XIX

Camilla did her best to appear stoic and unconcerned as she led Athaia the physician to the tent in which her brother was being treated. The Lord of Vinum province had his own healers and medical experts to attend to him, but Camilla trusted Athaia’s skill and had witnessed her expertise first-hand. Rhys was yet to wake up from the injuries he had sustained during the battle and those treating him were not shy about expressing their concern for the young lord’s health, so Camilla had asked Athaia to accompany her and to check on him herself.

Camilla had mixed feelings regarding her brother. He had treated her terribly since the late Lord Severus’ invasion of Vinum Province and he had only grown worse with time. When he had struck her, she felt the little love she still felt for him wither away, but the sight of his battered and broken body had affected her greatly. The conflict within her made it difficult to settle on how she truly felt about him, but Rhys’s condition muddied the waters and made it difficult for her to think clearly. The fact that she felt so conflicted only served to make her feel guilty for feeling as she did, knowing that as his only sister, she should care for him. She realised then that she didn’t want him to die. All she wanted was to get her old brother back, the one she cared about.

All of Rhys’s personal guards had been slain during the battle, so Camilla had placed her brother’s safety into the capable hands of Edgren, her new retainer and loyal protector. When she and Athaia arrived at the tent where Rhys had been moved, the former mercenary greeted them with a polite nod of the head. He lowered his weapon and opened the tent flap, ushering them inside and closing it after they entered.

Inside Rhys’s tent was as dark as it was outside, but several candles burned with a gentle light. Rhys’s healers were huddled over his body and in deep discussion when she and Athaia arrived. Despite their protests, they reluctantly made way for Athaia and left the tent, giving the Court Physician of Greystone filthy looks as they did so. Camilla wasn’t surprised by their disdain for Athaia. Not only was she a woman, but she was also a physician. If that wasn’t enough for them to dislike her, she was also an outsider from another court and not in the service of their lord. She didn’t care, and judging by how quickly Athaia had begun to assess Rhys’s condition, she guessed that the older woman didn’t either.

“How is he?” Camilla asked quietly.

“I need more than a few seconds to examine him,” Athaia replied briskly. “His condition is… serious. I expect this will take some time. Perhaps it is better if you return later? I will have something to tell you by then.”

Camilla nodded her head. She didn’t want to leave, but she supposed Athaia didn’t want her looking over her shoulder and asking questions while she worked. She lifted up the tent flap and headed outside into the cold air. It was quiet and difficult to see as it had only gotten dark quite recently. The soldiers, those that were still able-bodied after the battle, were still busy escorting prisoners and gathering the fallen, so torches had been lit everywhere to better see by.

With Rhys incapacitated, there was no one to tell her what to do or where to go. Normally she would have loved that freedom, but right now she simply felt lost. After a while of simply idling outside of the tent in the cold beside Edgren, she decided to wander in the direction of the fort. There was no particular reason for her choice of destination other than the fact it was a recognisable landmark and that by moving she could keep herself relatively warm. She thanked Edgren for standing guard in the cold and told him to fetch her when Athaia was done with her examination and then left him to his duty.

During her wander through the camp toward the fort she spotted a group of Ralerai, roughly half a dozen of them. They were tending to their painted horses and smiling as they did so. She remembered how frightened she had been when she spotted them emerging from the woods on their horses and rushing into the battle from her position on the top of the fort’s walls. She had thought that their appearance meant that the battle had been lost, but she was as surprised as the rest when they attacked the other barbarians from the rear and routed them. She found herself feeling a strong sense of gratitude toward these unfamiliar people and believed the mood of the soldiery reflected her own. She had heard many Vinum and Greystone soldiers sharing their beverages and food with the Ralerai. Despite not being able to communicate with words, she saw both the Ralerai and soldiers toasting one another as heroes.

