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Humans Don't Make Good Familiars
Part 51: Capture the Crest- Part 52: Endgame- Part 53: The Next Adventure

Part 51: Capture the Crest- Part 52: Endgame- Part 53: The Next Adventure

“Which way?” I asked.

“I will fly up and try to find it. Just a moment.” Two said and with a few flaps he was airborne. He went pretty high up, over a hundred feet at least, then came back down and landed on my armor again. That direction,” he said with a gesture of his wing. I cast the enhancement spell Suma taught me and started running towards the enemy camp. I felt like I was running pretty fast, but two seemed unimpressed. “Is this as fast as you can go?”

“At the moment, yeah.” I answered. “But if I dropped my armor, I could pick up speed. That would mean you wouldn’t have a perch though.”

“We need to get there as quickly as possible, do what you need to do; I will fly beside you.” He spread his wings and began to glide alongside me.

“Alright,” I said then sent Jericho away. Once it was gone, I started to move much faster, now that I wasn’t being weighed down.

“A bit better, but it will still take us time at this speed.”

“What about mana wrapping? Couldn’t you just carry me or something?”

“Certainly not, you’re far too large. Anyway, that is a mana intensive skill, it would not be a good idea to use it before combat.”

Suddenly a bit of movement in the distance caught my eye. “What’s that?” I asked.

Two looked to where I pointed, “It’s a member of the opposing team.” He said.

“How can you be sure?”

“I can see them.”

“From this distance?”

“Can you not?”

“Not in detail; they look more like a speck to me.”

“I do not recognize them. They most likely are not a healing mage.”

“An attack mage?” I asked.

“Or a support mage.” I thought about asking what a support mage did, but now wasn’t the time.

“Will they attack us?”

“They are not flying at us; they are probably heading to our crest.”

“I’ll warn Suma and Lauric.”

“You cannot turn back now!”

“I’m not going to. Suma and I can talk to each other no matter how far apart we are.”

“I see, then that is a clever idea.”

“Suma, Two and I just spotted someone heading to you and Lauric, be careful.”

“Thank you Jake, we will be.” She said.

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Suma’s POV

“Lauric, Jake just told me that he and Two spotted a mage flying this way.” Lauric was perched on top of our crest, watching the sky.

“I cannot see them yet, we still have some time. We should prepare.” He cast a spell that raised a large cylindrical column of rock around the crest, so that it was only visible from the top. “This will be our last line of defense.”

“Lauric, you asked me to let you handle the close-range fighting, but what did you want me to do?”

“I suppose I should have been clearer; I want you to support me from afar. You have flame spells, right?”

“Yes.”

“I do as well, but as I said, Nature-Magic is my specialty. Nature-Magic cannot be used effectively at long-range, but it is nearly unstoppable close-range. Please use your fire spells to attack the enemy from a distance and cover me if I get overwhelmed.”

“Okay, I understand, but we need a plan.” I said.

“There… in the distance! I see them!” Lauric announced. “We do not have time, Lady Suma, please find a perch that will best allow you to see the area, but that is not too far.” Lauric then landed on the ground. “I summon you, Loyalty!” His Black Serpent appeared, and they both readied themselves while I found a perch at the top of a nearby hill. The serpent hid itself in one of the patches of tall grass on the hill with the crest. The tension in the air was thick, I could feel my feathers standing on end, but Lauric seemed unphased by any of it. He returned to his perch on the column surrounding the crest, and waited. It was only a single mage who arrived, but it was soon clear why. Without a word, he launched three attacks, Lauric intercepted two of them with his magic, but the third hit the column directly. Fire spells, powerful ones; he was an attack mage. “Lady Suma,” Lauric called out without looking away from the enemy, “it seems this mage is a distance attacker, the plan is not going to work! You will need to attack him from a distance instead of providing me cover! I will protect the crest, but I am unable to do distance attacks in any-” The enemy launched three more attacks, but in an instant Lauric intercepted them all with several large pillars of vines. The vines burned down to the ground, he would not be able to use that technique again. “Now would be preferable!” He insisted.

“R-right!” I called out and began my own spell. “Flames, gather in my presence. Form and shape into a bolt to pierce my enemies… fly Crimson Bo-”

“Dodge!” Lauric yelled.

