Chapter 26.
The next day.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Ugh. I already knew this pattern.
They’re already back. That was faster than I expected. I got off the bed, about to head to the front door when I suddenly remembered the caterpillar.
I turned around and she was slovenly sprawled out on top of my bed unclothed as per the usual. No matter how many times I saw it, her sleeping posture was always atrocious. I’d had enough of her lazing around last night after what will now be called the Great Calamity Fingers Incident and I took my blanket back by force last night.
I’d even kicked her off the bed and forced her to sleep on the ground, but she was damn persistent and kept crawling back up in her sleep like an undying zombie. I eventually caved and let her back on the bed. At some point, she somehow snuck her way back under the blanket.
“Oi. Greater Demon Retard, no more lazing about, get dressed. They’re back.”
“Nnn~ five more minutes.”
“Don’t nnn~ me. Get your ass up now.”
“Just go alone, why do I even need to meet them?”
“Why would I let you sit back and relax when I have to deal with a bunch of rugrats?”
“Because you love me?”
“I have not a shred of love for insects. I didn't have any caterpillar fetishes last time I checked. Nor do I have any interest in a lowly bug that can’t even wash its hands on a daily basis.”
“You can call me an insect, caterpillar, or bug, but the one thing I won’t stand for is saying I don’t wash my hands! That was just a one-off! A one-off! Do you understand?”
“You’re fine with being a bug?” I gave her the look one gave when looking at a cockroach.
“Stop looking at me like that.”
“Oi. Bug. I’m going to squash you if you don’t get up now.” I jumped onto the bed and placed my foot on top of her abdomen and applied pressure. Her health instantly dropped to 1 HP.
“Ow ow ow ow ow! Wait. Seriously, stop. It hurts.”
“Oh, is it going to come out? Please do show me when it comes out.”
“It’s coming!”
“Heal.”
“Ah~”
“Ow ow ow!”
“Heal.”
“You keep teasing me.”
“Shut up and get dressed now before I really get mad. I don’t want to be seen associating with a bug.”
“You’re so cold, what happened to the nice atmosphere we had going?”
“The Great Calamity Fingers Incident happened to it.”
“Can you please just let that go? It was an accident.”
“Just thinking about the taste still makes me gag.”
“This is a clear violation of beautiful women rights. I’ll sue you.”
Knock. Knock. Knock.
“Ahhh! You’re such a pain to deal with.”
I grabbed her leg and dragged her by the foot off the bed along the ground.
“You know, I kind of feel like I understand how a bag of potatoes being dragged across the ground feels right now.”
“Oh? And how does that feel?”
“Surprisingly, not bad.”
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I picked up her red dress with the thick black overcoat she wore on top of it then stood her up and dressed her myself.
“It feels like I’m helping my child get dressed before sending them on their way to school.”
I lifted one arm up at a time and slid them through the sleeves of her dress. Before I could fasten the front of her dress, she slumped forward, leaning her full weight on my body.
“What are you doing? Stand up properly, you’re making this harder than it needs to be.”
“Is it harder because you’re finding it difficult to resist the temptation? Could it be you’re attracted to a child that you’re sending off to school? Ow ow ow! It was just a joke. I’ll stop, I swear I’ll behave. So stop pinching me. It’ll seriously leave behind a scar.”
“Heal.”
She remorsefully rubbed where I pinched her as I finished dressing her.
“You always resort to violence, I’ll call the police one day and have you locked up.”
“Words just don’t seem to stick inside that head of yours, so violence is my only option when it comes to you, the Greater Demon Retard.”
“They stick, I just choose to not listen to them. There’s a difference.”
I wrapped the legendary robe around her then pulled up the hood on both her overcoat and robe. Finally, I picked up her mask which covered her entire face and put it on for her.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
“Yeah, yeah. I heard you the first two times.”
I exited my room but stopped in place when I didn’t hear the Greater Demon Retard behind me. I turned around, looked back inside my room, then realized she’d turned around and was starting to climb back onto the bed.
“Hey, what do you think you’re doing, Greater Demon Retard?”
“Getting dressed expended a lot of my energy reserves, It will take me some time for me to recover. I’ll leave the rest to you, my comrade. Go on without me. You need not worry for my safety, I'll hold down the fort to make sure you have a safe path of retreat.”
She stuck one hand out to her side with a thumb pointed up without looking at me like she really thought she was making some sort of great sacrifice.
“I’ll always remember your great sacrifice, my friend. Oi. Did you honestly think I’d go along with that?” My eyes screamed, ‘I’ll murder this deadbeat bitch for real this time.’
I latched onto her arm from behind then proceeded to drag her along the floor to the front door.
“Oh? Being pulled by the arm actually gives off a different feeling when compared to being dragged by the leg. Wait, it’s not just that, being in clothes also seems to add to the depth as well.”
“Shut up, you stupid floor dragging connoisseur.”
“I might have uncovered an unexpected new hobby.”
“Please leave me out of your unusual hobbies, you weirdo.”
“How would it feel being dragged across different types of surfaces? My curiosity has truly been piqued.”
“Haaaaah. Greater Demon Retard, can you please act normal for once. I’d like for people not to associate me with a shameless perverse weirdo like you.”
“Don’t worry, you’re the only one who knows this side of me. Do you feel special knowing that you’re the only one I’m like this around?”
“I feel like I wish we were complete strangers. You’re just a pain in the ass to deal with.”
“It took over a thousand words just to answer a freaking door because of you. Please act like a normal person so we can at least move the story along. People will get mad and start to complain.”
“Eh? Over a thousand words? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Ah. What is that supposed to mean exactly? I’m not quite sure now, it was just a random thought that came to mind. Who would get mad anyway? Whatever, forget it.”
I finally opened the door, but the moment I did, I died a little on the inside.
“Have you been enlightened on the way of god? If not, do you have some time to-”
“FUCK OFF!”
Slam!
I shut the door hard and started to breathe heavily in rage.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FUCKING PREACHERS!
I started to bang my head against the wall. I thought for sure it would be the heroes.
Every single person. One after the next is just pissing me off more and more. This world, is it really that great? Maybe I should just destroy it and forget about it after all. Yeah, that sounds good. Let’s do that.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I grabbed the knob and flung the door open.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW!”
Ah.
“Eh? Is this a bad time? Sorry, we’ll come back later.”
It was the hero party.
“Uh… no, sorry. That was my bad.”
Though, looking over the group, there was a new addition along with one person missing.
There was naturally Xander who was looking ready to murder me. There was also DH1M. However, there was a hooded midget half DH1M’s size behind them.
“Short,” was my first thought
The midget trembled but didn’t say anything.
“Uh, who’s the midget? Where’s White? Did she leave your party after you crossed the line and abducted a midget or something?”
“Uh… you see, this is White’s relative. White had something to do so we’re entertaining this kid while she’s busy.”
Oh? A relative. An evil grin formed on my face.
“I see, so this midget is a relative. You don’t say?”
I checked her status in my head and confirmed it was White. It seemed this was the backlash for the unreasonable ability she used. Her stats were all reduced to a level 1 state. Her level even displayed level 1, but I could see hidden status conditions as well. It showed her true level and stats in brackets beside the reduced ones. There was also a hidden timer ticking down. Six days remained before she returned to normal.
She also had to be in-game for that duration otherwise the timer would freeze. It certainly was quite the price to pay for such a ridiculous buff to her strength. If she was caught off guard outside a safe zone after it ran out and was left in this state, she’d be easily killed and inevitably have her character wiped.