I was back at the base. We only had to wait for Leolio to arrive before starting our journey.
"So... how did you meet glasses man?" Did he mean Leolio?
"I was at a Montezio's store when I saw him. We hit it off and I offered my services. Only thing is I didn't expect to have to fight a fucking litteral God." I looked over him. He was a few centimeters shorter than I, his dark hair cascading down his neck, complimenting the dark-blue eyes that constrated his pale tin. "And you?"
"Me? I think it was when a tower collapsed at District S. I got closer to the scene and there I saw him, repeating the same word with dead eyes and tears to his cheeks. After that I just followed him, it was fun seeing his thought process, almost like watching a machine do heartless calculations. The most impressive thing is how he swept the destruction of the skyscraper under the rug. Still have no idea how he pulled that off."
"What was it? The thing he kept saying, I mean."
At once the God put on a serious mask, his eyes no longer reflecting waves of laughter. "Tezcatlipoca." And at that the conversation ended, leaving with it a tense atmosphere.
When Leolio arrived, dried tears had petrified down his face, reminding of emptied summer rivers depicted on old T.V shows.
There are countless tales about the outside world. Most of them are false: they say outside the grass is verdant, that birds of alluring shapes and mesmerizing feathers sing tales of love every morning, they say outside there is life. But all I saw was death donning a lugubre dress, a wreath named pestilence vainly trying to hide her ill-white strings falling from her head, their tips intoxicating her path. I suppose the birds landed on her trail, no more beauty, no more songs, no more life. I'm afraid there's no other side of paradise.
I especially love one fable; it is about a young girl and her friend. She's nothing extraordinary, but her life was once in a blue moon. People often find it distressing, I thought it was beautiful. She grew up in a place named Houston with her parents, and although life was harsh on her, she was loved by them and many others. One day she grew tired of the humdrum of her life, so she fled with the help of her friend. She could dream while he could control clouds. Together, they took on great adventures, witnessing all of the beauty the world had to offer. The man was evil however, and each day that passed, he grew more jealous of the girl. Every night he tried to sleep, but he would stay wide awake, so he stared at the moon until the sun rose and the girl yawned her dreams away, ready for a new day. Each night the moon called to him, distant shapes danced on its craters... so many shapes his dreams could take, tentacles of horrors and embraces of loves. When he couldn't take it anymore, as the moon was soon to finish her dance up the sky, he killed her.
Some say the story doesn't end like this, that a hero comes and saves her, and that together they fight against all that is unfair. But I prefer the first version; we are all doomed to die, and if you think of it like a curse, your whole life will be damned by misery and despair. If you accept the beauty there is inside the rotten apple however, then you will be able to see the other side of paradise. She got to see the old world from up the clouds and realise her dream even awake: not one day after escaping from her monotonous town did she feel bored. But the man only wanted what he could not have, and his envy blinded him from all the treasures life offered him, that's why he killed her. At least that's how I interpreted this tale.
Maybe I'm like that man. I had friends who would've never betrayed me, an occasion to stop this self-destructing life after escaping El Cerro De Oro, but I still chose to continue. And now they're both gone. The cherry on top of my stupidity is I never really wanted to start it all again, in fact I'm not even sure if I had understood that I could come out of the water, that the shore was only meters away, and they were there: Teresa and Tim, waiting on the beach. Instead I kept on swimming; I wanted to find an imaginary island, one where everything would have been perfect, I turned my back to them, facing the depths of the ocean. I wanted to find the other side of paradise. Instead I found a dead friend and had to kill another who became a junkie. I'm not better than T. I'm worse than T. and I hate myself for it, but it won't stop me. Not even my dream of a monotonous happiness stopped me from destroying my life, another friend killed will be nothing, because he isn't anything anymore.
"I see I'm the last to come back. We're going now, you don't have to bring anything."
The plane was a dark shade, enough so it would go unnoticecd were you to pass next to it at night. Although for that you'd first have to enter the military base.
"Didn't tell me you also have a military base," I said to Leolio.
"That's because I'm the heir to Montezio's - was. My family's only a patron, but it does give us some advantages. One of them is said plane."
"And you know how to pilot that?"
"Of course. That's the basics of education." As he said that, a piece of the plane slowly fell to the ground, letting mesmerizing steam escape its maw. Having finished its course down, the piece revealed itself to be a set of velvet stairs leading to the interior of our ticket to the Gods' lands.
The interior was spacious, much more than I expected, even from this smart-ass scientist. There weren't that many seats but they all begged for me to try them, a distinguished table born of wood and mastery beckoned to us, a line barely visible defining the middle of each, behind them were oval windows that let us admire the concrete wall.
