Xiodar asked when not moving his gaze.

“Something like a welcoming one.” Kokmal said in tired expression.

‘What am I? New neighbour?... Wait… Am I?’ Xiodar wondered not changing the direction his eyes were looking.

“And we bring the alcohol!” Vpierdoll shouted.

“Do you even can get drunk?” Jael asked. He was standing there beside Xiodar while looking at him with doubtful expression.

“We can with these!” Vpierdoll pointed at the sack that appeared in his second hand. “These are special berries that can remove our tolerance!”

“There is something like that?” Vampire couldn’t believe.

“So you just came here to had drinking party?” Xiodar asked.

“Exactly!” Vpierdoll approved.

“It was a long-time since the last party…” Kokmal said while looking up.

“Why you didn’t want to have fun again?” Dourin asked.

“Do you remember what happened last time?”

“I woke up with the flag between my legs and you get married with a hobgoblin…” She turned her head

towards Vpierdoll. “What you and Velhar were doing?”

“Ehhh…” Homoculus tried to remind himself. “I was lost in some cave. Then I found Velhar in there and he asked me to help him bring the dead dragon to his castle.”

‘And they want to repeat that?!’ Jael thought to himself.

*********

Four hours later.

Demon lords are unpredictable, crazy and immoral. Now Jae, Zelenia and Bob have to deal with them as they are drunk as f*ck.

“It’s alive!!!” Kokmal shouted.

“I was alive before, thank you very much.” Jael said while taking metal clips off his ears. Then he looked around to check the situation.

“~Sooo~ You are the general over here?~” Dourin said while clinging to the Bob’s arm. Ghoul couldn’t say much as one wrong move could cause sudden mood change of someone who can kill him in a matter of seconds.

Jael moved his eyes in the direction of Vpierdoll and… “~Lalalala~” He was playing using Zelenia as a doll. Vampire almost burst out in the laughter but succubus’s gaze made him shut up.

“It’s still isn’t the worst case…” Bloodfang looked at Xiodar who was still sitting in his throne.

“Co się k*rwa lampisz?!” Xiodar shouted. He started to speak in some weird language.

“Can’t you start speaking in something understandable and stop playing with the room?” Jael asked. Xiodar sat there and from time to time he was spawning furniture. At the beginning it was just chairs and tables. But then it was weird things like these different coloured spheres with air inside.

“To moja miejscówka i będę robić co chce!” Xiodar answered back.

“…Does that means no?”

“Znaczy że twoja stara to komar!”

“…Why I feel offended?”

“HAHA! BURN!” Kokmal shouted from the side.

“You know what he is saying?” Vampires asked him.

“Who saying what?”

“Nevermind…”

Jael has literally enough. That was just stupid.

“HAHAHA! Just join the fun!” Vpierdoll said while approaching.

“No tha…” Jael wanted to decline the offer but the sight stunned him. Vpierdoll was holding Zelenia like a baby and feeding her. Except it was the bottle of alcohol. “Give her back!”

Jael easily took the half conscious girl away. “Are you ok!?” He asked when lightly shaking her in the air.

“Id cwolt bwe bwedder.” Answered the girl.

“Now you are also speaking nonsense!”

“HEEELP!” Jael looked in the direction the voice was coming from. He saw a ghoul dragged away by the heavily panting women.

“Rest in peace Bob.” Jael said silently.

***********

“Ughhh…” Xiodar woke up. His head was hurting like mad. ‘The hell… I don’t remember what happened…’ He tried to sit up. That place looked like a bedroom. ‘Since when I have a bedroom?’

‘Huh?’ He felt something in his hands. His head turned right. There was a naked woman lying under a blanked. Xiodar’s hand was touching her chest. ‘Who is this?!’ He lifted his hand and took a better look. ‘Holy sh*t! Dourin!’

His head turned left. ‘Again…Who is this?!’ There was another woman. After looking at her face he felt it was familiar. ‘Zel?’ She is suddenly adult. Xiodar raised his hand. ‘No much improvement here.’

Then he felt move under the blanket. ‘Oh god. I ran out of options!’ Demon lord lifted the material. Between his legs was a girl with blonde hairs he never saw before. ‘Now seriously, who is this?!?!’

Then the girl was catch by neck by someone. Xiodar looked up and saw a dark figure standing above them. “…I will take this…you better forgot what happened…” Then he disappeared.

Xiodar was confused for entire 10 seconds before he laid back. ‘F*ck it. I going back to sleep.’

