Crab meat was delicious, she thought with a grimace. It felt wrong to enjoy eating the little god. As his opal shell dissolved in her body, giving her form more opacity, more defined edges, less light passing through, the body of the little god faded away, his big hiccuping sobs releasing bubbles with each breath, the sound of them fading as if through soft cotton, leaving only a school of his tears, the flying fish confusedly circling where his body had been. At least it hadn’t seemed painful, she thought with regret.

With the last of the godseed that had been in his shell absorbed into her person, her form had acquired almost complete solidity, just the barest hint of light passing through. ‘Why am I still ghostly?’ she asked Novem, holding up a hand to the light. He rested his head on his paws, looking bored. ‘Your soul is still incomplete, you’ll have to find the rest of it. It’s probably still attached to your original godseed.’ Alene looked at him exasperated. ‘You wouldn’t happen to know where that is, would you.’ He shrugged. Alene grumbled under her breath. Stupid godeater.

‘Wait, why did the little god disappear, why wouldn’t he be a ghost too?’ Novem cocked his head at her. ‘You ate him. All of him, his body, his godseed, his soul. There is nothing left, he is completely wiped out.’ Alene felt a pang of guilt. She had known what she was doing, had accepted that she was killing him, snuffing out his life, but she hadn’t fully realized that she would be eliminating him from all of existence. She took a deep breath. She had chosen this. Chosen to survive, at the cost of another god’s life. She wasn’t human, she was a god and the rules of gods were different from the rules of men.

‘Why are you helping me?’ Novem was clearly a capable god, a predator of predators. Why would he be assisting an incapacitate god like her, she should be easy pickings for him. Novem paused, his tail flicking behind him as he contemplated his answer ‘when I met you, I had just come out of a very traumatic experience. You reminded me of myself, just as fragmented. I had just resolved not to hunt needlessly, and was looking to do something meaningful, something constructive. I guess you are my charity project’ he said with a cat-smile. Alene wasn’t sure what to make of that. It felt a bit patronizing, but at the same time she clearly needed his help. ‘...I suppose when you’re stronger you might be a worthy prey.’ Novem finished, looking at her appraisingly. She repressed a shudder.

Where was she supposed to find her remaining soul shard, she thought later, laying on her back on the top of the skull, looking up at the stars. She supposed wasn’t exactly sure how she would recognize it, Novem had not been forthcoming, just stated that she was supposed to be whole and would recognize it, feel some sort of magnetism towards it. Was there anywhere she felt that sort of feeling towards now? She had definitely felt the opposite of that feeling towards the swamp. Maybe that meant something? Maybe she should permit Sym to try traveling deeper into the depths of the swamp. Not pushing herself too hard, just a little deeper than she had already explored. She refused to be complicit in Sym’s death, had already accepted the death of one being on her head.

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She wondered about the little god’s life. Was there someone out there missing him? The thought made her heart hurt and her stomach churn with guilt. She had killed someone. She had chosen to take the life of another being. Had chosen to be selfish, to make a decision as a god, rather than a human or a ghost. Would she have made the same choice, back when she was Una?

From her memories she had seemed fascinated but mostly uncomprehending of humans, their values and taboos incomprehensible to her. But after she had walked among them, what about then? The experience with Iseult had clearly changed her. Had led her to changing Sym. From her exchange with the wolf god and her surrender to Veridia in her memories, she had clearly cared deeply for the humans, had been willing to give up her life for them, to give up on what she thought was best for them and listen to their will. She still hadn’t really understood humans, but had been willing to let them choose what was best for themselves without her guidance. She had still been at her core, a god. But would she have eaten another god? It was hard to say.

She ran her hand along the smooth bone, feeling the groves under her newly condensed fingers. Things felt different with a tangible body. Her skin was more sensitive, she could feel detail so much more acutely. And the temperatures now affected her. She was glad the roof of her skull home was intact, she wasn’t sure how rain would feel, but assumed she would appreciate being able to avoid it, based on her discomfort with it as a ghost. She could eat now too. She didn’t seem to need to, had mostly forgotten about it, but seeing some of her berries drying out in the sun had reminded her to try. She had promptly gone to the fruit kiosk and gathered as much fruit as she could carry. They were all so good, but her favorite was by far the mangos. They tasted like pure sunlight.

It had been a nice distraction from the task at hand. She needed to visit Sym, to talk to her about finding her remaining soul, but to do so would require her to have a conversation about how her corporeality came to be, and she wasn’t sure how Sym would react. She was still so human, despite her acolytehood, still held onto her human morals and values, viewed so many of gods’ actions through the lens of her humanity. She looked back up at the stars, tracing the constellation Xi with her eyes. Where was Ceit right now? Would she also think Alene was abhorrent for eating a god? She missed her. It was funny how someone she had only met for a couple days could have such an effect on her. Maybe she had just imprinted on the first human she had seen, like a chick, but it felt like so much more than that. Ceit had been…they had just fit. So perfectly.