Face all scrunched up, Cal shook his head as he watched his mum disappear into the jungle, hauling away her kidnap victim like a sack of ill-gotten gains.

Really, at this point I’m expecting her to demand ransom from dad’s group of mercenaries like a roadside bandit. Or for her to be a secret agent working for the gnolls – maybe even the demons – and to kill the mage instead. And honestly, I’ve only got myself to blame for even a second thinking she’d be better than this…

The vision cut to the next episode here, which was situated in a sun-drenched forest glade the morning after, it seemed. The unconscious mage was slumped against a tree by the perimeter like a piece of luggage, her raven hair fanned out like a dark halo, in the meantime which the adults in the room conversed amongst themselves.

The adults, so to speak, were Cal’s mum and a gnoll a foot shorter than her who was so steeped in the arcane that he may well have exhaled spells with every breath.

Robed in a rich lavender frock, the gnoll sorcerer had rheumy milk-eyes and a grey mane, his gnarled, clawed hands blanketed by an eclectic rainbow of jewelled rings.

As if to balance the gaudiness out, he held an unadorned wooden staff that split into multiple appendages at its head, each digit curving in towards the centre but untouching, giving the appearance of a gripping hand. They gripped nothing but air, however, and this lack of crown jewel on the staff was almost as eye-catching as the gnoll’s flashy hands.

So you actually were fraternising with the enemy… Cal couldn’t help but sigh at this dishonourable mother of his.

“This one before us, she smells of the arcane,” the gnoll sorcerer said in a thin, crackly voice; Cal was surprised to hear a gnoll speaking fluent Felsian given the language was only spoken in Felsia, far from the Erudian Forest.

“Mm,” his mum hummed absentmindedly. “She was the dark mage cloaking them the entire time.”

“Excellent!” the gnoll screeched. “Those who dared to harm our princess shall now pay with their lives.” He broke into manic cackling, as though he were attempting to speedrun all the traits of a depraved, scheming villain in record time.

My expectations were already low to begin with, but really, Mum… this is who you choose to associate yourself with?

Clearing her throat loudly, Cal’s mum raised an open palm to stop the sorcerer. “Listen, about that…”

The gnoll continued with a peal of devious laughter. “Don’t fret, Liliane. You will be rewarded handsomely for your assistance as promised.”

Wait, you’re on first name basis with him?! Don’t tell me he also learnt Felsian just to be able to talk to you in your native tongue… How can you be so buddy-buddy with a villain, Mum? Is it even possible for you to sink any lower at this point?

“No, not that,” she waved dismissively, before reconsidering. “I mean, yes that, but also something else besides that. You see, I want you to attack the mercenaries.”

“A tide of rage and destruction will roll over them,” the gnoll foretold, brandishing his staff and giving a little shake for dramatic effect. “When we are done with them, I promise you there won’t be anything leftover for the carrion feeders to pick apart.”

She nodded to this. “Okay, I like a tide of you guys ambushing them, yes, that’ll work well. But make sure none of your strong guys go early, alright?”

The gnoll gave her a quizzical smile. “Apologies, Liliane, but I don’t think I follow. These are powerful assassins – we shan’t take them lightly after what they’ve done.”

Twirling a lock of hair in her hand, she looked away coyly. “No, listen, there’s this guy with them who’s kinda cute.”

Rapidly blinking his unseeing eyes, the gnoll arched an eyebrow. “What do you mean—” He paused, realisation dawning. “Are you saying you want us to attack them only for you to swoop in to their rescue?! Liliane, we refuse to be a prop for you to woo over some boytoy!”

I shouldn’t have asked…

“Hey, watch it.” Cal’s mum raised a stern finger at the sorcerer. “He could become more than that if he plays his cards right, if you know what I’m saying.”

“No, I do not know what you are saying. Are you actually—” the gnoll screeched, before seeing her lack of reaction and continuing in exasperation, “You’re serious, aren’t you? You really want us to… Oh, I don’t believe you, Liliane. This is not what we agreed on!”

A few moments of silence passed before the gnoll spoke again. “Okay, you know what, fine. You can save your boytoy with your little heroics.” He mimicked the scene with his bejewelled fingers, selecting the most garishly ringed one to represent her swooping in. And it wasn’t a cool swoop but a limp, spluttering one (with noise effects included).

“The rest of them will fall to our fury, though. You hear me?” His hand balled into a fist and pummelled into the remaining four fingers.

I can’t with this woman; to think swooping in to save dad was the only part she wasn’t lying about…

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Cal’s mum rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to speak, but before she could the gnoll screeched over her hysterically. “Did you just roll your eyes at me? What?”

“Think about it, Zhak’kul. I save him but instead of us then having some hot romantic action, he’s like all miserable and starts whimpering about the friends he lost. What was the point in me saving him, then? Well?”

Zhak’kul gaped at her. “Are you hearing yourself right now, Liliane?”

Cal couldn’t believe that he was emphatically agreeing with a gnoll sorcerer over his own mother. You tell her, gnoll man. Like how rotten can one person be?

“So you’re gonna cockblock me, are you, Zhak’kul?” his mum spat back, pushing into the gnoll with a puffed-up chest while swivelling her head like an unruly bull. She glowered down at the elderly gnoll. “You’re going to deliberately thwart a lonely lady’s attempt at finding love, are you now?”

Zhak’kul refused to cede ground, however. “What are you going to ask for next? You want me to look after her as well?” He pointed to the unconscious dark mage, sarcasm dripping. “Give her a 5* inn experience while you’re busy getting some action, should we? Make sure her nails are manicured and belly filled until you’re ready to take her back?”

