Chapter 4 – Freedom of the Body, Prison of the Mind

In Shadows room and I’m lounging around on their bed, waiting for Shadow to finish reading the mission details, so I’m and assassin now? Baffled at the whole situation I ask, “If you’re an assassin, why on earth are you hanging around with some local gang leader?”

Shadow glances up, saying, “Because I escaped.”

I perk up from the bed, is that a prelude to their backstory, “Escaped what?”

“The Hashashin’s, they are an assassin’s guild of sorts,” fascinated I walk over to Shadow’s table, reading my expression, they elaborate, “The Hashashin’s originate in the far land of Furan, the same place you read of in ‘Internal mana’, where the consolidation technique came from.”

My head leans in, “Well? Don’t leave me hanging, what else, why did you leave?”

“They induct children at around the age you began your training under me… However, the training there is cruel, they perform pain resistance training, they poison you to build tolerances, and their physical training is unforgiving. The Hashashin’s do not need dead weight, if you fall behind their training, you die. The children begin missions at 10, younger if they are talented, children tend to make the best assassins due to their small frames. Failure on a mission is not an option, only death awaits on failure. I failed my mission in the north of the Empire, the Hashashin’s have no hold down south here, there are only local assassin guilds. That’s why I am here in the far south, I am fearful for my life.” Shadow robotically explains while his body remains unmoving, captivating story, but uhh shit storyteller, he didn’t even tell me what his failed mission was! I’d rather hear Tom tell a story.

“Aww Shadow that’s awful, but it’s fine though, right? you wouldn’t of have met me! and I’m the absolute best!” I chortle as I jump from my seat, theatrically spreading my arms.

Shadow does his usual disapproving head shake, “I have read the mission, before we leave however, I have another technique to impart, this is given to true assassin initiates. You should be able to learn it in a few hours.”

They direct me through the technique, and indeed, the skill is oddly simple, after a couple hours, a gift pops up.

[Hashashin’s eyes] lvl 1 – Discover inconsistencies easier, read some details of your opponent if they are not 5 levels higher than you, read level of opponent if they are not 10 levels higher than you, almost undetectable.

“I got it!” I excitedly shout, testing the skill on Shadow, a foreign stat window appears in my head.

Assassin level 9

Shadow nods his head approvingly “[Hashashin’s eyes] is a very rare, it can be used on an opponent without them noticing, very unusual for a sight based skill but also very helpful for assassins. Yet it is very difficult to learn.”

Difficult? That was too easy! Confused I say, “But I learnt it quite easily right?”

Shadow shakes his head, explaining, “You have been practicing it every day while sparring, the reason why the skill is hard to detect is because it uses very little mana and relies heavily on observation, the downside is that it can collect only so much information. Look, use it on me, I will lower my resistance.”

Class: Hashashin Initiate (uncommon)

Level: 9

Stamina: 220/220

Strength: 18

Endurance: 22

Dexterity: 35

Agility: 44 (4)

Oh, so it is only physical information, and all that perception training during sparring was also skill training, two for the price of one! Noting the extra number beside agility, I ask, “Why does agility have two numbers?”

“Class enhancements,” they blandly state, ok that’s all you’re going to give me? The trouble with Shadow is he always provides half assed explanations on everything! He then continues, “I shall now brief you on the mission. Hiattu, a drug lord working for the Reds, smuggles in massive amounts of drugs past the walls and is therefore a large source of revenue for the Reds. He resides in his manse in the merchant district, our mission is to simply assassinate him with the intention of collapsing his drug empire. He never leaves his house so we will have to infiltrate the building, avoid his personal guards then kill him.”

Overwhelmed I question, “Isn’t this a little too difficult for me? I don’t know how to ‘infiltrate’ and stuff like that.”

Shadow agrees saying, “Yes, it’s true your training is incomplete, however Yusef has left me with no choice in the matter, but you also underestimate yourself, our training naturally bleeds over into your everyday life, I am sure you have noticed that your steps barely make a sound, and your movement is always smooth, your sparring training was about more than just learning to fight as I am sure you have noticed.”

