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Gods of Space
New Management

New Management

Many of the ideals that the gods represent come from their pre-immortal life. From Byque's Corruption Speech, to Mindeham's legal fight for recognition of his sanity, to Paradrei's infamous lifestyle, the religion picked parts of the Human to make the God. Some of the gods still have lives that reflect their given aspects--Preasi has taken her fast-paced and ruthless business practices to the stars, and Paradrei continues his hedonistic lifestyle. Others have used their reputation to their advantage, Xysphael with his charity empire, and Elvenheim with her adventuring organisation. On other cases, the human is very different from how the god is portrayed; Byque, for instance, while known for blunt speaking, is far from a paragon of Truth, while Aphelka is known on World more for her management and leadership prowess rather than her Intelligence. However, a person in human space is far more likely to encounter the religion than any of the gods, and thus this break between myth and reality does little to stem the tide of the new worship of the stars. While 85 % of those surveyed in the outer reaches of human space agree that the gods are or were human, and did not in human records or in scripture acquire supernatural powers except for their immortality, of these 52 % still pray to the gods for guidance in their everyday lives, and 76 % pray to the gods in times of crisis. In this chapter, I will discuss this disconnect in detail, and provide historical examples of similar religions that shed some light on the psychology of this phenomenon.

from Aspects of the Gods, by Harriet Blueburn.

***

There was something about the architecture of human stations that was still familiar to Mindeham, and the view of their approach to Party Prime hit him in the gut. He was finally home, in human space, and he didn't know how he should feel about it. He didn't even know how he did feel about it.

Docking at Party Prime was a lot easier than docking at the Bardlenni station had been, even for Bluebubble's ship, probably because Party Prime was designed to accommodate multiple guests with eccentric tastes. Paradrei's butler came out to greet them, and Mindeham had to take a couple of deep breaths before managing to look him in the eye. In his day, people didn't just bolt on robotic parts with no concern for the original human form. It upset him on a deep, instinctual level, though nobody else seemed concerned. Perhaps this sort of thing was normal now. For the first time in a thousand years, Mindeham felt old.

"Rivaldi? Is that you?" Elvenheim asked as they stepped out of the ship.

"Indeed, ma'am," the butler said. "And may I say, I am glad to see you. I was a little worried that the pirates had returned."

"Pirates? Near Party Prime?"

"Within it, ma'am," Rivaldi said mournfully. "But my employer rid our station of them just recently."

"We were hoping to speak to your employer," Elvenheim said.

"Alas he is away. In the company of two of your association, as far as I could tell."

"Ah," Elvenheim said. "I'd better let the Adventurers know I'm back, shouldn't I..."

"That would be wise, ma'am," Rivaldi said. "You have, of course, full access to our network."

"Thank you," Elvenheim said. "Though if Paradrei isn't here, I wouldn't want to impose on you further. We can leave."

"Oh, no, don't think on it!" Rivaldi said hurriedly.

"Well, we were going to get Paradrei to host a party for us, but--"

"He would be delighted," Rivaldi said firmly. "I will make arrangements. How many guests are you envisaging? One hundred? Two hundred?"

"Er, rather less," Elvenheim said, "but we do have a bunch of children and a new type of alien to cater for."

"I will consider it an honour to arrange suitable entertainment," Rivaldi said. "And is this party to mark any particular occasion?"

"The return of my brother," Elvenheim said, clapping Mindeham on the shoulder. Rivaldi's eyes widened a little, but otherwise did not make a fuss, which Mindeham found he appreciated in people he didn't know.

"A pleasure to meet you," Rivaldi said.

"Thank you," Mindeham said.

"Let's get everyone settled, then, shall we?" Elvenheim said, "and then we can get this show on the road."

***

After settling everyone into the station, and sending off a few emails, Elvenheim got together with Mindeham to plan the guest list.

"Is there anyone you particularly want or don't want at the party?" Elvenheim asked him. Mindeham shrugged.

