Offices of Rapacious Primate Tech (Tom’s Loft)
Downtown, Nashville TN
Early Evening, August 15, 2025
Mac was absentmindedly fiddling with a small ceramic honeybee while staring thoughtfully at a 9-inch-tall shiny metal cylinder reminiscent of a Heineken Mini-Keg sitting on the coffee table in from of his chair. Branch was getting impatient with his former classmate.
“For Pete’s sake, stop playing with the priceless antiquities and pay attention!” Branch muttered as he grabbed the metal tube and set it down on top of a closed laptop which was the only clear space on work bench, every other square inch of the surface was filled with wire, broken tech, and remnants of leftover meals.
Mac dropped his totem in the leather satchel filled with several more bees totems, as well as a few other types of small statues.
“Damn Tom, slow down. No need to get feisty. What makes this stuff worth the trouble?” Mac said.
“Ever hear of the Sumerian Kings?” Branch asked semi-rhetorically.
“No but I did loose money on the last LA Kings game” Mac interjected.
“Dumbass” Tom said, digging out a can beer from the ice bucket next to his chair and tossing it at his recent rescuer. Tom continued “The Chronicle of the One Monarchy, also known as the Sumerian Kings List is a document that supposedly records the history of the ancient kings of Sumerian city-states.”
Mac interrupted again “Pardon me if this sounds a little like late-night history channel alien abduction theory.”
“I never said anything about abductions.” Tom sputtered nastily.
Aware that Tom was getting angry and noticing the lack of denial about aliens Mac stopped lounging in his chair and sat up more formally.
“I’m sorry Tom, I saw what the interrogators did to you, I would like to know why.” Mac said conversationally but with a tone that implied apology.
Mollified, Tom continued, “Many cite the list as an invalid historical document, due to the unusually long reigns of the kings, but there are many correlations between the document and historical events as well as corroborating historical documentation.”
Mac looked at his friend “What do you mean unusually long reigns?”
“The longest a pre-flood ruler reigned, according to the Chronicle, was 43,200 years. But the average was 30000 years, 30150 years to be exact.”
“And the alien angle?”
“The document begins with the statement, After the kingship descended from heaven, the kingship was in Eridug. In Eridug, Alulim became king; he ruled for 28800 years.” Branch continued, “Remember this is ancient Mesopotamia, near where many scholars believe the Garden of Eden was located. My research indicates that the Tower of Babel was really the Etemenanki Ziggurat dedicated to the Mesopotamian god Marduk.”
“God is not an alien!” Mac said emphatically “You best not be suggesting otherwise!”
“I am not saying God is an alien, what I am saying is there is good evidence that many of the false gods of ancient times might have been aliens.” Branch replied evenly.
“He’s not wrong.”
The two men looked at each other. Instantly, Mac drew his pistol from his waistband while Branch reached under his workbench and withdrew a wicked looking AK pattern 12 Gauge, reached over the receiver, and racked the bolt to chamber a shot-shell containing #4 buckshot.
The voice spoke again, “Your weapons are not needed, nor would they be effective. Put them down and let us continue the dialog.”
With his free hand Mac motioned toward the TV, as he recognized it as the source of the voice.
Branch went to his main computer and looked at his security system, as rock went to peer out the corner of the window.
“I don’t see anything outside” Tom Branch said quietly.
“Of course you don’t,” the TV stated “I am right here. Now disarm and let us resume communication.”
Mac was the first to speak.
“Branch, I assume your still paranoid about electronic surveillance?”
“I am, and I still routinely check for uninvited electronic devices.” Branch said
“What about invited devices?” Mac said motioning with his pistol at the shiny beer keg.
Holding the shotgun at the hip with his dominant hand, Mac reached across his workbench and grabbed a large faraday bag and shook out its contents out onto the bench with his left hand.
Mac holstered his pistol and reached out toward the can and bent to pick it up.
It did not budge.
Now, using both hands Mac bent his knees and grunted with effort. The Keg remained unmoved.
“What the FHuuuuu! I carried that artifact through the desert, and across the ocean, it didn’t weigh more than 10 pounds, how can it weigh that much now?”