Still feeling unconvinced and having some massive reservations that I’ve been holding in, I can’t help but blurt, “So I have to kill people?”

Shadow comically slaps his hooded forehead, saying, “I am a fool, forgive me, I am too used to the Hashashin mentality, I forgot to address such a thing, well….”

This situation is so surreal, I’m literally 8 yet there’s already an expectation to kill people, I feel ill just thinking about it. What does Yusef expect of me anyway? I’m weak, I doubt I could do much of anything, maybe I’m just meant to follow Shadow around and not actually do anything… Realising that I’ve been ignoring Shadow, I break out of my thoughts, “…So that is what I would suggest, agreed?”

“Uh, yeah sure,” I reply half-heartedly.

Nodding is head again, “Good, I’ll grab your new outfit and blades, we leave tonight.”

They return handing me my new clothes, a collection of daggers and a couple black leathers sheathes, he says “Put on your outfit.”

They vacate the room, in the clothes pile there is a shirt, pants, a face mask and a collection of black bandages, weird I wonder what they’re for. Getting changed, I don a pair of black baggy pants that look like they would be difficult to run in as they flail around at my feet. The top is baggy as well and fits quite comfortably, however there’s a catch, it’s a bloody crop top, I am way too young to be wearing this, not to mention I do not even have a bra! what the hell Shadow, you perve! My outfit looks like something a dancer would wear, if it was more colourful. Putting on my old top I call him in, “Shadow! What the hell is with that top, it’s way to exposed!”

Shadow coughs awkwardly, saying, “The bandages are for breasts, so they do not get in the way, it is traditional Hashashin attire, I am at fault for not informing you.”

Embarrassed at my outburst I redden, then point at collection of a few other bandages, “Then what are those other bandages for?”

Realising their folly, they explain, “Ah! For the feet, adept Hashashin rarely use shoes and use bandages instead as they are quieter, some forgo footwear altogether moving barefooted. Wrap the bandages over your pants as well, and those other bandages there are for you forearms but they are not required.”

He leaves again, ok, round two! I wrap the breast bandage around my ‘breasts’, I am flat chested obviously. Then I don the top again, wrapping the other bandages around my calves and feet. Looking down I admire my outfit, I wish there was a mirror, but from what I can tell, I look fucking badass! There’s no other way to say it, my pants are baggy at my thighs, but then taper off at my calves, held closely by the poorly wrapped bandages. My crop top lazily dangles from my shoulders, stopping just short of my upper abdomen where my toned stomach is then on display with a lightly defined four pack. The two streamlined black leather sheathes are strapped to both sides of my hips. The forearm wraps were too damn hard to put on with one hand, so I forewent them, calling in Shadow, they analyse my handy work, shaking their head they fix up my footwraps and show me how to properly wrap them.

“A fully trained Hashashin has many tools in their arsenal, throwing knives, darts and poison to name a few. It takes decades to learn everything and use them all effectively in battle, I am still only a fledgling when compared to the true master assassins. My lacking knowledge unfortunately will reflect on you” they explain as they hand me a new parchment “This is the only true legacy I obtained from the Hashashin’s, everything else you learnt can be obtained outside the brotherhood, this technique combines the techniques from the two other parchments to create a new skill. Once you have learned the two other skills and levelled them to at least level 10, you can attempt to combine them.”

After his lengthy explanation, he checks my outfit making sure everything is fine then saying, “Everything looks ready, make sure you are not seen at the front wearing this outfit, we will leave from the roof at night fall. Until then I will teach you some hand signals, then give you time to relax.”

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It is nighttime, the time has arrived for my first mission, I felt anxious the whole day while waiting around, mulling over my thoughts and feeling more and more miserable at the prospect of what tonight may bring. I tie up my black hair, so it dangles in a single long ponytail and I push up my black face mask, double checking my sheathes and ensuring my footwraps are on snugly, I ready myself. I walk to Shadow’s room and pass Donald who’s head snaps to me, he looks frightened, heh, in my full black outfit I must look menacing to others.