Camilla watched the Ralerai in front of her with interest as they cleaned and watered the animals and made sure they had something to eat. They didn’t rush their responsibilities either, as she remembered her stable hands doing when taking care of her horses back in Varde Castle. She noticed that they took their time and seemed to genuinely enjoy the company of their animals. When one of the Ralerai warriors, a younger man with a kind face stopped what he was doing and smiled at her, she quickly averted her gaze and continued walking. She was so embarrassed. She hadn’t meant to stare at them. Their painted horses and darkened skin were fascinating to her. Even the garments they wore were so different, and the paints they used brought a pleasant bit of colour to an otherwise dreary war camp. She had never seen anyone like them before, except maybe Yohren. While his skin wasn’t quite so dark as theirs, she still believed his skin tone was more similar to theirs than it was to hers. She wished she felt brave enough to go and speak with them, but after being caught watching them like that, she didn’t dare. Besides, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to understand them, nor them her. Not properly anyway.

Camilla hid her head away and walked on, hoping she would not make a fool of herself again. As she walked through the camp, she saw wounded soldiers huddled around campfires. Their arms and legs were covered with bandages and many of them were cut and bruised all over. A sick feeling washed over her when she heard pained screams coming from within several tents, prompting her thoughts to return to that of her injured brother.

Rhys was so badly hurt that he couldn’t scream even if he wanted to. If he didn’t recover, what would happen then, she wondered. And even if he did recover from his wounds, there was no guarantee it would be a speedy recovery. Either way, with Alina pregnant and Rhys out of action, perhaps permanently, she realised her family would need help. She wanted nothing in the world more than to go with Kaewyn back to Xu Castle, to be with him, but that once pleasant thought now also came with something else, something she couldn’t ignore no matter how hard she tried. Guilt. Camilla had been ready to leave her home behind, to put her brother and all of the tension between them behind her, but to leave now somehow felt selfish to her. While it was true that Rhys had done little of late to warrant her consideration, Alina, his pregnant wife, had done no such thing. When the two of them had been taken prisoner by Lord Severus and his two eldest sons, they had turned to each other when they had no one else. That terrible shared experience had forged a bond between them, so the thought of leaving her to face the birth of her child, her first child, simply did not sit well with her. She couldn’t bare the thought of leaving Alina alone knowing that her brother may not be there for her either. The thought of it troubled her greatly and she knew she would want her to be there for support if she were in Alina's place.

With a tired sigh, Camilla looked up at the fort that had sheltered them during the battle and pondered what she should do. It was then that she realised the truth. While she wanted to be with Kaewyn, her family needed her. Her mind reluctantly made up, she continued toward the fort, this time with a firm destination in mind. Kaewyn’s tent.

***

Camilla paced back and forth for perhaps the hundredth time. Despite her nerves and worries about seeing Kaewyn, she was growing increasingly frustrated at his continued absence. She had been waiting for about an hour inside of Kaewyn’s tent as she waited for him to return from his meetings and other responsibilities, but she never imagined that he would still be occupied with such duties past midnight. The last time she had seen him, just after the Ralerai had won the battle, he looked incredibly exhausted. But that was hours ago. She thought to herself. Surely he must be coming back soon?

Camilla sighed. She started to debate whether she should give up and leave it for another time, but then she heard voices outside. She stopped pacing and listened, hoping that Kaewyn had finally returned, but nothing. Camilla shook her head in frustration and wondered if she should just tell Kaewyn tomorrow instead. No! She told herself. I cannot drag this out. I need to tell him tonight.

Coming to her decision had not been easy. She found that either option made her feel incredibly guilty. No matter how she decided, she felt as though she was betraying someone she loved. In the end, she looked to Kaewyn’s example for an answer. She had always remembered him from her youth as someone who was lazy, someone who always chose to avoid his responsibility, but she had watched him grow into something much more than that in the past several months. Even now, she knew that he must be completely exhausted, but rather than slink away and rest, he was still out there attending meetings and tending to his duty. When she considered all of that, she knew that her decision was the right one. If their situations were reversed, she was sure he would have chosen the same, despite how much it hurt her to admit it.

