"Hey, Vilas, we aren't the heros, are we?" Dave inquired as I sat tapping the skull and femur armrests. The question shocked me with its sheer stupidity. I sat of the bones a dozen enemies I had personally slain and fashioned into a chair and he is asking if we are heros?
"No, Dave, heroes don't really do the whole murder and bone chair business" I replied. I was hoping this was some kind of strange joke but Dave had such an earnest look of confusion on his face. His brow furrowed in thought.
"I mean, I get that we aren't exactly good but I didn't think we were evil until the whole torture thing. He may have had it coming but I thought we had more morals than that." He said.
"Are you mad? Did you eat some mushrooms, you shouldn't have again, Dave? Of course we're evil. I thought for sure you'd have noticed by now. Was the armies of undead we raised to siege kingdoms, the heroes we slaughtered, and the noble mansions we razed not enough for you to notice?" I asked, genuinely perplexed by his obliviousness. How could he have not noticed any of that.
"Not to mention Darryl. I don't even know what he is but he really likes eating people and I saw him pee on a priest. It melted the poor clergyman, Dave." Darryl looked up at me, all its jaws opening wide in a happy screech at the memory.
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"Yeah, that may not have been exactly good guy behavior, but we did do a lot of good." He replied meekly. He was clearly going mad. Before I could figure out how to reply to his nonsense he continued.
"Well the undead we raised were all unburied massacre victims from the regional protests against high taxes so we prevented the spread of disease in the local region. We used them to lay siege to a fascist, authoritarian regime based on human supremacy thay was responsible for tens of thousands of elven, dwarves and human deaths and the nobles we targeted were all extremely corrupt, using their subordinate knights to suppress and steal from their subjects. Whole towns were taxed of their winter stores last year for that nobles feasts and starved to death" he countered as he jabbed his finger at the corpse being happily savaged by Darryl.
"We saved the lives of thousands of Turii tribespeople from the Divine Imperial Mandate, not to mention the tens of thousands of lives we saved by using undead to destroy the regime, saving the countries resources from a long and bloody civil war that had been fomenting for a decade. The death toll would have been in the tens of thousands, and devastated them. Because of us there was a peaceful transfer of power into the hands of the people with only a couple hundred deaths. We didn't even loot the castle so the hoarded wealth ended up in the hands of the lower classes. Then you go and torture a noble for no reason?" Dave ranted. I stared at him wide eyed. By the gods, how did Dave of all people know all this unless... He was the one who picked all our targets.
"So you're saying we've actually done more good than evil this whole time?" I questioned, still sitting on a literal bone throne. Dave nodded sagely. Honestly, I didn't hate the idea.
"So what now?" I wondered.
"Let's agree to stop torturing people for a start, then let's go unleash Darryl on the Holy Order of Callov" he answered. Darryl shrieked his deafening approval of this plan.
"Done. While I'm all for defiling holy grounds, what did they do?" I inquired.
"Who do you think supported the Divine Imperial Mandate? If it weren't for their..." I let him ramble on as I smiled. I think I was going to enjoy doing some good in the world.