Waking up to a dark room was unusual.
No. Waking up in the darkness was normal.
The few days I had spent living on the Line was the unusual. Was the unnatural.
Trying to sit up, I let out a strange sound when I realized I couldn't.
The blanket on top of me felt way too heavy... impossibly heavy.
It felt like I was buried in sand.
Maybe I was!
“He's furious.”
My heartbeat quickened, and because of it a strange pain shot through me. I groaned and wanted to push the blanket off, to see what was hurting, but didn't have the strength.
With the pain though... and a small light being lit, revealing Rivini... the memories came back.
Letting my head fall back to the pillow, I squeezed my eyes and cried.
The smell of the candle being lit filled the room as I sobbed. “I can't even kill myself. What do I do to gain freedom?” I asked.
“You hate us so heavily, child?” Rivini asked.
“I... I didn't. Not entirely, not at first,” I said honestly.
“What changed you? The marriage? The Line?”
I shook my head, and looked to the old woman. “You. Everyone. Our House,” I said.
“Us...? So you hate us as a people, we of the Derri,” she said, as if amused.
“How could I not? You're a woman too, so I just can't comprehend how you don't understand...”
“Hm. Indeed. I'm willing to concede the fact that a daughter has a rougher life in this House than a son,” Rivini admitted.
“Yet you still won't understand,” I said.
“Understand what? Your suffering?” she asked.
Suffering...?
Glaring at her, I started to breathe faster... and it hurt. But I couldn't help it. I was growing angry.
“Everything,” I said to her.
Rivini laughed, stepping closer. Shadows danced along her as she came up to the bed, sitting down next to me. “Everything?” she asked.
Glaring at her, I wished I had the strength to sit up.
“Don't act like that. You know full well what we daughters of the Derri have had to endure all this time,” I said to her.
“I do. I know very well. Which is why I can't understand you,” she said.
Looking away from her, because the sight of her made me sick, I looked instead at the wall.
“You understand suffering. You know what it's like to go without food... to watch your sisters and brothers go without food, for so long that they pass in the middle of the night. Yet here now, before you, is an opportunity to fix it all... to end the suffering. Of not just yourself, but all in the House of Derri,” Rivini said.
My muscles twitched as she spoke, as if telling me some kind of bed time story. “And to top it all off, I even made you the pinnacle of it all. The savior, the wife!” she said, rather loudly. “You'd have lived a life beyond your means, and then some. Yet you... throw it all away, like brushing sand off a plate,” she finished, nearly cursing at me at the end.
“I wasn't going to let you do to me what you did to my grandmother,” I said finally.
“What? To be a bride of peace?” she asked.
I nodded.
It was why my mother hated me. Why my father didn't exist. Why I was a healer, and alone... and... and why I was a member of Derri.
Rivini stared at me for a long while. Long enough that I was able to shed several tears, and for them to dry.
“I told you we were related, didn't I?” she asked.
“You said we could be,” I argued.
She bobbed her head back and forth, then nodded. “I'd say we are. Especially now. After seeing just how deep your hate runs. Just like my sister,” she said.
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
Such a thing only made me hate her more. To not only make her own sisters suffer, but her blood-granddaughter as well!
“So tell me... was it the shame you could not live with? That forced your hand,” she asked.
“I could have lived with shame,” I said.
“Then why did you try to kill yourself?” she asked, peering closer to me.
“I couldn’t kill him or let any of you do it either,” I said.
“Why not? People die over sand, let alone over the wealth and power provided by Lines,” Rivini’s tone was leveled, but I could tell she still couldn’t understand.
“If I allowed this wedding to happen… then killed him like you wanted me to, the Front-Line would have become the House of Derri’s,” I said softly.
“And what’s wrong with that!”
Tears flowed as I imagined the life. Living as a member of Derri, on the Front-Line.
Watching as we went from town to town, city to city, spreading such greed and hate.
“I was alright with staining my own hands, I had even come to terms with being the one to bring the House of Derri back from the depths… But I refuse to be the one to gift the House of Derri to the world,” I cried.
For a moment Rivini allowed my tears, but only a moment as she scoffed.
“Ah... I see... well, you may have succeeded. No one's quite sure what to do, but something tells me this is the end for us.”
“Good.”
