“It’s the one and only P-Dubbbbb! Ha! See, you’re so awesome that not even prison could contain your epicness!” Brent complimented as he made a series of hand gestures directed towards Pepper.
The entire ordeal made Pepper arch his eyebrows and judge his best friend. He had always questioned exactly what level of crazy Brent was. The most alarming thing was that Pepper was fairly confident it was getting worse over time.
He leaned in and clasped Brent’s hand. After a quick hug, the war crime level of cologne coming off Brent caused him to pull back. “Dude, why are you trying to kill me with your chemical warfare? What the heck?”
“It isn’t that bad, P-Dub.”
“Yes, yes, it actually is. One, it is way too sweet.” Pepper took a quick pause as he sneezed so hard that his back hurt. “There’s something else… it’s like a spicy type of… oh, dude, it is just nasty. You have to sit as far away from me as possible.”
“It’s call Sweet Fire and Solid Ice. It’s all the rage in Golem Chat!”
“Golem Chat?”
“Oh! It’s the same thing as League Chat, they just changed the name and rebranded it while you were locked up.”
Pepper paused at the news but shrugged it off and returned to cringing over the fragrance. “Do you know anyone, and I really mean anyone, else that actually uses that?”
“Well… no. I guess not.”
“Congratulations, homie—welcome to the wonderful world of false advertising and targeted marketing.”
“Targeted marketing? How am I a target of a bad cologne product?”
“Because you’re desperate.” Pepper smiled and crossed his arms.
A frustrated look appeared on Brent’s face. “I’m not desperate!” he countered.
“Is that a fact? Tell me… how are things going with Summer?” Pepper slowly leaned back and rested against the doorframe.
“Look, she’s been super busy. I mean, soon she’ll respond to my… one of… twenty-three calls.”
“And how many texts have you sent her?”
Brent pressed his lips together. “That’s not important, Pepper.”
Pepper cued in to the loud footsteps thumping behind him. He had gotten used to hearing Amprage moving around the house, primarily from the multiple times Amp had had enough of playing with Meg and tried to hide somewhere.
Pepper leaned to the side just in time for Amprage to poke his head through the doorway. “I heard a disturbance out here. Is everything all right?”
“Dude, dude, dude, dude, duddddeee! You weren’t lying! You really do have a familiar! Wow, it’s crazy to see Amprage alive like this. Can I pet it? Does it have magical powers like the Golem Chat message boards say they do?”
“I mean, I did tell you. This is Amprage. Yes, you can pet him, but that also just sounds weird, seeing how he is made of pure metal. And no, he doesn’t have magical powers. It’s just a living golem with a personality.”
Amprage tilted his head at the two. “If my hearing caught the conversation properly, at this very moment I am quite happy not to have a nose at this point. Given the poor choices of the energy signature standing before me, that, I would assume, is Brent.”
“It can talk!” Brent exclaimed with, his jaw practically falling to the floor. “Wait… did he just insult me?”
“Look, let’s just go watch the match before it starts without us. Come on, Amp.” Pepper turned and the three made their way out to the workshop. By the time they arrived, the two announcers were already on the holoscreen. “See, we almost missed it, you nerd,” Pepper scolded him as he plopped down in the recliner.
Without warning, Amp leapt up into his lap. The solid mass of metal practically crushed his organs, and Pepper coughed and fought to regain his breath. “Amp…” He struggled to get the word out.
“Should I delete couch and chair snuggles from my personality profile?” The dog’s head turned and looked at him.
“Just change the parameters of your approach to be gentler.”
“Will do, Pepper,” Amp said with a confident tone. The metal dog then curled up in a ball in his lap.
Pepper’s attention turned back to the match. The camera was panning out, showing a vast forest stretching as far as they could see. He immediately recognized the arena: Cascades. Located in the Pacific Northwest of America, this arena was the largest one to date. Redwood trees towered over the golems, along with jagged rock cliffs that blended into the volcanic Cascade mountain range.
The camera angles were tight and narrow, as the drones had to maneuver in between the massive trees. They watched as the first golem made its way into the arena. The black chiseled head of a lion with glowing purple eyes moved through a cluster of trees. Its upper torso was covered in black shiny metal armor. The piece was designed in a medieval style. The shoulders were capped on both sides with small demonic skulls. The lion had both hands firmly clasped around a halberd.
