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Cul-De-Sac Chaos

Cul-De-Sac Chaos

Soon enough, we’re back at our headquarters.

I go back to my desk, checking the Operatives menu. Sure enough, Tai’s wounded and I’m not gonna be allowed to deploy him for another mission or so. Alright, that’s not so bad, I think I can work with that.

Now, time for another mission. This next one is of an actual house instead of an apartment. Perhaps more interestingly, it’s a house with two different kitchens and two different living rooms; the floor layout looked really weird, almost like a loop with a bunch of rooms attached to its sides. And on top of everything else, apparently it’s a hostage mission. Very interesting.

It allows for three operatives plus myself. I fill all three of the slots with Grunts and hit play.

We’re in front of the house itself, a yellow-colored thing that I didn’t have any windows into. There’s a front door with a welcome mat and a set of steps shielded by a protruding piece of the roof and another, humbler door to the right of it, though it also had a welcome mat.

ATTENTION: You have a tactical item you haven't looked at yet. Do a preliminary loadout adjustment? [Yes] [No]

Oh, right, the tourniquet. It was honestly so boring to me that I didn’t even bother to look at it. After all, you could literally just make one out of a stick and a rag. But fine, I’ll look at it since you told me to, video game.

I click yes and a menu opens in front of me, sorted into different categories. The category labelled UTILITY(MEDICAL) was highlighted.

Opening it, I found [SWAT-T Tourniquet] highlighted, so I select it. It came in a bag that reminded me a little of old-school military field dressing. Wait, where’s the stick? Tourniquets are supposed to have sticks! I turn the bag over to find that it had instructions on the back so that even dumbasses such as myself could use them. At least it wouldn’t demand I use my brain more than strictly necessary. Ripping open the pack released what amounted to an orange elastic strip with some helpful indicator marks to ensure that the proper amount of tension was being used. A tutorial clip tells me that it’s basically applied like a bandage roll with a tuck at the end to seal the tension.

It was a tough decision to make; ounces make kilos, after all, and this thing wasn’t exactly universally useful. I decided to let my better nature win this time; I’d be a socially responsible citizen and carry one in a pant pocket.

Copy new loadout preference to grunts? [Yes] [No]

Yeah, sure, why not? Redundancy is cool and all.

With all that settled, the screen faded to black before leaving me back at the front doors of the house. Now, which door will I be using? Actually, why not both? I turn around and look at the three men behind me. To be honest, they (and by extension myself, unfortunately) looked like a bunch of budget airsofters. Yeah, I’m not trying some Rainbow Six shit with clowns like these. Better that I just concentrate my forces instead.

So I’m back to where I started: Which door?

You know what, I feel like I’ll call the game’s bluff and go for the front door. I pull out my phone and open up the minimap; my impression of the house being like a loop was right on multiple counts. The side we were breaching on had its own sort of loop, or perhaps more of a figure-8; the front door leads directly to a small hallway, segregated from the entertainment room to its left by an obtrusive closet that also disrupted firing lines between it and the dining room just past the living room, off in the far corner. That closet would give the Grunts enough cover to safely get in the door and try to press the left half of the room while I pinned the right. As for the spaghetti-like mess that was the middle hallway or the other kitchen and living room of the house… I’ll mine that bridge once I get to it.

“Alright, boys. I’ll boot the door and then pull back to watch that angle while you cut an angle from that doorway into the living room, then swing around and clear the rest of that room while I keep watching the lane to the kitchen. Got it?”

“Right!”

The first stages of the plan are a blur. The door is opened, and a head peeks around a kitchen counter. By sheer luck or intuition, one of my bullets nails him right in the forehead, spraying a modest amount of its contents against the opposite counters. “They’re here!”

“Go for it!” One of the Grunts ducks under my barrel, stepping forward and firing at targets I can’t see before his shoulder moves into the closet wall like the two were magnetized to each other. Huh, almost like he snapped to cover in Army of Two or some shit.

A volley of rounds tears into the doorframe, causing the Grunts to my right to lurch back reflexively as the doorframe’s slowly chipped away. I also decide to step back, or rather my body’s reflexes decide for me while still watching the kitchen as another suspect took cover behind the cabinets. He pokes an SMG around the cabinet and pulls the trigger, ventilating the inner hallway as I shot for his hand.

It’s almost a miracle that the gunfire doesn’t completely drown out a Grunt’s voice. “We’re getting a little pinned here!”

