Authors note: so, for this one i'm going to do something a little different. i'm going to be writing this from a girls perspective. and i know that without help from the divines, this will end up terribly wrong. but at least i'll have fun doing it. :)

Step one

the caravan made its way down the poorly paved road, pausing every now and then to fix a saddle, or give the oxen something to drink, or to check that all the passengers and cargo were still there. while this was all perfectly normal, what wasn't normal was the bandit that was currently trying to rob them.

"hand over yer valuables!"

"um, miss," said the caravan leader. "this is kinda far away from the nearby village, and i don't think your parents would appreciate you playing bandit all the way out here."

the thirteen year old girl looked stumped by this turn of events, but didn't let that deter her. "i said hand em over, ye scallywags. if ye don't, i'll be forced to take the booty off o' yer dead corpses."

the caravan leader looked to his four caravan guards like 'can you believe this?' and said, "miss, may i ask you to move out of the way, your blocking my caravan."

"thats the point, ye dumb bastard. can't you tell i'm a pirate when ya look at me? jeez, landlubbers these days, am i right?" she asked of no one in particular.

"now, i don't think that you should be going around telling people that their bastards, and if you continue to impede my caravan, i will pick you up and deliver you to the village, and make sure your parents punish you."

the girl didn't look scared by his threat, and instead said, "if you cant understand 'hand over ye valuables', then you even worse off then i thought you were. if you want, i can lead you to the village so you don't get lost, but only after you give me everythin ya got."

"thats it." as the caravan leader lost his temper, and decided to give her a good beating before delivering her to her parents, his buddy held him back.

"come on, jeff. let it go. she's just a kid." he said reasonably.

"what, you scared ye bastard?"

he said not another word, but simply got off his horse and approached her.

"heh, another challenger approaches . tell me your name, ye bastard."

"i don't see any point in telling a brat like you my name, so be a good girl and take your punishment." he said while walking toward her, trying to be as intimidating as possible.

"if that be the case, then i'll go ahead and tell ye mine. i be Cellex, captain of the not-yet-bought ship the skinny weasel. prepare to have yer booty taken from ye!"

'oh my, that came out wrong. now it sounds like i'm going to rape him. oh well, alls fair in war and murder.'

"get over here you little brat! i'll give you a spanking you'll never forget!"

"no, i'd rather not." her accent disappeared. and she ran forward too fast for the mens eyes to follow, and she shot her hand forward, ripping his heart out of his chest, and crushing it in her grip. she took her arm out of his chest, and proceded to murder the rest of the men on horseback in a variety of imaginative ways. she ripped ones tongue out and made a noose with it, then she ripped the seconds eyes out and shoved them down his throat. after that, the third had his head kicked off with a revers spinning back kick, and the third had his arm torn off and beaten to death with it.

as you can probably tell, Cellex wasn't your average teenage girl. just one who like to pretend to be a pirate.

---

after looting the guards booty, (uh, that sounded so wrong, why do pirates say those kind of things?) she decided to check over it in a hidden tree fort that she had made herself.

"lets see, five good quality shortswords, two bows, a mace, a warhammer and a morning star." other than that all the other weapons consisted of were several daggers and knives that the caravan used for eating.

"some flour, a good amount of corn, four oxen, five horses, enough feed for several days, and several other odds and ends." she was nodding in satisfaction over her haul, and she next counted the coins that she had found amongst the caravan.

it consisted of twenty-seven or so gold coins, enough silver to make about eight more gold coins, and enough copper to value up to two. not bad, if i may say so myself."

however, there was something that was missing. she couldn't tell what it was, but she decided that being a pirate bandit (no matter how cool that was) just simply wasn't cutting it. with a snap of her finger, she realized what it was that she was missing.

"i'm not famous! what do i do to be famous?" she was wondering this, since the guards hadn't known who she was, it had made them resist her, and they wouldn't giver her their booty. (uh, i really need to stop using that word.)

but how? how could i make sure that every one would know my name far and wide? become a necromancer? that sounded cool, but she wasn't a necrophiliac, so that was out.

Authors note: just so you know, Cellex doesn't know what a necrophiliac is, she just doesn't like the sound of it, and i'm going to be making jokes about this at a later date, so don't set your pants on fire.

become a paladin? that was alright sounding, but she got the feeling that the paladins code would have something to say about stealing, so that was out.

she thought of others, but none of them really made her feel like someone would tremble in fear at, 'demon lord Cellex' since she was thirteen, and quite short for her age.

and so, she finally came across something that tickled her fancy. "thats it! Overlord Cellex! he he, they will tremble in fear!" she gave her speech while raising her fist triumphantly, but slightly ruined it by falling out of her tree fort and getting tangled in the roots.

