Misato didn’t want to be in this situation. Being on the opposite side of the desk was fine. It was something that had happened multiple times over the course of her career. The customary telling off by an angry captain, or the hastily made apology on her part and on the odd occasion, the feeble attempts to justify her actions. There was one particular angry captain she had served with that she had already sworn to never emulate when it came to these matters, and yet as she thought about what had led to this moment, a part of her understood why he had yelled.
She wondered if her previous captains had also hated these moments. It wasn’t something she relished the idea of. Everyone on the ship was an adult, more than capable of carrying out their duty and therefore reprimands shouldn’t be necessary. Yet, as she very well knew from her own rise to captain, they were.
Making matters worse though, was the fact that the person being reprimanded wasn’t even a trained member of her crew. It was Shinji Ikari, the young man that had basically been forced to be here. The one that had fought bravely in battle, risked his own life to save others but in doing so had defied her orders and put everyone at risk.
To Misato’s left was Ritsuko, sent here as a representative of NERV. Misato couldn’t decide if she was thankful for her lover’s presence or not. On the one hand it gave her some comfort knowing Ritsuko would be there afterwards, on the other hand it meant Ritsuko would be there afterward.
“Crewman Shinji Ikari.” Misato kept her voice firm and quiet as she raised her gaze to the visibly nervous young man, “I’m sure I don’t need to explain why we are here, but for the sake of our records, we are here to discuss the events that transpired yesterday. In particular, your conduct when it came to following my orders.”
“Okay.” Shinji answered back immediately, his tone flat almost like that of an uninterested teenager getting a scalding from their parent. It surprised Misato, there was none of the nervousness or trepidation she had come to expect from him. Instead, there was a harshness, an arrogance and something frighteningly familiar.
“So, Shinji…” She paused, “I’d like you explain yourself. Why did you ignore my orders? Why did you do that you did?
She kept her eyes locked on it and gave him the opportunity to answer her. It seemed obvious that Shinji was posturing, this change in attitude was so sudden and to her knowledge unlike him. The moments passed by and he remained silently, his body shifting awkwardly; his hand clenching and unclenching as she continued to wait.
She gave him a few more moments to see if he would say anything. She could see that he was nervous and she had to fight the urge to soften up her stance but she had to drill home a message.
“Well Shinji…” She prompted him again, “Can you explain?”
Another moment passed and then he finally spoke, “We beat the Angel, so why does it matter what I did?”
He averted his eyes as he answered and the previous cockiness had just a little bit of added trembling this time.
“It matters…” Misato answered, “Because defeating the Angel by all means necessary isn’t what I’m concerned about. I have a ship and I have a crew.”
“Which is still here!” Shinji cut her off, “The ship was saved! Your crew was saved! The planet and NERV are fine! No one was hurt!”
“But they could have been.” Misato fired back, keeping her voice as calm as possible, “And you could have been hurt as well. I gave you the order to retreat for a reason, you had already brought down the A.T. Field, you had already damaged the Angel. The planets defences and the Tokyo itself would have been more than capable of finishing the job. You were reckless.”
“I won… so does it even matter? Isn’t that all you and my father care about?”
Any hint of arrogance had faded from his voice now and his eyes could still not meet hers. Misato kept looking at him, knowing that his attempt at posturing was fading and the root cause of this was starting to be uncovered. She took a moment to think about the best way to address him. He had annoyed her. It wasn’t exactly flattering to be compared to Gendo Ikari nor something she expected.
Besides, hadn’t she already proven to him that she cared?
“I cannot and will not speak for your father Shinji but no, that isn’t all I care about.” She finally answered, “Like it or not you’re a member of this crew now, a role that you accepted.”
“I didn’t have a choice!” He raised his voice, “If I didn’t accept it then what would happen? Who would pilot that damn thing? No one! There isn’t anyone, unless you want to make that injured girl pilot it?”
Misato paused again wanting to tell him that there was always a choice but his words had the horrible and unsatisfying sting of truth in them. He had a point. Hobson had struck again.
She let out a sigh, “Look… I know this isn’t easy for you. Maybe you are right, if not you then… I honestly don’t know what could be done but if this is your attitude; if you’re so willingly going to ignore orders then maybe it is better that you leave.”
“You know I can’t do that.” There was a hint of a snarl in his voice.
“Then let us help you!” She replied, “You’re in this situation now and you can hate it all you want but if you want to live and if you don’t want to hurt others then you can’t act like that, you can’t disobey my orders. You are a part of this crew now.”
“I…”
“You got lucky today Shinji but luck like that doesn’t last forever. It can’t be relied on again and again but your crew… your captain… we are the people you can rely on.” She softened her voice, “I don’t want to lost any of my crew and that includes you Shinji. I know this can’t be easy for you but I… and everyone else here is looking out for you… trust us.”
