It was a testament to my willpower that I didn’t scream in frustration. Either that or my exhaustion, but I felt it was getting a bit tiring to blame everything on that. It was about time that I took credit for how well I was taking things, considering the circumstances.
Slumping down in my chair and letting out a low groan was a very contained reaction, in my opinion.
“I’m Godtouched?” I asked.
“Yes,” Sera said.
“Am I going to go insane?”
While most Godtouched were relatively normal, I couldn’t help but think about the edge cases. Godtouched were people that were somehow connected to the Aether in a way that was abnormal. Though the name was often misleading, in the sense that it was usually difficult to tell whether a person was directly linked to a God or just to the Aether as a whole, some Godtouched acted out in ways that made more sense if you assumed that their mind were somehow affected by the alien minds of the Gods themselves. The fact that I was apparently confirmed to be actually connected to a God, especially one that apparently granted Otherworlders their insane powers, was troubling, to put it lightly.
Thinking of it lightly was the only saving grace I had. Regardless of Sera’s answer, I wouldn’t be surprised if I would descend into madness either way. I could feel my mind threatening to snap under the pressure.
“It’s possible,” Sera said, holding out a hand to stop me before I could react. “But well researched. It’s our job to make sure that never happens. I’m glad to say that currently, there are no Otherworlders that have driven their Followers to madness under our supervision. Strangely enough, the Guide is quite probably the most benevolent and empathetic God that we know of. Unlike the other Gods, it seems to have an active moral compass, as skewed as it is. As long as you try and fulfill its wishes, it will actively ensure that your health and sanity will remain intact.”
“Odd way to describe a benevolence. I wasn’t aware hostage situations were considered a good thing nowadays,” I said, reverting to snark when sense didn’t work.
“It is when the alternative is unavoidable death,” Sera said, telling me what I already knew. Gods weren’t beings that could typically be bargained with. The fact that this Guide God had a form of sentience that was almost relatable to ours was almost unthinkable. I might not have believed it if I hadn’t seen the panels blatantly trying to communicate with me, but I had.
Sera didn’t seem too worried about trying to convince me that what she was saying was true, so she must have realized this too.
I sighed.
“Okay. Fine. I’m in some sort of fucked up contract with a God to be an Otherworlder’s Follower. What does that even mean for me?”
“It means that you have to participate in the Otherworlder’s dream,” Sera said. Her words, paired with her perpetually smug expression should have given me the impression that she was mocking me, but somehow, I could tell that she was being serious. “I know that doesn’t mean much to you, but trust me. That’s the least vague way we can sum it up in one sentence.
“The scholars of the world aren’t wrong when they say an Otherworlder’s power is linked to their dreams. They’re close, but they’re missing a step. An Otherworlder’s power is granted to them by the Guide, and the Guide seems to be interested in trying to fulfill every Otherworlder’s dream. Don’t ask me why. No matter how relatable the Guide is, it’s still a God. It’s impossible to tell how or why it thinks. Maybe it doesn’t even care about the Otherworlders, and the whole dream thing is just a side effect of what it’s really trying to do.”
I wouldn’t have asked that. I didn’t have any grand ambitions beyond just surviving Ryuji and the Guide and I couldn’t tell if Sera was skirting around the issue of when I would be able to leave on purpose, or because she genuinely thought that this information was important to know.
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“So what do I have to do with Ryuji’s dream?” I asked, trying to be more specific. “I’m just a random girl from a small town in the middle of nowhere. Why me?”
Sera’s shrug wasn’t the answer I was looking for.
“While I said that the Mediators are very good at handling Otherworlders, we’re still dealing with individuals. There isn’t a template we can use that applies to every one of them. I’ll talk to him soon, but before I do that, could you tell me what you think? Why do you matter to him so much that the Guide took a liking to you?”
“I-” I paused, not wanting to say it out loud, as if admitting it would solidify it as being true. I was tempted to say I didn’t know, but I had the feeling that lying would only make it harder for me in the long run. “Ryuji’s in love with me.”
Sera’s smirk disappeared instantly, as she shot up. Her chair clattered to the floor violently, the sound echoing through the small room. It was only the fact that I expected that exact reaction that I didn’t jump out of my own seat in surprise.
Sera stared at me in silence before bending down to right her chair and sit back down. She folded her hands together in front of her, returning to her more professional pose, but the smile she wore was strained.
“Sorry,” she said. “I might’ve overreacted.”
No she hadn’t. “That’s bad, I assume,” I said.
Sera kept the smile for a few more seconds before it fell. “It is,” she admitted. “Still manageable, but it does make it more challenging. Are you sure he’s in love with you?”
“The panels described me as his love interest,” I said. “They also keep telling him that the numbers related to my affection keep going up. Is that bad?”
Sera grimaced and stood up. It wasn’t violent enough to send her chair flying again, but her movements were still sharp and intense.
“Yes. It is. We should go,” she said. “Your situation is still salvageable, but we shouldn’t waste any more time.”
“What’s going to happen to me?” I asked. I heard my voice, as if it were spoken by an outsider, an eerily calm voice, almost bored of the constant twists and turns that seemed to send my life spiraling down further and further, my mind-numbing panic doing exactly that, dulling my thoughts into indifference. “I’d like to know.”
I couldn’t tell why Sera was grimacing. There was just too many options to choose from.
“I shouldn’t have reacted like that,” Sera said. “I was just surprised. I promise you’ll still be safe, Lena. I’m more afraid of the overtime I’ll have to pull if anything.”
I wasn’t sure I believed her words or the little smile she had on her face, as if she actually thought her little joke was funny. It must have shown on my face because Sera walked over to me and stood directly in front of me. Even with her short height, I found myself looking up at her with how low I was slouching in my seat.
“I’m being serious, Lena,” she said, reaching down and grabbing my hand in both of hers. Though it might’ve been a sweet gesture in any other scenario, I was just too numb to feel it. “It doesn’t do me much good to sugarcoat anything for you. In fact, it just makes me harder in the long run if I lie just to make you feel better. Like it or not, you’re a Chosen Follower, Godtouched, and a victim of random chance, and nothing will change that. But I and the rest of the Mediators will do everything in our power to fix things and return you to your normal life with enough money that you can comfortably live the rest of your life in luxury and just forget this ever happened. It may take some time, but with a bit of hard work, I know that we can break the connection you have with both the Guide and the Otherworlder.”
I looked down at my hand, held up slightly by Sera’s gentle grip. I really wanted to believe her, but the past couple of days had cultivated my level of cynicism to a level that I’d never experienced before. Having hope only meant I could lose it.
“Yeah?” I said, scoffing at the idea. “Care to share how without being super vague about it?”
Instead of answering my question with another vague promise, Sera did something that I would never have expected.
I was only vaguely aware of her lifting my arm but didn’t realize what she was doing until I felt her hands overlapping mine, gently pressing my fingers into something warm and soft. When I realized what was happening, I looked up, not knowing how to react to Sera using my hand to grope her own boob.
“That’s how,” she said, her smirk radiating an aura of smugness that I could practically feel on my skin.
“Huh?” My brain was too numb to decide on an appropriate reaction. When I felt my fingers twitch and gently squeeze Sera’s chest, the more primal part of my brain finally woke up and I yanked my hand away as fast as I could, my face flushing a crimson red.
Sera laughed and stepped away from me to give me space.
“I’m going to seduce the Otherworlder away from you,” she said.