"I'm happy with everyone coming, I guess," Mindeham said. "Possibly Lae's family should come if she's staying, since they don't know she's back."

"Ah, that's a point," Elvenheim said, and wandered off to find Lae.

"Eh, I don't think they realise I'm gone yet," Lae said. "I bet they'd appreciate being invited to the party, though. That junk of a ship I hired is gone, though, so I'd get in trouble if I went back there now..."

"We'll put your family on our list of stops," Elvenheim decided, and collected the details.

"Right," Elvenheim said, when she got back to where she had left Mindeham. "We'll... are you alright?"

"I don't quite know what it wants," Mindeham said, glancing at the two-year-old dangling from his arm. "I was hoping if I ignored it it would go away."

"I'm not sure they quite work like that," Elvenheim said doubtfully. At this point, one of Bluebubble's robots rolled up, a shiny ball in its claw.

"May I assist?" it asked.

"Please," Elvenheim said. The robot squeezed the ball, which made a squeaking sound. The child was immediately transfixed.

"I don't know, maybe Case isn't cut up for looking after kids after all," Elvenheim said, as the robot lured the child away.

"You did seem to have rather a lot of them with you," Mindeham said. "You were always running off when they made me look after you, and there's only one of you."

"Yes, but I'm me," Elvenheim said, which was a good point, Mindeham had to admit.

"So," Elvenheim said, after closing the door firmly against young intruders and sitting back down. "We need Lae's parents, Aphelka, Byque, Paradrei, Trem, Wendolina, and Xysphael. Case says he knows where Byque is hiding these days, so we can leave him to issue that invitation once Rivaldi has hired some child rearing technicians."

"Is that really what they're called these days?" Mindeham asked. Elvenheim shrugged.

"Anyway, that leaves us with Paradrei as the main problem, who I assume is at my headquarters and so will come back after they receive my message. The others I know the addresses of, so we can go and invite them personally."

"When are we going?" Mindeham asked.

"Well, in a moment of weakness I said I'd help Case with the children so he can sleep if I was around," Elvenheim said, "so I would suggest... now."

***

Lae's family lived in an out-of-the-way station near the edge of space. After realising that Elvenheim had forgotten to get their electronic addresses from Lae, Elvenheim and Mindeham decided to try and track them down in person. Her mother worked on station systems maintenance, and her father in the station-wide delivery service. After chasing someone around the station for half an hour that looked like her father but turned out to be her cousin, Elvenheim and Mindeham decided it would be best to try and find her mother at work. Unfortunately, it was company policy not to allow visitors into the office.

"I know," Mindeham said after they had been kicked out of the foyer. "We can just write them a letter."

"I don't think people do that these days," Elvenheim said doubtfully. "And hardly anyone can read cursive."

"I can print," Mindeham said. "Better than waiting around to jump at them at their home, right? We don't want to be even more creepy than we already have been."

Elvenheim reluctantly agreed with this assessment.

There was one paper shop on the station, which from the look of the sales notices was probably about to close down. Elvenheim felt sorry for the woman behind the counter, and bought more paper than they needed, which Mindeham absently folded into origami shapes as they discussed what they needed to put in their letter.

"All right," Elvenheim said in the end, holding out a pen. "I'll dictate."

Dear Lae's parents, (the letter began,)

Your daughter had fallen into trouble, and was subsequently rescued. We are holding a party to celebrate the return of all those who were rescued at the time, and would like for you to attend.

Your daughter would like to assure you that she is well, but cannot come back at the moment due to legal reasons involving what happened to her hired ship.

Enclosed are vouchers for the space travel involved in travelling to the party. We hope to see you there.

"Mindeham," Elvenheim said after she had approved the letter, "did you fold up the paper we were going to use for the envelope?"

"Oh, right," Mindeham said, pausing in folding the finishing touches on a paper crane. "Sorry."

With a new piece of paper turned into an envelope and addressed, the two went back to the delivery shop, and found it was closed.