"You both sit down while I go in the cockpit. And please, do not destroy anything, if you do we will crash and die." The scientist lazily walked to the front of the plane. As he went past me, I was able to see his eyes; shadows of guilt and loath hovered above the still waves of his dark irises.
Soon after the engine started rumbling and the wings of the plane took us high to the sky, cutting mercilessly any cloud daring to obstruct its passage. Now sat, what I thought was the line on the tables now appeared to be a slight cut. And surely enough it opened, bringing forth a small metallic plate holding a delicious-looking meal.
I ate to my heart's content, all too happy to stop my forced fasting. Looking out the window, I saw the eluding city I once explored slowly come closer as Arkanoth became a distant point, its existence fading from my mind.
After a while, I spoke up. "What's that?"
"What's what?"
I pointed to the window. "Don't you see it? I've never seen anything like that, do you know what it is?"
"If I know what it is?" he said, with a kind laugh. "Of course, I know. It's Earth. You must have heard of the stories of the outside world, that's where all these tales were birthed."
It is... Earth? That can't be. "But Earth is all toxic wastes! You saw it too! Right after leaving Arkanoth, the desolated city with radioactive lakes!"
"But that's just a city, right? Earth doesn't amount to just a city or two. It's something you can't shape with sentences, describing it would be wasting words for something that can only be seen."
So... the legends were true? There are birds outside, there is beauty outside, so there really is life outside. Without knowing, a tear escaped its prison, seeing for itself the beauty of the outside world while it slided down my cheek.
I'd like to see it. Can I see it? I want to see something different from the soulless walls that saw me grow up. Do I deserve to see nature? I crave to discover the secrets and beauties of this Earth. Am I allowed to? I don't think I deserve to do so. As I kept admiring the view, more tears flowed down, all swarming to see this scenery with me. They too craved for the true world.
"Hey, you okay?" The God seemed worried. Why? - Oh, that's because I'm crying.
"Everything's good, it's just - I didn't know there was something like that outside. It's so... beautiful," I said, drying my tears while still gawking at the view. The sun had long gone to sleep, letting the moon start her ballet, her audience the silent stars and potent galaxies of light and wonders.
The only thing that made me dream inside were the T.V shows from the Obscure Past and tales of the outside world. Then I went outside. I guess I stopped listening to the legends after seeing the real world for myself. Now I understand; I was still inside Arkanoth. Netema doesn't outline the city, death does. It is not a haven protecting us from Daemons or atrocities. It is a prison. An extent to El Cerro De Oro. I finally escaped to the other side of the paradise. I didn't have to swim to an island accessible only in my hopes. I didn't have to lose my friends for the other side of paradise. I didn't have to fight until my soul ached for a rest. It was just there, outside.
For the first time I feel my lungs take in the air, each second I am a little more alive, every instant I am more in the present. Is this how people feel? It feels so alien, as if that's not supposed to be, yet it feels right. This is how I am supposed to feel. I don't have to watch the world from afar, my binoculars the television in the defunct building. I can live in it.
Still looking through the window, a question made its way to mind, traversing rivers of tears and celebrations of a newfound happinness. "Can you tell me more about magic?"
"What do you want to know exactly? It isn't the easisest subject to explain. Well, I guess I'd have had to tell you some time or another."
"How can I control it?"
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The God thought for some time, trying to find the words and place them in the right order. "Well, first of, I'd say you don't control it but you summon it. See what I mean? It's something that's inside you, a little like a beast in a cave. What you'll want to do is wake it up, but in the end you won't control it. For that, you have to understand this magic."
"And what do I do when I understand it?"
"It's all you have to do, although it's easier said than done." He stayed silent for a while. "I'm sorry I can't help more than that. It's not exactly something I was taught, so I can't put it in words."
"It's alright, I think I got the gist of it."
A voice crackled to life across all of the plane in an instant, borrowing the voice of Leolio. "We're near our point of arrival. I will land the plane, it might be a little rough so brace yourselves."
Soon after the plane started shaking and my head began to ache, but it didn't last more than a minute.
"You think we're gonna crash?" I asked him, a hint of worry flowing underneath the current of my question.
"Don't know. Maybe." He simply answered, his head relaxed on the headset.
But we didn't crash. Instead the plane stopped in front of a thick forest and a voice arose from the speakers, urging us to leave the plane.
"And now what do we do?" I asked Leolio once outside.
"We will travel to the portal, then we'll set camp while I study and discover how to use it."
I heard the pleas of lonely crickets, the crunch of leaves guiding our path, the blooming life of Earth. Something that never existed a day ago. A world shakened upside down, for the better, for something I never thought could be real, for what stood no further than insignificant kilometers from Arkanoth.
Arkanoth means death. Outside means life.
