Well, that Tang Sanzang must have lectured him because Tang Sanzang is discontented after Sun Wukong killed six cateran.

How could Qitian Dasheng (Great Sage, Equal of Heaven) tolerate a lecture? Before Tang Sangzang finished his first sentence, Sun Wukong left without looking back on his Jing Dou Cloud. He tumbled straight 13468 miles so that he is too fast to leave his shadows behind.

*Sigh*. What a monkey he is. It seems that Tang Sanzang is still too young to restrain the monkey.

We as buddhas don’t have many abilities but talking on and on. This Xuan Zang’s ability to lecture has degraded.

Back then, he……

He could talk more than his shifu!

At the beginning, Tathagata gave me three headbands: a tight headband, a golden headband, a silence headband. I plan to put one on the monkey since he is disobedient. However, my memory is not so good: my short memory doesn’t come from a disabled brain but from an overly powerful brain. My brain holds the memory of tens of thousands of years and I am at the same time all-knowing so that I cannot distinguish the difference between these three headbands.

After all, they look the same. I cannot distinguish any of them based on their appearance.

At first, I wanted to go directly to that Tang Sanzang and give him a headband and teach him the spell to use it so he could speak that spell when he was bored and lecturing the monkey. You know, our buddhas don’t have other obvious abilities but we know how to lecture people. Lecturing can make people want to die as well.

However, I am also afraid to meet that little monk. He will goggle at me with his large eyes and come to me: ‘This sister. I have seen you in my past life……’

This will be scary.

Back then, when I was in Western Paradise, I couldn’t live well with this Golden Cicada. I didn’t expect him to be exiled to the mortal world. He doesn’t remember his shifu but he remembers me! This is scary.

That Golden Cicada is stubborn. I am scared more of his stubbornness than Sun Wukong’s Golden-banded staff. I have lived for so long that I like to talk to myself when I have nothing important to do. I am not talking to anyone, and I am just talking to myself when I am walking. One time, that Golden Cicada heard me talking and he disagreed with me and he argued against me. In order to keep arguing against me, he even stayed in my Nanhai, not leaving. Every morning since then, I woke up and saw him saying Amitabha. His talking caused me headaches.

Let alone that disobedient Sun Wukong, even a powerful being like me hates himself for not being able to bite him in order to shut him down.

I detested him for being too talkative. When he was talking, I was doing finger circles on my lotus seat. I silently cursed him and I wanted him to fall from Western Paradise and have bloody tragedies for eight lives.

Who knows that my curse works. He was distracted during Buddha’s lecture because he was thinking on how to argue against me. He was into the quarrel against me and he didn’t pay attention to Buddha’s speaking. He fell asleep in the class and was driven out of Western Paradise to the mortal world by Buddha. His nine lives ended in a yokai’s stomach. He still has not changed himself in his tenth life and now he is going to be thought about by countless yokais, demons, ghosts, and monsters.

Ayyyy, I have lived for so many years that I have seen many people. Some are black. Some are black and white. Some are colorful. Some are grey and dim. Yet, I cannot find a second being who is as purely white as his stubbornness since he was exiled away from Western Paradise.

I am thinking about how I should go find him. If I transform into a monk, he will question the location of my temple. If I transform into a lumberman, how I can have a valuable thing to give? I can only transform into an old lady and pretend that I am going to find my missing son with the clothes I sewed for him and a hat in my hand in which I have put that tight headband in.

In conclusion, being a woman in the mortal world has a few advantages. No matter at what age, women look friendlier than men and people are more willing to believe in women.

I limp forward on a stick. I always say that Huian doesn’t act as a lame man well that he has left leg lamed and then his right leg lamed. How about me? I cannot act as a lame person well either, but I have been acting as a woman for thousands of years. It can be a piece of cake for me.

From a distance, I see Xuan Zang walking alone. He is leading the horse and moving slowing forward on the cliff.

He sees me immediately when I enter his sight. He walks to the side of the road politely because I am an old lady. He is holding the horse aggrievedly and waiting for me to pass.

I ask him deceptively: ‘Skinny monk, why are you walking alone with your horse in the wild. Where did you come from and where are you going?’

Xuan Zang gives me a salute and says aggrievedly: ‘I am the monk from Tang who is going to Western Paradise to receive scriptures. I wasn’t alone. I took a disciple with me days ago, but he didn’t listen to my words. I rebuked him a word or two and he left me alone.’