This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

and so, Cellex started preparations for her ascendence into overlord-hood, or whatever it was called.

she would need minions, a territory to rule over, vassals to command, and a hero to come and valiantly face her, then fail miserably.

but before all of that, she would need a good location for here dungeon, or her base. "where am i going to find a good base?"

the most logical way to get one (logical to her, at least) is to take it from an already existing overlord. if she could find one with a sufficiently rad base, then she could take it over and begin her ascendence, or whatever.

and so, she took the money, a sword, the Morningstar and one of the bows, got on one of the horses, and left the rest of the loot for an extremely lucky hunter to find.

---

two weeks of riding all over the country side, getting my horse stolen, twice, getting cheated in a game of dice, killing one or two, maybe five dozen people, and keeping an ear out for any rumors, i finally feel like i found the perfect place. it's entrance needed some sprucing up, some cloth, some ribbons, and human skulls, and it would be perfect. the only problem with the dungeon was that apparently an ogre or something was already living here, but i would make sure he either joined me and became my minion, or died.

when you entered, you came into a chamber about sixty feet by forty feet, and within were about forty goblins. when they saw me, they were so shocked it was almost comical. what they heard next made them think that they had all had a bit too much alcohol.

"alright minions, get to work. i want those cobwebs in the corner swept up, i want your fires to be in neat lines, and for you to clean your weapons, and i would like to introduce myself to you."

"My name is Cellex, and i am the new evil Overlord."

when they didn't move, she sighed and decided that even if they had joined her, she would have had to make them undergo serious rehabilitation, and she would never be sure if they were loyal to her or the ogre. as her first rule to herself when she decided to become an overlord, she had decided that she would only accept undying loyalty. nothing less.

she stepped up to the first goblin and made him even shorter than he already was by taking his head off. i divided one into two pieces, removed one of their jaws, and basically had a great time. at one point, her sword broke and she ripped a goblins stomach open, then used its intestines to swing it around, knocking over many other goblins. the she took out her morning star, and repeated the process of swinging at anything that got i her way, but this time instead of an unfortunate goblin on the end, she had a spiked metal ball. needless to say, it was much more effective. but not nearly as fun.

after they were all nearly dead, the ogre emerged from the room in the back. he was well over two meters tall, and had horns like a bull, with a rather cow-like look on his face.

i finished off the last of the goblins, and took out my bow, reaching into my quiver and pulling my special arrow out. "eat this, and die." i said in my deepest voice, trying to sound like an over dramatic hero, and i think i did a pretty good job. the ogre looked even more confused, but i payed him no mind. haters gonna hate. shoot them in the face. thats how i solved most of my problems.

i released my arrow, and it sailed threw the air, and missed completely.

for a second, we just looked at the arrow, then the ogre started laughing and charged toward me.

"*sigh* i never did have much skill with ranged weapons." i then ran forward as well, and when we were three feet away, i jumped to make up for being short.(not one word. i'm happy with my hight, but if any of you make fun of it, i will treat you like a hater. so suck it.)

he tilted his head forward, trying to impale me with his horns, and i did the same. just without the horns. what happened next was completely expected. i put my hands forward and snapped off his horns, then smashed the top of my head into his face. "ahhh1" he reeled back in pain, holding his face, which was half caved in.

"what did you do to me?" he yelled.

"what do you mean, i think i made an improvement to your face. now i don't have to look at half of it, which means i made you twice as pretty. you should thank me."

"you, you bitch! i'll rip your guts out and swing you around like a toy!"

"been there, done that. now hurry up and die, i have an overlordship that needs claiming."

and saying so, i ran forward and kicked him so hard in the groin he lifted a couple feet into the air, and the cracking noise, plus the look on his face told me he was a male ogre, and his expression was priceless. when he came down, blood started oozing out from under his loincloth, and he made very un-manly noises in a high pitched voice, while rolling around.

"now you now what it feels like to be a girl, at least, i think thats how it works."

Authors note: Cellex hasn't hit puberty yet.

then i stepped on his head, and shook as much of his brain off of my shoes as i could.

"well, looks like i've found my new home! it shall be called Fortress Celle!

i raised my fist triumphantly, while being careful not to fall over again, as the floor was covered in gore, and i didn't want to get myself more dirty than i already was.

"from now on, i, Cellex, shall hereby be known as Overlord Cellex! hurrah!"

the end of step one.

Authors note: before all the females of the world descend upon me and rip me limb from limb, this is a completely humorous based story. please don't kill me.