We are like the spider. We weave our life and then move along in it. We are like the dreamer who dreams, and then lives in the dream. This is true for the entire universe.
-- The Upanishads
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Gravel crunched under slow moving wheels, larger chunks popping hollowly as the vehicle rolled to a stop. Caleb sat in silence, both hands grasping his steering wheel. There was no sound but the tick tick tick of the cooling engine. After hours of driving, Caleb's hearing felt muffled, inured to the drone of the road. As if he had forgotten to breathe he shuddered and took a sharp inhale followed by a long exhale. Numbly he felt for the door latch, pulling himself up short before remembering to release the seatbelt. With a wry self admonishment he put both feet on the ground by his door and paused before leveraging himself up, his body stiff from the road and a life of hard work.
Caleb's hearing slowly returned and he felt life seeping back into his joints as he paused to take in his surroundings. He had stopped his car in a small dirt lot bordered by forest, only a few feet removed from some county road in rural Michigan. A small path led into the thicket, swiftly vanishing into scrub and evergreen, intermixed with an occasional hardwood. Spring growth was well under way and Caleb took a moment to breathe in the sweet, earthy fragrance as the wind brought birdsong and a crescendo of life to his senses. Emotion, long repressed, began to well up inside him, threatening to spill out. Pausing with one hand on the door of his car, Caleb concentrated on slowing his breath and held back his brimming eyes; not yet, he reminded himself, not yet.
Short moments later, an overstuffed pack slung over his shoulders, Caleb decided to forgo his cell phone in the glovebox of his car, and turned toward the path, his feet following his heart into the wild. Just as he reached the trailhead, the wind paused and a soft silence pressed down, his steps faltered and he glanced around. Above him a solitary raven eyed him from the top branches of a weathered pine. The pair scrutinized each other for the space of a few breaths as the portentous silence stretched. Then, with a low croak, the bird dropped from it's branch and silently winged it's way over the forest. The corners of Caleb's mouth turned down slightly in a thoughtful frown before he shrugged to adjust his pack and he stepped onto the path, diving into the sassafras and dogwood thicket.
Unhurried meandering is Caleb's favorite way to move through the forest, and today was no different. He took his time and paused to take in anything and everything that arrested his interest. His working life was high stress and non-stop pressure. He was here to... why was he here again? His mind sank into the lull of his depressive patterns. But he took hold again and focused on where he was. It was time to let all of that go, he was here, he reminded himself, he was here. Here. That's all. There is no need for "why" or anything beyond just to be. When his thoughts would crawl back into focus, he would stop, as many times as it took, to remind himself of that truth. The forest had long been his happy place and he had been away for far too long. But he was here now. Here. Now.
Breathe.
He sat down on a moss covered log, first checking that he was choosing a dry seat. He swung his pack off and pulled a metal bottle from it's lash and sipped. Again, emotion threatened to ambush him, but he reminded himself that he had plenty of time, and crying on a log wasn't his current plan. Not that he needed a plan, his thoughts popped up, wasn't he here to 'relax' and 'unwind'. Couldn't he even get that right? No... No. Breathe, moss, mushroom, feel the air. Breathe. He smiled as the tension of the moment drained, he let his hand brush back and forth over the moss on his log. He focused on the earthy smells all around him and the feel of the sunlight filtering through the canopy. Breathe.
As he stood to re-shoulder his pack and continue his wandering, something caught his eye. A branch had fallen, some time ago, and caught in the crotch of a tree. A craggy oak, bent and twisted with age had stood here since before the pioneers had first rolled through. Now, standing underneath this matriarch, this grandmother of the forest, Caleb reached up and pulled down her offering. The wood was weathered and hardened by time and the elements. Beatles had burrowed under the bark, when it had been part of the living tree, and it was covered in strange looking patterns, as if nature herself had carved it's length with interconnected runes. Caleb stood for a moment, holding the length of wood in his hands before smiling and accepting his new staff. He looked up at the oak and whispered "thank you", before shaking his head at himself.
His steps lead him further into the forest, the early afternoon sun filtering through the new leaves, permeating the atmosphere with green gold light. He considered a bumblebee as it bumped it's way through the small spring flowers, nosing itself into trillium and spring beauty. Caleb cracked a smile when the bee flew up to inspect his face, before humming away disappointed. Well, perhaps not disappointed, that would be one of Caleb's own thoughts, the bee just recognized that his face held no nectar. A shadow passed over Caleb's eyes before he redirected himself back to the present moment. He stood in a small indent in the land, the whole of this tiny valley was carpeted with flowers, their bright faces bobbing in the soft breeze. Sunlight played across his face and he closed his eyes to listen to the fluttering leaves and distant drone of the bees as they went about their venerated task. Do bees worry if a flower isn't full of nectar? Or do they just move to the next one?
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Caleb had wandered from the path long ago when the forest opened suddenly into a small meadow. At one end of the clearing an immense tree had fallen, lifting it's extensive root system, creating a veritable cave. Or at least half of a cave, with one wall a fifteen foot tall gnarl of roots with dirt and head sized rocks entangled to make a perfect wind break. Caleb swung his pack down, leaning it against the root wall and began to set up his camp.