“Hm... possibly,” the elder sat back in her chair for a moment, then sighed.
“So... You think you and your grandmother were the only ones, child?” she then asked.
“I know we aren't. That's why I...” I started to speak, but the old woman waved me off.
“So selfish. Thinking like that,” she said.
I had to turn my head a little more to look her in the eyes, now that she was sitting back. The look she was giving me made it clear, even though I didn't want to admit it. “You too then, were a bride of peace?” I asked.
“Yes. You may not believe it... but the House that I and your grandmother came from was even worse than this one,” Rivini said, almost sarcastically.
“Both of you...?” I asked softly.
“I was first,” she said.
“Then why are you so...!” I didn't know what else to say. What could I say? If she understood... if she knew what it was like, to be treated like we were then...!
“What? Such a woman of Derri?” she asked.
I stayed silent as I glared at her, and smiled.
“Once I gained enough power in the House, I brought her over,” Rivini said, then stood from her seat.
Her old body went into motion as she paced a little, in anger and annoyance.
“For a better life. A cleaner one. One where we could eat, and have children. Where our children would eat and grow old, and not die from pestilence, or starvation,” Rivini said, her voice rising.
I couldn't understand. If she thought like that then... why was she so...
“But like you, my sister was ungrateful. She hated me, for forcing her into a marriage without love. And that hate spread from me, to the House of Derri, as I grew to become a part of it. To spite me, she'd always be so... so...” Rivini stopped talking, and walking, then looked over at me. “So like you,” she finished.
Horrible understanding filled me as I realized why mother had always been so cruel to me. And why my blood-grandmother had not been.
“She must have seen herself in you, which is why she doted on you. If I had known that she'd have infected you with her stupid ideals then I would have separated you two,” Rivini said, her voice becoming hoarse.
“Why... why then are you like this? Haven't you once ever realized that maybe there was a reason grandmother acted that way? That there was a reason I am like her?” I asked her.
“Because I'm not greedy like you. I'm not foolish, like the two of you. I know that the world is as coarse and rough as the sands themselves! If we want to survive in this world, we must earn it. Even if we must do so off the bones of our children,” Rivini said, walking back towards me and the bed.
She was breathing heavily, but I wasn't worried she'd attack me or kill me... after all; I may as already be dead.
I couldn't do anything to stop her, even if I wanted to anyway.
“Like you, when I was young... before I had children myself... Before I grew to love my brothers and sisters, I had hated this House. But that changes when Derri blood being spilled, becomes the blood of my sons and daughters.”
Rivini paused for a moment, catching her breath. As she did so, she sat back down, and with great breaths she sighed. “Derri becomes me. I hated it, still hate parts of it... but what choice do we have child?” she asked softly.
I didn't answer, because I didn't have one.
“Which was why I had chosen you,” she then said.
The old woman looked defeated, and weak. She looked older than she were.
“Elder...?”
“I knew all along you were her granddaughter. Hard not to. Why do you think you've never been married off or sold, stupid child,” she said, her voice becoming softer and softer.
My eyes went wide as I stared at the woman, and the tears that were welling up in her eyes.
“She was my sister. Not just a Sister of the House, but my blood sister. My younger sister. I had cared for her, because our mother wouldn't,” she said as she cried.
“I brought her here, in hopes to give her a better life. But when she showed up, she... she hated me. I failed. I didn't realize she had already made a life of her own elsewhere, and by the time I realized it was too late. The deed had been done,” Rivini continued.
“So... making me the bride was...” I started to say.
“My hope for redemption. It was a long shot. But child... such things are the only chances those like us get. It was dangerous, and a crazy idea but...”
I didn't know what to say, as the old woman cried in front of me. She was revealing her heart and soul to me, and I...
I...
“I can't say if being that man's wife, or property, would be any better... it could be far worse. But it's an option. An option that both me and my sister, and thousands of others, would have given anything to have... and we would have all taken it.”
Rivini drew closer, reaching out and squeezing a part of the pillow right in front of my face as she knelt down next to me. To whisper to me.
“If the House of Derri perishes, so be it. But let us have that chance, child. Just as you should take the one presented to you.”
Her serious demeanor was something I had never seen before, and I wondered if this was the true Rivini.
Not the Rivini of Derri, but she herself.
“Take it child. Take a hold of it, and never let it go.”