It was completely dark outside, the only light from the moon overhead, barely managing to pierce the heavy leaf cover. The flecks of light on the ground looked beautiful, but the shadows surrounding me held mysteries, and as I heard a distant howl in the night, a veiled threat.

As we left the cave behind, Frieda scampered from back and forth in front of me, occasionally turning around as if to check that I was still following. She would wait for me to catch up to her before bounding forward again, displaying an ability to move which I’d not yet seen from her. In fact, I was pretty convinced she could only shuffle around.

But I guess if she used all four legs, she was quicker. I could only imagine her thinking something smug as she displayed her surprising speed, as well as the fact that she was completely exhausted only a few minutes ago, yet seemingly possessed a boundless energy.

I wondered if she was trying to say, “Giant lizard forces me to slap roach, so I force giant fat lizard to run!”

Which kind of hurt me, to be honest. Sure, I’d put on a few pounds since my last evolution but… it was muscle, right? I’d been running too much for it to be anything other than that…

And even if I’d only just eaten…

I want more!

My butler’s nightly routine interested me. I wondered where she looked for food, if she sought it out or stumbled upon it. Did she have an incredible sense of smell? Or was she simply familiar with the best locations?

As if she could tell I was thinking about her, Frieda scampered back towards me, slowing down and walking next to me with happy eyes.

Oh, so you like it when the big dumb lizard goes out into the jungle with you, huh?

I idly wondered what a paleontologist might name a new species of dinosaur if they wanted the translation to be “big dumb lizard”. Brontosaurus, after all, meant “Thunder Lizard” or something, which is just the coolest name for a species. Imagine being able to say, “I’m a thunder lizard and I’m proud!”

Would they call the big dumb lizard an Idiosaurus? Or Gigantomoronosaurus? Perhaps the name, Djaka, Jungle G– ?

Okay, I’ll stop myself there before that particular thought gets sent out into the world and he somehow hears my thoughts and finds me. I seem to be really unlucky in this new life, so I’m almost certain that would happen, somehow.

And there’s no way I’m ever putting a voice to those thoughts, if I somehow gain the ability to talk. Could be dangerous to taunt someone like him with something like that. At least I’m safe inside my mind… Probably…

I glanced at the fuzzball next to me, seeing her bounce towards a tall tree. In the slight light from the moon, I could see that it had scratches up and down the trunk, like deer during mating season but covering far more surface area.

Frieda approached the tree and, without even a moment of hesitation, leaped upwards, digging her claws into the wood and using her feet to kick herself further up the tree until she was at the top.

Wow. It’s like a reverse spur climb!

She disappeared into the giant leaves above, the coverage making it even harder to track her naturally camouflaged build. Now I could see why her species was so good at scavenging at night… or, not see, I guess.

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Thunk!

A heavy, round fruit landed on the ground in front of me. It was grooved, like if you were to remove the peel from an orange and examine the slices. But it was hard, like a nut. I tilted my head at the object.

Proto-coconut?

Say that ten times fast.

Macamme

A hard nut, also called Saravani’s Gift. The shell can be cracked open by certain creatures to reveal the delectable fruit within.

Another few thunks accompanied the arrival of several more nuts, and I danced from foot to foot as I dodged their suspicious landing paths. A scratching noise then announced Frieda’s descent. She looked at me, pride clearly bursting in her eyes, and rolled the nuts into a pile.

Yes, I thought. Good, very good, my young apprentice. Intelligent, even, but… how are you going to get all of these back to the cave?

She just stared at me, standing in front of her little pile of big nuts. I didn’t react. She didn’t move. We stared at each other for a pregnant moment. Then, with a frown, she picked up one of the nuts in a clawed hand and held it towards me, pointing with her other hand at the pile beside her.

Oh.

I reached forward, scooping the pile of nuts into the mouth (I don’t want to hear it), barely holding most of them, and Frieda picked up the last couple that were left.

Then she started her awkward shuffle back towards the cave. The little devil. She was using me as a packmule! I’d been demoted from bodyguard and savior to snack cart! I supposed, though, it was only fair, given what I’d just put her through.

We arrived back at the cave maybe fifteen minutes later. It was certainly harder– probably impossible– to tell time now, since I had no digital clocks donning my walls, monitors, phone, television, and… well, basically everything around me.

Wow. I never realized how much disrespect I had for clocks. Back in my old life, I never cared about the time because I could stay inside as long as I wanted to, sleep when I wanted to, and eat when I wanted to. Now, life was definitely harder, and gauging time wasn’t easy. It was pretty much, “stay out until you’re full, or the sun goes down”.

I wonder… Hey, magic boxes, can you add a clock to my currently nonexistent HUD?

Nothing. Well, worth a try anyway.

Though, it was kind of freeing, in a way, to not have to worry about time and just live unbound by it. It was a barbaric way to live. And yet, I found there was something enticing about it.

I don’t know. Maybe it was the gamey part of the world that made it so much fun to experience. Or maybe it was just that everything was new!

There was a saying, back where I came from: “Born too late to explore the world. Born too early to explore space. But born just in time to explore dank memes.”

And as much fun as it was to explore those memes, the world was littered with depression, anxiety, suffering… and all-around boredom.

Here? In this life? I had to fight to survive. I had to earn my keep. If I didn’t, I’d starve. But when I did? The rewards just felt so much more… rewarding.

Well, just let me know how it is for you if you ever wake up as a dinosaur… and somehow manage to get in contact with me. I’ll be very accommodating. My butler can make us… tea? And we can have Macamme nuts roasted on an open fire that I’ll figure out how to make. Oh… and beetle juice for dessert, of course. Mr. Beetle, my good friend, knows how to make it just right.

Truth be told, I’d be very interested in comparing experiences. I wonder if there’s anyone out there that got all the luck which abandoned me. You know where to find me if you ever want to talk. Just fire a signal into the sky with my symbol, and I’ll come running.

Actually, all jokes aside, that’s not a bad idea. I should make one… a “Dino Signal” for when I inevitably have people that need to call upon my super heroic awesomeness!

Though, more likely, I’d use it to summon Rexcelsis when I was in real deep dino doodoo. But as I pondered the idea, primitive designs crowding my thoughts, my butler and I reentered our little home.