“Return fire and press in through the funnel! Just get in there!”

“Alright!” He hesitates for a few passes, but he manages to find it in him to quickly fire a return burst and sprint through the doorway, darting for the furniture in the living room. The third follows quickly on his heels. The suspect in the kitchen and I continue our back and forth firing until we both end up having to reload. Of course, before either of us can finish reloading he gets flanked and hosed down by one of my Grunts, the bullets tearing through his body and into the kitchen counters, kicking up bits of wood shavings.

“We’ve cleared the room, what next!?”

The gunfire dies down enough that I can hear a man crying out in obscene pain. Stepping in the door, I find a man in a dress shirt and a tie strapped down to a rather comfy-looking seat. His leg’s been crunched up by no less than two bullet holes, and a man lies dead just beyond his chair, his pistol near his open hand. “Jesus fuck, you sure shoot like AI. Someone get a tourniquet on that man!”

“Got it!” One of the grunts moves to the hostage as I move around, peeking around the walk-in closet with my gun. I can barely recognize the other kitchen from here before a bright flash erupts and I jump back. I peek around and fire into the hallway without trying too hard to line up my sights. Something person-shaped in a cream work shirt and dress pants jumps away, though I couldn’t see much because the kitchen wall was quite conveniently the same shade of cream as his outfit. “Get in position around the corners, we’re going in!”

The Grunts stack up on either side of the hallway. They then press forward, towards whoever was in the other kitchen, when one of them gets shot from the t-junction in the hallway, crumpling over. What the fuck? That was a rookie mistake! The second in line turns, blasting whoever was on the other end of that t-junction right as the door behind him opens. Flashes erupt from the room, blasting puffs of red into the t-junction as the second Grunt falls over.

What kind of bullshit was that!? I stride into the hallway, keeping my back against the left wall as I sprayed across the wall to my right and into the room he just got ambushed from. There’s a faint yell I can hear over the gunfire, and a soft thud that follows the click from my AK. No, seriously, who the fuck would just wait in the room like some fucking goblin for an ambush?

With a figure in a familiar cream rounding the corner to open fire, it was my turn to act like a goblin. More specifically, I hunched over like a goblin as I ran away to reduce my profile, somehow managing to remain untouched by the volley as I darted into the kitchen on my side of the building. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck, if he comes over here right now I’m dead. Those are the thoughts that played out in my head as I fumble for a new magazine, slapping the old one out of the magwell and fumbling to get the new mag to rock in correctly. It locks with a click and I swipe the bolt with my off-hand, feeling it slam forward just in time for the cream man to start rounding the counters. Lurching forward, I point-aim and hold the trigger down, spraying him down as one last bullet flies by my head. His rather immaculate cream outfit is now quickly turning to bloody red as, heart hammering and still far more startled than a horror game would make me, I turn my sights back down the hallway. Nobody else is showing up yet, so I begin to advance down the hallway.

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MISSION FAILED Reason: The Hostage Died. COD: Improperly applied tourniquet.

I’m sorry, WHAT THE FUCK? I blink. Okay, so the AI autoresolve for checking corners is even worse than Total War’s autoresolve system. That, and AI Grunts are morons that can’t be trusted with a simple tourniquet.

Tutorial: Specialists Grunts in particular can be trained in certain specializations (once unlocked) to become proficient in tasks other than the standard skillset, such as medics and long-range marksmen.

SERIOUSLY? A SPECIALIZATION JUST FOR APPLYING A GLORIFIED, STRETCHY BANDAGE ROLL?

I have the bad taste to look behind me before the screen can go to dark, revealling that the tourniquet was applied to the hostage’s neck. I swear to fuck, the game’s gotta be trolling me at this point. These are the kind of morons that would reload an RPG-7 backwards.

Before I can get carried away, I’m taken back to the front of the house with my Grunts. That main door’s a bit of a meat grinder. Let’s try the other side.

I kick the door open. The man in a chair in front of me snaps up from his newspaper startled, dropping it and reaching for his gun. I blast him and watch as he slumps over in the chair. Sweeping my sights leftward as I step in, I realize that this isn’t even the living room; instead it’s some weird room that’s too small to have anything more than a chair and a closet, just before the living room. I throw open the closet door hoping to find the hostage and just get an easy win, but it’s just empty.