I launched myself upwards, cutting off the spell, as one of the mage’s attacks blew the vines I was perched on to splinters.

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Jake’s POV

“Sir Sentinel, we are approaching the opposing team’s crest.” Two said.

“Finally,” I said. We, or I guess I, had been running for a while now, and was getting tired. “What’s around the area?”

“What do you mean?” Two asked.

“Is there any cover we can use? We don’t want to give them a chance to see us.”

“That… may be a moot point.”

“Why?”

“Because I am looking one of them in the eyes now.”

“Oh…” I sighed and started slowing down.

“Why are you stopping?” Two asked confused.

“To come up with a new plan. I was going to try to use the element of surprise, but that’s out of the question now.”

“Okay, what do you have in mind?” I thought for a moment, racking my brain for an idea.

“Two, you have illusion magic right?”

“Yes, you know that already.” He said.

“Could you make a double of us? Or maybe some kind of illusion to hide our movements so we can get closer to their crest/flag thing?” I asked.

Two thought quietly for a moment, “Perhaps, but for a spell of that size… I could only do one, not both.”

“Which one do you think would be best?”

Again, he was quiet, “The doubles would be easier to maintain, but they would immediately know which one was which. They would be able to see them appear when I cast the spell.”

“What if I gave us some cover?”

“It would need to shield us from all sides.” Two said. “Like some kind of dome or covered tunnel.”

“No problem.” I said confidently. I looked around for a nearby hill to create a tunnel in; there were several. I went to the closest one and began to use magic to carve out a hole large enough for us both to enter and for him to cast a spell, then we went inside. I cast a small fireball for some light, then collapsed the entrance of the tunnel.

“I’ll need a moment,” Two said and landed on the ground. He began his spell with a chant and by forming a magic circle. “Nothing is as it seems, light and shadow dance, mingle and form at my command. Create what I desire to see, what I wish to feel, and what I long to hear. Real Double.” He finished his chant and slowly, through the faded light of the fireball, I saw smoke-like magic shape itself into vaguely human and bird forms. The smoke changed colors in some areas, the started to solidify. By the end of it, I was looking myself in the eyes. There he... I... was. Illuminated by the flickering violet glow of my spell. On his shoulder was perched the identical copy of Two as well. Both perfect down to the freckle, metaphorically speaking in Two’s case.

“Good work,” I said examining them.

“Let’s… hope they… do the job,” Two panted out.

“Was it that hard?” I asked.

“Yes, but the real question is: will it be worth it?”

“Only one way to find out.” I said and picked Two up, putting him on my shoulder just like our copies. “Ready?”

“I believe so, but these copies will not last long, so we need to be quick.” He instructed. “I will control them and make them run in the opposite direction of us, but that is still no guarantee of success.”

“Let’s make them run out of the cave at the same time as us, that way they won’t know which is which and will have to split up to chase us.” I suggested.

“Agreed.” I started casting the spell to unseal the cave, but I needed to let the fire spell go out first, so we stood in darkness for just a moment before we all shot out of the tunnel.

“I’m making the copies mimic our movements.” Two said as he clung tightly to my shoulder, causing a bit of pain actually as his claws dug in. “It seems to be working, their team is splitting up.” I glanced over my shoulder and saw the copies running away from us quickly, already a quarter mile away in the twenty or so seconds since we left the cave.

“Can you see the crest?” I asked.

“Yes, if we continue to move at this pace, we will be there soo… why are they doing that?” Two said confused.

“What are they doing?” I asked.

“They are reforming, going back to the crest.” He told me.

“Is something wrong with the spell?” I asked worried.

“No, the spell is fine. I have no answer for this.” He sounded as worried as I was.

“Okay, we might need to change the plan.”

“Why?”

“If I’m right, they probably figured out our plan and decided to just wait for us to either run out of mana maintaining the spell, or figured that since both us and the copies are heading for them, they could just wait for us to come to them.” I explained.

“A wise strategy,” Two remarked.

“Yeah, so let’s give them a reason to meet us.” I said. “Two, will the copies automatically do what I do, or do you have to control them?”

“I can give them specific commands, but otherwise they will mimic us.”

“Good, change of plan, we’re going to smoke them out.”

“I do not understand, how?”

“Have them mimic us okay,” I said. Two disbanded the copy’s earlier commands and made them mimic us again, and I slowed down to a stop.