“Are we done?” He asked, making an attempt to return some sort of harshness to his voice.
“Yes, we’re done… for now. I want you to think about this moment though Shinji and what it is you truly want. If you really don’t want to be here and think you can’t handle it then… I’ll do my best to arrange something and get you back to Earth but if you commit to staying then… you can’t act like you did out there. You’re going to put yourself and others at risk.”
Shinji remained silent, offering up no reply for Misato. There was a moment where he did look like he was going to say something but instead he silently turned and left the room. Misato didn’t stop watching him until the door to her ready room had slid shut. As soon as it had done, she let out a sigh and turned to Ritsuko, “What the hell was that? A week or so ago I could barely get a word out of him and now he’s answering me back like a moody teenager!”
“He truly is his father’s son…” Ritsuko smirked as she made her way around to the back of Misato’s chair. Misato let out another sigh as she felt Ritsuko’s hands gently begin to massage her aching shoulders, “A moody bastard.”
Misato chuckled as she felt some of the tension in her shoulders begin to leave her as Ritsuko continued to work her magic, “Commander Ikari… how well do you know him?”
“He keeps his distance from me, speaking to me only when Rei requires looking after or when wanting project updates for the ships.” Ritsuko answered, trying to ignore the pangs of guilt brought on by her white lies, “I heard a few whispers of what he was like when he was a bit younger, mostly my mothers’ reports from before she died and the occasional chat with Fuyutsuki.”
“And what did he seem to be like?”
“A prick.” Ritsuko answered.
“Not much has changed…” Misato laughed, “Do you think I was too harsh on Shinji?”
“You’re his captain.” Ritsuko answered, “It’s your call as to how you reprimand your crew and besides… I’m not your second officer, I’m just here as a representative of NERV. Perhaps you should speak to Ibuki about how you reprimand your crew.”
Misato nodded, “You’re right… I feel bad, I’ve barely had the chance to meet with Ibuki or the other senior staff about any of this. I… don’t even know where to begin.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Ritsuko replied, “However… if you do want my opinion on things. I’d say Shinji is exhibiting a classic case of the so-called ‘Hedgehogs Dilemma’.”
Misato leaned back, “The what?”
“The ‘Hedgehogs Dilemma’, think of it as something of a defence mechanism. You know what a hedgehog is?”
“Of course I do! Contrary to popular belief, I’m not an idiot!” Misato groaned.
“From what I saw of you academically at the academy… at least before I helped you, would say otherwise.” Ritsuko laughed, “A hedgehog defends itself using its quills, it’ll curl up and use its quills to hopefully protect itself from any predators. That’s the idea at least. The dilemma, is that these quills that protect it from predators also prevent them from getting close to a potential mate. The two hedgehogs end up hurting one another. That which defends them, also hurts them so they end up lonely.”
“So… Shinji is doing this?”
“Shinji wants to be close to people but he is afraid of letting them in and getting hurt. So, he lashes out to defend himself. If people leave him alone then they can’t hurt him.”
“But… isn’t being hurt just a risk you take?” Misato asked, “People can’t avoid being hurt, the only person he ends up hurting is himself!”
“True, but he has control over that pain.” Ritsuko answered her, “It’s self-inflicted and he can manage it so to him it isn’t as severe as the pain that he imagines comes from being hurt by others.”
“So… The way he was acting there… he just wants us to give up on him? Leave him to it, so that we can’t hurt him. What does he think will happen?”
“Think about it. Shinji’s mother died when he was very young, not long after that his father abandoned him to relatives without any contact or explanation.”
“I suppose… that is bound to mess a kid up.” Misato sighed, “Maybe I was too hard on him. Shinji… shouldn’t even be here but I eagerly brought him onto the crew, made him an officer and I’m expecting him to match that. I’m no better than his father. I bet he thinks I’m the same!”
“I doubt that.” Ritsuko reassured her, “Shinji is afraid of his father. He hasn’t sought him out or really asked about him since arriving here. Yet you, he speaks to you and he’s even spoke back to you. I think what just happened now… was him testing you.”
“So, what… he wants to see if I’ll just give up on him?”
Ritsuko nodded, “Precisely.”
“Well… if he thinks that then he’s got another thing coming. I’ll support him and fight for him. I promised him a home and that he’d be a part of this crew. Even if deep down I know he shouldn’t be here I’ll… do what I can. It just… seems like no matter what, I can’t win.”
“That’s what being a captain is all about, don’t you remember the Kobayashi Maru?”
“Of course.” Misato smirked, “But I beat the Kobayashi Maru… sort of.”
“Yes, I remember and I remember the instructors not being best pleased at your attempts to… what was it in your words, ‘Pull a Kirk’?”