That’s right, gnoll man. Don’t let her push you around; if you give this woman an inch, she’ll take a mile, trust me.

Cal’s mum glanced at the raven-haired lady and shrugged. “Well, I wouldn’t want to remind him of any past flames. So maybe…” She stroked her chin, deep in thought, before her expression brightened in a eureka moment.

“How about this: you make a scapegoat out of her and get her to take the fall for the whole group. That way you guys can pat yourselves on the back for catching the culprit, and I’ll be happy because she can’t be a nuisance when she’s out of the picture.” Cal’s mum’s eyebrows perked up and down. “Pretty neat, eh?”

“Neat?! It’s outright immoral, that’s what it is!” Zhak’kul sputtered, quivering with outrage, “In fact, I bet you only want me to kill her because you’re scared of competition.”

Lay into her, gnoll ser. Give her a piece of your mind, I say! We gotta stop her despicable behaviour somewhere, and better you than me.

“Me, scared of that?” Cal’s mum scoffed. “I don’t want him getting distracted while he’s with me, that’s all.”

“I don’t care. I’m not going to do it,” said Zhak’kul.

Mm-hmm. You tell her, gnoll ser, you tell her.

“Why not? You were going to kill her anyway.”

“Well, yes, but that was before I knew why you’d handed her over to me. And now that I know what you’re up to, there’s no way I’m taking part in your wicked schemes.” He wagged a self-righteous finger at Cal’s mum. “This poor girl has done nothing against you and you’re harming her simply because she was ahead of you in the queue. That’s what this is: pure, ugly jealousy.”

He paused to let it sink in. “It’s reprehensible, Liliane; have some shame for crying out loud.”

Cal had previously moved to the gnoll’s side out of disgust for his mum’s behaviour, but now he found himself genuinely agreeing with what they were saying.

Moreover, he felt ashamed of himself for having discriminated against the sorcerer until now solely because they were a gnoll and fit the part of a villain in his mind; if only Cal hadn’t been so prejudiced, he would have seen a lot sooner that the sorcerer was the good guy here.

Meanwhile, his mum clenched her fists in frustration, though she must have realised she was asking for too much as she followed this up by spreading out her hands in a conciliatory fashion. “Fine, fine, no need to kill her. Just keep her drugged until we’re all out of the forest. Then, you can release her, but trick her into going the wrong direction so it takes her longer to get back.” Cal’s mum produced a self-impressed smile at her ingenuity.

“Oh, some heart of gold on you.” Zhak’kul snarked. “Well, it doesn’t matter anyway because I’ve changed my mind again, specifically because of how morally bankrupt and shameless you are. All of the assassins, including your boytoy, will be punished for killing our princess.”

You know what, at this point I wholly agree with you, gnoll ser. Don’t bother entertaining this woman’s ideas – she’s pure evil and has only immoral desires in mind.

“But the brat isn’t dead, though,” his mum said. “They got duped.”

Don’t listen to her, gnoll ser— Wait, wait, what did she just say?

Zhak’kul stared at her; it appeared he wanted to ask her a question, then thought better of it and sighed instead.

“So do we have a deal?” his mum pressed.

Despite having looked old to begin with, the gnoll sorcerer appeared to have aged another ten years over the course of this conversation. “It’s absurd, Liliane. I’m telling you, this isn’t going to work. These underhanded tricks aren’t how you get a good man to stay, setting up smoke and mirrors to make him fall for you. If Rel’kuli had done something like this, I’d have run for the hills before a single decade was out. She got me and kept me through honesty and open conversation, those are the secrets, I tell you…”

The lecturing faded as the vision ended.

Cal returned to reality and found himself escaping from his mum’s ear-pinching fingers, the momentum of the motion causing him to go two steps further before he stopped himself. The gnoll’s departing words of wisdom were prominent in Cal’s mind. “And he was right.”

“What?” His mum raised a quizzical eyebrow.

Of course you wouldn’t know. If you’d bothered listening back then, you wouldn’t have ended up in this mess right now. Maybe I can jog her memory, though.

“Hey, Mum, you know how you mentioned the dark mage mysteriously disappeared overnight, right?”

“Yeah,” she said with no change in expression. “In dangerous territory like that, who knows what manner of bizarre things could happen if you’re not paying attention.”

Never mind, she’s far too shameless to ever admit any guilt herself. Better I go on the offensive.

Cal hummed assent with her comment and continued. “So when the gnolls attacked, you just so happened to be in the area – I don’t know, on a picnic, working on your tan perhaps, maybe indulging in a bit of birdwatching. And not because the whole thing was set-up, right?”

“Calvin Hubbles, you watch your mouth, young man. I’m not going to sit here and let you poke holes into my story.” She flung a pillow at him. “Shoo, get out. I’m going back to sleep.”

He couldn’t resist making a final remark as he left the room. “I’m not poking anything; I’m only pointing out the gaping holes already present in your story.”

Ignoring her incredulous snort, he went to his room feeling totally spent; the abnormal events over the last few hours had drained him to the marrow, and today’s oppressive heat hadn’t helped with that whatsoever. As such, he figured he’d indulge himself with the afternoon nap he’d been meaning to take before this whole fiasco began and he'd become plagued by both ghostly and parental stresses.

Crashing into bed, he transitioned into a deep slumber in no time. Little did he know this would be his last time going to sleep in this room, for a grand adventure awaited Ser Penbrooke of Twirdly Castle on the morrow, and Cal – for better, or for worse – was in for the ride.