HIM – AT TIMES LIKE THESE

Tyson slumped next to Aya, remaining silent. What can I say? I’m sorry? I’m here for you? What are you even supposed to do in situations like this? Ah, I’m so pathetic… his head lowered, he didn’t have courage to look her in the eyes. He was afraid. He had rushed here mindlessly, but hadn’t thought even for a moment as to what he’ll do when he got here. Now that the present caught up to him, he felt lost.

“… a-are you okay?” he asked in a weak voice. Of course she’s not, you fucking idiot! “O-of course you’re not, heh. What am I talking about? Gee, just hit me, please…”

“… what about your birthday?” Aya asked, holding tightly onto her knees. Fuck my birthday, dammit!

“Who cares about that shit?” Tyson said.

“What about your sister?”

“… when did… when did he die?” Tyson mustered up the courage and asked.

“… th-this morning.” Aya said in a weak voice. “I-I thought I would be able to reach mom by the time we were supposed to meet, but--”

“Are you an idiot?!” Tyson finally lifted his head and looked her in the eyes; they were slightly red, slanted down in sorrow. “Y-you should have told me this morning!”

“… I… I didn’t know what to do, honestly.” Aya said, smiling bitterly. “I-I wanted to call you, but then I thought ‘how could I bother him with this? It’s fine. I’ll be okay’. I was expecting it, anyway, so…”

“Aagh, I don’t know who I hate more at the moment, you or myself,” Tyson grunted as he scratched his hair roughly. “Aren’t I supposed to be cool at moments like these? You know, hug you and tell you it’s okay to cry or something?”

“… wuaah, even when I’m in pain, you’re trying to take advantage of me… how terrible of you Ty…”

“Y-you told me in the message that he only relapsed,” Tyson ignored her and said. “Why did you lie?”

“… I don’t know. I felt as though telling you he died basically forced you to come and see me. Honestly though, I kind of wanted to… d-did you ever lose someone close to you?” Aya suddenly asked, looking at him. “I’m very confused at the moment. Truthfully, I was never good at expressing myself, and even now… I know I’m supposed to cry, but… for some reason I can’t. I know I’m supposed to break, even if slightly, but…”

“… so what? You want to hear how I handle it so you can copy me?”

“Something like that.”

“That’s dumb,” Tyson said. “Nobody grieves the same.”

“… how did you, then?”

“… I was similar to you,” Tyson said, sighing. “It was my grandma, back in the first grade of high school. We weren’t that close, really, but, every morning before I’d go off to school, she’d greet me with a smile and give me candy and tell me ‘Have fun Ty’. Outside of that, we didn’t talk much. Then, one day, I came back home and learned she had passed away. At first, I only thought ‘Ah, shame’. I didn’t cry or feel that sad to be honest. It felt strange going to school in the morning without having her send me off, but I didn’t feel as though it was that bad. Then, about a month after she died, I left for school when I ran into my sister. She suddenly gave me a candy and told me ‘Have fun’, and then bang, it all burst out.”

“… you really were a weird kid…” Aya said, chuckling lightly.

“I’m not good with stuff like this,” Tyson said as he got up from the chair. “Honestly, even now, I’m just rewinding back through all the movies and TV shows I’ve watched to find appropriate action. But… it’s pointless. In the end, you’re the one in pain. So, I’m here. Just do whatever you want with me, until you are satisfied.”

“… eww.”

“… s-seriously? I’m trying to be a nice guy here!”

“Then don’t offer your dick to me in such a roundabout, ‘nice guy’ fashion.”

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“I’m not, you damn alien!”

“… that’s right, I’m an alien. I suppose that’s why I’m like this…”

“… are you an idiot?” Tyson suddenly crouched down at put his hand onto her head, stroking it gently. “I may not know many things about you – hell, I’m fairly certain I know next to nothing about you – but, I know you’re someone who lives with an open heart. If you can’t cry, you don’t have to force yourself. Nobody ever said that crying is mandatory at times like these. It is reserved for moments when what you feel can’t be put into words, right? So, instead of crying, try putting it into words. Tell me. I’ll listen.”

“… weren’t you supposed to be bad at this?” Aya said in a low voice.

