I'm so tired of waking up every single day and following the same routine that I've been doing for the past two years, hoping that something good will happen, only to end up doing nothing. I have zero productivity while others with the same routine as me are achieving great things.

I keep playing, and playing, and playing without caring about how others see me. In fact, today I faked sickness to have an excused absence. Earlier that night, I thought to myself, "I'll spend the night reviewing for missed assessments," but ended up playing until 4:00 AM.

I always thought that I wanted change, and I tried to change for the better, but only for a brief moment. A year later, I returned to my old ways and somehow even became worse. Who have I become? What am I even?

I've always felt there were points in my life where I should have stopped, like my conscience and God telling me, "This road you're heading down is straight to hell, it's not the end for you yet, and there is still a better path for you." But I ignored those warnings, and now here I am in hell.

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

I've always felt I was different from the rest, a "special" but not so special case, an outcast, a man who only had dreams and no ambitions. I kept on dreaming, not doing anything. I want to feel special, but what do I even do? What am I even, other than a lazy bum who fails at school and fails even more in the thing I am most passionate about?

I want tears to fall from my eyes, but they won't come out. My empty heart aches, and there is no remedy for it. I want to change, all I want is to change, but I just can't do it. I tell myself every day, "Why do you think that for a change to happen, you always have to be in life-threatening situations and experience life-changing events?" It's just me not wanting to change.

Maybe tomorrow will be better, but I'm afraid to hope. I'm scared, I really am. I want to disappear, not be remembered nor bothered by people, and spend the rest of my life in this tiny space, playing.