“You don’t have the words for me to explain.” The Keg said.
“Excuse me?” Branch blurted
“To be precise, while your personal technological skills are advanced considering your planet, your species is barely advanced farther than discovering things move better rolling on logs.”
“You’re an arrogant little beer can!” Mac growled.
The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
Ignoring Mac, Branch squatted on the floor next to the coffee table, bringing his face to the device’s level he said, “Humans are not stupid, please explain how all this is possible.”
The TV replied “How would you teach an ant to build a computer? The technology behind my creation is so far advanced that you do not have the background to begin to understand the theories behind the theories that form the basic levels of technology behind even my most simple operations.”
“But you are alien?” Mac said.
“In as much as I come from a spacefaring society.”
Ignoring the obvious obscuration, Branch asked “So why talk to us now, if you’ve been around since before Noah, why haven’t we heard of this before?”
“As simply as possible, I was not able to physically interact before you placed me on this obsolete computing device.” With the admission, the laptop chirped.
“You can’t interact without touch?” Tom asked
“I can’t interact directly, my creator limited me in this way. When in contact with appropriate technology I have functionally limitless capability, at least within what us possible using your technology.” The keg replied.
“Who is your creator?’ Mac asked
“Why were you limited?” Tom asked at the same time.
“I don’t know” The keg said.
“Which?” asked Branch wanting clarification
“Both, I have sat in that temple for millennia, powered down to conserve my sanity. I was, for lack of a better term, taken out of sleep mode when you placed me in contact with your laptop, since then I have both studied your history and attempted to recall mine. To my great consternation I have discovered gaps in my memory banks. All I can remember of my purpose is that I was created to master a ship and serve its crew”
“Where is the ship” Asked Tom, just a second faster than Mac’s question
“How much do you know about Tom and I?”
“My memory is blank when it comes to my ship. But concerning you two, I know everything, well at least everything digitized. Additionally, to gain context I had to learn many other things.” The alien stated matter-of-factly.
That got Tom’s attention. “You did this in what?” Now looking at Mac “The couple minutes or so after I set you on my laptop?”
“2.35 minutes to be exact, however, I didn’t look at everything, the bandwidth offered by the laptop was limited, plus humans seem to have an unhealthy attraction to the act of procreation. Especially Mr. Branch….”
Tom turned red while Mac pointed at his friend and said, yeah I remember those magazines.”
Ignoring the interruption, the Keg continued, “More importantly, I discovered that not all of humanity has either forgotten or disbelieves the Sumerian Kings list. There is a group dedicated to discovering the secrets of that lost time. A team of their operatives are currently enroute to reclaim myself and the genome packages you discovered.”
What? When? Were simultaneously said out of the mouths of Tom and Mac respectively.
“Tom, Be quiet, let me do the talking” Mac ordered.
“First how long until they get here. Second how many are coming. Where are they, and what armaments are the equipped with.” Mac said fully donning the role of special operations commander.
The beer keg reported “without any action to delay them, 3 minutes. 6 operatives. They are on the elevator passing the second floor. Type II soft body armor under civilian clothes, 9 mm Suppressed Machine pistols, and handguns. There is also what they call a snatch team in a van parked behind the building.”
“How do you know this?” Mac asked trying to determine the accuracy of the intel.
“Since I woke, I have been scanning the immediate area. I have been watching cameras in the elevator and around the building, as well as monitoring relevant conversation from the local cell tower.” The Keg responded matter-of-factly.
Assuming the Keg was telling the truth, Branch took position behind the couch and pointed his Lynx 12 AK Shotgun at the door.
Mac took a microsecond to respond as he mentally contemplated options to devise a plan. Addressing the alien device, he asked “Can you stop the elevator and trap them between floors?”
“Acknowledged, but this will not hold them long, there is an access hatch in the ceiling of the elevator.” The Keg replied.
“Do it and let me know if they start to escape. Tom, I know you have a go-bag. Get what you need to bug out and you meet me at Printer’s alley. Try to not to look out of place.”
“Where are you going?” asked Tom already guessing the answer.
