My ears are buzzing, my head is hurling a terrible pain and my numbed legs are waking up. It was the same dream. Again. And of course it stopped just before the end, I swear, it's starting to get on my nerves, why am I still making the same useless dream again and again ! It's not like I don't have any more pressing matters but- wait... I'm outside. Oh right, they kicked me out. I do have more pressing matters.

I was in the middle of a waste ground where broken glass and gum littered every part of the ground. Clouds were a dark grey and buildings were but ruins inhabited by humans.

I struggled to get up and shooed the sand off my face and walked toward home. As I walked memories started to resurface, telling me what happened. So it was one of those nights, huh. I wonder if they'll let me go back home, it's not like I can do much except seeing for myself anyway. I was headed toward home, head down, dragging my feet. I don't want to come back, but I don't really have any choice.

The house scared me, adults said the most terrifying thing is purgatory, so it must probably be my purgatory, the front of my house lacking window, a too-old blue paint to hide the cracks coloring the house and a black door, black as night, still as scaring, as if it were the door to Hell. I wasn't gone long enough, they still hadn't forgiven me, they will have the same look in their eyes they always have, the same look they had since that day...

It was too late to backtrack, I knew it. Yet my steps still slowed down, afraid I was of the punishment awaiting me. It never was physical, nor what they said, but, the way they acted around me... as if I wasn't their son, as if I was their son's murderer.

I came back one day, late at night, some bruises painting my body momentarily sculpted of leafs and branches, and they weren't happy. No, it's not that... they were relieved, but when they looked me in the eye they... I don't know, it's useless to think about that, I don't want to think about that, it's not like it's going to help me change things or anything, so why am I constantly thinking about the way they look at me.

I was in front of the door, my hand trembled at the idea of opening this purgatory. Fortunately, the door decided to open by itself, spitting out none other than my mother.

She was a sight; her eyes were red from stress, her hair was all tangled up in knots of disarray and uncertitude. I couldn't recognize her, it was as if a different person stole her face and decided to become the complete opposite of who she was. She was a diamond, a peerless light amidst piles of rubbish, the halo of District Z, my halo. But now she was like the others, if worse. Did something happen, was she in danger, was she threatened? I don't want her to look like that, I want her to be happy and radiate the light that makes all the trash fade from my sight. When I looked at her eyes she had the same indistinguishable look from when they stopped treating me like their son, it made me so sad, the first time I saw it I felt my heart ache, now it was only sore. It made me sad because I always could understand mama's feelings from a look at her eyes- even papa couldn't do that. But now... now it was a sinister mist, the unknown, a new feeling, or emotion? What's sure is, I still couldn't discern what it was, but I'm sure- yes, I'm sure that it's the reason why everything changed, the answer lies in her eyes and I can't see.

"Son...?" she froze, her face tense, a mixture of emotions I was unallowed to decipher dancing in her eyes. "Please...let me pass, I have to go."

"...Where are you going? Are you coming back soon?" I had a feeling, deep inside me. I can't let her go, if I do so, I'll forget what her face looks like, I don't know what it means, but I'm sure of it. I can't let her pass.

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She stayed still as a statue, unsure what to say, it was so early in the morning, where could she possibly go?... Is she not coming back... is that what it means to forget what her face looks like? No... that's not possible, surely it is something else, not that, something else. Yes, it must be something else.

"Listen, dear, I have to go, for my own good... please... I-I'm so sorry, but I can't, not anymore." her voice hiccuped, tears rolling down her cheeks she tried to hide, "now move, I have to go, please."

I finally understood, seeing her. That strange glimmer that had woken in her eyes, that alien emotion cutting right through my heart.

Was it true?

"Mama. Why are you scared?" My voice was monotonous, for the first time I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eyes, It scared me, to see her reaction, to understand her eyes, to see.

Hearing my words, her mask fell. A mask so well put on that fell from such simple words, from a mere breeze, to say that that mask had survived squalls, gales, downpours, hailstorms, storms, hurricanes, tornadoes... and yet it fell to four simple words. Slain by a sole sentence, a sole fear nested deep inside my heart conveyed into words.

A mere breeze.

"I-don't say that, you know I love you. Look me in the eyes," she smiled, putting a hand atop my head, slowly ruffling them. "I'm not scared," lies. Her eyes are lying. The faint hue of black in her eyes is forming waves. Lies.

My head slumped down, my eyes lost focus as a gleam slowly faded away, drifting ever farther from me, abandoning me.

"You're lying. I know," I said as I looked down my feet, my voice going up even as I tried to even my breath. "There are waves in your eyes, you can't lie to me."

She sighed.

"You always were a bright child. Listen, whatever you may think, you have to believe in yourself. I know it is hypocrite of me to say so when I cannot but - please become a great adult, one I didn't deserve to educate." Her eyes softened, tears swelling up all the while refusing to fall. "You're a great chid, and it would be such a waste if you decided to change because of how others act around you. Do you understand?"

I nodded.

"That's great," She let a gentle laugh escape her throat, finally she had retrieved her light, so pure light, so recomforting in times of need. When I felt alone, misunderstood, sad, it was the same light that helped me get up each time I tripped. Mama is back, "now, please let me pass. I wish there wasn't a need for me to leave... I wish things hadn't changed, but they have, and I'm not strong enough to carry such a heavy weight."

In the end, although I promised myself I wouldn't let her go, I made way for her departure; her eyes were not lying, and it was enough for me, even if it hurt, it hurt less than seeing her lie.

As I watched her leave with a bag on her back, I heard hurried footsteps coming from inside the house. Loud breathing swallowing then spitting out air could be heard when the noise of footsteps stopped, and a hoarse voice cried out:

"No, come back, don't leave honey. You can't do that, you can't do that to him! Do you even realize what you're doing to him, all for stupid bullshit, you should look at yourself!" A big figure came out of the door. It was a strong guy. He had a belly too big for his shirt, a baldness that only began to savor the middle of his head, blue, scared eyes were accompagnied by an unkempt beard. He tried to reach out to her, but saw me first. He loudly coughed, letting out a strange liquid. "Oh," he realized. "So you already know, huh... come, son, if even you couldn't keep her, then it means nothing can prevent her from leaving." He rapidly gave a harsh look at mama, which soon softened, letting sadness with a hint of resolution escape. "Come, son, I'll make you the food you love so much."

He gently picked me up, giving a last look at mama, who silently looked at the scene, a hint of regret mixed with a subdued fear could be seen nesting in her eyes.

She left.

"You look tired son, come, I'll bring you to your bed, let's hope tomorrow will be a better day," he whispered, lulling me to sleep.

The air was refreshing, a gentle breeze whispering to my ears, air slowly filled my lungs as I closed my eyes.