"Psst; hey, everyone, it's Faz here, secretly hijacking today's vlog. Dee's taking a little nap right now, after I encouraged her to spend far too much time trying to improve her neuvieme parries.

"I know some of you have been asking, 'Faz, you must have dropped at least a hundred grand on getting such a realistic and gorgeous goat robot made, plus the price of your shadow. So why did you make a second-fiddle copy of yourself, and send it off to be fourth-fiddle to a third-rate garbagewoman?'. Okay, so only one of you actually asked that, but I'm sure more of you were thinking it. Someone else asked, 'Everybody's got a hustle. What's yours?', which is pretty much the same thing.

"The truth is that I'm a prediction-market oraculist. I've dug up ways to extract a lot more useful information out of the markets than most people think is possible, and have come up with a few little extra tricks of my own. Nothing so gauche as those numerologists or random-shufflers; but even just paying attention to the timing of shifts in a market can tell you as much as where it settles.

"I'm not going to share my deep, dark, tailor-made boutique analysis secrets - at least not without a lot more in exchange than anyone has yet been willing to pay - but I am going to share one of my results. Which is that there's a sharp rise in my long-term expected returns if I start investing in enterprises based at least fifty AUs from the sun. There's a chance that that exact figure is just an artifact, but the sun lenses should be more than far enough.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

"And yes, part of why I'm telling everyone now is that if you all start buying into the same things, I'm already in a good place to make a profit. So invest away!

"But why am I going myself, you're still wondering? Well, it comes back to classic chaos theory. There's some details I want to look at in person, which could make a big difference in some details of how I should best invest. That is, what I find out will make the difference between a little profit, and a lot of profit.

"Of course, none of you know me from Eve, and for all you know, everything I just said is complete balivernes. So why am I putting my reputation at risk by going public? Because oraculist techniques don't just provide guidance for large trends, but also for individual actions. Everything from deciding where to live to which piercings to wear on any day. And the shadow me, the one talking to you right now? I've got those oraculist algorithms baked into me all the way down - I'm even better with them than the me on Insulo Tri is.

"Now, I'm going to delete the local copy of this broadcast so that Dee won't know what I talked about. I'd be very happy if everyone watching this sent in emails and questions, and pretended that I spent all this time saying all sorts of different embarrassing things about her. I have all the interior cameras programmed to catch every last nuance of her expression when she starts reading it all..."