Me lost. Da big-stick-place look da same. Me no know where me come from… me no know where me goin’.
It da same big-stick again. Me seen it one… two…
Lots a’ times.
Me kick da ground an’ ground go fly an’ hit da big-stick. Me smacky-water feeling ’cause me lost da fresh carved-sticks.
Me hurty. It hurty to carry. Me come back when it no so hurty.
Hungry… thirsty…
Me want da nice cold cave. It no hurt dere. Never lost in cave. No flicker-hot in cave. Shoulder itchy-scratchy… but it hurt if me touch. Can’t touch. Me did that, an’ now it squelchy an’ more hurty.
Dat no good.
Me hungry…
Me noggin start workin’. Me no want it workin’, dat make me hungry, so me go smack it… but den it make good-think so me stop.
When me piss… da slither-scaler come. It cute… but me can eaty dat. Me walk to big-stick dat make me smacky-feeling, an’ me stream.
[ Failed to claim territory: No connection to reinforced territory. ]
NO! Me no want you! Me want food!
Why it no come?
Me… get no dinner?
Ok… me go more walkin’. It no nice. Me put me foot down on da ground, an’ it shake me body, an’ dat shake da flicker-hot-hurtys, an’ den dey hurty more.
Me jus’… lay down? Maybe… maybe me jus’ lay down. Me look around. It… peaceful here. Dat right.
Da big-stick-floaties make rustle sound as breezy-breath touchy dem. Flutterwing-beautys land on beauty-discs.
Why do dey no break da beauty-discs? Dey too small?
It nice here. Me sit down, an’ drop da carved-sticks. Me no want picky dem up. It hurty too much. Me jus’ sit… an’ me listen. Strange sharp sound go above, an’ dey be different.
Some long.
Some short.
Some clicky — some singy.
Me never tried singy.
Me try singy?
Me open mouth an’ me make loudest mouth-sound me can.
…
…
It so loud da big-sticks rustle an’ da singy sounds stop. Hehe… me beat all of dem at singy! Why else dey stop?
Wait…
Now it quiet… me hear…
Me noggin’ go clicky! It river! Me jump up, me rush towards river-sound, me pull on da big-sticks an’ me go so fast me rip bark from dem all.
[ Failed to claim— ]
[ Failed to claim— ]
[ Failed to claim— ]
[ Failed to claim— ]
[ Failed to claim— ]
Me eyes shit, but it no go. Me keep runnin’ to da sound… an’ den me legs no touchy da ground no more.
Me open eyes. Me stomach go weird. Me smash into ground, den fly like flutterwing-beauty before me smash in ground again, an’ den again. Me eyes go spinnin’ an’ spinnin. It like when me roll in mud, but me no stop, an’ den me stomach go weird an’ me let out mouth-food!
[ Failed to claim territory: no connection to base territory ]
Me roll and den—
…
…
…
…
Me… hurty all. Arm move… an’ den it fall an’ me can no move it no more. Da roof-roof no glowy now… an’ da glowy-hurty thing gone.
Ooh… me leg movin’… an’ den me arm… it start to no hurty. Dat good. Den a flutterwing-beauty land on ground next to me. It big one. An’ it pretty. Me want touch it… but me arm no move yet.
It peck me, den tilt it head an’ look. Den it peck-peck-peck an’ one of me eyes close… an’ me can’t open it again. Den me no see at all.
Dat no good.
Me arm fall, an’ me hear fluttery-sound.
Da flutterwing-beauty gone?
Oh. Me liked it.
Me eye come back… an’ den me can move me neck. What happen?
Me look behind. Only… dere nothin’ dere. Only ground… me look up. Dey’s da big-stick place!
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Me see… me must big-fall. Oops.
Stomach growl at me, big roar. Louder than me singy before. Me hungry… really hungry. But me still hurty… an’ me still no move. Da flicker-hot-hurty hurty more now.
Me stay away from flicker-hot. Dey’s scary.
Me landed next to big-river. BIG river. Much water, but it no go like river. It no move.
Noggin go thinky. Dey’s water… dey’s finny-flappers. Me can eats dem… dey no good pets anyway.
