It was a grand intimidating staircase that marked the passage up into the innermost keep. The four heroes took a moment to check their gear, but with little delay entered the dark ascent. I had scampered up the stairs ahead of them, not wanting to get caught behind again. This forced me face to face with the great throne room of the conjurer at the top.

His skeletal form loomed over the room with jewel-inset eyes, and I was sure he took note of me. But before his mouth could open to speak, I ran aside the edge of the room and kept to the back of the furniture there. He seemed to tilt his head as if confused, only to quickly turn his attention back to the entryway as the heroes arrived.

“So, you have chosen to challenge me,” the conjurer hissed. His ethereal voice seemed to echo from the very walls, crawling under my skin. Then his eyes scanned the room as he added, “None can hide from me.”

The ever-courteous gnome, Lang, unfurled his eviction notice obliviously. “By order of the western empire and the authority of the adventuring Guild,” he droned, “We hereby give notice to the eminent domain placed upon your castle and all occupants therein. You are to peaceably vacate and take with you all hint of daimonic, undying, or otherwise accursed magics tainting the vicinity, and in doing so make way for the peace and prosperity of the Kingdom in this to be the new ground site of the royal trading center highway. Thank you.”

There was a long pause before the conjurer burst out in vicious laughter. “I have ruled these lands since before the Dragons slept,” he said. “My power lays claim to all Souls who pass in its domain. I deny the very gods their bounty! And you think that you five can stand against me?”

“Wait what?” the spellsword cut in.

That was my thinking exactly, but for another reason. I cursed under my breath behind the table where I was hiding.

“Very well,” Lang continued. “There was a bonus incurred if we could get you to retract to your magic willingly, but, if need be, the court Wizards can clean it up. Worth a try!”

He withdrew his orb, and the others followed suit. Hammer, sword, and claw.

A sudden blast of energy scattered every object in the room and knocked me to the ground with a massive concussion. I lay there stunned, hearing the clatter of armor and weapons being tossed about by the force. As the conjurer stood, he called forth his undead henchmen. Other heroes who had tried before and failed to fell him were bound by a sickly green energy, and their still-rotting bodies moved to his whim.

Dreadful creatures of bone and flesh rose up as soon as the conjurer was done preparing. A handful of knights, a couple of goblins, and one ogre. The hulking monster looked like it had once been a war forged. Just then, the gateway back to the stairway slammed shut, and all our fates were sealed. It was do or die time.

I would have given anything to run away at this point.

I heard the rattle of armor behind me and turned to find a skeletal warrior peeling itself from the very walls, sword in hand. Still not wanting the heroes to see me, I tried to make quick work of it. With my two rusted knives drawn, I ducked around the bastard and severed his legs at the back of the knee joint. As soon as he fell, I bashed at his skull until it shattered. These undead didn't go down easy, not like some badland scarab.

Not wanting to fight again, I crawled my way completely under the table and prayed to every nasty god. I had a good view of the fight from under the edge, and I watched as the wizard gnome took the lead. He threw off the effects of the bad magic in the area while casting spells of his own, simultaneously attacking and defending. He focused his attention against the conjurer while his allies took on their undead henchmen. The barbarian and paladin fought the more dangerous foes, taking up the rear against the zombies as they advanced.

In a surprise attack, the spellsword dashed forward through the whole mass and made a direct strike upon the conjurer. The ancient evil roared in anger, unleashing a burst of necrotic lightning that threw him back. Its dazzling display arced across the room and shined brightly in the crystals of the massive chandelier above. Every hero was brought to their knees.

"Enough!" the conjurer called. "I have grown weary of these games!"

His power rose to new heights. All of us where hit with a wave of sickness. Lang's spells faltered and the fighters’ arms grew slow and weak. The conjurer laughed, and my heart sank as the promise of escape started to dwindle.

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Moments ago, I had been hoping for the heroes' death, but now I was just hoping to get out of this alive. With my presence known to the conjurer and the way out sealed, there would be no sneaking away. The big bad thought I was with them, godsdammit. If that wasn't bad enough, even if the heroes did die, they'd rise right back up as his zombies and we'd be back to square one.

The conjurer stepped off his throne, lording his near victory over the heroes. "You all will perish and join my ranks! We hold the fortress, now until the end of days! You know not whom I serve, foolish mortals, but he will know you!"

Sheer panic gripped my tiny body. I needed a way out. Think!

