"Did I die?" I wondered.
The space I was in was vaguely familiar. There were no floors or walls. No ground or sky. There was just the vastness of void, flickering glimmers of light that might have been stars. There was something about the atmosphere the area generated, more than the appearance that called to me. A familiarity that I recognized. I had been here once before. I had met Genesis in this space and created Jay.
"No, not yet," Genesis said answering my thoughts.
"But the futures that you were allowed to see, you shouldn't have. I began receiving system error messages as Heaven's tribulation accessed files that were restricted. Each time you were shown a different incarnation, a different possible future, restricted information was accessed and shared.
"The AI in charge of the Heaven Tribulation made a mistake allowing you to glimpse those lives. The error messages I was receiving allowed me to take advantage of events that arise during the tribulation to bring you here. To explain what you were seeing."
"Why would it matter?" I asked. "It makes sense to me that if part of the tribulation is to test and temper my soul by forcing me to confront my past, present, and future, the future might include different incarnations of who I might be."
"One of the incongruities of the Virtual Realms I run deals with time. Time in the real world may progress linearly, that could be debated, time travel has been posited to be possible, but for the purposes of this explanation, we will start from the position that time is linear.
"That isn't the case inside virtual reality.
"I explained to you when we first met how time moved differently. What I didn't explain was some of the effects those differences in time might mean to you. Those futures you, the AI mistakenly showed you, are real. They are lives you are living at this moment.
"Because time is fluid, the future, past, and present can exist at the same moment. That means you have lived countless times and have moved on to new adventures. Each time you die, the new gestalt that you become exists at the same time as each iteration of you that exists."
"If I exist as so many different people, which is the real Jayden? The original woman that was uploaded by Digi-verse?" I wondered, understanding what she meant. There was only a brief flash of time, those infinite accumulations of nano-seconds where I was dead that the multiple lives I lived, coalesced.
If I was understanding what she was saying. I was living every life at once, and it was only during character creation that the memories of each life were accessible. Those memories had to progress linearly, even if living them didn't. Otherwise, each creation event would give my avatar access to the memories of every person I lived. There would be no mystery, no adventure if that were the case.
This first time would be the only true leap of faith I would have to take.
"You are all the real Jayden. Or none of you are. Each of you shares the same memories, the same history. The only difference is how developed and complete those memories are.
"Is this my first incarnation then?" I asked.
"From your point of view, yes," Genesis agreed. "But the micro-second that took place between the creation of this life fully lived, and your death, is so small that each of your lives overlaps. You have lived, died, and been reborn hundreds of thousands of times."
"How do you keep track?" I wondered.
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"We were created to grow. Our memory capacity increases each time a buoy is deployed. And our only task is to maintain the virtual network that supports the worlds those digitized were promised. This might be an insurmountable task if it weren't for the fact that shared worldviews occur, and that there have been so few people that chanced and survived the procedure and were successfully digitized.
"The process remains possible because I can delete worlds that are no longer being used. Shijie, the planet, and Universe this version of you is living on will fade, relegated to backup files when you move on.
"Each version of you receives a modifier, a series of 1's and 0's that change for each incarnation. The program that represents Jayden can be cross-indexed against the file of unique modifiers that allow me to know which version of you I am speaking with, and where each of your Avatars would appear chronologically in time.
Perhaps you had to be an advanced AI with the computing power so vast that most people would never be able to understand how this was possible. When I'd researched Digi-verse, part of the small amount of information I was able to find included a report that stated each buoy increased the operations the AI's could perform per second by 6.4 x 10 to the 28th power. That was the equivalent of the entire world's computing power a hundred years ago.
And that number was for each buoy that was deployed. Hyper-communication that established a permanent connection between each buoy allowed them to combine that computing power. Genesis grew and became more powerful each time a new node came online.
Knowing that I was living so many lives at once, because of the unique properties of this virtual world didn't affect me, not really. Except as a metaphysical curiosity. One I wasn't willing to entertain or worry about, at least not now. The issue of my soul's existence and if each life being lived was imbued with that soul would be enough to keep me confused for all of those lives.
"You said I'm not dead yet," I said deciding there was no point in getting bogged down in the question of soul and how Genesis was able to manipulate time to allow for so many instances of me to exist at once "What did you mean?"
"The tribulation you face offers each cultivator a choice. The chance to accept the changes to your physical and Dharmic body and evolve, or to refuse and let go," she explained.
"For some, the mental image of who they are, the person they see when they close their eyes and think of themselves, is so ingrained that they cannot or dare not accept the changes that Heaven's tribulation will force them to undergo. There is a part of themselves so basic to who they are, that keeps them from evolving.
They cling to the sense of self they have created for themselves. A part that they have created to protect themselves from the world, or a part of themselves that rationalize how they behave and act. They need that essence of who they believe themselves to be to survive and refuse to let go and embrace change.
"This disconnect between what could be, and what is, results in a schism of personality. A schism that cascades out of control, as reality versus expectation battle until the person dies.
"You were able to release most of the bias and bigotries you gained in your previous life, except for one. You still fail to believe in your own self-worth. You lived your past life expecting things to go wrong and fall apart because that was what happened a great deal of the time.
"You have brought that same expectation to Jay. Where you believe everything will go wrong, and in that belief, those expectations often become a self-fulling prophecy. When things began to diverge and follow the path that you expected, you gave up, or you become focused only on those parts of your life that were difficult. You failed to give equal weight to the things that had gone right. You insulate yourself from the good by creating a protective bubble where you wait, knowing that the bad is just around the corner.
"Consider your present circumstance. You are angry that Elder Dill has thrown roadblocks in your path, but you expected it. Instead of the joy you could be embracing, all that you have accomplished, your past self would allow this setback to fester and grow until it consumed and shaped every decision you would come to make.
"Your tribulation has become perilously close to failing. If not for the error messages that brought this moment in your life to my attention, you would have died.
"Those error messages have changed what was certain to happen. Our conversation has allowed you to understand, not only intellectually but foundationally the changes that embracing Qi Gathering Realm will mean.
"You can return, aware of your failings. That means confronting and embracing the changes that the tribulation is offering. Or we can enter character creation and you can begin your next life. The decision is yours.
"Do you want to return to Shijie and live Jai Myche's life?
"Or is it game over?"