Me feel me arm… an’ me can move one of dem. Me head lookin’ through me legs… but me put arm out an’ me pull da ground.
Me move! Me drag meself to da water, an’ me look in. Buts me no see finny-flappers… so me gots to hunt!
Wait… Wait… Wait…
Dere!
Me grab for finny-flapper, an’ me send water fly! Me touch it… but it go further! Me go forward — an’ den me fall! Me make big splash!
Me nose feel bad. Me… is… under da water? Me put leg out but dey’s no wet-ground! Dis no like river! Me no stand on ground! Me sink!
Me no move legs, me no move arm — me grab for da ground but me sink fast-fast! Dey’s nothin’ to grab!
Water fill me nose! Den me open mouth to breathe an’ dat fill too! Me heart go bumpy, me move da water but it no work!
Me scared, me scard! Me gettin’ further from da ground! Further from da top!
Den… me no scared. No hurty. Me eyes start closin’. It no hurty, here. Da flicker-hot-hurty no hurty.
Is… okay.
Den me see slither-big-stick come at me an’ me grab it with all me grugstrength an’ me fear an’ me hurty come back! Me no pull, but me goin’ higher an’ den me out of da water an’ me land on da ground.
Me scramble back from da big-river an’ me cough an’ splutter an’ gasp until dey be no more water in me chest. Da heart bumpy go down… until me looky at big-river an’ den it come back.
No likey big-river. Big-river bad. Bad like flicker-hot. So me no look, an’ me back away more. Me jus’ look at roof-roof an’ me breath.
It all hurty more. Chest hurty, back hurty, shoulder an’ arm an’ butt all hurty.
Me cave… dat water. Me maybe feel dat more. Water no good. Me no want dat again.
What me do now?
“Hello…?”
What dat be!? Me look… but dey’s no troll. Den how me understand? Me hear trollspeak! What happen?
“Over here!” it say, an’ den me look at me shoulder. Dere be… annoying-buzzy. Dey’s little an’ no-good pets so me smack it!
Ow! Flicker-hot-hurty hurty more! Me smack it! It hurty! Why it hurty!?
“Hey! Be careful! I’m trying to heal that, you big dumb oaf!” it say more. Me look around… but den me move hand from shoulder… an’ da annoying-buzzy still dere. How?
Me poke it… an’ me finger no touchy?
What dis be?
It touch da flicker-hot-hurt an’ den… an’ den it… an’ den it no hurty so much no more. Dat… feel good. So good. Den dis nice annoying-buzzy?
Me never met not-annoying-buzzy before. Me no know what call?
“I’m a forest spirit.”
What? How it know?”
“Because you’re speaking to yourself. You constantly speak to yourself. I’ve never met another troll — but I don’t know if they do that.”
Me no speak to self. Me noggin’ speakin’, no grug-mouth. All dat do eat. It go on me shoulder. It annoying-buzzy… but it no annoying.
Me no understand.
“Yes, I am in a fly’s body right now but if I had to listen to that buzzing all day I think I might rather have stayed inside the rock-prison.”
…
Why me hear you an’ why it make listen good?
“You can understand me because I can speak to any living thing — even if we don’t speak the same language. Perks of being a Nature Realm creature. Even if you just screamed the entire time I’d understand.”
Me no understand… but ok. Me listen you. Want be friend, not-annoying-buzzy?
“Yes, Grug, I’d like to be friends… and I would prefer you refrain from falling off cliffs and then dragging your broken body into water so deep you can’t see the bottom. It took a lot of my energy just to drag you up — and I don’t get more of that unless I reestablish my connection to this forest.”
Not-annoying-buzzy help? Help Grug?
Da not-annoying-buzzy move it head up an’ down. Me somehow know it mean yes. How?
Me stomach go singy… an’ me walk. Me need eaty… me want good-eaty, no chewy-eaty or hard-eaty. Me lick lips. Snappy-jaws me tas—
Da water make me heart go bumpy.
Ok… no snappy-jaws.
“Oh, you definitely shouldn’t go near the lake again… but try not to be afraid of all water.”