“Sir Sentinel, what are we doing?”

“Can Neame sense mana or spells from this far? Suma mentioned once that you guys could, but she didn’t say from how far that worked.”

“From this distance? I should think not. What spell do you… oh.” Two said as I pulled out several steel ball-bearings from my pouch. I started the spell, and since we weren’t in a rush, I did it the slow but strong way. I wanted to make sure it hit its target, and when I use the new way of picturing spells, sometimes it misses the mark a bit. Never by more than an inch, but from this distance, that would be bad. I started casting the spell, and Two confirmed that the copies were doing the same, then he looked over to the other team’s crest. “They are raising a barrier of some kind around their crest, one made of interlocked vines and large stones.”

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

“It won’t help them,” I said picturing the last of the spell, “RAILGUN!” That thunderous crack rattled out and I saw an explosion in the distance.

“By the dragons!” Two shouted and flapped about trying to regain his lost balance. “A bit of warning would have been appreciated, Sir Sentinel!”

“Sorry,” I yelled with the ringing from the spell still filling my ears. “Did it work?”

“Yes, I believe so. Correction, definitely so. Two of them are leaving their crest, one is staying behind. One of the two that left are heading towards us.” There was a moment of silence before he continued. “Sir Sentinel, it seems you have done some serious damage to their crest, but it was not destroyed. Do you have the ability to cast that spell again?”

“You saw how long it takes; do you think we have the time?” There was another moment of silence.

“No, never mind, the mage will be here before you are ready to execute that spell again.”

“Alright then,” I said and resumed running towards their crest’s location.

“If we can get within range though,” I said picking up speed to meet the mage heading towards us, “I can perform a smaller version of it.”

“Sir Sentinel, I will distract the mage, you focus on getting within your spell’s range.” Two said and spread his wings to catch air and fly up.

“Jericho!” I said and summoned my armor. Speed is good, not getting hit in the back by a spell I didn’t see coming is better.

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Suma’s POV

“Dodge!” Lauric yelled. I launched myself upwards, cutting off the spell, as one of the mage’s attacks blew the vines I was perched on to splinters. “Lady Suma, you must-” Lauric was interrupted by an attack aimed at the crest. Once again, he blocked it, but the rock columns were still severely fractured; they probably could not withstand many more hits, then our crest would be exposed. “You must attack!”

“I am trying!” I yelled back. “Flames, gather in my presence. Form and shape into a bolt to pierce my enemies… fly Crimson Bolt!“ I finally was able to cast a spell, and launched an attack of my own… which the enemy promptly dodged without much effort. “Fly, Crimson Bolt!” I yelled again and launched a second attack. This one was closer, but he still evaded it. Suddenly, a sound like thunder echoed in the distance; our team had begun its own attack. “Lauric,” I shouted, “I think that was Jake’s attack! We do not need to win!”

“What are you talking ab-” Another interception, but not a perfect one, two of the attacks got through this time; Lauric could not catch as many now that he was nearly out of vines. Ever one of that mage’s attacks burns scores of them, and once destroyed... Lauric cannot use them again. “Talking about? Why do we not we need to win?” Lauric finished, never breaking his gaze away from the mage.

“We just need to wait for Jake to finish, then I can summon him back and we can defeat this mage!”

“I do not believe we will be able to do that Lady Suma! At the very least, we will not have a crest long enough to try it.”

“Fly, Crimson Bolt!” I launched another attack; this one clipped his wings. He was singed, but still flying. “I did it!” I called out excitedly.

“Lady Suma, you rely too much on your familiar, we can do this without him!” Just as he said that, the mage began a dive. He was aiming straight at the crest’s columns!

“Fly Crimson-” Before I could finish, Lauric’s familiar suddenly appeared and attacked the mage with some kind of liquid from its mouth. It was camouflaged in a patch of grass, waiting for its moment.

“Agh!” The mage cried out and started flapping wildly, quickly losing altitude. He landed on the ground, still flapping and yelling.

“What was that spray?” I asked, landing beside Lauric.

“A powerful liquid that causes those affected by it to see strange visions.” He said as we watched the mage flap around on the ground.

“Get away, GET AWAY!” He yelled.

“Will he be okay?” I asked concerned.