"I guess we can just put it on their doorstep ourselves," Elvenheim said doubtfully.

"All right," Mindeham said.

It wasn't a long way to go from the delivery station to Lae's parents' house, and they delivered the notice without effort. When they turned back from the door, however, they saw a station official blocking their path.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you," the official said.

"What?! Why?"

"Delivering without a licence."

"I hate the future," Mindeham muttered, as they were led away.

***

Due to historical reasons, Elvenheim and Mindeham's lawyer explained, the station had extremely strict privacy laws, and one of these restricted going to people's houses if you didn't know them.

"We know their daughter, does that count?" Elvenheim asked.

"Does their daughter live in the same house?" the lawyer asked.

"I don't know," Elvenheim said. "She said it was her parents' house when she gave us the address, but that was because we were here with the intention of seeing them. She might live there as well, I don't know."

"We'd better check," the lawyer said, "as that could be a major part of your defence. If she doesn't life there, however, she could be charged with handing out an address without permission, and may require a lawyer of her own."

"Well, she is not planning on coming back here for a while, but I can hire her a lawyer if she is going to be charged in absentia," Elvenheim said.

"I'll see what I can find out," the lawyer said, and packed up her things.

A strange thing about the station's privacy laws was that you never had to tell anyone your name. Their lawyer had given them the name 'Trude,' as a sign of politeness considering they were non-station citizens, but they didn't know if that was her real name. Elvenheim was just grateful they didn't have to give anyone their own names; it tended to have unpredictable results, especially in out-of-the-way places like this. They called themselves Elvie and Mindy, because Elvenheim didn't like the numbers they were designated. The prison guards shrugged and put it on their forms.

"So now what?" Mindeham asked, once they were put back in their cell for the night.

This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.

"I guess I should mail the others, let them know we're stuck here for a bit," Elvenheim said, waving her hand at the cell lock, which responded with a cheerful beep. She opened the door to their cell, and went to find a computer terminal. Mindeham poked his head out of the door.

"Aren't we supposed to stay inside the cell?" he asked.

"I'll just be a bit," Elvenheim responded.

"You might get in trouble!"

"We'll both be in trouble if everyone shows up to a party to celebrate your return, and you're not there," Elvenheim said.

"What if they jail us for life?" Mindeham asked.

"I think that happened to Byque once," Elvenheim said. "If you wait long enough, there's always a coup or complete station breakdown or some other mitigating circumstance that gets you out."

Elvenheim wandered down the cell corridor. After waiting agitatedly for a minute or so, Mindeham stepped out of the cell, and went to follow her.

***

Mindeham could have sworn that Elvenheim had gone this way, but he seemed to have took a wrong turn at some point. He hadn't seen a computer terminal yet, so he figured if Elvenheim had gone down this way, she would have kept going. He thought he was moving quietly, but as he passed one cell, someone banged on the door. He flinched.

"Hey!" the person yelled, as he moved away. Mindeham reluctantly slid back the viewing port of the cell. A old, wild-eyed man peered out.

"Sorry, I'm not a guard, I can't help you," Mindeham said.

"Perfect, an answer to my prayers," the man said. "I want you to get me my lawyer."

"Um, sure, if I can," Mindeham said doubtfully. "Where can I find them, and what do I call you?"

"I'm Leonard," he said. "My lawyer's address is lawyers@kingstonlaw."

"I'll say that you're asking for him," Mindeham said.

"Thank you," the old man said. Mindeham gave him a wave, and went on his way.

It was only a little further down the corridor where Mindeham found Elvenheim, tapping away on a console. It flickered occasionally, which Mindeham suspected meant she had used some sort of illicit overlay program on it.

"Can I use it after you?" Mindeham asked.

"Sure thing," Elvenheim said. Mindeham passed on the message from Leonard, then wrote a rather passive aggressive letter to Lae reproaching her for her backwards homestation.

"Right," Mindeham said then, as Elvenheim uninstalled her programs from the terminal. "do you remember how to get back, then?"