It fly around me… like big-stick-floaties, but glowy.
“I’m not a leaf, Grug. Oh, and if you want to go back to your bridge… you’re going the wrong way.” It say.
Me look at it. Me hungry. Me eaty, den me go bridge…
Me no thirsty.
“I doubt crocodiles will be filling for something your size… most things that weigh what you do eat animals with a little more size and a lot more fat. Hmm…”
Me touch flicker-hot-hurty on back… an’ it hurty more.
“Oh, for Dryad’s sake, Grug, don’t touch it! As soon as I get my energy back, I’ll heal it. It’s not a deep wound. Stay here… I’ll find you some food. I’ll be right back, okay? Don’t. Go. In. The. Water.”
It float off… an’ me sit. Me tired. Da big-river start glowy… but da glowy different. Soft. Me too tired to move… an’ den me see finny-flappers in da water.
It make me want go… but… da big-river scary. Water scary…
Maybe me… jus’ shut me eyes. Like in da forest.
Maybe me hear… da river again.
—
“Grug! Grug! Wake up, please wake up!”
Da not-annoying-buzzy loud. Me no want open me eyes… but den me nose smell somethin’… an it smell good!
Eyes open, me look, but me grab it before me even see. Me mouth water… me no like water…
But den da smell hit me more! It long, it go four legs like long-face-thingy, but it go wet eyes an’ strange sticks on head. Me like stick-on-head… me want stick-on-head.
Me touch — an’ da thingy move an’ make bad-singy an’ me jump!
Not-annoying-buzzy land on it head, an’ den it speak trollspeak.
“Thank you for your sacrifice, Stag. Go to Him with my blessing.”
It no move no more.
“Okay, Grug… eat as much as you want. My way of repay—“
Me already tear leg off an’ me bite it! It taste good! So much good! Snappy-jaw taste bad after me taste stick-on-head-thingy!
When me done with legs, me bite it back, an’ da hard-eaty bit go crunch! Me grind me teeth an’ it become no-so hard-eaty no more.
It good! It good-good! It make mouth feel good an’ stomach stop singy!
Me grab it other leg an’ me hold it tight, den’ me swallow it all an’ close me mouth around it hard-eaty bit, den me pull. All da good-eaty an’ da chewy-eaty come off da hard-eaty, an’ me chomp an’ mash an’ chew an’ crush until me swall an’ it go down hard on me throat!
Den me can’t breathe, like in big river!
“Oh, for fuck’s sake Grug are you seriously choking right now!?”
Me punch throat an’ me throat go in an’ den out. Me swallow good, it go down!
It okay!
Me smartest troll!
Me do same to other legs, but me no need smack throat dis time. Den me pick-up it an’ me eat along da back. It got hard-eaty, so me grind dat until it good-eaty.
When me in cave, me save hard-eaty an’ put dem in da water until dey’s soft… an’ den suck dem till gone. Good stuff.
But now me just chomp.
Me look at stick-head. It look nice. Me want stick head…
“They’re called antlers, Grug… and I’m pretty sure trolls don’t grow them…”
It keep talk but me looky at stick-head. Me grip da sticks… me want dis. Me want dis on me head. Me want stick-heads stick-head.
Me pull!
“I would prefer if you didn’t—“
Me tear stick-head from stick-head an’ me grab grass. Den, me put it between me fingers an’ make connecty-grass. Stick-head go on me head, an’ den me tie it with me connecty-stuff!
It stay! Me clap an’ den me giggle!
Me smartest troll!
Me beauty troll!
Not-annoying-buzzy land on me finger. “How did you do that?”
Me looky at it. Do what?
“You took grass… and just… turned it into rope!? How!?”
Me look at grass, den me grab it an’ me put it in me fingers. It become connecty-grass. Me put it out to not-annoying-buzzy.
But it look at it. “How…?”
Me shrug, an’ me drop da connecty-grass. Me pick-up stick-head again… but den me noggin go click.
It no stick-head now… it got no stick-on-head.
What me call it now?
“It’s still called a Stag, even if you remove the antlers.”
Me knows! Stickless-head!
Now me go eaty, an’ me eaty good!