My eyes locked on to a rope above, and I realized what it was. It was the chandelier tie-down. I could see its base just across the room through the open. With where he was standing now, he was just beneath the hefty iron frame. All I had to do was just expose myself to cursed lightning and undead warriors to get there. It only got worse.

"Where are you, little creature?" the conjurer asked. "My wrath will only be greater to the coward! I shall torment your remains!"

I could feel his gaze resting on me, but all I could think was 'fuck it'. It was now or never.

I made my dash through the open and instantly got slapped with lightning. My limbs froze and I cried out in pain. I was close, but I hadn't gotten close enough.

The conjurer glanced at the ceiling, and I saw him smirk. "A clever plan, but foolish to imagine your-"

In the time his attention changed, the barbarian had broken free from the lightning's hold. He brought his fists down like a hammer on the conjurer's head, screaming all the while. "Stop! Your! Talking!" Everything that followed was an incoherent scream.

Though I was more than half dead, I reached the rope and made my cut. Seeing what I was doing, Lang's eyes grew wide. He jutted out his hand and seemed to take control of the barbarian, as if mind controlling him to step back and clear the way. An explosion of crystal and metal rang out then as the chandelier touched down.

The barbarian's screaming had died off, and he shook his head to clear himself from the daze of possession.

The conjurer let out one last piercing cry as his ghost escaped into a plume of evil. And that was that.

I pulled myself up and dropped my weapons, desperately trying to shake off the lingering effects of the conjurer's magic. Felt like the time I'd swallowed rat poison. My whole body ached. I was lucky enough that I hadn't been caught a second longer in the blast, but I was still shaking.

All four of the heroes were staring at me dumbstruck.

They all looked to the pile of rubble that had been the chandelier, then back to me. I gave them a toothy smile and waved sheepishly.

"Is that a rat?" the barbarian asked.

"No," said the spellsword. "We literally just got done fighting a whole village of those little fuckers. How could you have already forgotten?"

Lang dusted himself off and spat out a bit of blood. "Rat? No, that's a goblin. And quite a diminutive one at that."

He was one to talk. "I'm, uh, Bogart."

The barbarian set his hands on his knees and huffed for breath. "Bogart, eh?"

"Yeah…"

He nodded, his gaze turning serious. "Good kill."

Lang was piecing it all together. "It was you that opened the courtyard gate, wasn't it?"

There was only one way left to play this cluster. "And disabled the trap outside the dining hall," I added. "You're welcome."

The spellsword sat himself down on the edge of the chandelier and looked around at all the now inanimate corpses in the room. "I am baffled beyond saving." He brushed the dust off his expensive looking jacket. "This is not generally how goblins are known to repay genocide."

I just shrugged. My heart was beating a million miles an hour. Surely, they'd see through me. "I just, uh, thought you guys might reward me. Those guys were assholes anyway."

Good, good, I thought. Keep it believable.

The spellsword straightened up. "If we were to believe you, then it'd certainly be a first."

The paladin finally spoke up, staring at me inscrutably through his shrouding helm. "They're an evil race. Even if he is telling the truth, we'd be righteous to reward him with death all the same."

The barbarian scoffed. "The rat deserves a real reward. It's only fair."

"Surely, well-reasoned," Lang suddenly cut in. He had a devious look about him, even while haggard from battle. He'd been lost in thought a long time but switched on a dime. "We let him sit in on the communal heal and grant him a small fee. That’s honorable."

"If you really think so," the spellsword sighed.

I couldn't keep from letting out a little snicker. It was a nasty habit of us goblins when we got something we wanted. After staring death in the face, I was practically orgasmic with relief. "Yeah! Yeah! That's fair! Fair's fair!"

"That's fair," Lang repeated. And as he walked up to me, he deposited five pieces of gold before my crippled body. Shortly thereafter, the communal heal was given reluctantly by the paladin, and I felt myself mending.

As I got to my feet, I scooped up the gold with a terrifying covetousness. It wasn't just more money than I had seen in my entire life, it was more than I possibly knew what to do with. It was a fortune beyond reckoning for any humble badlands goblin.

Lang tsk tsk'd again at the sight of me. "And not a penny more, you hear?"

"Oh, oh yeah boss. No problem! This is-"

"Unless!"

I stopped dead in my tracks, looking from that precious handful of gold up to the gnome looming above me.

"Unless?" I asked.

"Unless you'd like to accompany us."

You could have heard a pin drop. The party was gob smacked.