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Part 8 - Determinant (cont.)

Lina gave a soft, drawn-out groan like this morning and stretched her arms to the sides of her lounge chair. She blinked and looked over at me with those curious, blue eyes to check, "Are we okay on time?" I nodded.

She flexed her bare feet and watched a young mother hold her toddler son with his knees submerged at the edge of the pool. He swung between wailing, chewing on a finger, and slapping at the water with his feet. Lina smiled and rested a hand on her belly.

I looked out over the pool. Shame Blake didn't come around anymore. Some time ago, I'd been strutting around to the deep end and felt a firm, sudden slap on my left ass cheek. 

It was startling but not unwelcome, especially when Blake introduced himself properly. I fucked him raw for days. It was best to leave that story out as Lina asked about my past experiences here.

But I told enough to get her excited. Looking up, she remarked, "Next summer. And next month. And the next curious kid at the OWL. Just so exc...eeek!"

A big blast of water squirted out of the pool and drenched Lina, her chair, and caught me on the arm. I glared at the culprits, a young boy and girl with hair as fiery as my own and bad poker faces as they hid something I recognized from the toy section of the Walmart called a water launcher.

I was about to send them a bit of my fire when Lina bolted from the chair and jumped in. They squealed as she splashed them before they could reload and she giggled as they tried to get her again. The look on her face was as radiant as any last night.

It went on for a bit, although they were polite not to include anyone else in their little war. Eventually, a woman who could have easily been a relative of mine called the kids over and chatted with a panting Lina. She and the kids waved as Lina crawled her way out of the pool and plopped back on the chair I'd viciously-protected. The sun was beginning to glimmer off her hair as she caught her breath.

"That was...so much fun! Oh boy. I can't believe I was gonna sleep in a chair at the OWL all break. Gosh. Thank you again!"

She hopped over with a big, soggy hug as I chuckled. The rest of the time, she was up and down and moving around. I took another little swim but only when she was guarding my chair. 

Right before we were about to leave, Lina admitted, "You're like the big sister I never had."

I sat there a moment and put on a smile for her as I asked, "Oh?"

"Yeah! You're family to me. Which seems amazing after only being around you once or twice before this past week. You've opened up your home to me in this crazy time. You've taken care of me. You've done so many amazing things for me, like introducing me to what feels more and more like my purpose in life. And you've helped me take the things I love to a bold and joyful new level. If I could work at the OWL full-time, I would march over to the library right now and put in my two weeks' notice."

Woah woah. Hang on. Hold on. Of course, she couldn't. I didn't want to let John go, despite my little grumbles with him making Lina sad when he stood her up. But...oh God, this was going to be a mess. What do I say to her? Well, she was still going.

"I mean I understand why I can't but, first chance I get, I'm taking the next step in a whole new life. Away from the pain and fear of the past and towards everything I've glimpsed. Children smiling and laughing instead of quietly crying. Even my own kids. Someday..." Her hand rested on her belly again. 

I sat there wearing that smile. I struggled to hold it as she beamed at me.

"You'd be an amazing aunt. An adopted Owl. You can teach my kids to be fierce and bold and happy and sure of themselves. And I'll teach them the three M's...Mario, Mega Man, and a famous new game made by then starting with M. And we can do this every week. Every day. Every moment. And just...my gosh. Doesn't that sound amazing?"

I swallowed a ball of nausea and told her, "Amazing. Just...please just take it one day at a time, okay?"

Lina giggled, "Of course. But I can't help it. I'm in love with my life and the possibilities ahead. As your friend, as a woman, as a soul that didn't know any of this was possible for me....I've said it so many times, in so many ways, but thank you, Babs...for everything."

"You're welcome..."

I needed a fucking drink. 

What. What? What!? I...could probably look down at the ground and see the smashed remains of my heart. God. What...I should've been happy. This was my girl blasting out with more gleeful plans than a teen on Graduation Day. But, for every joy, I saw a sweet acid eating the future of the man I loved.

It hurt where no pain could be pinpointed and it was beautiful like a wave of hot pepper hitting your mouth. And I was broken.

Some measure of me remained Lina's big sister. She noticed as Lina lingered on a glimpse of the lifeguard's behind. She brought in the towels to help her dry off. She suggested places to eat lunch. She smiled as Lina now looked as at home in her lovely swimsuit as her pink scrubs.

But the house was on fire and I just smiled, trying not to tremble from shock.

God help me. Please, God help me...

"You need some help?"

Jolted, I straightened and looked around. A middle-aged man with a concerned expression stood beside the car. I blinked. Had I said something? No. Not aloud.

He had a kind face with a serene expression. Stout, a little chubby. Maybe a few decades ago he might've resembled Greg's brother. He was dressed in a velvety, dapper purple suit. He waited for my answer.

"Uhm...uh. I'm fine. It's okay. Thank you..."

And he walked away without another word. So, that happened.

As I collected my scattered thoughts, I looked over the towels and reached into my bag. My...fucking keys were gone.

That pimp-looking motherfucker stole my keys! Fuck! Where? He was just over there! The bright fucking purple piece of shit! Crap! A sweaty, burning fury tore at me as I dug through the trunk. Goddamn you!

"You okay, Babs?" Lina called back with concern. 

Fucking hell. Shit. Uhh... "Just uh...have you seen my keys?"

"Yeah." She gestured. To the ignition. 

Oh. Okay. Still a weird-looking fucker. I also checked my purse to make sure he didn't ninja up and pick-pocket something when I wasn't looking despite standing several feet away. I didn't see anything gone. I would keep looking but try not to dwell on it.

Lina again asked if everything was alright. God, that face. That calm, sweet face with a glimmer of Greg at the edges. It hurt.

