"Sunbaenim? What are you talking about? It's me, Hyuk-ah, your favorite hoobae! Well, maybe I’m not your favorite hoobae, since I keep messing up whenever I see you, but that’s because I think you’re really cool, sunbaenim, and the more I get scared about messing up the more I’ll probably do it! Look, you gave me this hoodie for last year's secret santa!"
How can Junhee break the news to this desperate boy who seems to idolize him? There's no way to say it without crushing his spirit, and the poor boy is already dead. Does he lie to satisfy Dae Hyuk's dying wishes? Or does he tell the truth?
"Sunbaenim, you might have your hair and nose and mouth covered, but I still recognize your eyes with your glasses on! You're just testing me, right?" He starts sniffling, and Junhee's heart aches. He'd always hated seeing people cry. "You're always teasing us about disrespecting our seniors, because we always help Hyunjun-hyung prank you, but I don't- I didn't mean-"
Dae Hyuk sniffs loudly and bursts into tears.
Junhee sighs helplessly, unable to resist the urge to comfort the boy. Looks like his choice has been made for him. He’d always been weak to kids.
“Dae Hyuk-ah, wipe your tears.” Instantly, Daehyuk ceases his sobbing, wiping his face with the sleeve of his oversized sweater. “I’m sorry about what happened to you, really. And I’m glad you admired me when you were…”
“Alive,” Dae Hyuk finishes. He’s taking it even better than Junhee is, to be honest. “I feel like there’s a but coming.” He puts on a brave face, and Junhee feels worse than he already does. “Throw it at me, sunbaenim. I’m not scared anymore.”
“I’m not the Jun-sunbaenim you remember. Your respected sunbae… Even I don’t remember him anymore.” If you saw the look on Dae Hyuk’s face, you’d think the world was ending. “I don’t remember anything from before the car accident. You, GENES1S, my manager and bodyguard, the Hyunjun-hyung you spoke of… I don't remember any of it.”
He doesn't tell the younger boy how hard he'd tried to remember, only to come up with blanks every time.
"I take it back," Dae Hyuk mumbles. "I thought nothing would scare me after dying but-" he throws his arms around Junhee, who shudders under the weight of phantom cold. "That's really scary. Sunbaenim, is that why you didn't come back or tell us you were doing okay? Because you didn't know where to go or who to tell?"
"Yeah." Junhee cracks a smile. "But hey, now I have you, right?" Neither of them know how long they'll be around for: two of them dead boys walking, one a literal ghost and the other a ticking time bomb. But Junhee is willing to take all the help - and the company - he can get.
He watches as Dae Hyuk beams, his eyes curving into half-moons. "Yeah! Maybe there's not much you can do to help me, sunbaenim, but I want to help you!"
"I'm sure your fellow band members loved having you around," Junhee can't help but say. "Your fans, too."
"No, sunbaenim, you don't have to compliment me just because I'm helping you, you don't- you didn't even really know me that well, you know, clashing schedules and age gaps and all that-"
"Aigoo, just take the compliment!" Is this what having a younger sibling is like? Constantly staring at you with puppy dog eyes, so attentively you can almost see an imaginary tail wagging? "You don't have to treat me like I'm someone untouchable. Right now, I'm just me. Not a celebrity everyone adores, just an average guy."
"That's what you always tell the Joahees, but it's hard when we're just small potatoes compared to you," Dae Hyuk whines. "It's even harder as your hoobae. I wish I could be as talented as you, and we all want to exceed you one day, but at the same time it's hard to ever imagine surpassing you." His face falls again. "I guess now I won't ever get that chance. Our comeback is- was- scheduled for next week, but I didn't even get to say goodbye to everyone. Sunbaenim, what happens next?"
They stay silent.
"I don't know," Junhee can only say. He wants to be the reliable sunbae Dae Hyuk expects him to be so badly, but he doesn’t even know if he can rely on himself, and if that isn’t one of the worst feelings ever, he doesn’t know what is. "I really don't."
Sometimes, he feels like he doesn’t know anything at all.
If he’s really an idol like Dae Hyuk claims, then what happens to him? There’s nothing much they can do for Dae Hyuk except try to find out why he was killed because cyanide isn’t easy to find, right? That’s the only way they can give Dae Hyuk’s friends and family any closure. But for Junhee? Let’s say he lives as an anonymous detective’s sidekick for the next six months, steadily solving the case of his own death, giving him the chance to live the rest of his life. Which means ultimately, there will come a day when he must return to his past. He can’t keep running from everything, after all. But when that time comes, will the stage still be the home he craves?
He still enjoys listening to music, making music with whatever he has available. Minji has told him off for drumming with his chopsticks against bowls and plates while eating more times than necessary. Sometimes, he finds song lyrics floating in his head, wisps of sentences he has to scribble down before he forgets them. But after skim-reading the latest celebrity gossip magazines at the local convenience store and checking out interviews with other idols and bands that might’ve been his friends and coworkers and reading about their hectic schedules and near-complete lack of freedom, he’s not too sure he wants to return to that life.
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Call it luck, or misfortune, but he hadn’t found anything about himself. It might’ve been better to remember things naturally or forget it all rather than give himself memories of things he’s not sure about.
