To Tony, life had always been one big party. An uncontrolled and sometimes frightening one, but a party nonetheless. When he was younger, he always got all the toys he could ever want. Always had an allowance to spend. Perhaps his old man was trying to make up for the love he couldn't give him. Too busy with things that were... more important at the time. Whenever Tony really needed him, like when he nearly got expelled for blowing up the boarding school's chemistry lab, or when his French Au-pair girl(friend) claimed to be pregnant from him (both accidents for which he was only partly to blame), his Dad always made him the priority, to sort out the mess. But playing catch with your father or having him cheer you on during sports just wasn't what the Starks were about. After all, why should his dad cheer him on while building a robot, if he never expected any less of him in the first place?

And as for coping with stress, tension or loss, Howard Stark had his own 'medication' to take, as Tony observed from a young age. So when disaster struck, it should not have been any surprise, that he sought comfort in the various drugs available to a teenager with bulk loads of money. Obadiah didn't seem to mind too much, and it wasn't until he got a new body guard, Happy, that Tony was able to pull away from the hard stuff and just keep to liquor instead. Although Rhodey tried again and again to help him find other ways, Tony just couldn't see the use. He wasn't able to fill the void his broken child's heart had to take. Losing the man whose approval he had longed for so much. And losing the only woman he ever loved on an emotional level, and not for sex.

Of course Tony got approval from other great men, pretty much as soon as he started inventing things that held others in awe. And even though sex was the only thing that ever interested him in women, their gently touches and soft whispers sometimes took him back to happier days.

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Then the Ten Rings kidnapped him and everything changed. His view of the world was reset and he wanted things to stop. Stop hurting. Stop hurting him. And stop hurting others. So he became a fighter, started saving people, and felt good about himself. He even began what could be called his first serious relationship. With a women at least. And he found a family, equals in their quest for justice, in the Avengers. But old habits die hard, and his recklessness and arrogance nearly cost him Pepper's friendship, and he was thankful in the end, that it only destroyed their romance.

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And then, Steve Rogers, Captain America himself, had entered his life. It had been a shock to find out, that the guy he had admired on his bedroom poster as a boy, was real, and not just this myth his father had been chasing after. It had been a disappointment to see, that this handsome man, physically younger than himself, was nothing like the stories he had been told as a kid. But he soon found other sides on him, that attracted him very much. So, like Tony was, he flirted with him, always taking care not to become too obvious. Not because he wouldn't dare it, but because he didn't want to offend him. And be rejected. He was after all from another time.

When Howard had caught his son making out with Rhodey, really just as a dare, he was fuming. He kept his cool until the teen had left, but Tony could tell right away, that he was appalled. Howard wasn't openly racist or sexist, but there is a difference, whether you'll defend your neighbors right to get married, or get a job, or anything, or whether your own son was suddenly kissing a black dude. When you were raised in an era where everything other than a straight white man was considered unworthy, in one way or another, it is difficult to let that slide when it hits so close to home. Tony had a row with his father, and he feared that he might disown him on the spot. Instead, he left, taking his 'medication' with him and it had been up to Maria Stark, to pick up the pieces. Comfort her son. And tell him, that he would always be loved by them both. Always. No matter who made him happy.

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Tony didn't understand how his father could be so biased. Not until he found himself betrayed, when his two best friends found happiness together. Of course he was all for it. Of course he was happy for them. Thinking how they would never really desert him, because neither would get a partner that made them move away from him, get different jobs, raise a family somewhere else. And still, a part of him felt sad and angry. Blaming himself for the chances missed to have these feelings as his own. But when he tried to drown his sorrows yet again that night, something made Steve step up and kiss him. Really out of the blue, as Tony thought. Not that he was complaining.

And his life changed. Became more leveled. Happier. Safer somehow. He felt whole. He did his best to avoid all the things that had led to his prior demise in the field of love, taking it slow, waiting up for the 'old fart' to make a move. And he was rewarded by the tenfold. Rewarded with nights spend talking. With warm hugs and sweet kisses. With racy sex he never would have imagined to have. At least not with this man. But oh, how he loved it. Loved to make love to him. Really make love, staying by his side, holding him and being held afterwards. Tony felt content. And the only reason he hadn't gone down on one knee to offer this man his heart with all the strings attached, was that he wanted it to be perfect. The perfect moment, to tell the perfect person, that you wished for a perfect future, because they were in it. And then James Buchanan Barnes had to return from the grave.

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