For all my life I was dead. This day marks my first breath. I can't remember how I ended up here, why I escaped Arkanoth, I'm only happy. Happy to see what we once had. Angry to see we have been refused this beauty. Sad to know others will never see this. But most of all: thankful. Thankful to be able to see this, today, that this isn't just a dream, that I could stay here and wake up to this every morning, that every night I would sleep to this beauty by my side. I'm thankful I lived to this day.
My train of thoughts was stopped by a monument of stone glaring at us from the sky. It resembled a pyramid - one of the rare architectures we still knew about, and that we were taught at school - yet it wasn't exactly like one. In a way, it was more cubic, less smooth, instead further taking a strong look, impartial yet so full of itself. It cut nature's march to impose its greyness, calling to the moon. At its middle were stairs leading all the way up, right in front of a pillar of stone poorly imitating the outlines of a door. It beckoned us to come closer, to marvel at its grandeur.
Leolio hurried up the stairs, not giving himself a break before starting to analyze the stone pillar. "I already know you both are going to be a bother, so go walk while I work out this thing." And he was right, we would have surely asked questions about this. Was it an artifact? or something else? Yet as I left to explore the surroundings, my heart seemed to cry out to me, as if something I had lost all my life stood just there. Strangely enough, after I left the pyramid, the world felt a little blank, as if colors were erased from reality, depriving us of heartfelt sensations and only leaving us with dull senses. This feeling only lasted a second.
The God and I walked aimlessly, taking in the beauty of the night. The voiceless stars demarcated the charming forest.
"What's your name?"
The God looked at me funny. "Pretty strange question to ask. Pray tell, why dare such a question?" he said, laughing at himself.
"I don't know. I guess it's important for me to know names. You can hang memories to names, I suppose that's why."
"Such a serious answer for a joke. I don't really go by any name."
"Really?... That's a little sad."
At that, he stayed silent for a while, pensively looking at the ground. "But you could call me Limbo, if you want."
Limbo, where souls go and wander for eternity. I didn't ask him why he chose that. Instead I kept on looking in front of me, where beauty was.
"Say, is the whole world like that? Beautiful and alive?"
"Everything's alive in its own way, I'd say, it's thanks to this that everything's so unique. But... after a while it feels dead. When you've seen everything, nothing seems as beautiful as before. It all takes on a dull hue."
"I think if I saw that every night I'd love the view as much after years than I did in the beginning."
"I hope you're right. It's always a pity when you realize something you used to love doesn't move you anymore."
"It makes me think. How come someone like you stayed by that scientist's side. I mean - you already said why, because it was fun for you," and maybe also because he's linked to Tezcatlipoca, but I omitted that. "But I still can't see how someone so straightforward, and from what I've seen, honest and pretty decent, can stay side by side with this freaky backstabber."
"Well, that's probably because I don't see myself as a good person." He sighed, then took back control of his breath. "I've held a grudge to a pair of siblings for a long time, and I've met them recently after years."
I pressed him to tell the rest of the story, seeing he wasn't saying anything.
"So I killed them both. The sister and the brother. What's worse is, they didn't even defend themselves. They could have fought back, maybe even outpower me, but they didn't even try. And that didn't make me hesitate."
"But... why? What did you kill them for?"
"The brother killed my love."
"And the sister?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to take out my anger on her." He briefly looked me in the eyes, then dropped his head. In his irises, waves of sorrow had overtook the ship of his mind. "Told you I wasn't a good person."
"I don't think that's why you killed her. I know we only met recently, but I trust my guts, you're not the kind to kill for the sake of it."
"Well, if I had to find a reason... I'd say because she watched still as her brother became a monster? No, I think he was a monster all along, so that's not it." He said, thinking to himself.
A heavy silence crept up, unspoken words and truths dancing between us as the stars filled the dark sky. Fireflies wandered from a leaf to another, desperately looking for the warmth of their kin. This was a bteautiful night.
We didn't speak, only admiring the idyllic scenery. We watched the ballet of fireflies, listened to the orchestra of crickets and birds, and we thought about all our mistakes and wrongdoings.
The moon looked through our souls and judged our sins, its sentence a silent hue lighting our path.
"I feel empty," said Limbo, breaking the silence. "Ever since she died, it's like I have stopped breathing. I thought if I killed them I would return to normal. It would have been the only requirement for me to end my grieving. But she's still dead, and I still miss her. Now that I've killed them, I feel as if I've wasted my time. All those years burned in blind resentment. My mind was stuck on loop on my memories of her as the world moved onward. I shouldn't have spent all these years in meaningless revenge, it has gotten me nowhere."
"We should head back to Leolio." Some time had passed and the moon was readying herself to give the sky back to the sun.
"You're right. Let's go."