“Yes, the visions will stop soon, and if we heal him, they will be over even sooner. But we should restrain him first somehow.” Lauric stated.

“I will do it; you should try to replace the vines you lost.” I suggested. Lauric agreed, and flew to the nearest bundle of them. I went over to the mage and restrained him with nature magic by engulfing his body in soil, then doing my best to solidify it. After that I healed him, and he stopped screaming.

“What… happened?” The mage asked, finally settling down.

“You lost,” Lauric answered as he landed, having finished replacing his vines.

The mage sighed, “oh well, perhaps once my mind has fully cleared, I will be able to try again.” Truthfully, he did not seem as upset as I assumed he was going to be.

“You were a fierce opponent,” Lauric said.

“Thank you, but if that’s what you think, I fear I may not get my chance to try again.”

“And why is that?” I asked.

“Because I am the only member of my team who wanted to attack. All of the others decided the best way to win was to guard the crest.”

“So, your whole team is still at your crest’s location?” I asked.

“Indeed, your other teammate and Sentinel have no-” He was cut off by another crack of thunder in the distance, this time even louder. I flew up to try and get a better view, and what I saw made no sense.

Part 52

Jake’s POV

“Jericho!” I said and summoned my armor. Speed is good, not getting hit in the back by a spell I didn’t see coming is better. Running to the crest wouldn’t take long, despite how far away it was. All I needed to do was not get shot in the back, or front, on the way there. The other Neame were too far away for me to see clearly, but I could see them in the rapidly closing distance. I have no idea how I’m going to fight them off long enough to- *CRACKATHOOM* My train of thought was derailed as a bolt of lightning hit the ground next to me. It caught me off guard and I tripped over my own feet, falling to the ground and skidding for a short distance. Once I realized what happened, I used magic to raise a boulder between myself at where I thought the shot had come from. “Of course they shoot lightning,” I mumbled.

I looked back, Two was still distracting the mage. It looked like he was using illusions to distract him, then dodge any of the mage’s attacks. I used mana wrapping to lift up the boulder and carry it in front of me for cover as I ran. It was weighty, and slowed me down a bit, but it was better than getting fried. *CRACKATHOOM* Another bolt of lightning hit the boulder, but it held… mostly. I noticed after that the rock felt a bit lighter and heard the sounds of rubble hitting the ground as I ran. The bolt must have done some real damage to the front of the boulder. *CRACKATHOOM* A third bolt, *CRACKATHOOM*, a fourth. The boulder was getting uncomfortably light, but I was almost there. *CRACKATHOOM* The boulder shattered, and its pieces shot off in every direction. Rather than raising another, I dove behind the top of one of the hills.

“A plan, a plan, a plan, a plan…” I repeated to myself desperately looking around. “Can lightning be inverted? No, that’s not how lightning works. Maybe if I used- no that wouldn’t work…. Wait a second,” I had a plan… well, an idea, well... a thought. Inversion, Wild, Energy, Nature… and Death; those are the types of Chaos-Magic. “Lightning is energy… I have-” I stopped thinking and started casting the spell. Not realizing it, I was talking aloud, “Lightning is an electrostatic discharge during which two electrically charged regions temporarily neutralize themselves, causing the instantaneous release of energy.” My eyes were closed, but as I spoke, I started to hear the sounds of birds chirping, and an electric hum. I opened my eyes and saw a ball of electricity starting to form. Only one shot. I thought to myself. I needed to make sure it hit, so like the railgun spell, this one needed to be guided. “Two electrically charged regions,” I repeated. The first region would be the origin point of the spell, the other… the target. Soon the lightning was huge, the size of one of those old computers from the nineties, and it crackled and popped like it was alive. “I really hope this doesn’t kill anyone,” I said and popped up from my hiding spot, then shot off the spell. “LIGHTNING BOLT!”

In a blindingly bright flash, the lightning tore through the air and branched out in a dozen different directions, like a root burrowing into soil. I wish I could describe in more detail what it sounded like, but the ringing in my ears was too loud. In fact, I didn’t hear much of anything for the next few minutes. I dropped to the ground, clutching my ears in pain. I looked at my hands, now covered in streams of blood, either from the spell or my ears I couldn’t tell. My vision was blurred from the flash, everything was just a haze for a while. I stumbled towards the other team’s crest as best as I could manage, occasionally stopping to vomit from the dizziness that came and went in waves. By the time I made it the rest of the way up the hill and to their crest, I saw it had already been destroyed. It was just a half melted and shattered pile of metal on the ground now.

