I'm bored out of my mind as usual..

Every get the thoughts that no one misses you if you died?

Or that you have no idea why you haven't ended it all by now?

Actually trying to get rich and better than everyone else is my sole factor for not killing myself so i've done something well.

No one approached me today when I got back home with groceries surprisingly.

Just the same old Hadal residential area.

People make this place sound more dangerous than it actually is.

It's just full.. of druggies and people with some form of mental illness like Gemma.

That or bounty hunters like me.

I'm now just currently... um.

Eating with my favorite KTS member while pretending we're best friends and lovers again.

My dining room is decently sized with grey floor thing that looks like marble?

Along with grey walls for the entire apartment building i'm in.

A lot of the stuff in this apartment is grey.

Maybe I should sit in my room with my pink bed to see if that makes me feel any better about being a complete failure of a human in every fucking regard.

I really do wish I was the kind of person who could make friends easily and have good social skills.

Everyone thinks i'm mad or making fun of them because of my face, which isn't ENTIRELY untrue.

I just know that i'm better than them.. hahaha.....

Jeeeeez.

What the hell has my life devolved to, my father would be so disappointed in me.

I don't care what my mother thinks since she literally left us when I was a baby.

I look back down at my plate.

Wow, I eat a lot for someone who lives alone (physically)..

I glance at the pizza box that use to have 8 slices in it and one goes to my imaginary friend.

Stuff like this is why people think i'm a guy instead of a girl??

No definitely me having the chest measurements of a 12 year boy.

'All by himself, sitting alone. Hope we're still friends, Yeah, I hope you don't mind. All by himself sitting...' I quietly hummed to myself.

I deeply relate to this dumb song now.

Hopefully that pizza mentally prepares me for tomorrow.

I like taking a shower without my KTS plushie now since i'm such a big girl now!

After that, I put my clothes on and go to sleep.

Which I exactly did.

This bed is as comfortable as I remember it being.

Queen size but still bigger than me.

Could definitely fit someone of my size next to me.

I should just roll over and have that someone be me.

Such a warmth.. pink hue.. I feel from being wrapped under the covers with the plushies I haven't given a name to.

Sort of reminds me of my dad tucking me in and saying goodnight.

Yup.. yes... oh god I still have gotten over him leaving the living 12 years ago.

My eyes start to fill with water and my throat starts to hurt as well.

That doesn't really matter though.

But, why am I like this. WHY HAVENT I KILLED MSYELF YET. Oh right, i'm too much of an egotistical bitch to do that. The one good trait of being like that. I don't even care to fix myself when no one will care. No one cares about me. No one fucking cares about me. I push everyone away for that to happen. I'm too ugly to have a fulfilled life. I'm too stupid to make good decisions and become some type of doctor. I'm too lazy to finish highschool. I'm too selfish to make friends. I'm too horny to talk to men. I'm too FUCKING WORTHLESS in everything. GEMINI GARCIA SUCKS. I can't even think of anything good i've accomplished in life. Oh right, THERE IS NOTHING. Highschool dropout becomes a bounty hunter because that's the only thing she haves some level of skill to do.

You know what, fuck it. IM THE GREATEST. IM THE BEST. I HAVE FULFILLMENT IN LIFE. EVERYONE IS A LAZY LOSER BUT ME. I'M RICH AND HARDWORKING. I'M BEAUTIFUL. I HAVE BIG BOOBS. I'M NOT INSECURE.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

There, now the negative thoughts are pushed back.

Just to apply to these to real life again.

Just don't think about anything bad, think of how funny and beautiful and cute and attractive and smart and rich and gorgeous and beautiful and lovable and stuff you are Gemini!

Yes, that'll work.. haha!!

I stopped crying and blew my nose.

It takes some time for me to go asleep.

Just the positive thoughts, Gemini.

Just the-

My eyes start to lower even more and it gets hazy.

Veerryyyy, hazyyyyy.... heh..

Huh, I actually woke up on time for once.

In like 9 hours? I'll head out to go the auction.

I'll have to moderately dress well so no one suspects me.

So it's time to being out the fancy suit again!

I feel weird being in a dress, more like insecure.

Like i'm too ugly for it since people think i'm a man. Not because of my face but because of my chest. LACK of.

Just like how small my butt is.

Just like-

STOP IT, TELL YOURSELF YOU'RE A SYSTEM GOD THAT HASN'T BEEN AWOKEN YET.

WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO KILL YOURSELF, DO IT BY TRUCK TO REINCARNATE.

IM ATTRACTIVE AND GORGEOUS AND NOT INSANE.

