Chapter 2: A Heartless Life
2015 January 26 - 07.30 A.M - School
I went to school as usual, it's just gonna be another repeat of before, but the're are some things that change.
As i sit in my seat, i can feel everyone's eyes gazing on me, it looks as if they had seen a ghost, maybe they have, i would be surprised too if i saw someone who died last week came to school.
"Um... good morning Hisako..."
"Oh, good morning Tomomi"
"Um... so... how are you today, are you feeling alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, why did you ask?"
"Well.... it's just that last week you..."
"The doctor was surprised too, he said 'it was a miracle i could survive that'"
"Then you're okay now, right?"
"Yes. I'm back to normal" but my normal is not the same as others
"Uh... class is starting i gotta get back to my seat, we'll have lunch together again ok"
"Ok"
Today is still the same huh, i guess not much has change.
2015 January 26 - 12.00 P.M - School
Lunch time, maybe I can have a quiet lunch with Tomomi, or maybe....
"Yooo, Hisa-chan"
These two will come for me again.
"good to see you back and healthy, so here's the thing we've been having lunch alone all this time"
"So we wondered if you want to have lunch with us, you know like old times"
Normally i would just agree to them, but this time...
"No"
"Huh...! What do you mean No!"
"Do I really need to explain the meaning of 'no' to you?"
"You little... You want us to mess you....."
"Oi Kana, the teacher is here"
"Tch... You got lucky this time, come on let's go Hina!"
Luck, i wouldn't call this luck, there's no such thing as luck, everything happens because someone wants it to happen, they force their will on us just for entertainment.
"Hey Hisako, were they bullying you again?"
"Don't worry, i told them off"
"Eh... you told them off? And they just go away like that"
"A teacher was here, so they left"
"Ahh, it's good to see you finally standing up to them. But seriously what happen to you? You seem less gloomy"
"Nothing much, someone just helped me relieve me from my pain and suffering"
"Huh.... pain?... suffering?... erhm, what do you mean by that?"
"Don't think about it too much" you wouldn't believe me even if i told you.
2015 January 26 - 03.00 P.M - School Gate.
School is finally over, not much is different from before, but at least I was able to live through it.
“Oi! Hisako”
Those two don’t know when to quit, i wonder what will happen this time.
“What?” i answered them without hesitation.
“You really embarassed us back in class, we can't just leave it like that”
“Yeah, if words got out that the useless girl in class stood up to us, it will ruin our reputation”
“So? whats your point?”
“WHY YOU…. YOU’RE TRYING TO GET ON MY NERVES AREN’T YOU!!”
“Kana, stop! not here”
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“Tch… hey, Hisako, why don’t you take a walk with us”
I already know what will happen, but for some reason I wanted to see it myself, I wasn’t scared like i used to be.
“Ugh…!!!”
“How’d you like that huh”
“Hey Kana, can I have a turn”
“Be my guest”
“Ugh…!!!”
As they were beating me up I didn’t feel anything, this used to hurt a lot, but after that incident, everything is more bearable.
“So, did you learn your lesson yet?”
“No!”
“Huh, yo Kana looks like she’s up for more”
“Then lets teach her some more”
“Ugh…!!!”
“How about now huh, we’ll let you go if you just apologize”
“No!”
“HUH!!!”
I don’t know why but i just wanted to say No, they kept beating me up hoping i would break, but i just kept saying NO.
“DIE!!! DIE!!! DIE!!!”
“THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!”
“hehe.... Hahahahahahahaha” I couldn’t hold myself from laughing.
“What so funny!?”
“Nothing, it’s just that if you wanted me to die, you shouldn’t hesitate on killing me”
“You little… YOU WANT ME TO REALLY KILL YOU!!!”
“Go ahead, do it if you can. can you really kill me without hesitation? If you can then I beg you, please kill me!”
“You crazy bitch! i’m gonna kill you for real and I’m gonna make sure you stay dead this time”
“Then do it”
I waited for their reaction, and as i thought they couldn’t do it.
“you can’t do it can you? even someone like you still have a heart”
“The hell are you talking about!”
“I have already lost my heart, and with that all my pain and suffering are gone”
“Hey, Kana, i think she’s crazy, maybe she hit her head when she fell from the roof”
“Crazy?... No, i feel free from the world”
“The hell is wrong with…..”
“Kana! let’s just leave her, this is not fun anymore”
“tch… you little freak, don’t come near us again, we don’t need a useless crazy bitch like you”
As they left, I thought to myself, maybe I’ll be able to live my life now.
2015 January 26 - 06.30 P.M - Home
“I’m home”
“Welcome home, I made dinner, it’s on the table”
“Thanks mom”
At home it’s also different, my mom is now more caring than before, but she’s not doing this out of love, I can see it in her face, she was afraid. Maybe she sees me as a ghost who came back to haunt her.
“Where’s dad?”
“He’s working late today”
Or maybe he just doesn’t want to be near me.
“Then I’ll eat at my room”
“Make sure to bring the dish back down ok”
“Ok”
2015 January 26 - 09.00 P.M - My Room.
Today was different from before, everything changed, it’s much better like this.
Not having a heart, not being able to feel anything, it’s the best thing that have happen to me, and it’s all because of that incident.
Even if everything is fake, it's much better than before.
2015 January 26 - 09.30 P.M - My Room.
Today...
I felt Alive.