“Donny,” I greet.

He laughs foolishly, “Haha, miss Fera.”

“Miss?” I tilt my head slightly, but he’s already running off, hm, odd.

Arriving at Shadow’s room I rap on the door, it creaks open revealing Shadow, except he is no longer wearing his normal cloak, he now dons an outfit not too dissimilar from my own, I say ‘he’ now, because while I can’t see his face, his physique is obviously that of a male, even though he is quite demure. I still cannot see his face unfortunately, instead of his hooded cloak, he has black face wraps all around his face like a mummy, obscuring everything but his dead brown eyes, pleased that I am now here he says “Excellent, we depart now.”

He walks over to the window, opens it, then casually climbs up to the roof, ok… looking out the window I see a reasonably far drop, gulping I get ready to ascend. The window is protruding somewhat, so I find purchase above it, due to my high dexterity I grip easily, carefully pushing myself up, my flexible body easily twists so my body is sideway with my feet also on the protruding window, awkwardly I just hang there for a bit, unsure of my next step. Realising this isn’t going to work I let my legs drop so now I’m just dangling while holding the top of the window, “Fuck it!”

I pull up with all my strength and go flying up, reaching for the roof I grab on, then easily lift myself. Wow! That was exhilarating, heaving a little I regulate my breathing, so slow and steady does not win the race while climbing. Shadow looks at me through his wrapped mask, remarking, “See, you need to trust in your abilities, you are more capable than you think, now, let us go.”

He gestures for me to follow, then leaps onto an adjacent building. This is my first time out in more than two years, I appreciate the dark vista of the night for a moment and breath in, ok, let’s do this! We are in the commoner’s district, so the buildings are literally connected, following Shadow we scale walls and jump down heights, jumping between the occasional gap when we come across an alley, moving like wraiths in the night. My high agility and dexterity make my movements natural and actions that would have seemed impossible to me a few years ago are easily performed.

Eventually we reach an odd divide of buildings, an obvious segregation of social classes, the rich commoners and the regular commoners, we have arrived at the merchant district. It is called the merchant district, but it is really more of a formality of the city, not everyone here is a merchant, there would be mages, expert crafters such as smiths and skilled adventurers of all sorts. The buildings here are still cramped, but stone is certainly used a lot more prominently, some buildings even have more artistic features tacked on, furthermore there is a proper paved stone road! Continuing on we eventually arrive at this rather large building, so massive in fact that it’s the largest building I have seen since coming here. The building is unusual because it isn’t connected to any buildings, just a yard encircling the manse. Shadow stops and points at the large structure across the street, informing me that we have arrived, “We are here, that is it right there.”

So that’s Hiattu’s abode, looks fancy, I ask, “What do we do now?”

Shadow is intently focusing, clearly concocting a plan, suddenly he says, “I will be back.”

He jumps down and dashes in a mist to the house’s wall, he checks around the whole building, then dashes back to me looking indistinct.

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

“There are no points of entry we can go through quietly, the mission is not time sensitive, however Yusef will have many more tasks for us so we should not take too long, however this is more of a training mission for you so we will not rush. For now, we will scout, see if there is anything to take advantage of, if an opportunity presents itself, we will strike tonight, if not, we come again tomorrow night or however many nights it takes.”