Camilla rubbed her temples and then her face, letting out an exasperated sigh as she continued to listen out for any sign of Kaewyn. Outside of the tent, the camp was mostly quiet. She suspected that most reasonable people had already retired for the night save those who had guard duty or some other responsibility that couldn’t wait until sunrise. She did occasionally hear some drunken cheering in the distance. Camilla suspected that the cheers most likely came from some soldiers still celebrating their victory over the barbarian invaders. Inside the tent was a large desk with some reports and other documents that looked important, but Camilla hadn’t looked at those. Tucked in the corner of the tent were Kaewyn’s sleeping furs. Suddenly, a wave of fatigue swept over her. While she hadn’t fought in the battle, she’d had a very long day filled with danger and constant worry. The thought of climbing into the warm furs and resting her head was hard to resist. She chuckled at the thought of Kaewyn stumbling into his tent later only to find her wrapped up in his sleeping furs. She wondered what he’d have to say about it.

It was incredibly dark within the tent when she had first arrived to wait for Kaewyn to return, so she lit several candles and placed them on the desk for light. That was when she had first noticed the reports stacked on the desk neatly beside a quill and inkpot. More out of boredom than a genuine desire to discover the contents of the reports, Camilla began to idly go through them. Most regarded matters of supply and logistics while others focused on the minutia of armies out in the field. It was all incredibly boring to her. Still, it was something to do whilst she continued to wait. When she was in the middle of reading a report made by an officer regarding suggestions for potential promotions, she heard a sudden, loud voice from right outside the tent. Camilla practically jumped in fright and when her wits returned to her, she quickly tidied up the reports and arranged them as neatly as she had found them. There was nothing important about them, nor did she think anything was explicitly confidential in nature, but she didn’t want Kaewyn to think she was secretly going through his things without his permission. Right as she re-arranged the final report back into position, she looked up just in time to see the tent flap open. A dishevelled Kaewyn stepped inside, his eyes finding hers in an instant.

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“Camilla,” Kaewyn said tiredly. “The two guards outside told me you have been waiting for near an hour for me to return. You should have come and found me yourself.”

“I did not mind the wait.” She replied, doing her best to hide her apprehension.

Kaewyn yawned and then apologised for doing so. Camilla watched him as he untied the belt around his waist and placed it and the sword still within its scabbard onto the armour rack beside the entrance to the tent. He then stretched his arms out and yawned again, this time more quietly than the first. It was then that she realised just how incredibly exhausted he looked. The skin under his eyes had darkened and his movement was sluggish and slow. She suddenly felt herself feeling quite guilty and inconsiderate. Despite his friendly, tired smile, she could tell he wished nothing more than to climb into his furs and sleep.

“Whatever brought you here must be important for you to wait for so long.” He said as he casually walked toward her and the desk. His eyes glanced for a second at the neatly stacked reports, then back to her. “I am pleased to see you, Camilla. Would you like some wine?”

Camilla forced herself to smile back at him. “I am happy to see you too Kaewyn, but I’m not here to…” She stumbled and forgot what she had planned to say to him. Cursing herself, she continued. “…I mean to say that I am here to tell you something important.”

“Oh, I see,” Kaewyn said softly. The disappointment in his eyes was plain to see. “I must admit I am incredibly tired from the day’s events. And judging by that large stack of reports, there is still much to do before I find sleep. Is there any way that this could perhaps wait until the morning?”

Camilla closed her eyes and took a breath. The feeling of guilt and anxiety threatened to overwhelm her, but she fought it off for the time being by telling herself that she needed to do this. She was brought out of her thoughts when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She opened her eyes to find Kaewyn looking at her with a face full of concern.

“Are you all right Camilla?” He said softly. “I apologise if what I said came across callously. If it is important, as you said, then I can make time for you.”

She smiled at him and placed her hand over the top of his that rested on her shoulder. She then took hold of his hand and brought it down to rest between them. They then combined both of their hands together and she felt him squeeze gently. Camilla didn’t realise how cold her hands were until Kaewyn held them in his own. His hands were warm and comforting. She felt a pleasant tingling sensation whenever his fingers brushed her palm.

“Is this about Rhys?” He asked. “Is he…”

She shook her head. “He is the same. I asked Athaia to check on him earlier, but she sent me away while she looked him over. I hope you do not mind.”

“Of course not.” He said with a smile, giving her hands a reassuring squeeze. “But Rhys has his own healers and physicians, does he not?”