When we arrived, Leolio was tinkering with the stone arch, apparently still trying to operate it. Without realizing, I approached the monument, climbing the stairs, my walk almost religious. My thoughts stopped to look at the stone arch, so simple, yet something alluring, swaying me to come closer, to- a red tear escaped my left eye, the len falling off and revealing glyphs of black rapidly reddening at work. They hurried from one side of my irise to another, changing shape and fluctuating their color, although it always went back to red. Images of what was happening rushed in my mind, helping me control the glyphs. Control them to do the right thing, that is, open the portal.
Leolio staggered back, murmuring, "what? how is this possible?" probably wanting to ask what did I do, but not daring. A few seconds later and it was done, my eye stopped bleeding and the arch now showed a purple, transparent hue. This was finally time. I'd meet Tezcatlipoca a second time, and hopefully I would be ready for this encounter.
I was reminded by the past, how I ended up there. All because of a mission, a treachery, and an encounter. How fate works.
This mission... it was supposed to save us, the promise of a peaceful and easygoing life, yet he chose to tread the path of power, why? Was it really worth it?
I thought us two were the same. Him had been rejected by his family, destined to survive in the glaring and omnipresent lights of District S. And I had been abandoned by my family, my only choice to escape to the streets of said District all to see another day.
Each day was a struggle, an horror, abits of my soul I lost to the Devil. And it still is. But it has been long since he no longer considers this a fight, rather a step toward power, glory, or something else? It's no worth thinking of that, all that matthers is he made a mistake, and that was to betray me. I'll kill you for that, Timictli.
I remember now: there was an old, wizened and shaking lady standing in front of me. Her eyes were devoid of life, as if she had gazed at the abyss for too long a time, and her voice was broken by age and what seemed to be shattered hope, yet you could still perceive a nuance of benevolence, a lilting beauty echoing from deep her soul all the way to her voice. And she said, "young man, I suppose you and your friends are after the artifact, am I mistaken?"
I did not answer her question. I couldn't, by request of the contractee. We were not to engage conversation with the resident of the manor, as they were deemed of extreme dangerosity. Except that and bringing back the artifact, nothing was specified. Anyhow, how can she know about the others, is there an alarm? and why does she think we're after the artifact? Well, sure, we are after the artifact, but it could as well have been an assassination plotted by, I don't know, some rich jerk fancying her house? It wouldn't have been that unlikely, after all, she did live in one of the richest District of Arkanoth. And even then, her house held a special place, almost religious for some, which wasn't so surprising, considering her land housed multiple trees, thing you could count on the fingers of your hand.
"Cat got your tongue? Oh well, just know you will have to prove your worth before laying your fingers on it. I wasn't able to achieve my dream, unfortunately, but if you truly are the companion of Timictli, maybe you younglings will.
"What, how can you know about him, old lady?" I remember my heart racing as my mind worried over countless questions: does she know something else, is there a mole on our side, does she really know Timictli?... At that moment, I realized I managed to fuck up the only order we had. But she knew too much for me to stay mute.
"Don't worry, I'll be careful not to break you, so don't hold a grudge if it stings a little. After all, I do deserve to know if you and Timictli are capable to shoulder the weight of my dream, right?"
She moved like a gust of wind, letting a laugh celebrating nature escape her. Though she attacked me with the intent of killing, none of her blows held the intention of hurting me. Only to teach me, or remind me? What did she want to remind me? My affection for Timictli? All that remains for me to learn? Or maybe what I truly desire, my Will.
I always wanted to run away. It's because everything tried to hold me down. But I wasn't strong enough to break the shackles, so instead I escaped to the past. I replayed every great moment I had lived, each interspaced between fights, blood and bad decisions.
How many times have I asked myself that question? If only I could go back to the past. Even before everything went haywire, this question bothered my throat, scratched and hissed, its only desire becoming voice.
It's because I'm weak, always has been. More than being strong, I wish I could go back in Time. Strength doesn't bring happiness. When you're strong, there is no excuse to fall. You have to stay up and keep on fighting.
What am I still doing standing up?
I wish I could cry. So much. Why do I have to hate him when I loved him so much? My first family was Tim and Teresa. He had been my second. It would be so much easier to simply forgive him, act like nothing happened. I miss the days when we used to watch bad series together.
I want to kill him, but I don't want to see him hurt. I want to hate him, but I don't want to feel that way. I want to be able to forget our friendship, really, that's all I ask for, if I could, I'd do it, I promise.
I can't.
I will never be able to forget my families. Jim, Teresa, Timictli, I'll never forget them. They're the ones who shaped me, for better and worse. So instead, I'll fight. I will stand up. I will be strong.
And thus, we headed to the portal, two men and a God, on our way to wage war to Tezcatlipoca.