I looked around, trying to find someone, anyone, to figure out what happened. I couldn’t hear anything, but my eyes went back to normal after a while. I tried calling out, but couldn’t hear my own voice, just that constant ringing. I stumbled across a Neame eventually, not Two, another one; probably one of the other team. They were lying on the ground, occasionally twitching. I took off a piece of my armor and summoned a couple of daljar, then used my armor’s healing runes to fix us both up. After a minute, my hearing came back, and Suma showed up.

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Suma’s POV

“Indeed, your other teammate and Sentinel have no-” He was cut off by another crack of thunder in the distance, this time even louder. I flew up to try and get a better view, and what I saw made no sense. It looked like a lightning bolt, but it was impossibly large, and longer lasting than any I had ever seen before. It hung in the air, light pouring off and pulsating as it slowly shrank down, like a tree’s branch had been lit on fire, then plastered on the sky.

“Lauric, I am going to go check on Jake!” I called out, then flew off. I heard him try to call out to me, saying that I should stay, but I ignored him. “Jake!? Jake, can you hear me?” I tried to contact him over our private connection. There was no answer, so I used the enhancement spell and flew as quickly as I could manage. It only took a short time for me to arrive and see the devastation. There were scorch marks everywhere, patches of grass were still on fire, several Neame were unconscious, maybe dead, and the lingering smell of a lightning storm was still thick in the air. I came to look for Jake, but I could not simply leave the Neame. I dove down and started healing everyone I saw, three in total, one of which was Two from our team, and the others were from the opposing team. Once they were healed, I started looking for Jake again; I would have asked Two which way he went, but Two did not wake up. However, he was alive; they all were actually, but scorched just as badly as the surrounding area. Their feathers were burned, some now had bald patches where the feathers, and in some cases, skin, had been blown off. Flying away from them, I saw more Neame start to arrive; the instructors and military officials, as well as additional healers. Finally, I found him. “Jake!” I cried out and landed beside him. He had taken off parts of his armor, and wrapped it around a severely injured Neame; the healing runes were on as well.

“Suma,” Jake said once he saw me, “I think I over did it…”

Part 53

Jake’s POV

“Sentinel, Lady Suma, are you injured?” The Major asked us after finally arriving. In the last few minutes, several Neame had arrived and began treating the one I wrapped up in my armor. They said I saved her, that the runes kept her alive… it wasn’t as comforting as they had probably intended it to be. I was the one who did it to her after all.

“I’m fine sir, and I’ve already healed Ja- um... Sentinel.” Suma answered.

“Sir Sentinel… did you cause this? Was that your spell we saw?” The Major asked.

“Yes sir, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. It was too strong of a-” He cut me off.

“Fantastic! This spell is incredible, truly. Sir Sentinel, welcome to the Drakes.”

“What? You’re happy… I assumed you would want to like... kick me out of the army or something.” I said bewildered.

“Do not confuse my words Sir Sentinel, there will be consequences to using a spell of this magnitude in a test, but this only cements what we already knew: that you are an asset. We need your strength Sir Sentinel. Both you and Lady Suma will have a place on the Drakes Brigade.”

“But, what about the third portion of the exam?” Suma asked. “We are only on the second.”

“The third portion actually took place at the same time as the second. It was a test of ingenuity and creativity, and all of your team did well enough to pass.” The Major explained.

“Sir… I don’t deserve that.” I answered. “I hurt so many people. I thought I could control it, but-”

“Sentinel, this is a war. You will kill, you will hurt, and you may die. Don’t regret fighting, regret having not stood for what was worth fighting for. You have heard of the Southern Union, what they do, how they are. Our country, no... the world, needs your strength.” The Major said.

“I know you’re right, but that doesn’t make me feel any better… I want to apologize to everyone who was hurt today... can you help me do that?” I asked the Major.

