Chapter 12.

The stupid cat on the bed started licking the back of her wrist while nuzzling her head against my pillow and squirming around on the bed. In the process, her camisole rode up her body naturally, but she seemingly cared little over her unkempt appearance. She wasn’t bothered in the slightest. In fact, it felt like she was more uncomfortable with her clothes on and preferred directly bathing in the sun, allowing the light to hit her bare skin.

While she laid on her side on top of my bed, she contently swung one leg in the air back and forth like it was her tail.

“Did I say you could make yourself feel at home?”

“If nya dislike it so much, then just pick me up and toss me out the window, Mister Grumps.”

“You’re really testing my patience today. If you keep pushing me, I’ll seriously consider butchering you and selling your corpse off to the highest bidder for some kitty chops. You may be a cat, but even your nine lives won’t be enough to save you.”

“You’re all talk. If nya want to do it, then do it. Besides, no matter how many times nya kill me, I’ll eventually respawn anyway.”

I got off my chair ready to seriously toss this furball out the window. I extended my hand out to grab her by the neck, but her hands shot out and latched onto my hand and pulled it down lower. She positioned it directly on her bare skin where her top was scrunched up.

“What the hell are you doing, cat? Let go.”

“Nya~ Prrrrrrr.”

She didn’t listen and used my hand to rub her belly while letting out a content purr. She pulled my hand down even lower. I extended my other free hand out to grab onto her, but right when my hand wrapped around her neck there was an unexpected knock from my front door.

“Tch. Just when I’m about to toss this furball out the window the hero and that crazy white-haired bitch show up.”

“Nyahaha.”

She transformed back into her silver cat form then immediately climbed up along my arm and snugly plopped herself down on my shoulder.

“This damn furball…”

“Nyaaaaaa~”

“Haaaah. I’ll deal with you after I get rid of the dumbass duo.”

I trudged through the garbage bags in my room and made it to the front door. When I opened the door, I was greeted by two disheveled heroes.

“What do you need?”

“Uh… it’s about that quest you gave.”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Nyaaa~” The cat on my shoulder nuzzled its head against my cheek affectionately while sizing the heroes up. She immediately lost interest and shunned them.

“You… have a cat?”

“No.”

“Then whose cat is that?”

“A stray that won’t leave me alone.”

For whatever reason, this dumbass silver cat has always been immune to my atrocious charm stat. It’s probably only because we’re both loners though. In a way, this cat shares a similarity to the GDR in being immune to charm based attacks. However, as I said before, I have no interest in freaking cats! I instinctively hate them. My body rejects them and I don’t even know why. Honestly, it’s probably just some sort of sick joke that the devs programmed into me.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

Let’s put a cat that’s always in heat around him that can transform into any girl he wants, but the catch is he instinctively hates cats. Yeah, I could imagine those bastards laughing and thinking it’s just freaking hilarious. I really have no interest in going to their world, but if I did ever go to their world, they’re definitely first on the list of people I would kill for more reasons than one.

Wait a minute. Now that I think about it, did they maybe create me as a joke and know that I’d grow to hate their guts so they programmed me to have no interest in the other world? Why does that sound so likely to be the case?

I shook my head to snap myself out of it.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

A chill ran down my back as the cat on my shoulder started to lick the side of my cheek. My hand reflexively raised up to swat her away, I completely forgot that she’d likely die if I actually hit her. Somehow, she avoided it and curled her body around my neck to my other shoulder where she cockily patted my cheek with her paw.

“This cat seems to be really attached to you?”

“You think? I’ve actually been seriously considering putting her down lately.”

“You monster, how can you put down such an adorable cat?”

“Hah. Adorable? Where?”

“Here kitty, kitty. Come with us instead of this brute.” White seemingly took an interest in the stupid cat and extended her hand out to pick it up. The cat wasn’t the slightest bit interested in her offer and immediately swatted her hand away with dignity.

“Ouch! What sort of freaky cat is this? 20% of my HP from swatting my hand away!”

“Pfft. Some top ranker you are. A weak little furball can actually casually squash you like a fly.” In addition to my snide remark, I sent White a derisive glance.

She took a deep breath in then exhaled out slowly trying hard to not lose her shit with DH1M around.

“Hohoho. Some guide NPC you are, you can’t even guide someone out of a paper bag. What a useless defective NPC.”

“Some hero you are, can’t even figure out how to trigger the main storyline when you should already have a plethora of experience with previous storylines. How pathetic. You should really change your hair color to blond, white doesn’t suit you. White hair implies you have wisdom, you on the other hand are nothing more than a dumb blond.”

“Kkkkkkkkkk. Hah. Hah. Hah. Nice try. I know you’re just trying to aggravate me. At least I don’t sit around alone all day every day in some bar out in the boonies drinking my sorrows away. Who’s the really pathetic one here? It’s obviously you, defective NPC.”

I took out a new cigar, lit it up, then blew the smoke out in her face.

“Kohoh. Kohoh. What the hell are you doing?”

“Oh, could it be the little child still can’t put up with a bit of smoke from a cigar? How cute.” I looked down at her with the most condescending look I could muster.

“Now. Now. You two-”

“DH1M shut the fuck up, no one asked you.”

“Mudkipz, what he said, get lost. This is between me and him.”

The hero shrunk back and retreated to a corner outside. He squatted down on the ground then hugged his legs in depression.

“I just wanted to help.” He muttered to himself while digging into the dirt with a stick he picked up.

Seriously, why do I always get into verbal spats with this chick? Does she secretly enjoy shit-talking with me or something?

Without any prior warning, the cat on my shoulder hissed in annoyance and suddenly pounced on White’s face.

“Ow ow ow ow! What the hell? Control your stupid cat!”

“Hohoho, you now acknowledge it’s a stupid cat?”

“Ahhhhhhhhh! My HP! My HP! I’m seriously going to die from a stray cat? What the hell, you useless guide, get this shitty furball off of me. Quick!”

“Oh? What are the magic words, princess dumb fuck who’s about to have her character wiped by a stray cat?”

“Magic words? What the hell are you talking about? Just get this thing off of me!”

I kept a close eye on her health. It was dropping at lightning speed. She’d activated a few buffs to slow the depletion of her HP, but it was still going down like water down the drain.

At first, I thought the stupid cat was just messing around and intended to only give her a little scare, but she showed no signs of letting go.

When White’s health reached 1% I extended my hand out at lightning speed and grabbed onto the stupid furball’s tail. What I didn’t expect to happen was the furball jumping up to narrowly avoid my vice-like grip. Well, she probably felt the grim reaper about to claim her life. She would have probably died if I applied too much pressure.

Though the problem only came after she jumped up and kicked off the back of White’s head pushing her body toward me. Thankfully, I reacted quickly enough before the cat hit her head and cast heal on her to fully replenish her HP. But because I was distracted with healing her, I didn’t have a chance to dodge out of the way.