“He does.” She confirmed with a nod of the head. “But I wanted Athaia’s opinion. I am not sure that I trust the others as much as her.”

“Understandable. There is no denying that Athaia certainly knows what she is doing, though if Rhys were conscious, he’d have a fit at the very notion of being tended to by a woman physician.”

Camilla chuckled. She enjoyed Kaewyn the most when he was smiling and joking. He had always seemed to be a man of two halves to her. One part of him was reserved, serious and considered, while the other was playful and warm.

“You are probably wondering why I am here, huh?” She finally said.

“…The thought did cross my mind.” He said with a chuckle. “Go on. Tell me.”

Camilla sighed and nodded her head. She then squeezed Kaewyn’s hand before letting go. She turned around and walked toward the far side of the tent, opposite the entrance, and then faced him once again.

“I have thought much since I learned about Rhys’s injury. And I have come to a difficult decision.” She began, steeling herself for what she was about to say. “Kaewyn, I am truly sorry, but I cannot go back with you to Xu Castle. Not now.”

Kaewyn looked at her with an unreadable, almost blank expression. The warmth in his eyes had disappeared. His tired, heavy posture now seemed stiff and rigid. Her words had hurt him, that much she knew just by looking at him. She wanted to comfort him, to go over and hug him, but she was worried about his reaction. She had spent so much time with her volatile brother that she found herself expecting the worst from men, whether warranted or not. Her brother’s angered fuelled outbursts had coloured her perception, though she knew Rhys certainly wasn’t representative of all men. She had met many kind and trustworthy men in the previous months, including Yohren and Edgren, as well as General Falke. Kaewyn himself had never given her any reason to feel this way, but she could not pretend that she did not feel uneasy.

Kaewyn walked over to her and sighed. “I must admit, this is not what I hoped for when the guards outside told me you were waiting for me inside. I thought you wanted to celebrate, and now I discover you want to leave, or rather, not leave with me.”

“Kaewyn I… I want to leave with you.” She said, reaching out and cupping his head and cheeks in her hands. For a moment, she held him there and looked into his sad eyes. She saw his disappointment no matter how well he hid it and, in that moment, she suddenly felt foolish for having felt afraid of his reaction. She then gently pulled him closer to her and kissed him, only pulling herself away when she realised that she was tearing up. “But I need to take care of my family.”

“Rhys doesn’t deserve you, Camilla,” Kaewyn whispered as he touched her chin with his finger.

“No… he doesn’t.” She agreed. “But Alina does.”

“And after she has her child?” He asked.

Camilla nodded. “I promise.”

Kaewyn sighed and pulled away from her. “You cannot keep such a promise, Camilla. How will you be able to bring yourself to leave your little niece or nephew? Alina will need you then as much as now.”

“With any luck, Rhys will have recovered by then and she will not need me anymore. As much as I do not understand it, Alina loves him, and he her. Perhaps a child will soften him.”

“We have to be realistic,” Kaewyn said softly. “Rhys may never recover from his injuries.”

“Don’t say that Kaewyn.”

“Why not? Is it not the truth?” Kaewyn said. “And what if he does die? The title of Vinum Province would fall to his child, or perhaps even you if the child is a daughter. How then will you bring yourself to leave Varde Castle?”

Camilla sighed. “Why are you making this more difficult than it needs to be?”

“Because I am trying to make you realise that your family will always need you. And so do I…”

“So your answer is to just forget about them and leave with you? To abandon my family when they need me most?”

“Of course not.” He answered quickly. “As much as I do not wish to accept it, as much as it pains me, I do agree that you should be there for Alina. She needs you. I only worry that with time, you will find many more reasons to stay,” He paused. “But… only one to leave.”

Camilla felt a wave of emotion well up within her. The more she tried to suppress her feelings, the stronger they became. She moved toward Kaewyn and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. The feel of his arms around her settled her mind and allowed her to think more clearly. She knew that with everything that had happened between Kaewyn, Rhys and herself, there was little chance her brother would simply let her go. He had grown possessive, violent and unreasonable in the past year. His physical outburst had only proven that to her. Now that Kaewyn had retaliated and struck him back, she was sure that he hated him too if he hadn’t already. It was in her brother’s nature to be spiteful and unforgiving, and in her heart, she knew that if he recovered, he would do anything he could to get in the way of her happiness, especially if it hurt Kaewyn as well.