“Y-yeah, but--”

“I hated him.” Aya interrupted, startling him with the words. However, Tyson said nothing and waited. “Ever since I was kid, I barely saw him. And, whenever I did, he always felt so distant… as though he had nothing to do with me. But, I knew I wasn’t supposed to hate him. I knew that. So I felt guilty for hating him. I blamed him, I blamed myself, I blamed mom… at school, everyone bullied me by saying that my dad was never home because he was angry with mom and was with some other woman. I hated him even more because of it. I thought, a stranger I’m supposed to call my father is making my life miserable for no reason.”

“…” H-holy shit. I know I said I’d listen, but am I really supposed to know this?!

“Ha ha, but don’t worry,” she chuckled lightly; ah, her hair is soft. Wait, what the hell am I thinking?! “Everyone grows up at one point, right? It’s just that… I felt guilty. I wanted to spend more time with him, but, whenever I did, he was so… weak. Yet, despite that, he never once showed pained expression in front of me. He’d smile. Smile with all his strength. I always knew it was a facade, but I never said anything. I knew he was forcing himself to smile in front of me because, just as I did, he felt guilty. Because of this… there was always this distance between us. And I always thought ‘there’s enough time’. But… time ran out. I never once talked to him honestly, and now… now it’s too late…” her voice was quivering as she talked, as Tyson’s expression sank slightly.

“You see now?” she suddenly raised her head, her eyes watery as she stretched her lips in a smile. “I never once lived my life with an open heart…” Tyson stood momentarily frozen; a contradiction of sadness and beauty painted on her face forced him stiff. His lips parted slightly in shock, eyes unable to look away from her face. After recovering, he bit his lip in anger and suddenly pulled her off the chair and hugged her tightly. It’s true… I-I really can’t do anything for her… why am I so pathetic at times when it matters the most…

HER – COURAGE AND TRUST

I said it, Aya thought as her body trembled in Tyson’s embrace. I… I can’t believe I said it, no less to him. He must think I’m an idiot right now. However, rather than pulling back, she wrapped her arms around his back, pressing her head tightly into his chest until she could barely breathe. W-why am I such an idiot at times when it matters the most? She didn’t dare look up and meet his eyes. She neither wanted him to see her expression, nor did she dare see his. It’s warm, she thought as she felt her heart hasten. Comfortable… safe…

“I-I’m sorry,” Tyson said, startling her. Wh-what is he sorry for? “I… I don’t know how to help you. Heh, I’m so pathetic, aren’t I? You trusted me enough to open yourself up to me, and I here I am, like a blank idiot, unable to do anything with that trust…”

“…” No, it’s not your fault!

“I can’t imagine how much courage it took to tell me that… ha ha, yet, look at me… ugh…”

“It—it’s fine,” Aya muttered. “Y-you don’t have to do anything. This is enough.”

“… you know, although Jared is a bit on the simple side,” Tyson said. “When it comes to moments when it matters the most, he never falters. Even if he can barely pass the exams, when it comes to taking care of people, I can’t hold a candle to him. It’s not that odd that I never truly stood a chance. Even now, I’m tempted to call him and ask him to come here… but… I’m afraid… I’m afraid if he really does come, the same thing will happen again…”

“… you keep saying I’m an idiot,” Aya said, slowly rising her head. “But, you aren’t much better yourself, are you?”

“… I suppose I’m not.” Tyson said, chuckling bitterly.

“Do you… do you really think I’d have been able to tell that to Jared? Or anyone else for that matter?”

“…”

“I already said it’s fine, right?” Aya chuckled lightly as she pulled away, wiping the corners of her eyes. “E-even if I never told my dad how I felt, at least I said it out loud… I put it out there, into the world… although it’s not the same, it’s better than doing nothing.” she sat back down onto the chair. “T-thanks for giving me courage… and listening to my whining.”

“… ugh, now I feel even more pathetic.”

“You really don’t understand women, do you?”

“W-what is that?! I-I’m just trying to cheer you up, dammit!”

“Pft, ha ha ha ha, I know, you idiot,” Aya broke out in a beautiful laughter, causing Tyson’s cheeks to flush red like an apple as he looked away. “Thanks. Really, thank you. I’ll try calling mom again. You okay here?”

“… y-yeah…” It’s no good, Aya thought as she got up and walked some distance away, taking out her phone as she turned away from Tyson, her cheeks flushed red. Dropping everything so easily and rushing to my side without even having a plan… what’s with you? Do you really want me to fall in love with you? Aah, looks like your plan worked, you idiot…