For the next few hours, we scout around the building, seeing people, presumably gang members, that pop up every now and again behind the windows. A window slides open on the second floor, a man seems to be relaxedly smoking a cigar, I’ve never seen a cigar in this world before so I assume they’re expensive. A few minutes later the man flicks cigar to remove the ash, clips off the end then walks away from window. Shadow performs a hard signal, follow, he dashes to the wall again, I follow suit performing [Hashashin dodge] multiple times I appear to be a mist as I quickly glide along the yard. I start getting increasingly more anxious, the pit in my stomach growing, Shadow hand signals, wait. Shadow climbs up the wall then slowly peaks his head through the window, he then jumps inside. His hand pokes out and signals, follow, I follow suit, making barely perceptible sounds as I try to remain as quiet as possible, clearly not as adept as Shadow. The dark hallways are dimly lit by candles in candle holders and occasional candelabras. We skitter down the hallway, hearing approaching steps we jump into the closest room, a man stands there, “H…”

Barely getting an opportunity to even speak a dagger has pierced his throat, Shadow was upon him before I could even think. Shadow covers the man mouth and holds him to prevent him from collapsing, I’m frozen just staring at the man’s eyes, looking at me in horror. Once the man bleeds out Shadow lowers him to the floor and drags him to the corner, I want to scream but I have just enough sense to hold back, I realise my breathing has quickened, this… This is too much, I don’t think I can do this, I fold to the floor making a small thump, and quietly whimper, my eyes are still affixed to the folded corpse in the corner. I glance at Shadow, he appears to just be waiting for me to calm down, keeping his senses alert. Can I just call this off? I don’t want to be here anymore, I close my eyes, just keeping my eyes open is driving me mad. Ok, relax, breath in, breath out, I fall into a brief meditation, ok, I need to stop being a child and grow up! Gesturing to Shadow, go, he nods then peeks his head into the corridor. We explore the house making slow progress due to the surprising amount of people, we continue our search for the target.

While we slowly walk down another hallway a door opens up between Shadow and me, oh shit! I dodge back, Shadow dashes forward, I enter the nearest room, breathing roughly, I’m split up from Shadow, that is not good. I hear steps near me, dagger at the ready I pray, please walk past, please walk past, hiding behind a lounge, I hear the door open, creaking echoes from the floorboard as the man walks over to an alcohol cabinet on the opposite side of the room. His back is to me, this is the perfect opportunity to kill him, when he turns around, he will see me for sure! I just have to stab him, my breathing quickens again, my dagger at the ready, come on, come on! Do it! He grabs a bottle, and my indecision proves detrimental as he turns around, spotting me his eyes widen, inciting me to [Hashashin dodge] in his face and strike for his neck. However, due to my nerves my attack was clumsy, instead swiping against his jaw, “AGH!”

The man stumbles back and crashes into the alcohol cabinet, the loud clattering of glass resounding throughout the house. After regaining my baring again, muscle memory kicks in and I dash in for a second more lethal strike, aiming for his left ankle tendon as he would be on alert for a second strike at his upper body, my technique impeccable this time round, staggering him to the floor, dropping his blade that his must of just unsheathed. I go in for my final strike, I feel so sure of this, I sensed the flow of how the fight would play out after my first failed attack, much more predictable than sparring with Shadow. I slither low across the floor to his right now, raising my body, I stab into the side of his body feeling a bit of resistance due to rather high endurance, oh crap I forgot to check his stats, a fatal strike regardless however I do not feel thrilled… The man stumbles to the floor, sprawling out as a pool of blood collects on the floor, I stand over him like a reaper who has come to collect their due. Not paying attention to my surrounds I tear up and start muttering, “Oh, oh no! I can’t, this is gross, this… this.”

I move to the corner of the room, pulling my face mask down I retch… My ears twitches, reactively I use the [Hashashin’s dodge] to my right, a blade barely clips my left shoulder, drawing a nasty gash. I stumble out of my misty movement, collapsing to the ground while crying out, “UHHH Fuck, it hurts!”

Survival instincts kick in I [Hashashin’s dodge] again upwards to the roof, barely dodging a sideways swing, reappearing my training kicks in again, I push with my right arm against the roof and activating [Hashashin’s dodge] again, practically teleporting to my opponent, my speed catching him off guard, I get a clean cut to his throat, he collapses to the his knees, gurgling as he holds his hand to his neck in an attempt to prevent his life from escaping him.

