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How Not to Be a Dark Lord
Chapter 8: Class Clown

Chapter 8: Class Clown

"Why now of all times?!" I mumbled, running across the hallway. "How is it immune to magic?!"

SLAM!

I quickly opened the nearest door, shutting it behind me as soon as I had entered. Luckily for me, it was just a dark storage closet, but if I didn't hush my breaths, there's no doubt I'll be found.

I pressed my ear against the walls, hearing the clanks of whatever that thing was slowly pass by.

...

Phew. That was close. What a relief.

WHY DO THEY HAVE ROCK GOLEMS PATROLLING THE HALLS?!

THOSE STUPID MECHANICAL OR NOT MECHANICAL THINGIES JUST FLOAT AROUND AND ZIP TOWARDS YOU, AND YOU'RE SOMEHOW JUST SUPPOSED TO COMPLY?!

I swear, that thing was trying to kill me. I saw it collide with a freshman earlier, and they both were sent flying out the window. Of course, if I were in that situation, it would be a piece of cake for me. After all, nobody dares challenge the authority of the Dark Lord...

Well, it seems like the coast is clear. I guess I'll just open the door and try to find Audi befor-

There was a giant rock golem floating right in front of the closet. Its eyes started to grow red, and the sounds of gears violently turning made me want to pee myself.

"TROUBLEMAKER DETECTED. INITIATING EXTERMINATION PROTOCOLS."

ZAP!

That stupid thing just shot a laser beam out of its eye! Is it supposed to be an elemental being or a sci-fi drone?

I rolled under the creature just in time, making a dash for the stairway. It's too big to enter, or at least that's what I hope!

I could hear it chase after me, but I was right. The loud "THUD" gave me relief.

...

Well, that's settled. It's still making scary noises, but I'm out of sight. Looks like I'll just try my luck downstairs.

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To my relief, there wasn't anything dangerous on the first floor. Still, I checked every corner just in case, looking around from door to door and reading the name plates, hoping that there would be some tidbit of information I could latch on to. Strangely enough, most of the rooms were empty classrooms, and though I expected the interior to look a lot more like a fantasy castle with gray bricks and oil lamps, it boasted sleek white walls and... some sort of unidentifiable light sources.

Eventually, I saw a familiar girl standing outside of one classroom.

"Oh, there you are! I was so worried about you! Are you okay?"

Audi rushed over to me, grabbing my hand and almost... whimpering?

???

"Y-yeah. Sure. Um, have you been waiting for me this whole time?"

"Of course! I didn't give you your schedule, but I figured that fate would reunite us, so I waited at this very spot! Even if I am part of the student government, I have greater priorities..."

I- wha.

Oh, man. This girl is crazy. But I like the sound of her voice though, so I don't mind her ramblings.

"Ack! Right! Now that you're here, it's time for you to be introduced to the class..."

The two of us entered, interrupting the lesson. There was a small lecture hall full of around thirty students, and the teacher was busy drawing up some diagrams on the chalkboard.

"...and here is when we reverse the- oh. Well, look who it is."

She stared blankly at us, chalk in hand and slightly grinning, as if she was waiting for me to introduce myself or something.

I don't like class introductions, but first impressions are very important. If I act all cool (like I always do), then the ladies will go wild over me. I just need to make sure I don't wet myself again.

"Erm, wazzup everyone! My name is Boles. Just Boles. Nothing more. Please don't inquire about it. Also, I'm single and super mysterious."

There was silence throughout, except for a single cough following my last sentence. Too stunned to speak, I know, but I've already taken up too much precious class time.

"Ahem. Thank you, Boles, for stating the obvious. Now, take a seat back there and make sure you have the required textbook."

I don't know what was so obvious, but wow, would you look at that? I get to sit all the way in the back where the window is! In case you don't know, that's where all the protagonists sit whenever a series takes place in a school or something. I'm that guy.

On my way there, I noticed that Elise was one seat in front of me. I tried to wave to get her attention, though she was fast asleep and drooling on her papers. Meanwhile-

"Wow, Boles! Isn't it kind of funny how we're seated right next to each other?"

Audi exclaimed (as loud as she could within reason during class, of course), leaning over a bit too close to me.

"O-oh, I didn't expect that. Yeah."

I tried to hide my blushing face by bending down to reach for my bag, but I couldn't find it. In fact, I think I lost it. Well, it's less of a "think" and more of a "know."

"Mmm. It seems like you're missing the textbook."

"Ah, yeah. Those stupid golems made me drop my bag earlier. Can't even fight them, and- hey, what are you-"

She moved her desk right next to mine, putting her book between our tables.

"There! That should help!"

...

This is... unbelievable.

She's the one.

I looked directly into her eyes. She turned a little red and broke contact a few times before ultimately mustering up the courage to stare back.

"W-what is it?"

...

"Will you marry me?"

"I- I..."

SLAM.

"Boles, I'm not going to repeat myself!" The teacher shouted, pointing to the question on the board. "How many elephants will there be by the end of the spell?"

WAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

KILL MEE!!!!

"Are you serious? Uh, dang. Er, well, I- obviously, this question is too easy for someone of my intellect! Indeed, someone like me who has been considered the most intelligent existence even before I was born. The answer is, as we all know, nothing more than natural for us."

"Just get to the point."

"It's, er... 27."

The classroom went silent. Did I say something wrong?

Shoot, I probably forgot the units! Oh well. That's close enough...

"...I don't even need to say anything else. Go and stand outside."

"B-but did I get it right, though?"

"...Out. Now."