We stand there still and Xiao Yu is still waiting for our response.
Huian asks me: ‘Shifu, do we take off our clothes or not?’
I say: ‘Since you have so many ideas and never listen to my words, please tell me if you are going to take off your clothes here.’
Huian says: ‘I do not care. If you do it, I will follow you. If you are not willing to do it, I can do it alone.’
Things aren’t that simple actually. I am a bodhisattva from the West. Our Western Paradise doesn’t emphasize this that it doesn’t matter if I take off my clothes. Huian is different. His dad is the Pagoda Bearing Heavenly King Li Jing. If he takes off his clothes with me here today, later Heaven will spread chitchat: The second son of that Heavenly King Li doesn’t learn anything else from Guanyin bodhisattva, but they are streaking on the streets in Chang’an.
Then, this thing will be unfriendly to his dad’s fame.
When we are struggling in our mind, Xiao Yu assumes that we cannot hear his whispering to his attendants: ‘See, the sophisticated monks are testing us. We need to support ourselves and be calm at this moment.’
This prime minister is really full of promise!
I clear my throat and say to that prime minister: ‘I can sell you this kasaya and this monk staff, but my monk robe has been with me for many years. It shall not be sold. This robe is like my brothers and my limbs. Even my inexperienced disciple is not as close as it is to me.’
Huian: ‘……’
Huian: ‘I don’t want this monk robe now. I can give it to you here.’
I say: ‘If you want my monk robe, you will need to find another sophisticated monk who deserves it. Even if you give me a sky-high price for this robe, I will not sell it. I will not sell even one sleeve of it even if you give me this Tang Kingdom.’
Huian says: ‘I don’t care. Take it if you want.’
Xiao Yu: ‘……’
That prime minister of Tang looks at us and he doubts that we are intending to make trouble here.
I say: ‘My traitorous disciple doesn’t listen to my words. You can take him as well.’
Huian says: ‘My shifu has dumped me. This monk robe is no longer useful. Take it and burn it.’
Xiao Yu looks at our quarrel and becomes confused for a while. Then he acts like he has comprehended our meaning and says: ‘I am stupid. Please give me hints, two sophisticated monks.’
Huian says: ‘Your eyes cannot even tell what a pearl is, and you mistake that treasure as a rag. Then you asked us for the rag clothes.’
I say: ‘You called white black. You looked at the treasure and didn’t know it. Therefore, these rag clothes shall not be given to you either.’
Xiao Yu affirmed that the things on our hands are used to confuse him, but after our words, he hesitates. It seems that his ugly sophisticated monk theory doesn’t apply to this situation.
Xiao Yu says: ‘So this kasaya has a price and the monk robe doesn’t have a price?’
Huian suddenly says: ‘With just you, you want the monk robe on my shifu. Don’t you be afraid of having a shorter life span since you are just a mortal?’
I say: ‘My kasaya will protect the person in it from the reincarnation circle and any evil harms if that person is a devout monk. He will not be eaten by a tiger or a wolf. He will not be harmed by any evil beings. I am willing to be kind and give this chance to him. If a person doesn’t have the luck, he shall face huge disasters.’
Xiao Yu finally comes around that he is not able to buy this kasaya. He says to me: ‘Elder, although I am a mortal and my eyes cannot tell what a treasure is, but I know that Xuan Zang monk can wear this kasaya. Let me take you to the royal court to see our emperor.’
After all this rubbish talking, this Xiao Yu finally gives up his plan of wanting us to take off our clothes.
The topic strays and strays. It finally strays to Xuan Zang.
*Sigh*. You must know that Tathagata has said to me that a sophisticated being shall not speak straight to his point; he shall play around in the conversation to leave the listeners to guess; if they got it, they got it; if they don’t, we shall not give them any hint either. This is called the asymmetry information. It is our accumulated experience that only if we talk like this, humans will believe our superiority.
Therefore, Xiao Yu takes me and Huian to the imperial palace.
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I say to Huian: ‘Later when we see that emperor of Tang, we shall talk some ethereal shit and make him not understand us. Otherwise, if this thing cannot be completed, neither of us can go back to Nanhai.’
Huian says: ‘According to the procedure, we both have to show our real identity, but this Tang emperor is not a good person. What if he keeps thinking about shifu’s real looking after he sees your face?’
I: ‘……So what do you want to tell me?’
Huian: ‘Oh, how about you lift your dress up before we leave and show him your—’
If we were on the cloud in the sky, I should have kicked him out from the sky.
This disciple doesn’t want to live anymore. You shall go back to your father and lead the troops. Western Paradise cannot keep you anymore.
I have said it. Since my disciple has gone wrong, he doesn’t come back to the right way no matter how hard I have tried, but I cannot tell that Heavenly King Li that your little prince has learned nothing from me but being toxic, and never opens his mouth for hundreds of years and once he speaks, there will not be a good word so please take him back to annoy yourself.
*Sigh*. This little prince was still a normal well-behaved kid when he was sent to me. Now after a few years of processing here, he has become a weird kid. How can an old deity like the Heavenly King Li accept this result?