That was actually a second person, the person who hit me while I was vomiting is currently in a sword combat stance, warily focusing on me. While heaving I shift back into combat stance, remembering [Hashashin’s eyes], I analyse him.

Warrior level 7

I am feeling a little lightheaded, that attack must have dealt major damage, and it wasn’t even a direct hit.

Health: 46/70

I can hear fighting off in the distance, Shadow must be engaged in combat, so I can only rely on myself again. Trying to relax my breathing I get ready for my next strike, adrenaline allowing me to function in spite of my raging emotions, I have to finish this quick, the longer we wait the more disadvantageous it is for me. I focus on his posture, looking for an opening, he is wearing an iron chest plate with leather shin and wrist guards, even though he is wielding a sword, Shadow has sparred against me while using many different weapons to prep me for a situation like this, particularly when considering that swords are the most commonly used weapons. I dash to his left and then perform [Hashashin’s dodge] to his right in an attempt to catch him unaware, my right blade nears his throat, twang! His high strength easily deflects my attack, however his sword is too awkwardly positioned for a counterattack, turning my bane into a boon, I continue my body’s momentum and slash with my left blade, ding! Fuck! I forgot about the iron armor, pushing hard off his armor I fling myself back to escape any retaliation, and it’s fortunate I did escape, because he performs a twirling sword skill that would have disconnected my torso from my legs. While he’s mid skill, I try to take advantage, jumping diagonally upwards while activating [Hashashin’s dodge] so I will get above him as quickly as possible I twist my body midair, landing with my legs against the roof I push with as much force as I can muster along with [Hashashin’s dodge], I burst downwards like a bullet, my dagger entering the top of his skull, crushing his brain into mush and shattering bone.

Level up!

Collapsing to the floor from exhaustion I check my stamina.

Stamina: 34/100

It’s enough to keep me alive should I fall into an iffy situation, now I just need to find Shadow. I bolt out of the room into the hallway, a corpse lies crumpled against the wall, I don’t have to look much longer because Shadow appears from a room, appearing entirely at ease except even while covered in blood, but when I look closer, I can tell he is heaving slightly, that means he’s strained, he looks to me and says, “Quick! We must leave!”

In response to that a rumbling of steps can be heard, then a group emerges, without waiting Shadow shatters the nearby window and leaps out, I follow him out, a few rogue looking types begin to pursue us. We come across a building and scramble up its walls the rogues still close by, Shadow cries, “Split up!”

A rogue descends upon me another upon him, I [Hashashin’s dodge] and sprint off into the distance without looking back.

After running for a while longer, too tired to even guess how long, I slip while I’m about to jump across to a building, I slam against the opposite wall then fall to the ground, I cry out, “AGGGHHHH, Fuck!”

Sprawled out and huffing I try to stop my consciousness from slipping,

Health: 23/70

Stamina: 4/100

I can’t pass out here, there is too much that can go wrong, I return back to the hideout. Getting up I start limping through the street, I notice I’m in a poor part of the city, which is good news, it means I shouldn’t be too far. I come across a homeless beggar sleeping on the side of the street, kicking him weakly, I croak, “Excuse me, Um, sir, I need directions.”

Even though my appearance is bedraggled, the outfit, weapons and the crusty blood ensure he complies in assisting.

Climbing back up to the rooves I slowly navigate back to the hideout, I enter through a window and someone spots me, oh thank god…… My vision fades as I collapse to the floor, worst night of my life.

Waking up in my room I notice I am being tended to by a doctor of sorts, he looks a little dodgy, I also see Shadow sitting in a chair across the room, the doctor says, “Ah you’re up, you’ve lost a lot of blood missy, but apart from that you are mostly fine, just rest for a few days.”

I nod then painfully twist my head to stare up to the roof, not even engaging with Shadow, my thoughts too muddled to bother having a conversation. I killed people, three people! How did I do that? I felled them so easily… A steady hand grips my wrist, I was shaking, my eyes crack open to see Shadow, he suggests “Just do not overthink it.”