JD’s voice sounded when the camera began to shift its angle and proceed to the other side of the arena. “The Slaughtercat arrives! Haha. I got to say, Nick, that is one bad mamba jamba cat right there. And, of course, it is wielding my favorite medieval weapon—the halberd! A two-handed polearm that gained momentum between the thirteenth and sixteenth centuries. These things have a wicked ax blade on one side, but it also has massive spike mounted at the end of the long shaft. It can poke, it can chop, it can slash, it’s a razzle-dazzle-full-of-frazzle weapon. You know what I mean?”
Nick’s voice followed quickly. “I mean, I kinda understand. Except for that last part, but we get it. You love the weapon, and, I mean, how can you not love an awesome-looking golem like Slaughtercat? But! Not so fast there, JD! Because Miss Amy Frongrad is going up against a man who knows battle in and out of the arena all too well. Because James Hunter, Commander of the VetCore guild and his pirate captain are not to be underestimated.”
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“For a guy who constantly reminds everyone that he is a Marine and not a part of the navy, you can’t get more ironic than having a pirate golem,” JD countered.
“Well, that may be, JD. But the pirate captain has certainly been a fan favorite. And we all know the golden rule of Golem League action—give the fans more of what they want! And that is exactly what we have for you all today.”
Pepper smiled when he saw that James had had a custom rum bottle made for his golem. The pirate captain acted like he was drinking from it and then made it appear like the bottle was empty by jiggling it upside down. The pirate launched the fake bottle down onto the ground. A giant fireball sprang up as the bottle erupted.
The pirate also had a small metallic parrot that sat on its shoulder. It acted like it was cawing, and a loud echoing bird call rang out across the arena. A big tricorn hat sat upon the captain’s head, a feather protruding from it.
The captain’s hard, chiseled face was painted to look like it was a living giant. This was complemented by a realistic replica of an old British navy uniform. The blue sailor’s coat was ripped, tattered, and torn in multiple places—a gritty look that made it extremely realistic. A leather belt ran across the captain’s chest and bore three holsters containing muskets. The belt was connected to a similar waist belt that housed another two muskets, a dagger, and a long cutlass secured in a scabbard.
The countdown timer appeared, and as it hit zero, the loud horn blared through the forest. James immediately launched his captain’s parrot into the air. The bird began to gain height and distance.
“A smart move that we’ve seen James use many times before, JD,” Nick informed the viewers.
“That aerial advantage is huge in this compact forest with towering trees overhead. This is the only arena where the gladiators don’t always have sight of their golems. Aerial coverage for the win, or, as the better military branch likes to say, air power! Yeah, baby!”
The black lion charged forward. It weaved its way through the trees and cut the distance to its opponent. Pepper was sure James could see through his parrot’s vision and quickly moved his golem behind one of the massive redwood trees. The Slaughtercat stopped, its halberd at the ready, and seemed to wait for the captain to make an appearance.
It was a quiet few minutes, as James patiently kept his golem concealed behind the tree. The Slaughtercat began to bring forth a purple circular disk that grew from the center of its hand. The cat knelt down and placed the magical disk on the ground. The light appeared as if it was burrowing into the earth. An electrical energy sprang up from the arena floor and then dove back it. The camera angle changed, and Pepper could then see the magic was spreading itself out like tree roots.
The light finally reached and passed underneath the pirate captain. The magical root system then seemed to stop growing, as if it recognized its opponent’s energy signature. A pulsating wave of purple light surged throughout the root system. It began to speed up, but Pepper could see that the light was narrowing in on the captain. The energy surged into a straight line pointing directly towards its opponent.
The Slaughtercat placed its hand upon the earth and a new wave of purple energy surged into the root system. An instant later, purple vines launched themselves upwards from the earth at the feet of the captain. They wrapped around the pirate and trapped its leg. The cat leapt into a sprint.
The captain quickly retrieved its cutlass. It hacked away at the vines and was able to begin pulling itself out of the magical entrapment. By the time it was fully recovered, the cat was practically on top of it. The halberd and cutlass clashed in midair as the two golems were finally face to face.