"Mindeham," Elvenheim said, "you are awfully law-abiding, do you know that?"

"What else am I supposed to be?" Mindeham asked.

"Sensible to the fact that we have a party being planned, and we need to be there," Elvenheim said sternly, but relented and led Mindeham back to their cell.

***

The computer systems at Party Prime informed its inhabitants that a ship was requesting to dock, and as Rivaldi did not recognise it as one from the pirate band he was afraid of, he authorised it to land. As Case was busy explaining military tactics and strategy to the children, and Preasi and Bluebubble were busy having a deep philosophical conversation, Lae and Rivaldi went by themselves to greet whoever it was. It turned out to be a smartly-dressed woman with perfectly coiffed, greying hair, surrounded by human aids.

"Your honour, so pleased to see you," Rivaldi said, bowing. "May I present to you our current guest, Lae; Lae, this is the honourable god Aphelka."

"Pleased to meet you," Lae said.

"Where is Paradrei?" the lady asked Rivaldi, after nodding politely at Lae.

"Alas, I do not know at present," Rivaldi said. "Though he was accompanied by some well-trained adventurers of Elvenheim's, so I expect him to return without incident."

"Yes, I've met them," Aphelka nodded. "I promised that I'd help them rescue Elvenheim, but I can't do that if I don't know where they are."

"Oh, Elvenheim's been rescued already, by Case and Preasi," Lae put in.

"Well, they might have told me," Aphelka said, looking put out. "I made free my entire week for this."

"I don't think they know yet," Lae said. "We haven't seen them. But it's good that you're here, we're arranging a party to celebrate Mindeham's return."

"Mindeham's back?"

"Yes, he was kidnapped by the same aliens who kidnapped Elvenheim," Lae said, simplifying things a little.

"And you're throwing a party?" Aphelka asked. "With everyone here? Isn't that a bit insensitive, considering what happened last time we saw him?"

"...Oh," Lae said. "I don't think anyone thought of that."

"Where is Elvenheim? And Mindeham?" Aphelka asked.

"Out finding people to issue invitations to them," Lae said. "They'll be trying to find you soon."

"Shall I go home, then?" Aphelka asked dryly.

"Er..."

"Her honour is surely jesting," Rivaldi said to Lae. "She has surely told her secretaries where she is."

Aphelka acknowledged this with a wave of her hand.

"Are any others here yet?" she asked.

"I will show you to Case and Preasi," Rivaldi said, and led her and her aids further into the station.

***

Aphelka was not too impressed with her fellow gods in Party Prime. The first of them she found was Case, who was teaching children the trade language via spy/thriller movies.

"What on earth are you doing?" Aphelka asked, walking in on the movie.

"Hearing language as it is used is the best way to learn it," Case said.

"I don't think two year olds need to know how to say, 'take him out and make sure nobody finds the body'," Aphelka said sternly.

"Yes, well, you came in at a non-typical moment in the movie," Case said.

"Die, you son of a--" a five-year-old said happily, before Case clapped a hand over their mouth.

Aphelka left a couple of aids with Case to ensure they were watching suitable entertainment, and went to find Preasi. She found her interrogating a member of a never-before-seen alien species about their psychology and trading practices.

"I have told you a million times," Aphelka began.

"That might actually be accurate," Preasi said thoughtfully.

"--Seriously, do you want to ever trade with World again? Because this is why you were banned in the first place."

"I'm following your laws to the letter," Preasi said, looking annoyed. "I'll have you know that Bluebubble met Mindeham, Lae, and Elvenheim before they met me. And I'm not interrogating Bluebubble, this conversation has an equal exchange of information."

"Telling aliens unauthorised information about humans is also banned," Aphelka informed her.

"Well, I support the free and unhindered exchange of information," Preasi said indignantly. "Well, maybe not free, but..."

