I was walking on the sidewalk in New York City, a City in New York, when I saw him. He was also walking on the sidewalk because we were both walking on the sidewalk and that’s how sidewalks work. He was the most attractive, alluring, beautiful, charming, engaging, enticing, fair, glamorous, good-looking, gorgeous, handsome, interesting, inviting, lovely, pleasant, pleasing, tempting, adorable, agreeable, beckoning, bewitching, captivating, comely, enchanting, enthralling, fascinating, fetching, hunky, luring, magnetic, mesmeric, prepossessing, pretty, provocative, seductive, stunning, pulchritudinous man I ever did see. I was so busy looking at him that I bumped right into him.
“Sorry,” I spoke embarrassingedly, “I wasn’t looking.”
“It’s fine,” he enunciated in a deep, saxy, hunky, manly, masculine voice.
I walked away, but we both walked the same way away in a way.
“What’s your name?” I questioned.
“I’m Attractiveguy McBuffdude. What’s yours?”
I recognized that name from Somewhere, but I couldn’t put a finger on it.
“I’m Romancenovel Protagonist. Nice to meet you.”
“You too. Where are you headed to?”
“I’m a worker at Bigimportanthighpayingjobs Incorporated.”
“I’m a big important lawyer at the Richman and Cash law firm. Anyways, My job’s right here. See you soon,” He seductively articulated, winked at me, and licked his moist lips viciously.
Somewhere, Missouri
Winter 1999½
I walked on the sidewalk. This year of high school was the last year, senior year, the last year of high school. I was walking home with my friend, Attie, like David Attenborough but not like David Attenborough because his name wasn’t David Attenborough. He was walking on the side of the sidewalk walking on the side of me. “Hey,” he greeted, “Some guy wants to be your prom date.” I was shocked! Someone actually had a crush on me. After all, I was only the 2nd most attractive girl in the entire school, after some random girl named Kim Kardashian.
“Who is it?” I asked questioningly.
“His name is John Twistvillian.”
“Ooh. Is he hot?”
“See for yourself.” Attie finished saying and pointed across the street.
I saw the most attractive, hunky, saxy, deep-voiced, masculine, manly, man-like man I had ever seen. He was attractive, he was alluring, he was beautiful, he was charming, he was engaging, he was enticing, he was fair, he was glamorous, he was good-looking, he was gorgeous, he was handsome, he was interesting, he was inviting, he was lovely, he was pleasant, he was pleasing, he was tempting, he was adorable, he was agreeable, he was beckoning, he was bewitching, he was captivating, he was comely, he was enchanting, he was enthralling, he was fascinating, he was fetching, he was hunky, he was luring, he was magnetic, he was mesmeric, he was prepossessing, he was pretty, he was provocative, he was seductive, he was stunning, and most importantly, he played whatever sport people found saxy in 1999! That’s almost as saxy as playing the sax! He was also my prom date, but that’s not important right now.
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“He’s hot,” I voiced romantically and shrugged my shoulders. “I’ll dance with him.”
1 Month Later, still in 1999, not 1998 or 2000. Or 2001, for that matter.
It was prommin’ time. I was dressed in a dressy dress while eating salad dressing, which was pretty dressy. Anyway, I was excited for my prom date, John Twistvillian, who was very nice and didn’t seem evil at all. I was also excited because my Mom had rented a combination clown car/limousine for me and my friends and my date to ride in while going to the school where the prom was, Richard M. Nixon High School. The school wasn’t renamed after Watergate happened because Richard Nixon helped build the school from the ground up and the Somewhere Board of Education felt that it would be kinda mean of them to change the name.
Anyways, the clownousine arrived at John’s house. I was excited. John Twistvillian came out of his house in a 103-piece Gucci Suit tailored specifically for him, John Twistvillian. “How are you doing?” I put romanticedally. “Monica Lewinsky joke.” He answered back. I laughed. It was a good night so far.
We arrived at Richard M. Nixon High School after around 10-15 business minutes, and the DJ was playing "Livin' la Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin and “Believe” by Cher, songs that the author found by looking at the Billboard Hot 100™ for 1999. “Are you ready to dance?” I stated towards John Twistvillian. “Absolutely.” We did the Waltz, the Tango, the Twist, and several other dances that I forgot the names of. I was a little bit tired after that, so I told John I was going over to the snack table. There were a bunch of guys who had no dates there, and some snack food that I snacked on.
I finished snacking and went back onto the floor for dancers, the dance floor. I was shocked when I saw John Twistvillian dancing with someone else! I couldn’t believe this was happening to me! I was shocked! Why? How? Who? When? Where? What? Huh?
I was so angry at him that I never went back to the dance floor. I realized that my friend, Attie, was there too. “Your date abandon you?” He asked. “Mine did.”
“Yeah,” I posted. “I can’t believe John Twistvillian is a cheater.”
“It’s just like 1972,” He referenced, referring to the Watergate Scandal.
“Do you want to dance?”
New York City
2024
I stood at the front of the Richman and Cash law firm. That’s where I remembered him from Somewhere. Will I tell you which person he was? No. Anyways, I decided to walk the walk down to my job at Bigimportanthighpayingjobs Incorporated, where I worked for my Boss at work, Bossi McManagement. When I arrived there, she was standing at the front door, looking bossy and managementy.
“You’re two milliseconds late to work. This is unacceptable,” She announced bossily.
“Sorry,” I murmured apologetically, “I got caught up in the traffic.”
“What, foot traffic?” She phrased, rolled her head and eyes, and then rubbed her forehead and patted her belly simultaneously.
“No, of course not. Air traffic. I levitated my way here.”
I pushed Bossi McManagement away from the door (She fell down dramatically) and went inside the Bigimportanthighpayingjob Incorporated Headquarters. The building was gray and located in Manhattan’s hottest commercial district, Brooklyn, which was located inside New York City, which was located in America. The building was gray and had windows, doors, and fake office plants. That’s about as much as you need to know about it.
I went inside the office and sat down in my cubicle, next to my cubicle neighbor, Cubey Cleneighbor.
“Ooooo, you’re late. Why?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“OOOOOOoooooooooo, Is it a cute guy? Is he cute? Is he a guy?”
I sighed and told her “Yes,” unwantingly.
“Tell me about him!” She vocalized, after getting into the position where you lay on your stomach and kick your legs back and forth like teenage girls do in coming-of-age movies when they’re talking about their crush.
“Well, his name is Attractiveguy McBuffdude, he’s attractive, a guy, buff, and a dude.”
“You should ask him on a date!”
“I should, but there’s one problem.”
“What is it?”
“He’s a lawyer.”
“I’m sorry.” She gasped sadly.
“And I’ve also met him before.”
“Ugh. This is like one of those really generic romance novels,” She implied. “I think you should still go on a date with him. He sounds cute.”
“I will.”