An ocean. A lattice of ideas which stacked upon itself floated in this ocean. Bending with the waves. The sky cracked open, a malleable reaching down and grabbing the lattice. Jerking it through the hole

A man opened his eyes. The sight before him was absolutely opulent. In front of him was a mansion. It seemed to have been made from dark spruce wood. Every window was covered by a curtain, not allowing any eyes to see into the house. Around him was a dilapidated garden. With malformed bushes creating senseless shapes, that even with the man's strong human pattern recognition he could not see imagines in. The road was overgrown with moss. making the path to the house seem to be much more like a druidic carpet than it should be. Ten feet away from the man, down the druidic road. Was a pure, white, door. Its colour made jarring from the black mansion around it. The man walked over to the door, reaching up for the metal knocker in the centre. He softly dinged the knocker into the door. ~How did I get here?~ The man questioned, His mind blanketed by an absolute acceptance of his surroundings.

"Just come in, I'm too lazy to greet you." A voice echoed from the mansion. The man nodded, he reached for the knob and opened the door. Inside the room he saw….

Light. Nothing but piercing, burning light. Cutting at his retinas, scorching his nostrils. His mind burned and squirmed from nova like light.

"Oh crap sorry. Forgot to turn my aura off." The light vanished. Standing before the man was a humanoid beetle, It was wearing a large flamboyant dress. It looked down at the man, towering over him, its many eyes unblinking. "I'd prefer, if you refer to me as, a she or my name instead of calling me an it." ~It can read my thoughts? No she can read my thoughts.~ "No, I can't read the thought bubble above your head. I only know a few languages so that power is useless. I'm just guessing using pattern recognition." ~It… SHE just read my thoughts tell me that she can't read my thoughts!~ "Enough about this, I don't have all the time. Come in, we have much to discuss." She turned around and walked into the mansion. The man followed after her.

The man sat at a tea table, A dainty tea cup in front of him, made from clay and stained dark black with some kind of paint. He sat on a too large chair made for someone at least seven feet tall. At the centre of the tea table was a black kettle filled with deep green water.

"Sorry about the chair. The smallest I have is this one from when I was a kid. I'm aware that it's a bit cringy." She was referring to the horse picture poorly drawn in crayon that covered most of the chair.

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

"I don't mind. A chair is a chair, at the end of the day." responded the man.

"Okay, well that's a relief." Why did I follow this random LADY into her house? Why

did she just accept it and offer me tea.

"Something about this seems strange." Said the man,

"Oh that's because I'm delaying your emotions until it's no longer inconvenient for me." Responded the LADY nonchalantly. I feel like I should have a reaction to that.

She clapped with enough force to cause a shock wave. "Enough dilly dallying! I need to talk

about what I need to talk about!"

"Okay then talk." Said the man. The LADY nodded.

"Alright the skinny of it is. You're dead but provided you abide by certain conditions you'll get a second chance." The man did not flinch. I feel like i should be affected by that.

"What are those conditions?" If a bug person could smile she would have.

"First off you're not allowed to have or use currency. Second off your not allowed to break a promise." That sounds like a recipe for agony.

" "Is there a different way I could do things? Maybe go to a cushy afterlife or

something? I'd really rather not go through that," The beetle like thing shook her head.

"Sorry. But otherwise you die for good. It's not like you meat sacks have souls." The man nodded.

"Okay then deal." With a flash of blue light a contract appeared before the man.

"Sign on the dotted line." Does she have a pen I could use? A pen appeared in Fred's hand. He scratched out his signature on the paper.

"Okay then. Off you go!" She waved her pincer through the air

"WAIT!" Yelled the man. She paused.

"Yes?" She said tilting her head to the side.

"What's my name?"

"Fred. Your name's Fred."

"What's your name? And how do you know mine?"

"My name is Zoe and I know yours because like most deities. I at least know the names of my creations." Creations. What could have Created me?

"Wait…. Are you like…. My Mom?" She recoiled as if a foul stench had just wafted off Fred.

"Ew no. Gross!" She waved her hand engulfing Fred in blue light. "Go away. Weirdo."

Fred's mind was suddenly aware of sensations. The first thing he felt was water on his face. In fact it wasn't just on his face it was covering his face. He was drowning. Fred pulled his head from the water. He wiped some water off his eyelids then finally opened his eyes. Looking at him was an old man. He had to be at least seventy. With a deep white beard and large bushy eyebrows.

"You drunk. Fell asleep in the ditch again, didn't ya!" Snapped the man.

"Sorry, do I know you?"

"LIke hell i'd know a drunk like you." The man spun on his cane and hobbled away from Fred. Fred fell back into his ditch. Floating in the muddy water. ~This has been the most exhausting morning of my life. First off I wake up not even knowing my own name. Then I see a massive bug person wearing a dress. A bug person that also glows for some reason and may or may not be either a goddess or my mom. Then said bug person tells me I'm. Dead and the only way to continue to exist is to make a deal. Then I wake up in a ditch and get called a drunk by an old man. I've never drunk in my life!~

"Ugh. This life is off to a rough start."

Little did he know. This was would be a EASY DAY.