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Mist curled around his form, obscuring all but his immediate surroundings. Caleb could feel it, like cool fingers dancing over his skin. It felt strange, almost like it was insubstantial. Which, of course, it was. It was mist. Only... It didn't feel right. Nothing felt right.
He looked down at his hands and could see the mist flow around his fingers, and through his skin. His heart jumped. Through his skin? He suddenly realized that he could feel the mist permeate his whole body. He stepped back and felt himself flow rather than walk. He took a moment to slow his breathing and try to take in his situation. He could move his arms, and legs, but his movements were disjointed and everything felt insubstantial. It was almost like there was a delay between his mind and his body. He felt no pain, and when he started to look around him he was startled to find that the mist gave way to what appeared to be starfields and galaxies and faintly glowing nebula. It was as if he floated on an island of mist in deep space. Most of his view was obscured by drifting tendrils of fog, but as he became accustomed to the strange sensations, he saw movements among the stars. Great shadows moved, star filled leviathans, made of dust, floated always just beyond sight. When he tried to focus on them, all he could see was endless space. But they were there, ghosting around the corners of he senses.
Strangely he wasn't afraid. After his initial shock, and the novelty of the experience, he felt at peace, floating in the void. Realization grew within him until he was certain he was in some form of dream. One of those dreams where everything feels so very real. As this understanding dawned, he felt his feet touch onto ground. Not earth, per se, but he could feel his weight settle, and when he tried to move, he found he could walk almost normally. He was still surrounded by stars, and the ghostly behemoth, gliding silently beyond sight.
Soon he could to make out a feint trace, leading out into the shifting void. Each cautious step sent strange vibrations rippling through the mist, like every step was a small pebble in a still pond. But, the ripples of his movement didn't seem to spread much farther than each footfall. Caleb gained confidence as he walked and was soon strolling along as easily as his hiking had been earlier in the day. The path he was following continued straight for some time, and he was beginning to wonder where it might be leading. When he glanced behind him, there was nothing but the fog, and the star filled void. If he stopped, the path ahead remained the same, if he attempted to move away from the path, his steps became the path again. Any direction he chose, the path led on ahead. He recognized that his only option was to continue onward.
No sooner had he determined to follow the path to the end, that the fog opened in front of him. Caleb hesitated and the mist began to encroach on his view, but a step forward cleared the way again. He could see that the ground, or whatever he was walking on, was ending. The path became a bridge, a simple stone bridge. Caleb pulled up short in surprise. A stone bridge? Looking around he could still see the endless void, the stars, galaxies, faintly glowing nebula, the silent shadows, and right in front of him was a stone bridge. He almost laughed aloud at the juxtaposition, the perfectly ordinary amid the alien backdrop.
Caleb's heels rang softly on the cobbles of the bridge as he walked forward. He paused and looked down, surprised to find himself fully clothed in his jeans, flannel and boots that he had been wearing when he had stopped to camp. He didn't have much time to marvel at this change when he realized that the entire scene had shifted. He could see that the bridge lead to an island and all around him, as far as he could see, was water. The mist still flowed around and through everything, and he could see the nebula reflecting from the lake. And lake it was, as still as glass. He slowly turned to take in what he was seeing. Scattered across the surface of the lake were thousands, millions, of stars. The mirror surface of the water spread to the horizon, each star a tiny point of light. Far above, the galaxies and shifting nebula could still be seen. But it was as if all the stars had come to rest a few inches from the smooth surface of the lake.
Caleb was still drinking all of this in when he realized that, standing in the very center of the small island, was a tall figure. His steps faltered when he realized that the figure was watching him approach. The figure made no movement, but Caleb knew he was to come to her. When he stopped, directly in front of her, his eyes widened. Even though, from a distance, she appeared to be tall, when they stood face to face, she was no taller than he. Her form was shrouded in long robes that at one moment seemed to be entirely of mist, and in the next were fine linen, or silk. Long dark hair cascaded over her shoulders and down her back, nearly to the floor. Her face was achingly beautiful, and utterly alien.
He felt tears come unbidden to his eyes and, overwhelmed, he began to kneel. Instantly, and without seeming to move, her hands grasped his and brought him back to his feet. Her soft eyes held his and with gentle hands, she began to undress him. At first he resisted, but as gentle as she was, he was powerless in her hands. Soon he was standing before her as naked as the day he was born. Strangely, he felt no shame, and she looked at him with complete love, no hint of embarrassment or desire. From somewhere in her robes, she pulled a small vial. With her thumb she broke the wax seal and let the contents pour over him. Starting from his head, it ran through his hair and over his shoulders, all the way down his body. Far more liquid than that small bottle would seem to hold. A strange sensation, a delicious warmth spread over him and he realized that she was pushing him gently backwards to his back. Or perhaps his feet were floating up. He realized that the island had disappeared and she was standing beside him as he floated in the waters of the lake. Dark mist coalesced around him, obscuring his vision. Far above the leviathan ghosted across, fully visible for the first time, blocking out the nebula.
The figure placed her hand above Caleb's face for a moment before drawing back, leaving a single point of light floating inches above the surface of the lake. Caleb looked to the newborn star as his eyes lost focus and he sank beneath the mirror like surface of the water.