I should take some edibles to really get those thoughts out of my head.

I can't tell if food is one of my comfort things or not.

What is real at this point? Gemini Garcia's existence?

These plushies?

This room?

This floor?

This floor?

This chair?

This chair?

This chair?

This chair?

This chair?

This chair?

This chair bothers me.

I pace around my bedroom while looking at my mirror sometimes.

Making sure I look presentable.

I think my bedroom is big enough, I even keep all the other KTS plushies there.

Then someone rings my doorbell.

I check and it's Gemma.

Great, now I have to talk to her.

Gemma is someone who appeared several months ago and is dedicated to literally becoming me.

Weirdly enough, I feel slightly better about myself when I'm around her.

"Good evening Gemini!"

'Morning.'

"I'm thinking of finally wearing a binder to get the same breast measurements as you."

"Even legally become an adult at age 17!"

'Very flattering, maybe become taller and change your appearance to match that of a white American woman instead of an asian woman.'

"I've considered that as well! but it's a lot harder to do.."

"Wait to become you, I have to have the same type of parents. What happened to your parents Ms. Gemini?"

'Mother left me before I could even crawl, and my dad is well.. sleeping eternally.'

'Jeez dude, now i'm getting sad again..'

"Lucky, my mom is dead but my father is still alive, I'll have to make him sleep eternally soon!"

'I thought you would love your father or something?'

"Nope, well he provides me with shelter and clothes, in exchange for some sex!"

'That's great and.. wait what?'

'Aren't you like, 17?'

"Yes, he says all parents do this and he will banish me if I tell anyone but Gemini, you seem trustworthy!"

"Also the age of consent in Japan is 15 I think, so it all works out."

'Uhhhhh....... I sure am.... oh right, I have to do some stuff later.'

"I figured as much, well bye-bye Gemini!"

'Yeah, don't tell your deranged dad about me.'

"Will do! we'll meet up sometime when I figure out something new."

Gemma left my front door and walked to somewhere else.

Wonder if she does that for anyone else.

Well time to wait idly until it's time for me to head out.

Actually, no..

Being a stripper wouldn't be fun, GEMINI!

Although going to a KTS concert has always been one of my dreams to do.

Hopefully that becomes a reality some day.

I guess i'll just go to sleep and actually get ready 40 minutes before I have to leave out.

Or just watch TV.

Maybe I could learn something new in that time?

Or try on something i'm too embarrassed to wear in public.

I think these thoughts while staring at a wall.

I'm so bored.

Bored of it all.

Hmm, I'll try on this new belt I ordered.

I put some pants on and try to fasten the belt.

Wait, am I getting fat?

That or this belt sucks.

Probably the first option.

I take the pants off and put back on my shorts.

I want something to eat again.

Nothing too heavy though..

Eating makes me feel better..

Also takes up time which I don't do anything in.

Yummy.. food good....

Probably? maybe i'll try to make some pancakes.

This time! not setting off the fire alarm in the process.

And then i'll put butter, syrup, and a bit of sugar.

Jung-book will love these, since they're pancakes made from my affectionate love!

I can just have the mental image of him putting his hand out forward.

Saying that everything will be fine and he will marry me.

Then he'll hug me and eat my pancakes.

Saying how good they taste and how gorgeous I am.

He will have long eyelashes, juicy lips, a chiseled yet delicate jawline.

Dark brown hair with piercing brown eyes that tell you everything is fine.

He'll talk to me and we will have a great conversation.

Then i'll lick the syrup dripping out of mouth, savoring everything.

Then i'll kiss him and he kisses me back.

His breath smells like roses.

His eyes are honest and caring.

His eyebrows are moderately thick and display emotion.

He always looks like he has your back.

He's the kind of guy that will comfort you.

I think this while i'm licking the syrup and salt on his plate.

Ahhhhh...

Then.. we'll get on the couch.

And he starts unzipping his pants and takes off his shoes.

He asks me to take off his underwear.

I gladly do.

He takes off his shirt.

I take off my shirt as well.

He compliments my breast and feet.

He goes on and on about how gorgeous I look.

Then I take off my pants and toss my ben-10 underwear to somewhere.

He gets in position..

And then..

Ah

Ah

AHHHHHHH

ahhhhhhhhhhh

oh god, huff

yes, baby boy

I'll eat you whole and-

Then I notice I actually wetted my pants in real life.

And also it occurs to me that Jung-book is a plushie, not a real person.

hahah.

The plushie has the same happy face while looking away from me.

Weird? don't remember making him face that way.

That lasted 20 minutes?

Great, just need to think of more ways to waste time.