She was Lina, she was Greg. Now a petite woman, once a beefy man. Daydreams of fun and having children...but what about Greg? He sometimes mused about being a dad someday. That made sense with how he cared for Lina. John really only told me he liked old games (same as Lina), enjoyed food (who doesn't?), and was into wrestling. 

Was that where I fucked up? I hadn't even asked him to clarify what kind. Shit shit shit. Keep it together. Keep what fucking shit you have left together! 

I got all sorts of concerned looks from Lina but I drove. End of the break. I needed a meaty, fucking-long sub. I could do this. I could detach from the me who was screaming that her man was going to be the first permanent loss of a bet, one way or another.

Manceni's, just north of the Walmart and the Bob Evan's. It was beside where I got Lina the scrubs she was wearing. They had the best fucking grinders. We took our food to go.

"Did something happen at the pool?" The shiver down my back wasn't some trickle of pool water that stuck around, it was hearing Lina's nervous words and seeing her anxious expression. Back to the smile.

"Just a heh...post-relaxation crash. I'll be fine once I'm back to work." This was enough to dispel the concern from her face as she confidently told me, "You can look forward to doing it again next week." 

At the OWL, we ate in the same spot as yesterday, but the questions were different.

----

"Have I watched wrestling? Maybe once. WrestleMania, probably. I got curious because Greg was saying all these names after an event. The Minch. No, the Miz. The Undertaker. Kane. Nick Engle. Mick Flair. I think. And I saw a little of the Hulk and Macho Man Randy Savage. Like manly theater or something. My college had a wrestling show. I missed it, along with all but one improv event. It was during the last month of classes. I wanted to see more. It was so fun, but it just ended and I'm still thinking about what might've been. Maybe I'll watch some wrestling on Youtube tonight, just in case I find something I like."

Encouraging sign. I'd also been meaning to watch some since John clued me in.

----

"Oh goodness, I dunno. My mom has been a lapsed Methodist for decades. My dad is still Dutch Reformed along with a lot of the other Owlswatters, except Archie of course. But me...I think I got baptized when I was just a baby." She cleared her throat before continuing.

"But you didn't say religion. Just...God. And I would say...I dunno. In the most terrifying moments of my life, I have begged and prayed and hoped. Wonderful, beautiful people have gotten me through those moments. The fact I'm still here makes me so grateful. For every breath. For every dream I can share. For every kid I can offer that same glimmer of light. Is there a being, a force, or a greater light watching over things? I dunno. But, if there is, I hope They think I'm doing okay."

God, this was a terrible question to ask. But it was on my mind since my little incident after the pool. I didn't tell her about it. I just blamed mom, who hopefully got hitched again and without drama last night. She got into a screaming match with her priest and easily won every passive-aggressive war with her Catholic 'friends'. I could leave seeing how the wedding went till the weekend. 

I was the fallout of that 'parenting'. God was stupendous and powerful but also a bit of a dick in ways I didn't enjoy. However, I still chatted with Him. Lina raised an eyebrow but smiled at a softened version of that answer.

-----

As I finished the sausage-heavy portion of my grinder, Lina set her veggie down and asked me a question.

"How did you meet Archie? How did you come to work here?"

I raised an eyebrow and smirked. "You know when he taught at Frostwell Community College?" Lina nodded.

"Well, he taught this class. It was supposed to be cooking, home economics, and some sociology stuff too. He...took his own approach, as he often did. He taught people how to fix shit around the house, cook in any situation, and organize stuff. Practical things. I took it because he wrote his own class description and it sounded different than all the other, dry electives."

Lina giggled as I continued, "He taught openly, invited people to his self-built house for lessons, and was a highlight of college for me. I did really well and he noticed. Grace, his original secretary, was retiring so he offered to hire me. And that was it. Good thing too, because he was fired by the administration soon after. As I recall, some professors from women's studies really hated him because, among various colorful statements, he compared their field to...uhh 'a snake forever gobbling its own ass'."

Cracking up, Lina shook her head and noted, "I only heard snippets of what happened later from family but that sounds like Archie."

Archie also said I was a beautiful girl with lots of fire and I'd be perfect for the job. My mom threw around bitchy accusations that I was sucking him off under his table because she couldn't fathom I had a better job than her. No, Archie did enjoy having me around for his tired eyes but he was, and still is, the consummate professional. 

Greg followed in that tradition (despite my persistent, gnawing feelings). I missed him, even though I was sitting right beside him as we finished our lunch.

The afternoon session was under-booked, with long stretches where the waiting room was empty. Those who called were alarmingly-normal. A few idiots who forgot paperwork, but they apologized and I fixed it. Having nothing to rage against, the doldrums of the early evening left me craving a hard drink again. 

By now, Lina was a natural with everything. Moving between orders, taking information, being genial with anyone, delivering smiles, and crouching by the kids. 

Our work was done before seven with the curse of downtime to think, ponder, and mull everything on my shoulders.

After Lina returned from a long (but not too long) bathroom break, I asked her, "Wanna have dinner together at The Cherry Lass?"

She set a handheld with the others and rubbed her bare, soft chin before announcing, "So long as there are no surprise, epic events there. Can't do it two nights in a row."

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I assured her it was just dinner. With several drinks for me.

We left the car by the OWL and walked the rest of the way. It was a warm night as the echoes of the sun stirred through the woods. 

The pub was relaxed, even for a Thursday. The only excitement was some kids doing laps around the garden area as guitar music drifted out. According to the chalkboard, there would be several hours of it. 

Karaoke was somewhere down the list but way later than I wanted to stay. No ladies night complication, thank God. I was a cherry lass, so my hair was my discount.

Lina didn't show interest in the specials or the music. She just followed me to a booth and sat down length-wise. Leaning against the wall with her head on the cushion and her legs stretched out, Lina announced, "Order me whatever. I trust you."