“Men get away with so much.” Misato laughed, “Well… There is always a solution and my solutions are nothing if not creative. We can figure this out later. For now… lets deal with those other two idiots.
888
“Asuka! I’m over here!” A voice called out, stopping Asuka in her tracks. She looked around, trying to find the source of the exclamation; a moment later she caught sight of the young woman waving at her.
It was Hikari Horaki, another ensign that had been assigned to the Tokyo and one of the only, if not the only person Asuka would call a friend. Asuka generally had a rule to not let anyone get too close and to try and avoid such things as friends. Most of her life had been spent on her own and that was just how she liked things.
Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.
It allowed her to focus on the things that mattered. Her own life, her education and now her career. She could focus on advancing through the ranks of Starfleet and proving herself. Concepts like friends or lovers… they only held a person back. They slowed people down and at the end of it, would just hurt you.
Yet, somehow Hikari had managed to slip through the cracks and the two of them were indeed friends. They met up on regular occasions, hung out and discussed the gossip of the day, their futures and in Hikari’s case, her past. Asuka preferred to leave the past in the past, exactly where it was supposed to be.
Their friendship had started back in the first year of their academy tenure. Both had been put together for an assignment and unlike many others in their classes, Hikari did not irritate Asuka. Hikari seemed to be smart and serious about what it was she wanted to do. Back in school she had held the position of class president and could actually provide Asuka with some competition. At first Asuka had thought it might be advantageous to be friends with the girl, something convenient on her path to climb the ranks but she had developed an actual friendship with her.
“Hikari!” Asuka called back with a smile and swiftly crossed the courtyard to where the woman was waiting. It was another hot day on the planet, and Asuka could feel her uniform sticking to her already. She had only been down here a handful of times but had already learned that it was unbearably hot and the sound of the native wildlife could be unbearably loud.
“It’s such a warm planet, isn’t it?” Hikari asked her as she fanned herself with a PADD.
Asuka nodded, “Far too hot, and it looks like I’m going to be down here quite a lot too.”
“Oh, how come?” Hikari reached into a backpack and pulled out two boxes, handing one of them to Asuka, “Has captain Katsuragi got you working security down here?”
“Hah, as if someone like me would be lumped in with the meatheads from security.” Asuka let out a laugh, “No, you Hikari Horaki are looking at the person who will be responsible for training our little civvie pilot!”
“Wait… you’re going to be training him?” Hikari’s eyes widened in surprise, “The pilot of that ship? But when… how?”
“Just found out the other day.” Asuka smirked, “As for why, well… why not? I mean, look at my scores in the academy! One of the best pilots in years, so who else?”
“That’s amazing!” Hikari grinned, “So… the pilot! What is he like?”
“Dull.” Asuka sighed, “Nothing to him at all.”
“Well, he fought and won that battle yesterday! So, there must be something there!”
“Of course, he won! I took the time to visit him before hand and let him know he’d be getting trained by yours truly!” Asuka boasted, “A boost like that, anyone would have won!”
Hikari let out a laugh, “I suppose support like that would give anyone extra confidence. I don’t get it though, why was a civilian chosen to pilot and fight like that? Surely, it’d make more sense to select someone from the ship’s crew! Hell, I bet you could do it!”
Asuka shrugged, “Beats me. It’s stupid, we trained for years to get to where we are and our job is to just protect some untrained civvie. I asked the captain but just got told it was orders from up high. Tried doing a bit of digging, turns out the director of this place is the pilot’s father. That’ll be what it is, nothing but nepotism at its finest!”
“Maybe but…” Hikari shook her head, “I can’t help but feel sorry for him. It must be scary to be put in that situation. I mean, aren’t you a little bit… you know… scared?”
Asuka laughed, “Me? Scared, scared of what?”
“Of… this! It’s not really what our first assignment should be, is it? The Tokyo is a science vessel, not built for war! We’re out here in the Gamma Quadrant alone and between those strange ships and the Dominion it’s all a bit… scary.”
“Heh, we’ll be fine.” Asuka replied, “I’m not scared of any of this and you have no reason to be, we’re in Starfleet for a reason.”
“I know that but… it’s easy for you to say.” Hikari answered, “You got into a barfight with a Klingon and won. You don’t fear anything.”
Asuka flashed her a grin, “And that is exactly why you have no reason to be scared. Worst case, the civvie gets himself into trouble, his daddy sees some sense and realizes his mistake. They go begging the captain to let someone competent take over and of course who else but me?”
“Asuka…”
“Of course, that isn’t going to happen because with me training him he’ll not fail, he can’t. First thing though, I guess I should teach him how to defend himself from idiot ensigns in security.”
“Oh?” Hikari raised a curious eyebrow, “What idiots?”