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

********

Two hours later. Throne room.

Everyone gathered to state their versions of events. Xiodar was sitting in his chair when checking out the floating screens. He messed up with a lot of settings. “While I am doing this… The hell is this?” He asked Kokmal.

“No idea.” Demon lord answered while looking at the abomination beside him. It was 2 meters tall and was mishmash of… things. It has four legs of spider, torso of some kind of chicken, one arm covered in scales and ended with scythe while other was robotic. On top of that was a head of familiar goat.

“You made this while laughing like mad.” Jael said to Kokmal, with tired expression.

“Big deal, I do this often.”

“Making monsters from body parts or laughing like mad?”

“…Yes.”

“…” Silence ruled the room until…

“What about me?!” Zelenia shouted.

“You grew a little, what is big deal?” Xiodar said while still looking through the options.

“A little?! I am adult! Now I have to deal with…” As she was saying this her expression dropped.

“Eh?! You are adult? Well… ~maybe in some parts~” Dourin mocked her.

The killing intend running through the room could easily kill someone.

“Oh! I set up recording!” Xiodar gathered attention of everyone.

“So what were you saying then?” Asked Vampire.

“…It’s the first time I hear that language.” Xiodar stated while watching the recordings.

“That is not normal!” Jael rebuked.

‘My uncle could speak in German only after a half of the bottle.’ Demon lord reminded himself. “Anyways Vpierdoll spend hours on the communication stone. The hell you were talking with.”

“You know I don’t remember.” Vpierdoll groaned.

In that moment black mist started to gather in the centre of the room.

“Who is doing this?” Xiodar asked. Everyone shook their heads.

“…I came to you with orders…” The same dark figure came out from the mist. “…You gathered here so I will use the occasion…”

“Ah you are the one…””This is the first time we meet…” Figure interrupted Xiodar.

“But I want to kno…” Before he could finish the dark person appeared right in front of his face.”…First…Time…”

“…Yes…” When Xiodar said it, dark figure disappeared and appeared in the place he stood before.

“…I am the god of Darkness Dadros…” Dark god said. “…I came to told you that you will attack the humans in 10 years…”

“…Why?...”

“…You trying to disobey?...”

“No. I mean… why in 10 years?”

“…Eh?...”

“I can fire the beams in their capitals right now.” When Xiodar said it, three screens appeared. Each was showing a different capital.

“…” Dadros was silent for a moment. “…Do this more traditional way…You just need to defeat the Hero…”

“I could just destroy them now! Hell! I can just go myself and probably kill everyone!”

“…Don’t do this…”

“Why?!”

“…It won’t be fun that way?…”

“…” Xiodar couldn’t find counterargument. So… “That means I can just do this.”

“…No!...”

“Because?”

“…” Dadros was silent for a while. “…If you do this the traditional way…I will give you an access to the internet…”

“Deal!” When Demon lord agreed, Dadros disappeared.

“…” Every one look at Xiodar with half-awe and half-disbelieve. “What is this, that internet?” Jael asked confused.

“Basically this!” The moment he said it, the screen appeared. It was recording of cats doing stupid things.

“Humanity last longer because of this?” Vampire said while losing his common sense.

“HAHAHA!” Vpierdoll laughed making everyone to look at him.

“There are just cats.” Xiodar said.

“Not this! You are going to attack humans! You know what that means?” When Vpierdoll said this, the only answer were the questioning stares. Then in his arm the bottle appeared. “We have to celebrate it!”

*******

Dadros appeared in the gods’ realm.

“…My job is done…” He said. Then turned to Ina. “…What were you doing there?...I thought we were clear about having fun with them, after what Uteus did…”

“No, we were just clear about the difference between women and a mountain.” Dapelia told him.

“I thought he was calling me…” Ina pouted.

“Trust me, ‘Ina hej no hono’ isn’t referring to you.” Uteus explained.

“What that even supposed to mean?” Kabarin asked Esxis.

“It sounds like a fabricated archaic Slavonic.” Goddess answered. "But why you stopped him from doing this the easy way?"

"...It won't be the same without a struggle." Dark god answered.

“…Yhm. So… Now is Ina’s turn.” God of magic summed up.

Everyone looked at Ina. “”””” Good luck with that!“””””

“EH?!”     

***********

SO! You may be suprised but this is the end of first arc! Yup. This pile of nonsenses have arcs. Before you ask. 'Ina hej no hono' means something like 'Get over here!' by a drunk someone. And the part about the uncle is based on facts. Don't drink and drive.