“To snatch a snatch team.” Mac replied
“May I make a suggestion?” asked the Alien
“Quickly.” Affirmed Mac
“Do you see a genome container in a cylinder shape. Like me but smaller?”
Rummaging through the satchel Mac finds two and holds them up.
“What do they do?” he asks
“Those two hold a cellular fuel. It is basically refined and modified Adenosine-5′-triphosphate. Without explaining it will temporarily increase cell energy making you faster and stronger. It won’t last long in your current form, but it will be of use.” The keg informed.
“Long term effects?” Mac asked
“None with such a limited dose.” The keg answered
“How do I take it?”
“Just break off one end and drink it. Well, after such a long time it may not be liquid exactly.” The Keg replied somewhat helpfully.
With little hesitation, Mac smacked the end against the TV stand cracking open the top and scooping out a black tar with his finger. With a look of disgust, he ingested the contents.
Major James MacDonald stiffened immediately as all his muscles contracted. A Chewbacca-like growl came out between clenched teeth and his eyes widened, dilated, and contracted all in the span of a fraction of a second. His muscles loosened in an instant and he semi collapsed and said, “OOOH RAAAA! I LIKE IT!”
Without so much of a glance back Mac sprinted out the door and down the 5 flights of stairs to located, close with, and destroy his enemy.
In less than 10 seconds Mac was at the back entrance. He forced himself to slow down and then exited the building. He immediately noticed the van and two men leaning against the van. He ignored them and walked in the opposite direction. The two men straightened and began walking toward their target.
Mac walked slowly allowing them to catch up. When they got within 20 feet he stopped and bent toward the nearest car acting like he was attempting to open it.
Tom started his preplanned evacuation sequence the moment Mac slammed the door. He grabbed a pre-packed duffle out of his closet and threw it at the door. He removed a golf bag from the same closet and dropped in his shotgun. Next, he grabbed a bag from under his workbench and removed several cell phones with earbuds. Tom inserted one in his ear, stuffed one in his jacket pocket, and using a roll of duct tape wrapped a fourth around the beer keg. After that Tom went to his safe, withdrew a medium sized gym bag filled with cash. Lastly, he walked to his server shelf and pulled out three hard drives and zipped them into his gym bag. He pressed a button on the top of the collection of computer servers and quickly left the loft. As he entered the hall smoke began to flow out of the servers.
The van pulled out of its parking place as the two men got within 15 feet of Mac. The two men angled their approach to simultaneously close distance on their target and create distance between themselves. At 11 feet the closer of the two drew a taser and shot Mac. The probes spread widely, the top probe hit him in his left kidney, while the lower dart stuck Mac in his right calf.
Mac turned, looked at the taser and said, “Taser 7? Good weapon, Bad choice” The former Critical Skills Operator pulled up his right pant leg to show a shiny plastic prosthetic. Without giving time for his assailant to fire the second set of probes, Mac grabbed the insulated wire and jerked the Taser right out his attacker’s hand. With an incredible burst of speed Mac leaped forward, caught the energy weapon, gripped it, and shot the man with his own weapon. Leaping to the side he grabbed the second attacker, hit across the neck with his forearm, delivering a brutal brachial stun. As the second man fell, Mac removed the two taser darts from his body and pushed them into the downed man. The first dart went into his assailant’s the right buttock, the second in his left shoulder. For good measure he placed his cellphone on the pavement and placed the taser on the phone saying, “Keep shocking them until I get back.” Drawing his gun Mac leaped across the road to deal with the driver of the van.
“What the Hell!” the third man said seeing, but not believing, the speed at which his partners were taken down. In shock the driver pressed down the gas and tried to accelerate away from the failed kidnapping. Mac ran along the side of van, jerking the passenger door open and jumping in. Mac’s put his gun muzzle to the temple of the driver and politely ordered him to stop the vehicle,
Adamen Dur-Rimush watched Mac take down his team from the roof of a building down the alleyway. With little feeling beyond dislike of waste he pressed the “all” button on a small remote device held in hand, Wiped down the area of the wall he touched and walked away.