We are both taken into the imperial palace to see that Tang emperor. As soon as Tang Taizong sees that both of us are beyond ugliness, he immediately becomes beyond happiness as if he has found some treasures. Xiao Yu has not introduced us and Tang Taizong hurries to ask: ‘Why are two sophisticated monks coming here?’
One of us is a scabies head and the other one has a lame leg. I have no idea why he thinks we are superior. It is probably that scabies head and a lame leg have almost become the synonym of sophisticated monks. If we act crazy, he must believe that we came from the sky.
Xiao Yu says: ‘These two sophisticated monks have a red silk kasaya and a nine-ring monk staff. I have checked them, and they are the valuable treasures of the world. I think Xuan Zang needs these, so I took them to see your highness.’
Oh, now you think these are treasures. Didn’t you want to buy the rag clothes a moment ago?
Tang Taizong is obviously very glad and asks me: ‘How much is this kasaya and how much is this monk staff?’
I tell him that this kasaya is 250 kg gold of disasters to anyone except for its designated person. It is free to the designated person.
Tang Taizing was delighted then he sees that I talk normally and act normally. He is not as happy and asks his attendant aside: ‘Why is this superior being not crazy?’
……Who told you superior beings are all crazy?!
Huian hears it clearly. He suddenly shouts: ‘The Tang emperor! This kasaya can keep the wearer from falling into the reincarnation circle, and you show no respect to Buddhism. Do you want to go the Wangsi City again!?’
The Tang emperor is shocked. He obviously didn’t expect that we know that he was summoned to the nether world because he broke his promise. He sees that we know a lot and believes that we are higher than higher beings immediately. He expresses his desire for this monk staff and the kasaya.
I hold onto Buddha’s ethereal rule and say to the Tang emperor: ‘If you give us money, we are not selling them.’
Xiao Yu speaks right after: ‘If you don’t want money, Tang is abundant, and we have a lot of treasures to exchange.’
……
Please shut up, prime minister Xiao.
The Tang emperor says: ‘You asked for 250 kg gold and now you heard me wanting to buy them and you don’t want money. Are you thinking that I will force you to give them to me for free?’
I don’t want to talk to this Tang Taizong now. Tathagata is wrong. If I say ethereal words to listeners, I have to consider their intelligence level.
Huian says: ‘If the user is Xuan Zang monk, we will not charge you. If the user is anyone else, we will not give you any discount.’
The Tang emperor becomes glad and says: ‘Great! Great! Great! It must be Xuan Zang who wears these! No one else in Tang is suitable for these treasures!’
He is glad obviously. He asks his servants to take this kasaya and asks Xuan Zang to come wear it. That Xuan Zang is confusedly being summoned into the imperial palace to wear new clothes.
The emperor says: ‘My imperial brother, let me see how you look in this kasaya. If you look good, we shall get it for you.’
That little monk is only eighteen years old and he grows up in a temple. He has never seen the emperor before. He is a little scared in the imperial palace. The emperor asks him to put it on, so he puts the kasaya on quickly.
Xiao Yu says: ‘Lights shine in the imperial palace. The bright pearl makes moonlights. That a treasure it is. It suits Xuan Zang monk the best.’
The Tang emperor says: ‘You have gained face for Tang. Let this monk in the kasaya and the monk staff in his hand to walk around Chang’an city!’
The residents of Chang’an city say: ‘What a living bodhisattva he is! He looks even better than Guanyin bodhisattva!’
The guards say: ‘Our Tang is hopeful! Our monk has more imposing manner than Ksitigarbha bodhisattva! The way to India must be smooth!’
Huian suddenly says when others are complementing: ‘He looks like a countryman who just enters a big city. Shifu, are you sure this guy is the Golden Cicada?’
……Kid, why are you talking irresponsibly the truth in front of the emperor.
Huian sees that I don’t give a response and says again: ‘Shifu, let’s go. I am a little scared.’
I ask: ‘What are you scared for? Isn’t this good?’
Huian points at that Xuan Zang of bright eyes and graceful eyebrows whose face is white like a meat bun: ‘I am afraid that he will suddenly come to you and say “This sister. I have seen you”.’
After he said it, I am gooseflesh all over as well. I believe there is something wrong but I don’t remember.
Yet, his jinxing mouth works after his words. That Xuan Zang glances at us among the crowd and I don’t know what he is thinking but he retrogrades to our direction.
I am a little nervous. I am nervous enough that I have forgot my lines. I ask Huian: ‘What do we do now accordingly?’
Huian says: ‘We show our real identity and ask them to take scriptures from the Western Paradise.’
People watch that Xuan Zang is hustling to us and we immediately show our real identity. Two shiny bodhisattvas suddenly appear and surprises the nearby people.
I was going to say my lines but that Xuan Zang sees me and suddenly becomes joyful. He says: ‘This sister. I have—’
Huian grabs my sleeves and tumbles to the clouds. He shouts back: ‘Three rolls of scriptures are in Tathagata Buddha, Nalanda Temple, India, Western Paradise. Don’t forget!’
People beneath us obviously have never seen any real deities. They all kneel down and I doubt if they heard our words clearly.
Among all these black headed crowd, only that little monk is looking up at us in the kasaya I gave to him, and with the monk staff I gave to him. He watches us leaving and mutters in a small voice in a daze after his unfinished sentence:
‘I have seen you in my past life.’