Gege jerked his thumb at the pilot and co-pilot. “These two thought it would be hysterical to push me through a known spot near a Bob’s Bar. You see I’m a sucker for a good time especially with a combo of extreme yodeling and cloud dancing. This particular bar has preprogrammed choreography and Naphotam Spatial Scent, bro the best aerosol drink ever! Which does make crossfaded cloud dancing way easier. It’s one of the best places to go when you're planning on being smashed. It’s not really Tregi’s scene. I am convinced that is what motivated the prank. I just can’t get any of them to admit it.” I leaned back, pressing against the wall, as he glared at his friends. Seeing a vengeance demon glare is a frightening sight that I hope never reoccurs.
I decided to interrupt what was evolving into a horrifying staring contest: “Do the crossroads all look like that? Purple hair?”
Looking back at me he replied, “No. However, the crossroads are the same in one distinct way; they are always desolate. Luckily, bro, you weren’t there long enough to see the lack of people, the lack of water, and hell, the lack of everything. The crossroads are a very cruel place to be dumped.”
He pointed at the driver who was still smirking. “He still thinks it was a hysterical prank. Even though we grew up hearing the stories about the dangers. Bro, it can be really crazy. Sometimes people end up in a different dimension. They say when that happens you can’t even get back to your origin without the help of a Riftwalker. And bro, it takes seven standardized items to attract a Riftwalker. If you don’t know what those seven items are or you just don’t have them on you or for some reason you don’t choose to craft the item for your survival. Well, then you are well and truly stuck. Though some rumors say that when you are in the right place and right time then it doesn't matter if you have the items or not.”
Nrek interrupted, “That’s why now we all carry this basic kit on necklaces.” He held out a necklace with six charms on it. I leaned forward and noticed each one was extraordinarily detailed, almost like they were just shrunken magical items: spear, hat, statue, bowl, shovel and campfire. “You also need water. All the items can be obtained or crafted on almost any terrain. Some items are more difficult than others. When we bought the necklaces the clerk told us to use our body fluids if we couldn’t find any water”
“Are those magical pendants? They look so real.” I asked him as he leaned back in his seat.
Chak’s head whipped up from the map, “Bro, haven't you ever seen one of those? What world did you come from?”
Before I could answer, Tregi cut in “Buddies we are five minutes from the Pthantiarican Ruins. Chak, let it loose.”
“Alright, bros, we have to find a hidden door after landing as close as possible to the coordinates. The only clue to this is the name of the key. There is no telling how a mashed potato key is a clue.” Chak instructed. “Hopefully the terrain will also give us some type of clue. Bros, first to find the door gets the usual reward. And yeah, that means I'll be snagging the best item again.” He said the latter while pointing at the pile of items with a huge grin.
The three of them rolled their eyes almost in unison and Nrek spoke up, “Bro, you’re a mage, you know that isn’t a fair competition, never was.”
What, Chak is a mage! The bro mage. I grinned. Ha, the bro mages- we come with kegs and wands. Wait, Will he teach me a spell? Wonder what type of mage he is?
The ship began making a new set of sounds, possibly indicating we were entering a new atmosphere.
“Okay team, we’re here”
I looked out the window to catch a glimpse of this new location before we landed.
“What the? Is that... Wait, it can’t be… Seriously?” I muttered incredulously.
I closed my eyes, then slowly lifted my left eyelid. Nope, they’re still there.
I opened my eyes. My gaze widened as I beheld the bizarre terrain before me. Below, there was no sign of solid ground. Above, the sky stretched in a surreal taupe hue, adorned with drifting, undulating strings of vivid red, each capped with peculiar, bright yellow balloons. And upon these strings walked dragons of every imaginable variety.
“Why are there dragons on strings?” I exclaimed with the sound of my voice breaking in excitement at the situation.
“Buddy, I guess they’re harvesting the potatoes.” Tregi answered with a shrug.
“Potatoes? All I see are yellow balloons on strings!”
“Bro, what kind of potatoes do you have on your planet?” Chek asked.
"Well, they're about hand size, usually brown or white, or uh.. yellow."
“There you have it, yellow potatoes. Not so different.”
“Kind of different. Those are huge enough that dragons are small in comparison!”
“Buddy, you got a point. Maybe they’re not potatoes. Guys, are we supposed to avoid the locals?” Tregi asked.
They all gazed down at the palms of their hands before responding.
“Bro, that’s how I read this one. This key probably has some significance in their lore. Gods, I hope it's not. I don't want to get involved with that type of paperwork.”
This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.
“I’m not sure. In subsection 48, it clearly says that all the locations are participating for tourist slots with the SKX program. Gege, what do you think?”
Gege flipped his hand about a bit before answering. “I agree that locals should not be engaged in conversation, however, we can be seen by them. We can expect some to be posing and posturing for the cameras. I think we can just get out and walk into the ruins.”
He slowly turned his head to face me. “Uhhhhhhhhh ”
Our eyes met, and I watched his face go through a series of expressions as he recalled my presence.
He touched his forearm as he turned away from me. I listened as he continued speaking, yet now in a guttural language that seemed to shrink away from my comprehension. Then, others mirrored his gesture, touching their own arms. I watched as they debated what I could only assume was what to do with me. It dawned on me that they weren't planning to leave me safely in the ‘O Slay” while they ventured into the ruins. The vehicle suddenly went deafeningly quiet.