Aphelka left a couple of aids with Preasi to ensure she didn't break any serious human laws, and found Rivaldi and Lae attempting to hang up bunting in a particularly high-ceilinged part of the station. Lae was standing on Rivaldi's shoulders, holding a strange round robot above her head.

"Your honour, do you require anything?" Rivaldi asked. Lae turned around to see what was going on, and overbalanced. Aphelka caught Lae before she could hit her head on the ground. One of her aids caught the robot.

"Oh, ma'am, you could have died!" Rivaldi exclaimed.

"Er..." said Lae.

"I was going to go home until this party of yours commenced," Aphelka said, "but I see that I am needed more here."

***

It was Mindeham and Elvenheim's intention to stay inside the cell after that, but when they woke up the next morning, nobody came to give them breakfast.

"Look, I know you don't want to break out," Elvenheim said to Mindeham, "but it's illegal to let us starve in here, too."

"Maybe they're on a different clock than ours?" Mindeham suggested.

"Well, whatever clock they're on, their breakfast time can't be too far off; humans don't differ that much in their digestive clocks," Elvenheim said. "If they haven't shown up by lunch time, we're off."

Mindeham reluctantly agreed, and so, when what Elvenheim insisted was lunch time came around, they walked out of the door.

"Did you make that lock picker?" Mindeham asked.

"Oh, no, it's one of Case's protocols. He's got us all down as part of his spy ring, so occasionally we get all sorts of interesting updates."

Mindeham wondered whether you had to have these updates on an internal chip like Elvenheim seemed to have in her hand. He would much rather have something external, like maybe a small version of Bluebubble's robots.

Although, considering his history, perhaps Case wouldn't trust him with all his spy software. Mindeham decided that to save embarrassment all round, he wouldn't ask.

"What are we going to do if we find a guard?" Mindeham asked Elvenheim.

"Demand breakfast," Elvenheim said firmly.

"And if we don't find a guard?"

"Escape back to our ship," Elvenheim said, equally as firmly.

It was only a little way further that they encountered a guard, hurrying in the other direction.

"Excuse me," Elvenheim said.

"Sorry, can't talk now," the guard panted, and hurried on. Elvenheim and Mindeham looked at each other, and shrugged.

"I would say that implies approval to just walk out of here," Elvenheim said.

The station was abuzz, the streets filled with adults truant from their jobs, students with nothing to do, and police. Some police were being yelled at, including by, Elvenheim was alarmed to see, other police.

"If this isn't a sign of a coup, it's certainly a major scandal," Elvenheim said. "We'd best get out of here quickly." She made to leave, but Mindeham had stopped in a crowd, staring at someone's handheld television projection. In the recording an old, wide-eyed man was standing at a podium.

"I felt I was going mad in that cell! So I prayed to Mindeham, and what do you know, he sent me a man to deliver a message to the outside for me! With this divine intervention backing me, I am confident my reign as mayor will once again bring us back into prosperity as a--"

"We need to leave," Mindeham said, hurring quickly in the direction of the docks.

"Yes, that's what I was saying," Elvenheim said.

"Now!"

"Yes, that's what our plan was--wait for me!"

***

Aphelka had finally bullied some order into the chaos surrounding Party Prime. Some of her aids had gone to the nearest station to see what was holding up the people Rivaldi had hired; apparently the station officials had Party Prime down as a "rogue and/or criminal element", which meant that the hirees were not allowed to go there. Much to-ing and fro-ing to collect paperwork, footage, and interviews later, the station officials finally agreed that the pirates had left Party Prime, and gave the station back it's "friendly" status. Caterers for the kitchen and nannies for the children forthcoming, Aphelka's next problem was trying to occupy the time of a number immortals, aliens, and robots. Happily she didn't have to worry about the one stray mortal in this mess; she seemed happy enough wandering around helping Rivaldi out.

"You know, you deserve a long holiday after what you have been through," Lae said to Rivaldi after hearing his life story while designing the main party room.

"I don't think so," Rivaldi said. "This job is the only thing holding me together."