“What are you guys doing standing around? Get over here and stack up!” I point dramatically at the next door as they flood in, getting in position on either side of it. The door falls under my accelerating boot and reveals a kitchen with a man holding a gun. It would’ve been bad enough if I simply sprayed him, but the guns on either side of me also join in, leaving at least a dozen holes in his chest before he could even hit the floor. Ew, that guy might end up in a closed casket.

“Hold up!” The Grunts freeze almost awkwardly, about to go through the door. There’s a visible wall on the left side, but the right side is completely open. I sharply turn left as I step through, greeted by a suspect hiding behind the couch. He squeezes a shot off before I can fully turn, but I trade a searing pain in my hip for two rounds through his skull, spraying the wall behind him with something that I can’t identify. Well, that guy’s DEFINITELY getting the closed casket treatment.

I stare down awkwardly at the now growing spot of blood at my right hip. Damn it, I probably could’ve tagged him first if he was just on my left instead. I make to step forward with my right leg and stop, wincing. “Move in!”

The grunts move through the doorway and past me, moving their guns leftward as they advanced into the kitchen. I could hear some scattered gunfire as I move in, half-limping to follow them. Now we’re staring down a hallway that led all the way to the other side, with a familiar t-junction in the middle. There’s a door to my right, just past the kitchen but well before the T-junction. “I’ll watch the hallway, breach that room!” I step forward, hearing the familiar noise of door-kicking behind me, followed by some gunfire.

“Sir, we’ve found the hostage!”

I’m guessing he shouted a little louder than he should’ve, because that line is met by a sudden uproar of footsteps. A suspect steps into the hallway from the kitchen on the other side, popping a few shots off at me. Just like alerting the horde by slapping some random car…

“Get back out here! Hold the hallway!” I step into the bedroom behind me, letting my Grunts—one of which was visibly injured—flood out into the hallway, fanning out as I turned to find the hostage propped up against a bed, leaking from his arm as his head moves around, looking like a deer in headlights. A dead body’s not far behind him.

“Oh god, oh god, I’m dying…!” He mutters to himself as I approach.

“Oh, come on, I’ve been shot in worse places.” I rip open the SWAT-T’s plastic sleeve and stretch it as wide as I can, wrapping it around his bicep. He’s shaking the entire time, scared out of his mind as stray bullets rip into the doorway here and there. The gunfire dies down and kicks back up at least twice while I’m working with the hostage, and I think some of the screams are from my own men.

“Man down!” Scratch that, some of those screams are definitely from my men.

To be honest, I don’t really want to enter that deathtrap of a hallway. “Can you stand?” The hostage just stutters, clutching his arm. I grab him by the back of his shirt and lift him to his feet, driving him towards the doorway while also addressing my own pain in my mind. “Care to give some suppression fire?”

“On it!” The hostage is driven through the doorway with his head down as we slip through, somehow managing to not get shot as we move to the green rectangle outside the building. As soon as his feet end up in the square, a new screen pops up.

Finally I can leave—wait. Am I really going to just run away simply because I’m allowed to? I dismiss the window, turning to the other doorway. I toss my gun’s current mag on the floor, fumbling to insert a new mag, nice and fresh. Making sure my chamber’s full, my hands tighten on the gun. As an old friend of mine used to say…

MOMMA DIDN’T RAISE NO BITCH!

I kick the door open. There’s two of them, leaning around and into the hallway, but the gunfire seems to mask my entry. They’re flanked now; it’s almost a turkey shoot as I drop them. There’s one over in the dining room who’s starting to notice, but I strafe left into the living room to flank and hose him down as well, surprise alone forestalling any return fire.

Damn. That was way more satisfying than it should’ve been.

I turn my sights on the t-junction, the ominous door on my right still suspiciously closed. There’s at least two bodies slumped over right in the center. I step into the T-junction, looking left down the hallway to see an open door, blasting down it and taking another target out. I make sure to quickly jump out of the T-junction before the door behind me opened. Sure enough it opens, but whoever’s in there just seems to stand there, dumbfounded. Gotcha, bitch. I fire through the wall, clearly nailing whoever’s on the other side as their weapon clatters audibly against the wood floors. Oh, and then their body.

Mission Complete! Reward Acquired: 1x Random 2-Star Operative, 1x Weapon Crate, 20000 Credits [Continue Wandering] [Exit Level]

Finally. Let’s get back to base.

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