I say to myself: This disciple runs away after a small rebuke; I am not the only shifu in the world who has a disciple whose temper is worse than his shifu. He was agitating for me but now as soon as I see that he is facing the same situation that I am facing, I feel sympathy for him and say: ‘This disciple is so out-of-control!’

Xuan Zang complains: ‘Isn’t he? He always says that he is Qitian Dasheng who made Heaven havoc, so he doesn’t want to put up with me. All my intentions are for him. I just want to persuade him to be good and to not kill more. I am more afraid that his killings will go after him one day!’

I hear that and have more sympathy for him. I couldn’t help reminiscing with him: ‘Right, right. A shifu always does things for the sake of his disciple. That child thinks he is powerful but what does he know? In this world, who says that you will win if you are physically more powerful? I have a dis— a son. He doesn’t listen to my words either and his temper is even worse than mine.’

He even thinks that he was still that second prince of the Lis with enormous power that he swings his rod to prove his strength no matter who he meets.

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Xuan Zang hears my words and complains as well: ‘He even thinks he was still that Qitian Dasheng who made Heaven a havoc with enormous power that he swings his rod to prove his strength no matter who he meets. Old lady, you must not know that he was found guilty because he has such a power. I am afraid that if Heaven accuses him one more time, no one can save him. Although he is disobedient, and he owes other beings a lot, he is still a good being in his nature. I don’t want to let him be buried as a yokai who will have a bad end in his life.’

Oh my! This Xuan Zang as expected has become better after his ten lives in the mortal world! I almost want to like him and exchange the experience of raising a disciple!

I stand on the road and let go of my stick. We are eagerly exchanging our experience of raising a disciple and complaining together how disobedient our disciples are. We are so into the chat that I almost forgot why I am here.

Finally, that Xuan Zang asks me: ‘Old lady, how is your son now? Did he grow up?’

……I finally recall why I am here.

I wipe my tears and say to him: ‘He did. Now he has joined Buddhism but unfortunately, he died a few days after that. I went to get his old clothes in the temple. Here.’

I hand the clothes and the hat with the tight headband to him: ‘My son died young. He doesn’t have the luck to be a monk. Your disciple can wear these clothes and this hat. Maybe he will come back.’

Xuan Zang takes them from me and says unhappily: ‘What can I do when he comes back? He will be still rebellious and doesn’t listen to my words or edification.’

I say to him: ‘Well, I have an idea to make him obedient. Here is a spell called “Mind Calming Truth Words” which also go by tight headband spell. The headband is hidden in this hat. You can cast the spell when he puts this hat on. I am sure he will listen to your words then.’

I taught him the spell and Xuan Zang memorizes it carefully. He suddenly looks at me with his shiny eyes. He opens his eyes wide and says: ‘Is this magical for real?’

I say: ‘Yes. What will I, an old lady, cheat you for?’

Xuan Zang examines the clothes and the hat with rapture. He asks: ‘Old lady, did you use this headband on your son as well?’

……No.

I ache for my disciple. I don’t want to harness this headband on him even when he doesn’t listen to my words.

This gadget is here for Sun Wukong the bastard.

I was thinking when I gave this equipment to Xuan Zang that he’d better murmur the spell for a few times per day so that Sun Wukong would have many waves of headaches and he would know the result of causing me troubles.

Now I have given that thing to Xuan Zang and I plan to find Sun Wukong. I didn’t expect to see that troublesome monkey coming back on his cloud after I left the cliff.

He comes back? This doesn’t seem normal for the monkey.

I go to him and ask disingenuously: ‘Why are you here?’

Sun Wukong says madly: ‘Old Sun has been accused by that monk. I just went to the East Sea, but I decided to come back after consideration.’

This is strange.

This disobedient monkey never listens to others. What made him come back?

That Sun Wukong glares at me and says: ‘I suddenly recalled the moment when I was beneath Five Element Mountain. Guanyin goddess, you asked me what I would do if the monk beat me, accused me, drove me away. I have sworn to you that I will not leave him unless he dumps me. Also, I have called him my shifu. If I regret now, others will think I am a stingy guy.’

Does this Sun monkey begin to understand things now?

He looks at my facial expression and he doesn’t think I believe his words. He gets mad and shouts: ‘Although I jumped out of a crack on a rock and don’t have a father to teach me or a mother to raise me, I am not a villain who lies and betrays. Since I have promised you Guanyin bodhisattva that I will protect him throughout the journey, I will do it.’