“Could there be a way?” He wonders out loud. Dae Hyuk cocks his head. A police officer walks by, and they step back into the shadows, even though Dae Hyuk is invisible to the mortal eye and Junhee might as well be invisible, wearing dark clothes while standing in a dark place. “To secretly visit Star Entertainment headquarters, I mean, without anyone finding out we were there. I don’t remember who I’d trust enough to talk to, but I’m sure there’s someone there who could help.”
“Hyunjun-hyung!” Dae Hyuk answers instantly. “If there’s anyone you’d go to for help, it’d definitely be him.”
Junhee raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“It’s a really long story, but, um,” Dae Hyuk takes a deep breath, and Junhee mentally prepares himself for some kind of long-winded speech. He really hopes the younger idol isn’t going to start with an ode to his glory or something.
“I don’t think you knew back then, and there’s pretty much no way you know now, but you kind of had a reputation for being too cool for us trainees and rookies? Most of the pros really liked you because you’re so handsome and easygoing, but for us trainees, that just made us too anxious to talk to you! So the only ones you really talked to were, um, Manager Kim-nim, your Bodyguard-nim, and Hyunjun-hyung.”
He pauses for a moment to catch his breath, and for a moment, Junhee wonders what it must’ve been like to have this boy as his fanboy and hoobae. “The other ACE-hyungnims, his band, I mean, were from the same trainee generation as you two, but you and Hyunjun-hyung were always particularly close, you know? You’re too cool because you’re too nice. He was too cool because he was, well, cool. And when the two of you were together it was like watching the prom king and queen walk by when you’re just an average potato.”
Junhee really doesn’t think he would’ve noticed, too used to thinking of himself as a normal person to realize the consequences of other people knowing he’s a celebrity. Please, Junhee thinks to himself, please stop putting me on a pedestal I can’t even see!
“I heard you two also moved in together, right? Because when we’re trainees we live in dorms, and we keep living in dorms after debut until we can afford to pay back the trainee debt and move out again, but I heard you guys got along so well you just got an apartment together. Haerin-producer-nim always said you guys act like an old married couple, ‘cause you two always squabble when he complains about your cooking, but at the same time, he never eats what anybody else cooks.”
Dae Hyuk flounders wildly when Junhee looks at him with raised eyebrows. “I mean, it’s all just rumors! We’re idols, gossip spreads fast! People talk! I don’t know if anything is true, I never had the chance to ask you or Hyunjun-hyung! I don’t even know how good your cooking is!!”
“Alright, alright, calm down, Hyuk-ah. I wasn’t going to say you were wrong or anything. I just didn’t really…” Junhee can’t stop the flush that creeps onto his cheeks. By the way Dae Hyuk described his relationship with this Hyunjun, he wouldn’t be surprised if they were secretly dating. But there’s no way that would be true, right? If they were, Junhee can’t imagine how awful Hyunjun would feel. “I didn’t think I’d be able to forget this kind of relationship with someone.”
“Ehh? Sunbaenim, why are you blushing like that?” Dae Hyuk gasps. “Sunbaenim,” he goads, big doe eyes wide and scandalized, “were you two actually in a relationship, and nobody knew?”
It’s a likely deduction based on the probably-biased evidence they have, and despite Junhee’s unease about walking headfirst into his old life, he really does want to know more about himself, or at least this Hyunjun. “I guess we’ll find out soon.”
Junhee is pondering how to bring this up to Minji when the detective herself strolls into his little dark corner and right into his personal space. Dae Hyuk squeaks and ducks behind him, making himself as small as possible even though they both know Minji can’t see him. “So, sidekick, is the sight of some puke a little too much for you?”
Junhee laughs nervously, adjusting his cap. Minji’s gaze sharpens immediately. “You’ve got something to say,” she deduces, “you saw something or heard something you don’t particularly want to share with me, is that right?"
Junhee sighs, discreetly pushing Dae Hyuk further behind him.. There’s no point lying to a seasoned detective. “Yeah, kinda.”
"It's about Son Dae Hyuk, isn't it? It has to be. If it was case related, you would've toold me instantly. So it must be…" Minji lowers her voice, leaning in with a whisper. "A personal thing. A memory? If you were a professional musician, a singer who was actively working in the industry, I would guess, Day from GENES1S would've been one of your hoobaes, right? Maybe even from the same company. So that's why when you saw his body, you flinched like you saw a ghost."
Dae Hyuk snorts from behind Junhee. "Heh. Ghost."
It's not funny in the slightest. Alright, maybe a little. But it's far too soon and way too morbid.
Junhee nods. "I was thinking of visiting Star Entertainment for a bit. I won't go in, I'll just take a look around and see if I remember anything. Who knows, maybe I might see someone I recognize, and all my memories will come back!"
Minji grins. "If that happens, you'll be in my debt," she teases. "If it weren't for me, we wouldn't have had this massive breakthrough. I'll go with you-"
"No need, I'm good. I kind of want to be alone for this."
Minji narrows her eyes. "Are you sure? What if you get lost or something?"
"I might not remember names and faces and things that happened, but I still have my sense of direction. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine!"
Minji clears her throat, not meeting his eyes. "Even if you remember everything and decide to return to your life as a singer or whatever, promise me you'll come back? It's been… it's been a really nice few days, and it's been cool to have a friend other than Bora and Chung-jae."
Junhee ruffles her hair mercilessly, much to her wailing dismay. "Don't worry, Minji-ah, god forbid I run off to become-" "-an idol," they finish together, snickering to themselves.
Dae Hyuk pouts. "What's so bad about idols?"