I look at him cynically, saying mockingly, “Ha, easy for you to say, you’re used to slaughtering humans, me? I actually value human life, you, you…”

I can’t come up with anything, and I am just too tired to think or argue, Shadow just steps back and I shut my eyes again, too tired.

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It’s been a few days since the assassination, we actually succeeded by pure luck, turns out the first person I killed was Hiattu, I wasn’t paying attention to his face at all, it’s all just a blur when I think back on everything. And oh, think I do, I’ve been brooding these whole two weeks, repeatedly replaying the events of that night and it has been driving me mad. It also made me come to a saddening realisation that makes me never want to leave this room, was anyone ever really my friend. I reflect back on all my encounters with the ganger members, Tom, Vinny, Donald and the others. They weren’t friends because they found me interesting, or smart, or cool, or quirky… They were friends out of fear. I always wondered why Shadow didn’t talk with anyone else, it’s not because he doesn’t want to, it’s because people fear him and his power, my interactions make so much more sense now. If I was mad because of training, everyone would avoid me like the plague because they were scared of me.

I wasn’t aware, but they knew that I could kill them on my own whim, that’s why Shadow kept telling me to trust in my abilities, it wasn’t to encourage me, it was to make me realise the world around me. I curl into a ball, I feel oh so incredibly lonely… Was that why George acted weird all those years ago, he felt that I had surpassed him, and he felt scared? No there’s no way that’s true, he wouldn’t leave me, he would not think that way, he knows me… Under my blanket I cry to myself.

Later that day, I hear knocking, someone knocks every day but I never respond, this time I hear Mila shout from outside, “Ok, I’m coming in.”

I emptily stare at her, noticing I’ve been crying she put her hands against her chest, “Ohhhh you poor thing!”

She runs over to me and pulls me into a hug, I break into a cry, muttering, “George! I want George!”

Rubbing my back soothingly, “Shhhh, I’m sorry honey, but he’s… busy.”

I try to speak while sobbing “It’s… it’s, so un… unfair…”

My sadness transforms to rage, pushing Mila off me, I yell, “Why does Yusef take George, I don’t understand, it just doesn’t make any sense, I need him!”

I fall into tears again, Mila looks at me with so much pity that it feels painful. Am I really that bad? Do I deserve all the pity of yours, a murderer like me, wanting her to stop looking at me I plea, “Please, leave me be!”

Obliging she walks to the door, give me one last glance of concern then leaves, shutting the door behind her. If Yusef wants to keep George from me, I’ll just have to find him. I wear a pair of clothing appropriate for the outside, then easily slip out my window, climbing to the roof and dashing off towards the orphanage.

Arriving I notice that some nun looking lady that isn’t Mum is watching over the kids, confused I walk over to her, the lady glances at me studies me for a moment, she says fearfully “Hello miss, what can I do for you, we don’t have any money here.”

Baffled I say, “Money? Why would I care about money? I’m here for the old lady who used to work here.”

She frowns, “Oh, sister Rosesmith, she passed away quite some time ago, a little under a year ago”

I stand there just blankly staring at the lady, I saw George only a few months ago, he wouldn’t keep her death from me, what the hell is going on! Thanking her I leave, going towards the area where I first met Yusef, after exploring around I come across a face which I haven’t seen in quite some time but just the person I was looking for, I question, “Harold?”

His eyes shift to me widening slightly then he smiles dumbly, “Ha, Fera! Been some time, heard you’re a big shot now.”

I put my hands on my hips asking, “Bigshot? Who told you that?”

“One of the boys who work at the headquarters, Tom.” He explains.

Nodding in realisation, I say, “I’m looking for my friend, George, he should be in the east side.”

He nods answering, “George? Sure have, he ain’t in the east side though, don’t know where you heard that, he was going to the whorehouse with some of the boys, I tell you if I wasn’t married I would…”

I shout, “Whorehouse! Which whorehouse!?”