He nodded his head, “That would be possible.” With that, we were each escorted off the field. Our team had officially won, and each of its members was granted a spot as a Drake, as well as one of the Neame from the other team who had impressed the judges. I spent the next day visiting each of the Neame who was hurt by my spell. Two of them were mad, one said it was a risk he knew might happen and that he didn’t hold it against me, and the others didn’t even know it was me in the first place. Two, the member of my team who had gone with me and was caught in the blast, was annoyed, but understood that what I did got him his spot on the team, so he let it go. The Neame who I hurt worst, the one who as it turns out, was the same Neame who was shooting me with lightning, and who was the one I wrapped in my armor, actually found it funny. She said she got what she deserved shooting lightning at a familiar out of nowhere. She apparently had let the others talk her into doing it, but she herself didn’t originally want to. She thanked me for saving her, and I apologized again.

After I finished visiting everyone Suma and I had a talk. “He is right Jake.” She said.

“Who is?”

“The Major… I do not…” she sighed, “I do not want to hurt anyone any more than you do, but this is war, and it would be foolish to think it will not happen eventually.”

“I know. Especially if we are a part of the Drakes.”

“Do you think… do you regret our decision?” She asked.

I thought for a moment, “no, joining the Drakes was the right call. I think we will be able to do more good with them than if we had simply joined the front lines or the reserves.”

“Perhaps...” There was a moment of quiet tension, she looked uneasy about something. “Jake, are you scared?”

“About the Drakes? Yeah.”

“So am I.” I picked Suma up and put her on my shoulder, I didn’t have my armor on at the moment, so she used the loose cloth of my jacket to steady herself. “I hope you are right Jake.”

“Me too,” I answered.

After that Suma and I, as well as everyone else who passed the test, were released from camp and sent back to the cities we came from. We said goodbye to Vindicta and Von-Pac, and Suma offered them a place to stay if they ever came by her city. Vindicta and Suma both sang for a while, and Von-Pac and I waited quietly for them to finish from a good distance away. I don’t know where the others, that being Two and Lauric, went, but Suma and I headed back to Suma’s city, Zach-Ahshem. We were supposed to wait for assignment orders, then go to wherever our orders said to meet our new team. They said we should expect a summons within one week, so we needed to get ourselves ready before then. Suma sent me back home, and spent a while traveling back to hers. I spoke to my mom. I told her that I had passed the test, but left out how, and told her that our orders would be in soon. I explained that I might not be able to come around as much now. She was worried but understood.

Suma and I spent the week getting some upgrades and repairs made to my armor, runes, and weapons from Ceil and Sela-Car; both of whom were doing well and happy to see us. Ceil’s business was doing better, apparently a name raised his social rank and now more people were ordering from him. Sela-Car had spent the last few months developing new Chaos-Magic runes for me, and was eager to apply them.

The repairs and upgrades to my armor included a lining of daljar linings on the inside layer. That way I wouldn’t need to summon any actual daljars to activate my healing and stamina runes. All I would need to do was flow the mana through the layer first. The new runes were interesting too. Sela-Car said she was able to increase the efficiency and force of the runes on my weapons by changing the patterns. Meaning they would be a bit stronger for the same amount of mana.

Suma eventually went and saw her parents, I don’t know how it went, but she seemed upset afterwards, so I had a feeling not well. I tried to talk to her about it, but she just said that it was normal for them and asked to change the subject.

Eventually, our orders arrived, and we were to meet our new team at a city called, “Antonella.” It was one of the strongholds holding off Southern Union forces from the Island of Sangu. Suma said it would take her three days to travel there, and that she would see me then. With that, she sent me home and started traveling. I spent the three days preparing a few things. We were going to war, and I had a few items to purchase before that happened.

Two days later, I was lying in bed waiting to fall asleep. My mind started to wonder and I, still guilt ridden, thought about how the test ended. I knew I needed to move on, that it was an accident, but I still felt bad. I decided to bring it up the next time I spoke to Dr. Maxwell. Eventually, I slowly fell asleep.

I had hoped to dream of how things were before I disappeared that day, or even of just relaxing in Suma’s world, but instead there was only darkness… darkness and him. “Hello Sentinel,” the kinder half said. “You’re getting stronger.”

“Who are you?” I asked. “You said last time that you were my friend, and my doom.”

“YES,” the more reptilian side yelled, “DOOM, DOOM TO ALL OF ATMOSIA!”

“Why? What did they do to you?” I asked.

“NOT THEM… the dragons… THE TRATIORS….”

“I don’t understand.” I said.

“Then allow me… TO SHOW YOU!”