That monkey carries his golden cudgel on his shoulder grumpily. He tilts his head and says to me: ‘How prestigious I was when I was still Qitian Dasheng? How many deities were scared of me in the five lakes, four seas, mortal world, and the nether world? How many yokai kings became Damon and Pythias with me from three mountains, six caves, east, west, south and north? How many monkeys I led when I was the monkey king in the Mountain of Flowers of Fruit? How many lives I have saved and how many deaths I have caused? But when Old Sun became a goner and was imprisoned by that Buddha beneath the Five Element Mountain, no one recalls me during that five-hundred years. Let alone coming to visit me, they probably didn’t even mention my name. Only you, Guanyin bodhisattva came to save me and enlighten me. I have remembered this loving-kindness and will not betray you.’

I didn’t expect this monkey to keep faith.

He sees that I am looking at him surprised and I don’t seem to believe him. He knows that he can never argue against me to win and he just turns around and walks away angrily.

They seem to have made peace, so I am going back to my Nanhai. I can enjoy my peace and quiet for a while now.

I come back and Huian is sitting by the lotus pond. He asks me: ‘Shifu, did you solve the problem between that monkey and his shifu?’

I say: ‘I did.’

Huian asks again: ‘Is everything taken care of?’

I was going to say yes but I am afraid that monkey will cause trouble again. I don’t dare to exaggerate so I wave my willow twig. A scene of the two of them appears on the lotus pond.

Once that Sun Wukong puts on the hat, Xuan Zang begins to cast the spell. The tight headband immediately grows its root on the monkey’s head. No matter how hard he tries to take it off, the tight headband doesn’t break. The monkey feels so much pain that he is knocking his head on a rock.

I am gratified and say: ‘Okay, problem solved.’

However, a shout comes from the lotus pond: ‘Fine! It must be that Guanyin in Nanhai who harms me! Who else in the world would have such a treasure to surrender me!?’

After that, he looks back at that Xuan Zang fiercely: ‘You are my shifu. I will not say more if you want me to die, but now that Guanyin in Nanhai harms me! Stay here and I shall go beat him in Nanhai!’

I who just said “Problem solved”: ‘……’

This monkey is ungrateful. Why don’t you think about the event when I saved you from that Five Element Mountain and provided you a way to be enlightened?

That Tang monk wants to stop him but Sun Wukong has disappeared after one Jing Dou Cloud. He must be heading to my Nanhai.

In the scene on the lotus pond, that monk feels anxious and grumbles: ‘This monkey is so impatient. Why don’t you think before you act? The headache spell was taught by Guanyin bodhisattva to me. I can cast it. So can he. Your trip to Nanhai is looking for more headache. Ayyy, too tough to teach. He is really too tough to teach!’

I sigh as well. This monkey son is a little silly.

He saved his brain and didn’t want to use his brain when he was little. Who knows that he still doesn’t have much brain left when he grows up……

I was sighing and then I hear a shout from my black bamboo grove. This shout falls my bamboo leaves like a rain. It is full of power and grandeur and no less than a roar from a tiger:

‘Nanhai Guanyin! Come out and fight me!’

‘Guanyin bodhisattva! Among all the deities and buddhas in the sky, I respect you only! I submit to no one and never kneel down to ordinary beings! I have only knelt down to my shifu and you Guanyin bodhisattva. My head has never lowered when I see that Jade Emperor in the Lingxiao Palace thirty-three levels up there in the sky! I respect you and trust you, but you constantly think of how to harm me and put that tight headband on me and ask that little monk to talk me to death!’

I say to myself that this kid has unparalleled silliness. You have already known that I gave the tight headband to the monk and now you are coming to seek more torture?

I can just sit here and raise my lips and you will have to kneel down and roll on the ground because of the pains.

However, I was going to give him a lesson to show my Guanyin’s power to him, but I didn’t expect my weird disciple to pick up his rod and rush to him. He shouts: ‘Sun! Do not beat my shifu! Fight me first!’

……

If my weird disciple is not a dumb one, he must do it on purpose.

In fact, you must know that this monkey couldn’t even reach your shifu, let alone fighting me. Now you are yawping here, and you just want to fight someone.

Huian squares his shoulders and raises his chin. He points at Sun Wukong with his black rod: ‘If you want to fight my shifu, you shall pass my corpse first!’

……

You are such a trouble-looking traitorous disciple!