The lion roared and began to conjure another magical attack in its right palm while it maintained a grip on its weapon. James brought his free hand down and placed it on the center of the cat’s torso. It was over in an instant, but Pepper could still see the bright crimson flash of the forceful push. The cat was launched backwards and safely away from the captain.
The pirate, now some distance away and with no ability to hide, quickly conjured its own ethereal energy and produced a set of cannonballs, which shot out of its free hand. The explosives sprang out in all directions, and after a few seconds they detonated and created a blanket of billowing smoke that covered the arena floor.
James instructed his golem to duck into the smoke, and it faded away under the concealment. The lion roared again and reached its hand up towards the heavens. The massive claw of the beastly golem twisted around and finally it clutched at the sky and pulled downward.
Pepper could not see what was happening above due to the camera angle. However, he soon saw what appeared to be giant balls of purple meteorites slamming into the arena floor. Tree branches cut through the smoke and hit the earth below. A few trees were severed high up, and the Slaughtercat leapt out of the way to avoid being hit. A giant trunk slammed into the ground, and Pepper could see the black cat was struggling to maintain its balance.
The Slaughtercat recovered at the very moment when the pirate captain jumped up behind it. A wave of smoke glided over the pirate as it raised its cutlass over its head. It looked like it was going to be a devasting strike.
The lion reared around at the last second and brought its halberd up over its head. The medieval weapon’s shaft blocked the sword from achieving its slash. That was when Pepper noticed the slight movement. The captain’s free hand was already clutching a pistol. A burst of crimson light flashed, and a ball of red energy blasted across the side of the lion’s face. A huge chunk of black rock erupted from it. The camera was just able to get the right angle to see that a part of its head had been sheared clean off.
The Slaughtercat immediately backpedaled and gained some distance. The halberd lowered, and the lion thrust the spear tip towards its opponent. It repeated the motion, and the captain did its best to deflect the attacks, but still a few strikes made it through. The pirate was skewered a few times before James finally dropped his cutlass and brought forth a set of fresh pistols.
The captain raised both and fired them in rapid succession. The lion immediately conjured a shield, which arrived in the nick of time. The two rounds slammed into it and crimson energy sparked. The red light illuminated the smoke blanket that still covered the area as they fell towards the ground.
Pepper watched as the captain quickly dashed back and found a new tree to shield itself from the lion. A quick lean to the side and a new volley of gunfire streaked across the field of battle. The black lion maintained its shield and remained in place.
James didn’t hesitate to discover what his opponent was preparing to do. He had his captain conjure a new set of bombs in its hands. It tossed them towards the lion, and they soon exploded in dazzling red bursts. Once the attack erupted, the captain was off and sprinting around the far-left side of the arena.
Pepper’s gaze was locked onto the screen. The efficiency of James’s training was evident, as every movement the golem made looked as if it was a real creature. A quick jump over a downed tree and the captain came charging towards its opponent. The lion turned to face the oncoming threat.
That was when the camera panned out to show the parrot streaking down from the sky. The bird dove headfirst and slammed into the lion from behind. It exploded, and a blazing flash of light ruptured the central chest portion of the lion. In perfect unison, the captain dove feet first into a baseball slide across the arena floor.
The captain’s feet seemed to catch hold, and it sprang back up to its feet. Its hands latched onto the lion from behind, while the cat appeared stunned from the parrot’s direct strike. The pirate began to lift upwards, and small flashes of crimson light spurted out of the joints of the golem.
It took half a second, but the pirate lifted its opponent off its feet and, with a fluid motion, performed a rear suplex maneuver. The attack slammed the lion’s head into the ground, and the massive weight crushed what little of the cat’s skull that remained.
The pirate swung its legs around and quickly got to its knees. In the blink of an eye, the captain had his pistols back in his hands. Two shots of crimson gunfire flashed across the screen. Their impact caused a massive explosion that sent large chunks of the lion scattering in all directions.
“Well, butter my popcorn and call me a kernel, because that was epic!” JD cried out in the broadcast.
The victory song began to play, and Pepper smiled as he watched James take a bow for the camera.