“I won’t let him.” She finally said, more to herself than anything. “I won’t let Rhys control my life any longer. He can lock me in Varde Castle’s dungeon and throw away the key for all I care. It would not stop me from finding a way back to you.”

She felt Kaewyn’s arms around her hugging her more tightly as he whispered in her ear that he loved her, truly loved her. She smiled warmly and repeated his words back to him, then looked up at him only to see the faintest sign of tears in his eyes. He gave her one final squeeze before letting go and taking hold of her hands in his. He looked at her with a sad smile and gave a single nod of the head that she believed was his way of telling her that he reluctantly agreed with her decision to stay.

“I hear there are many eligible men among the minor nobility of Vinum these days.” He joked playfully as his warm hands played with her fingers. “You are not going to forget about me, are you? When they inevitably come calling?”

“None of them compare with the handsome Lord of Greystone.” She laughed. “Although… I do remember one particularly fine-looking young man from my days at court. I wonder if he survived?”

“Is that so?” He chuckled. She then felt him place a hand on her hip, sending a warm, pleasant feeling through her body. His other hand gently touched her cheek as he looked at her intensely. The tiredness she had seen in his eyes was now gone. “Then we had better make tonight a night to remember.”

Kaewyn leant in and kissed her. She received it eagerly and realised that her own hands were now exploring his body. She ran her fingers across his chest and up to his face, touching the short beard she had told him to keep. She felt his hand slide up from her hip to find her breast, pausing only briefly before continuing up her body to then rest upon her cheek. Only then did he finally pull his lips away from hers. He eyed her lovingly, but she saw something else too. A passion, a desire for her that she had only seen in brief flashes before now. She had seen it in his chambers where they had shared their first kiss, in his tent outside of Taneby, and in hers where they had finally confessed their love for one another. He wanted her, and she wanted him to want her. But then she saw something else, or rather, she felt something. Kaewyn appeared to be waiting for something. He was hesitating now whereas before he was eager.

Kaewyn hadn’t backed away or said anything to indicate otherwise, but Camilla felt his hesitation all the same. She could tell that his desire was still there, only now it was muted. For a moment, she began to worry that something was wrong, that she had done some horrible thing to turn him away from her. But then she saw how he was looking at her. There was a kindness in his eyes, a warmth and love for her that she was only just beginning to understand.

Kaewyn tilted his head ever so slightly and looked at her, and that was when she realised that he was asking a question without words. He was asking her if this was what she wanted. Camilla reached out without stopping to think even a second and held his head between her hands. Then she gave him his answer by gently nodding her head and pulling him in for another kiss. His hesitation now dispelled, Kaewyn kissed her as eagerly as he had done from the beginning. His arms wrapped around her and his hands rested on her hips. He then pulled away from her lips only to move on to her cheek, then to her neck. Each touch of his lips on her neck sent waves of pleasure through her body. When his beard brushed her skin, the ticklish sensation it brought nearly overwhelmed her and almost caused her to let out a soft giggle. Undeterred, or perhaps encouraged by her reaction, he made his way back to her lips and then to the other side of her neck.

When he returned to her lips, she teased him by kissing him only once before pulling her head back and placing a solitary finger over his mouth. She held it there until she got what she wanted from him, a look of complete confusion. She then gestured with a subtle movement of the head toward his sleeping furs in the corner of the tent. A look of realisation dawned upon Kaewyn’s face as she let her finger fall and move down to his hand, gripping it firmly. She led him toward the sleeping furs at a slow walk, pausing only briefly to lean over the desk and blow out all but one of the candles she had lit upon first entering the tent. Although now the interior of the tent was much darker, she could still make out Kaewyn who was smiling ear to ear. In the low light, the couple then helped each other to disrobe. They took their time and enjoyed themselves, revelling in the process as each garment was discarded onto the floor. Once they were done, Camilla wasted no time and climbed into his sleeping furs. She then bade him to join her with an impatient gesture and a heart full of longing for the man she loved.