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Hellhounds of Providence
Hearts too Barbed for Forgiveness

Hearts too Barbed for Forgiveness

"Just who does he think he is?" Olivia bitterly muttered as she and Lucina followed Becky into the keep. She seemed more upset about the Count's visit than Lucina did. "I know your mom's always welcome without sufficient notice, but since when did that get extended to the Count?"

"..." Lucina silently followed along. Her thoughts were becoming a jumbled mess of what to do and how she should feel knowing the Count was here. Elizabeth had sent a letter to him four days ago explaining Lucina's legitimacy but they hadn't received anything in response, which meant Lucina only had her imagination to guess what would happen.

"If he apologizes, don't forgive him easily!" Olivia's words dragged Lucina out of her thoughts as they stood in front of the door leading into the drawing room where the Count was waiting. Lucina was wearing a long-sleeved dress to hide the bruises but the one on her shoulder crept up her neck, making itself visible, which soured Olivia's expression. "You're only a kid, and he neglected you like this! But you never did anything wrong, so don't give in if he tries to apologize." Again, Olivia spoke more like an adult than a child, but that maturity was something Lucina found admirable.

"...Okay." Lucina's mind continued to race while the ugly feeling in her chest broiled her emotions. She'd never felt something like this before, and wondered when it would go away.

"My Lord, I've brought the children," Becky called as she knocked on the door.

"Enter," the Duke's voice was controlled and neutral as he responded from the room. When Becky opened the door, Lucina and Olivia were led into a large room with couches and chairs surrounding a rectangular table that accommodated the guest. The Duke sat in the chair at the head of the table, the Duchess sat with Elizabeth on one of the couches, and Count Charles Felswore sat across from them on the other. The atmosphere was grim and oppressive when the girls entered the room.

"Ah..." Charles looked exhausted and had bags under his eyes from a lack of sleep. His voice was desperate, as if pleading for something, "Lucina...my daughter." When those words left his mouth, Lucina's mind finally stopped racing as it had found its answer.

***

Huh... So it's nothing. During the first three years, I had always wanted the Count to call me his daughter; it was a vain hope to keep going and to see my mother smile. When I realized it was pointless, I gave up that dream and instead focused on doing my best to make my mother happy with what I was given and buried the desire to be acknowledged deep inside. But, now that I'm hearing it from the Count's lips, I guess that desire died somewhere along the way because I don't feel a thing hearing those words. "Greetings, Count Felswore," I said, and gave a respectful bow to the Count.

"You...don't have to do that." I heard pain in his voice when I called him Count instead of Father. Was he expecting me to hug him after all that's happened?

"I am following your wishes, Count." How many nights of sleep did you lose to get those bags under your eyes? One? Two? "Who am I to speak your name without respect?" How many nights did my mother and I lose in those five years of sorrow?

"You're my daughter." No, I didn't feel nothing when he spoke his acknowledgement, but I didn't really know what I felt. What was this festering feeling I felt and this churning in my gut?

"Yes, I am the daughter of Count Felswore of Gauldrin," the ugliness kept my voice low and unaffectionate, and I remained bowed.

"You...may rise." He was holding back tears from the sound of his voice. Why did he dare to cry when my mother and I were the ones who were hurt? "Before you arrived, your mother and I talked, and we'll be returning home." I immediately straightened myself upright and looked to my mother for an explanation.

"Yes," my mother explained with a grim look on her face, "There's a lot to make up for, and being here won't solve anything."

"But-!?" I wanted to stay!

"We can always visit the Ordrins again," my mother reassured me.

"Indeed, you should," the Duke spoke up and looked at me with the same curiosity from when we first arrived. "While you weren't here for long, Olivia's become quite attached to you, and I would be saddened if you didn't come to see her as I'm sure she would be, too."

"That's right!" Olivia grabbed my hand and held it tight as if I would disappear. "Summer's almost here, which is the perfect time to be with friends, so you must visit!"

"I will." I didn't want to wait that long. I looked down at my appearance and the clean dress I wore. "Since we're leaving, I should get changed back into-"

"Keep the dress," Olivia interrupted me and had a stern look in her eyes. "Keep all the ones you've worn since none of them fit me anymore, and you look pretty in them! I refuse to let you wear those rags anymore!" Her eyes shot icy daggers at the Count. He didn't flinch under Olivia's stare; he seemed to somberly accept it.