“Just a couple of streets down,” pointing, “Over that way.”

Without even saying goodbye I run off, arriving at the brothel, I note a few working women trying to bring in customers, walking past them they give me weird looks as I enter. I see one of the prostitutes loitering about, walking up to her I ask, “I’m looking for George do you know him?”

She laughs seductively, “Oh George, of course I know George, he’s one of our best customers.”

Feeling pissed off, I angrily demand, “Well can you tell him that Fera is here!”

“Of course,” she says as she scoots off, after a few minutes George appears.

He glares at me, “What the hell are you doing here, this is no place for you!”

exasperated I shoot back, “What the hell am I doing here? what the hell are you doing here!”

Scowling he says “Ohhhh don’t get bloody mad at me! I am just letting off some steam.”

Now I’m feeling very fucking aggravated, I shout, “You are supposed to be in the east side! Why the hell are you here fucking prostitutes!?”

He looks around saying, “Can you not be so loud here? It’s embarrassing.”

I yell heatedly “That’s what you care about right now? About feeling embarrassed!?”

He forcefully drags me outside, I continue, “Why didn’t you tell me Mum’s dead?”

His head tilts slightly, “She’s dead, yeah, I know, why do you expect me to be sad about it all, the orphanage was a shit hole. Why do you always try to make me feel guilty about wanting to move on with my life? You should move on too, You haven’t seen them in years!”

With horrifying realisation, my eyes bulge, is this the true George? I snarl at him, “No, no fucking way! You fucking asshole!”

“It’s all wrong, you, you can’t do this to me, it just isn’t right, oh god… Please tell me this isn’t real, save me George” I start tearing up, my thoughts scrambled I say, “I’ve killed people George, I’m, I’m a murderer, tell me it’s ok please.”

He laughs at me mockingly, “Pah! Remember all those years ago, when you said you wanted power, well now you have it and you’re fucking crying about it?”

Further incensed by my whimpers his voice raises louder, “You’re fucking lucky! everyone is out here working in the piss and shit of society, yet you get everything handed to you and you still complain!”

I collapse into a heap bawling, “I didn’t know, I really didn’t know, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please forgive me George, please don’t leave me.”

His face shifts, looking disgusted, “Why on earth are you so attached, we barely talk!!! You’re fucking crazy, you don’t act like a bloody kid most of the time, but then you’re like this? I’m not your fucking Dad, you freak me the hell out”

I scream, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate it all, oh the horror, the horror! The loneliness is eating at my chest, I feel like I’m drowning eternally… I look around, George nowhere to be seen, and a crowd has formed, all looking at me like some lunatic. Eventually the guards come by, detaining me then throwing me into a cell, not like it matters to me, what does freedom of the body mean if my mind is trapped by itself? Some time passes and my jail cell opens, someone enters, talking to me, but my will is too weak to care to register anything. I feel myself getting scooped up, then the air whipping on my face, eventually I get laid down on my bed and I fall into a deep slumber.

Waking up I see shadow snoozing on a seat beside me, I have a throbbing headache, I shift slightly. Shadow’s eyes flick open at my slightest move, trained assassin alright, he looks me over, then says “How are you feeling?”

I break down again, crying like a baby, why did I have to wake up, I feel someone awkwardly hugging me, lessening the pain ever so slightly, I hear him speak sadly “I have to apologise, this was all my fault, I knew you were not ready, you always had the skill, yet you are far more emotional than others.”

While still buried in his chest I shake my head, “You’re not the one at fault… It’s me, it was always me!”

He sighs and says nothing else, which I much prefer, I am not in the mood for conversation. I reflect back on what happened, so George never loved me, he was creeped out by me, it makes me feel awful, thinking back to his face of disgust I feel ill, I need to forget, I need to free myself from this pain, but how? While stilling sobbing I ask Shadow, “When’s our next mission?”