Chapter 121: A Radio Chat (Part 2)
??? POV
“Is it time yet?”
“No, don’t make a move. That’s an order,” answers Zeris, sitting back in his chair and taking in the information displayed on the collection of large monitors in front of him.
Looking at my watch, I check how much time is left.
31:37:51… 50… 49…
“There’s only a little over a day left, and if I continue doing nothing….” I pause, trying to remain calm. “Look… I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me and-”
“And you will continue to do so,” interrupts Zeris, his icy tone matching his stone-cold expression from the other end. “You will continue, or you will die. Do I make myself clear?”
Closing my eyes and attempting to suppress the overwhelming fear gnawing at my insides, I realize my hands have started violently shaking at some point. Bringing my quivering left hand up to my right hand to try and hold it still, I compose myself just enough to say, “Zeris… you know I’m not capable of pulling this off. Please… I’ll do anything.”
“Are you really giving up after you’ve come this far?” coldly asks Zeris.
I don’t reply. I can’t. Because I know that part of me wants to say yes. And I don’t know if that part of me is the part that will answer.
“If you quit on me, you know what happens. After all, you’re one of the people responsible for her death. To our society, you’re valuable… and you still might be able to maintain an integral part of Queen Divine’s twisted, cruel setup. But to me, all I see in you is a name waiting to be crossed off the list. You’re responsible for many deaths, so what’s so difficult about killing one more person? Backing out now only confirms what I initially thought when I first met you.”
There’s a few seconds of silence before Zeris continues, “Your life is worthless, your actions are unforgivable, and above all else… you’re a lowly, spineless coward.”
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It takes all I have to not break out into tears right then and there. Terror, regret, anger, sadness. With my bones chilled to their very core by this sudden torrent of emotions, I lose all strength in my legs as I slide against the wall behind me before falling to the ground.
“Your life doesn’t mean shit to me, but it certainly might to them. If you ever want to see them again, you know what you must do,” says Zeris. “Kill Scar. Only then will I spare your life.”
I close my eyes and take a long, sniffling breath.
“For now, remain passive and await further instructions. Over and out,” concludes Zeris, a quick ‘zap’ sound indicating he’s turned his earpiece off from the other end.
Bringing my shirt over my face, I slowly drag my hands down the back of my neck as I stare at the ground. Curled in a ball and staring at the ground, I think back on the life I’ve lived up until now. My loving parents, my mentor who helped me get this far, my talents as an iris user… everything, I recalled everything I could.
But some memories were now blurred. I can tell they once existed… but I no longer remember what they once were.
A tear then dropped. And then another, and another, and another. Pretty soon, my clothes and the ground were drenched with my own tears. Extending my arm, I stare at the tattoo on my left tricep. The tattoo has the outline of a brain, and inside that brain were two arrows that formed a circle with their shape.
Tears still streaming down my face, I let out a resentful grunt before I began pounding my right fist into my arm, directly at where the tattoo was located. I pummeled that exact spot over and over and over and over and over again. I hit my upper arm until it turned black and blue. I didn't care how much it hurt… I didn't care for even a second.
I only stopped once my right arm became so tired that I couldn't lift it up enough to strike anymore. With nothing to do, I just sat there, huffing and puffing like I had just run a marathon. No more tears were coming out, which only resulted in leaving me alone with my thoughts.
And after only a few seconds of fatigued peace, my left arm began to heal itself, and strength returned to my right arm once more. Feeling the sensations of my iris already starting to heal my body, I couldn't help but chuckle. I chuckled until I forced myself to accept it all.
As I fell back into silence, once again welcoming the pain and grief that comes with this power, I couldn’t help but curse my very existence, lineage, and ability.
Sitting there, I had no motive to do anything besides wait for the next time Zeris made contact. After cleaning up my face with some spare shorts I had brought, I returned to staring at the ground.
“Is it so wrong to want to live?” I whimper before hearing some commotion from down the hallway. Directing my attention toward the sound of what I believed to be people speaking back and forth, I slowly rose to my feet and cautiously started walking down the hallway.