"I thank you for your generosity, Lady Olivia," the Count said and gave a bow from his seat. "We'll depart for Ertrum, where we'll spend the night and push to the estate tomorrow morning." Everyone got up from their seats since the business was finished. It still didn't feel real to me. Everything had already been decided before I even arrived, yet I had to follow the Count's will. Why was it over so quickly?

"Lucina?" Olivia grabbed one of my hands to get my attention. The look on her face silently asked me if I was alright.

"I-..." I couldn't bring myself to say 'I'm fine' like I usually did. "...Thank you for being my friend, Olivia." I didn't want to let go of her hand.

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"You make it sound like I won't see you again," Olivia somberly mumbled. "You're definitely coming to see me again, right?"

"Of course." While I didn't know how often the Count would allow me to leave the mansion, I would make sure to see Olivia as often as I could without disturbing my mother. In the short few days I had been in Wortrest, it already felt more like a home than the mansion back in our county. I pulled myself out of Olivia's grasp and followed my mother out of the room.

"Alice always holds plenty of gatherings in Wortrest during the summer," my mother seemed to notice my mood and tried to lift my spirits as we exited the keep and approached the carriage. "I'll bring you with me since I plan on attending as many as I can."

"That's good," the Count said while helping my mother into the carriage. "I'm sure you can make plenty of friends since the Ladies will sometimes bring their children, Lucina." He held out his hand to help me into the carriage.

"If that is what you wish, Count." I ignored his hand, climbed into the carriage, and took the seat next to my mother. While he looked dejected, the Count didn't say anything and climbed into the carriage so we could begin our journey back to the mansion. The atmosphere inside was oppressive as my mother silently stared out the window while the Count somberly looked from her to me. No one said a word during the journey to Ertrum, and even when we arrived, the mood didn't change with no one saying anything as we spent the night in an inn. Only the following day did the Count break the silence.

"When we get back, I'll call for a tailor." The Count's eyes looked at me and the dress I wore. "You...should have much more than just five dresses."

"If that's what you want, Count." Why did the ugly feelings return? All he did was say he'd buy me clothes...unless that in itself was the problem?

"She also needs a tutor," my mother joined in the conversation, "She'll be starting a year later than Adam, but our daughter's smart, so she'll catch up." Her hand lightly held mine, and she gave it a soft squeeze.

"Of course," the Count gave a nod in agreement. "I already discussed things with Lucus, and he's agreed to tutor Lucina like he did Adam." Why was the disgusting feeling in my gut getting worse? He turned to me and did his best to smile through his exhaustion. "Lucus is a good man who knows more than he seems, so I'm sure you'll be able to learn a lot from him. Is there anything you'd like to study first?" Well, if he was asking...

"Can I learn to read and write?" While my mother would occasionally read me stories, I didn't actually know how to read the words in them. I also wanted to learn to write so I could send letters to Olivia, just like how my mother and the Duchess exchanged letters.

"...Of course, you can," it sounded like something punched him in the gut, "I'll tell Lucus to focus on teaching the alphabet and grammar for his first lessons."

"Thank you for your grace, Count." I bowed my head and, once again, a pained expression crossed the Count's face.

"...I'm sorry, Lucina." I wanted to spit on him. I didn't respond, and he didn't say another word as his expression darkened. Why was he allowed to make that face? The rest of the carriage ride was silent until we reached the mansion.

"Welcome back," Adam was outside to greet us. He still had his usual unreadable expression, but I caught a hint of something else from the fluctuation in his voice.

"Welcome back, my Lord," Chris, Eunice, and a few other maids also greeted us while standing behind Adam. "Greetings, Madam," Chris said and bowed to my mother.

"Yes...we're back," my mother's voice was apprehensive, and her expression was stern as she looked at the maids. No one was showing any blatant disrespect to her. "It was a long ride, so I'll tell you about it later, Adam. Chris, prepare a bath for me."

"At once, Madam," Chris responded before turning to Eunice and saying, "Please attend to Lady Lucina."

"Right away." There was no contempt in their voices for me. Eunice sounded sweet as she turned to me and asked, "Would you also like a bath, Lady Lucina?"

"...No." This felt wrong, and the feeling in my gut worsened. "I'll go to my room."

"Then, I shall follow," Eunice stepped back and started to follow me as I entered the mansion.

"..." Adam watched me in silence. Was he...upset about something? He didn't seem angry at me, but I caught a glimpse of unease in his eyes. Then again, it might have just been my imagination since I, too, was uneasy as I walked through the halls.

