Witcher 3 music played at the back of her mind. A single finger of pleasure to try and balance her growing frustrations. A single finger of pleasure from a choking grasping.

Tamara’s actual fingers tapped across the keyboard and she finished writing up the notes from the last call for Jess, a regular on their helpline. She let out a long and slow exhale. She tried to let go of her frustrations. An attempt to let go of her suffocating temper.

She directed her mind to the nostalgic sounds of Witcher 3 music. However, her pleasant aural memories couldn't dampen her fury at inaction of the police and social work. Her anger wouldn’t help anyone.

So, she soaked in a twisted mix of anger and calm.

She checked the clock. She could have looked at the digital time on her monitor. But the few moments away from the blue screen were a relief. Ten minutes left on shift. A smart person would have gone for a long piss break.

Last call of the shift.

One more call, debrief and then a quick trip on the subway. All that stood between her takeout and immersing herself into the world of RPG’s.

She readied.

A call came through immediately.

“Hello, you are through to Tamara at Helpline. How are you doing today?”

“Not good. Better off if I wasn’t here.”

Suicide.

“When young people speaking like that they are often thinking about suicide…”

“Yes, it is all I can think about.”

Tamara did her job. She did her job well. She should have gone for that piss break, but then again the entire reason she worked at Helpline was to be there for young people during these distressing moments.

Sitting in the debrief room, Tamara tapped her foot as she willed debrief to go by faster. Not the correct attitude, but a realistic one. She wanted to go home.

“Anything sitting with you?” her supervisor asked.

She shook her head, a lie, but speaking rarely helped her.

She didn’t feel like bringing up she felt like shit since she lost her paid work, she was lonely and dissatisfied with her boyfriend, her mental health was fucked and she had no idea what she was doing with her life. She would forget the shift troubles an hour into whatever game she played. Once she decided which game.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

“Nice work today. You showed nerves of steel.” Her supervisor told her.

Tamara forced a smile, she didn’t feel like she had nerves of steel.

“As you say.” She managed.

“Wish more of our volunteers focused more on empathy than on trying to fix these young people. You have such a gentle…empathetic way of speaking, Tammy.”

“I learned from listening to Tammy when I first started.”

Tamara, aka Tammy, glanced at the newbie, noticing his sincerity, and felt her mouth open in surprise. Thomas was his name. A flaky, if determined newcomer a few months into volunteering. She judged him too open in his expressions like the stereotypes about teenage girls, but paradoxically has a cool, calm and compassionate approach with seemingly endless variety of mystery to his person.

“Did you really? I didn’t know.” Tamara admitted.

She hadn't. His words, like with the young people he spoke to, gave her a surge of pride and confidence. She also felt a trickle of fear. He’d been listening in on her and perhaps judging her.

Debrief ended soon after. She battled her way home through people, red lights and her own impatience. Slamming her door shut, she kicked off her shoes then chucked her bag onto the table and she felt the weight of the world lift from her shoulders. She was home.

She called in a takeaway, boiled the kettle and brewed a cuppa. Together they were the leisurely after shift trinity. She snacked on a biscuit or two while she waited. The boyfriend had left for his night shift. She felt guilty at her sense of relief, but tonight wasn’t the time to confront her feelings. She wanted to relax and deserved it.

She sipped her hot drink in between changing into more comfy clothes. The doorbell rang and food was here. Munching on her far-too-salty fish and chips, she booted up her pc.

She browsed her collection of digital games while listening to tunes and eating. It was a romantic, deliberate activity like wandering a library or museum. Taking in her games and examining them was a joy along with the actual playing.

What to play?

The best games were of course the long ones. Better still if they were fantasy. Elden Ring and Baldur’s gate 3 were her favourite of the post-covid, early 2020’s games.

You can’t really roleplay in the Elden Ring. Although, the action of Elden Ring gripped her heart far more than the slow multiple character turn based system of Baldur’s gate 3. But, BG3 had talking brains, she could play tunes on her lute and change her appearance. She loved them both equally.

She had overcome the challenges of Elden Ring through magic and had fallen in love with the characters of Baldur’s gate 3 and all the interactions it offered. After Baldur’s Gate 3 she’d even tried and ended up liking Dungeons and Dragons.

She could whip out her switch and play some Zelda. Maybe some Red Dead Redemption 2 or Witcher 3? Witcher 3 music still played in her mind. She hadn’t played Cyberpunk 2077 dlc yet.

She went for an older memory. She booted up Skyrim and hummed along with the epic norse-like music that hit her with the excitement of a lightning bolt. She loaded into Whiterun and the nostalgia comforted her for the fifteen minutes she lasted before switching back to Baldur’s Gate 3. To be fair, she went to BG3 via Starfield's ship builder. In the end, gorgeous Astarion was waiting for her. Better yet Scratch and the OwlBear cub.

Ohh Scratch was a good boy who deserved all the pets in the world.

She was in for a long night slaying harpies, goblins and questioning her sexuality when talking with the vile, alluring Minthara.

She was proud of her volunteer work and had her basic needs met. But. But. But. What had happened to her that she felt more joy in the virtual than she did in the real world? Or rather...what had happened in the world that a simulation of nothing enriched her more than her real life relationships? Regardless, this gamer had a fucking fun time with the game of the year.