"A long holiday next door to a psychologist's office?" Lae suggested.

"Physically as well," Rivaldi said. "I don't think my body could take the shock of a change. Do you know, I am one hundred and thirteen years old?"

"Oh? You don't look it," Lae said. Rivaldi sighed.

"That's the mechanics. I was ninety when Paradrei left for that rotten casino. I had had a nasty fall the week before; the doctors said that if it weren't for Party Prime's nurse giving me an emergency blood transfusion I would have died. I found out later that my cousins had asked Paradrei to leave, in order to give me some time off. Time off indeed!"

Lae looked at Rivaldi, and considered the likelihood of a frail ninety-year-old surviving those mechanical transplants.

"The nurse used Rivaldi's blood, didn't she?" Lae said.

"How did you know?" Rivaldi asked, surprised. "He was the only other 0- on the station at the time."

"Oh, just guessing," Lae said. "I think you'll find you'll survive a holiday though."

Rivaldi just shook his head, and focused on their party plan again.

***

Mindeham was rather shaken after their first attempt at issuing an invitation, but Elvenheim talked him into continuing. Talking to Aphelka's aids in orbit suggested that she was already on her way to Party Prime, so they ticked her off the list. Trem wasn't at home, so they left him a message.

"Let's leave Wendolina for last," Elvenheim said, after reviewing their list. "She'd gone a bit strange last I saw of her, and she might take some convincing to leave her station behind."

"She's always been like that," Mindeham said. "As long as you make sure she's got regular human interaction she's okay."

"Yes, well," Elvenheim said, looking a little worried. "We'll go see Xysphael first.

Xysphael was very busy, according to his secretary, but they made a five minute appointment to see him the next day by lying and saying it was an emergency (Elvenheim said that it was an emergency, because Xysphael would miss the party if they didn't say it was; Mindeham thought that Elvenheim was getting a bit obsessed about this party.)

Wendolina still lived in her ancient station, which though pioneering in its day was small and undermaintained by modern standards. She was the only registered human on board, which filled Mindeham with foreboding. There was no answer when they called the station for permission to dock.

"Maybe we should just leave this for another time," Mindeham said nervously. "Come back with backup, maybe..."

"I'm sure she's just busy," Elvenheim said, with more bluster than confidence. "Let's see if the automatic docker still accepts my pass code..."

The station still acknowledged Elvenheim as a citizen, which indicated to Mindeham that the station AI hadn't been updated in a long time. The air that cycled through the airlock smelled musty, but Elvenheim's sensors said that it was clean and safe.

"I think all station air smelled like that in the old days," Elvenheim said. "We're just not used to it anymore."

There was no sign of Wendolina, so they wandered over to where her quarters used to be. They seemed unused, which was generally a bad sign with Wendolina.

"Should we wear masks if we're going inside her labs?" Mindeham asked.

"The Light of Immortality has protected me from all sorts of pathogens over the years," Elvenheim said. "We should be fine."

Wendolina's lab was built to have a triple-airlock seal, though all the doors were open when they went in. Strange green goo lined the wall in places, which looked odd though did make the air smell better. Mindeham thought he saw a medium-sized creature skitter away from them to hide underneath a table as they walked towards Wendolina, who was busy looking at something under a microscope and did not appear to hear their approach.

Wendolina was not in good shape. The Light of Immortality had kept her reasonably healthy in terms of muscle mass and skin integrity, but she would not have been able to be lifted into any other station population without the authorities gently taking her away to be treated. Some of the green goo was growing on her arm, and she wasn't taking care of her hair, obviously just cutting chunks off when it grew long enough to annoy her. She was wearing slippers, loose shorts and a t-shirt, very different from the laboratory-appropriate wear she always used to be seen in.

"Wendolina?" Elvenheim asked cautiously. Wendolina started, and turned around, her eyes gleaming a fluorescent green colour as she regarded them.

"Oh good," she said. "Fresh meat."