"Greetings, Lady Lucina," the servants I passed all gave respectful greetings, and no one talked back to me, threatened me, or even whispered about me after I had passed. Things were...normal. But if this was normal, why was I feeling worse? Why did seeing everyone treat me like this make me want to throw up? Maybe I needed rest? Even if I was back to the old servant bed, I could still get some sleep if I tried hard enough. But what awaited me when I opened the door to my room made me freeze in place.

"Ah, greetings, my Lady," Karla greeted me as she was inside dusting the furniture that now populated my room. All the furniture that had been taken out of my room when I was born had been brought back and was being dusted by Karla and two other maids. Two butlers were finishing putting a large bed into place against one of the walls that was almost as big as Olivia's. "We're almost finished and will be out of your way shortly." Why was Karla speaking politely to me? The feeling in my legs slowly returned, and I crept into the room. Everything was wrong. I needed something to comfort me, so I looked for my doll.

"...My doll?" I looked around but couldn't find the stuffed dog.

"Doll?" Eunice asked before gesturing to the bed, "All your dolls were put in the bed waiting for you." I rushed over to the bed, and the two butlers bowed to me as I approached. Sitting on pillows were multiple new dolls: a horse, a cat, a bird, and a bunny all waited to greet me. But where was my dog?

"What about my stuffed dog?"

"Oh, that one," Karla spoke up as she finished dusting. "That one was so old, and its stitching was wearing out, so the Count told us to throw it out and replace it with these new ones."

"!?!" That old and worn-out doll was from my brother and was the first and only gift I had ever received! Why would they throw it out!? It was mine! It was the only thing in this mansion that was truly mine, along with my two dresses that were barely better than rags! "...Get out." The churning ugliness was overflowing, and I started to shake.

"My Lady?" Eunice approached me hesitantly and held out her hand. "Is there something wro-"

"Get out!" My mother always told me to be careful when using my magic because magic and aura are easily affected by one's emotions. This was never an issue for me since I always did my best to keep myself in check for fear of the Count's wrath. But that didn't matter anymore, and the barrier I spent five years building slipped away in an instant.

"Ah!?" Karla cried out as an end table was thrown across the room by my gravity magic. The table broke against the far wall, showering that side of the room in splinters and large, broken pieces of wood.

"I want everyone out!" Fresh tears poured down my face, which was distorted by the ugly feeling. I wanted everyone to leave! I wanted them to stop speaking so politely to me! I wanted the only gift I had ever received on my birthday! I...wanted Olivia to hold me and tell me it would all be okay! Another end table started to slide along the floor as my magic changed its gravity's direction.

"A-A-At once, my Lady!" Karla stammered out before she and the rest of the servants ran out of the room in fear. Even when they left, I was still shaking, my fists clenched harder until my knuckles turned white, and the tears wouldn't stop flowing down my face, but I finally understood what this ugly feeling was. This wasn't about just an old stuffed doll, this was about them brushing aside all that I had gone through like it was nothing. If letting me sleep in a nice bed surrounded by furniture was this simple to do, then why was I only given an old servant's bed? If my bed could be filled with so many stuffed dolls, then why wasn't it always like that? If summoning a tailor to make clothes for me was so easy, then why did I have to wear the equivalent of sewn-together rags even during winter? If the servants were capable of speaking so respectfully to me all this time, then why did I have to suffer their spite and threats? If discovering my legitimacy and calling me his daughter was so quickly solved, then why did it take five years? As I cried at the loss of my first gift and at all the injustice I had received, I truly learned what it meant to hate.

***

"I knew this would happen," Adam bitterly muttered to himself as he leaned against the wall next to the door of Lucina's room; her cries could be heard even through the closed door. When his father learned of Lucina's legitimacy, he immediately set to work on trying to right his wrongs, but he overcorrected. He had told the servants the news and that they shouldn't look down on Lucina anymore. He also ordered to have all the furniture returned to her room along with some new pieces. Charles had the old stuffed dog doll removed to be replaced with new dolls to show his commitment to change his ways, but that only made things worse. In his haste, Charles overlooked how this could be perceived by Lucina, and how important a single, old stuffed doll could be to his neglected child. Instead of showing a commitment to change, everything only looked like he was trying to hide what he had done and move on; his intentions were lost. "...Olivia, was it?" Before his mother retired to her bath, Adam managed to get a little information out of her about their stay in Wortrest, and he learned about Lucina's friendship with the Duke's daughter, Olivia Ordrin. From the look on his mother's face as she relayed the news to him, Adam could tell Lucina had become extremely close to Olivia and that Olivia had eagerly returned the friendship. Adam stopped leaning against the wall and returned to his room; he had a letter to write.