Chak turned to me, “Bro, sorry but we don’t have long, we’ve decided that the rules allow for you to temporarily join us. We all agreed that leaving you in here is a risk that we’re not willing to take. We cannot, in good conscience, just leave you outside for the other contestants or locals to harm you. The dragons should ignore you, chances are they won't eat you.”
He continued, “At least one of the other teams competing comes from a mind control help desk world. They aren’t allowed to use their powers within the Trazarian Maze Quest; however, they can use them ‘outside’ of the Traz. They have a tendency to find loopholes in the rules, allowing them to use their powers to ‘recruit’ new ‘employees’.” He made the ubiquitous, and apparently cross-cultural air quotes gesture at the mention of ‘recruit’ and ‘employees’. “If you’d rather take your chances without us, we won’t force you to team up.”
I looked between the four of them and felt conflicted, on one hand this was turning out to be a very cool experience, on the other, I’d been taken away from where Claeffen had sent me. While these people thought the crossroads hadn’t been the place to be I had a very specific clue that said otherwise that I needed to get back to.
“Thank you,” I expressed with gratitude at their sentiment, “I don’t want to be turned into a mind control slave, and I appreciate your willingness to help me out. I really need to get back to where I was, though, so if following along will make that happen faster then I’ll do everything I can, I can’t fight very well-”
Gege extended his hand, signaling for me to stop. “We don’t want you to do anything except follow directions and quietly stay between us. We can handle the maze easily. The challenges in the Trazarian Maze Quest are about solving puzzles before anyone else and grabbing specific items. This one is a bit weirder than usual. Honestly, how can a key be made from mashed potatoes?”
“I thought you guys said there wouldn’t be any civilization. Surely if the dragons are a part of a promotion for tourists they could help me get back.”
“Oh no, it's not that kind of tourism, like for offworlders. It's for other ‘cities’ or whatever they call them in this cluster. The Trazarian Maze Quest is guaranteed to be viewable by all participating locations. Really besides this map's location and quest description we don’t know anything about this place. Until we get a closer look we’re simply speculating.”
I looked back outside as we grew closer to the “ground” as he continued, “It's become obvious to us that you're possibly not equipped for travel. Bro, do you have a UTI?” I looked at him with abject confusion plastered on my face, “Uh, UTI?”
“Yeah, you got one or not?”
“I don’t think that abbreviation is the same as the one I’m familiar with, unless you have some reason to believe I have a urinary tract infection.” He broke out laughing like a madman and wheezed at me, “No….hahaha….no…. Oh bro, you don’t have what I asked hahahaha…” He slapped his legs with gusto and all of them whooped with laughter.
“Right, so not a urinary tract infection then. What were you referencing?”
Tregi replied, still wheezing with laughter. “It's the progression tracking system, Universal Terminal Interface aka UTI.”
They continued laughing for a long while.
“Buddy, just reach behind that pile and press the compartment door open. You should find a bracer like we all have on. I am pretty sure I left my older model there. When we land Chek will take a moment to align it with you. You’re lucky there's a mage here. It takes mana manipulation to realign them. Chek, please explain before I hurt the O’Slay landing.” His posture straightened as he got serious again.
Chek spoke up, “Bro, the UTI will explain things to you. I see your confused expression but I promise it will explain. You look like I am trying to explain flying to you. Bro, do you not come from a world heavily centered around technology? You got in the O’Slay like it was normal.”
“I do come from a world with technology but not magic. Are you telling me the UTI is like a device connected to the internet?”
“Bro, I think what you just said is similar, however, the translation went blank a bit. The UTI knows most things after exposure, weird it hasn’t picked it all up.”
I felt around on the wall behind me locating the panel. It opened revealing a shelf of items. I spotted the bracer they all wore; however, it was sized more like something meant for a child.
I took it and asked with puzzlement, ”What now?”
Chek leaned forward and reached out “Bro, pass it to me to start the calibration process.”
I handed it over to him. I focused on his every movement. This was after all my second opportunity to observe a real mage in action. I didn’t want to miss anything. After a minute he still didn’t appear to be doing anything. Where was his mana? Why wasn’t anything happening? Nothing had changed as he walked over to me.
He spoke as he stood before me. “Alright, after I put this on don’t worry, there’s going to be a time dilation. So when you resurface, please just follow us and ask as few questions as possible, because we need to concentrate on our quest here. Keep up, and we’ll do our best by you.” With that he reached out and slapped the bracer on my wrist.
At first, I didn’t feel anything except the cold of the bracer on my wrist. Then, the cold spread up over my whole body. My vision blurred, leaving me to see nothing but a grey darkening fog.
Unexpectedly, words started sliding up over my vision.
> UNIVERSAL TERMINAL INTERFACE INITIALIZED!
> SCANNING PHYSIOLOGY…
> GENE MATCH DETECTED > SUBSPECIES: SAPIENS
> WARNING: IDENTICAL MATCH DETECTED > ESCALATING
> PLEASE WAIT…
Please wait? What the hell, is my brain being hacked right now? Jon would go nuts with jealousy if he knew I was getting brain hacked.
> ESCALATION AGENT ASSIGNED
> ….
> WARNING OVERRIDE > REASON: EVENT REFERENCE > REDACTED
> USER STATUS SET: VIP+
> SYSTEM OVERRIDE > APTITUDE: MAGICAL
> WELCOME TO THE SYSTEM!
> AS A PREMIUM MEMBER YOU HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED AN ALPHA FACILITATOR UNIT
> ALPHA UNIT INITIALIZING...