“Ahh, it’s nothing major.” Asuka shook her head, “I caught one of them yesterday using the civvie as a punching bag. Yours truly stepped in of course to see if they wanted to try it on someone that’d fight back.”
“Wait what?” Hikari exclaimed, “Did you report it to the captain? Who was it?”
“No, I didn’t tell the captain. Even if I had wanted to it wasn’t like I had time between that happening and him being whisked away to fight.” Asuka answered, “As far as who, I can’t remember. Some jock moron, Suza… miya… maya… hiri? I don’t know.”
“Suzahara?” Hikari asked, suddenly standing up.
“That’s the one!” Asuka confirmed, “What of it?”
“I know him.” Hikari’s tone changed, “We went to the same school together. I was friends with his sister. They’re twins, but were in different classes to us.”
“Was he as much of a moron back then as he is now?”
“Oh yes. Always the first to be in trouble, would challenge any boy that dared look at his sister to a fight. Very protective of her.” Hikari laughed, “His heart was in the right place I suppose… even if his brain wasn’t.”
888
Misato folded her arms and leaned back against her desk. Before her were the figures of Kensuke Aida and Touji Suzahara. Both of them looking terrified and more than a little bit ashamed. She didn’t know the ensigns too well, neither of them was picked by her for the crew but assigned by Starfleet. The name Suzahara was familiar to her, Touji’s sister was the medical officer on board during the first battle.
‘The one that got hurt…’ Misato shook her head.
Unlike earlier in the day, Ritsuko was not in the room for support. Instead Ritsuko had been summoned back down to Earth to perform maintenance on the Evangelion. It was a shame, Ritsuko being here might have made her feel a bit better about this. Much like the situation with Shinji, this wasn’t something she was looking forward to. There were two fresh graduates with their entire future ahead of them and more annoyingly, unlike Shinji, they should have known better.
Her glare passed from Kensuke over to Touji and back again, “Ensign Touji Suzahara… Ensign Kensuke Aida. The two of you have just graduated from the Academy, am I right?”
“Yes captain.” They both murmured.
“So, your first assignment. Ensigns aboard a brand-new ship, a state-of-the-art craft which is said to be one of Starfleet’s finest. You… do want to be here, don’t you?”
“Yes captain.” They answered again.
“Good.” She paused, “So explain to me, just what happened yesterday? Because I’ll say it, I’ve seen and heard of a lot of stupid things during my time in Starfleet. I might have even partaken in a few stupid things myself, but what happened yesterday will go down as one of the stupid things I have ever seen and I imagine I will ever seen in my entire career.”
Neither of them said a thing, instead both looking down at the ground, avoiding any eye contact whatsoever. It would seem that, unlike Shinji, these two were not going to be quick in talking back to her.
“Not only did you actions put yourselves in danger, but you put the pilot of that ship in danger as well as that of myself and the crew aboard at the time. In doing what you did, you risked the lives of the people aboard this very ship and that of the people at NERV. Do you actually understand what could have happened?”
“Yes captain.” Came the answered, again in unison and both sounding very guilty.
“The two of you are supposed to be representatives of Starfleet, you’re supposed to be an example of the bright future it has and bearers of its legacy. Based on what happened yesterday, if that is our future then I am very concerned.” She continued speaking, “Now, I’m left in an awkward position; the way I see it, I have two options. Do I have you both transferred off of my ship now and escorted back to Earth with a full report detailing what happened? Or, do I take a chance on the two of you, forget about this incident but have Ibuki think up some very intense training for you both with an understanding that such a thing never happens again?”
She paused allowing for either of them to answer her. As she expected there was no reply.
“It’s a choice between ruining the careers of two ensigns before they’ve even really started because believe me, if Starfleet heard of what happened the two of you will never serve again, or do I gamble on the odds that you’ve learned your lesson?”
“It was my idea, not Touji’s! Send me back to Earth!” Kensuke suddenly exclaimed, stepping forward.
Misato raised a curious eyebrow, “Explain…”
Kensuke looked back at Touji for a second and nodded before turning back to face Misato, “When we were travelling back to the Tokyo, we saw the ship launching. I thought it’d just be a test run or some sort of simulation battle. It’s… an amazing ship and I really wanted to see it up close so I… asked Touji if we could follow it. I masked our warp signature and everything so that we couldn’t be seen. It was only supposed to be a quick look but…”
“Enough.” Misato held up her hand to silence Kensuke, “Your honesty is appreciated. Is this true Suzahara?”
Touji nodded, “Yes. I agreed to it though. If you punish him then you have to punish me as well.”
“I see.” Misato took a moment to think about it, “I won’t lie, what you have told me is concerning. You are both officers and this isn’t shore leave. You can’t divert from your routes because a ship might be ‘cool’ to you. This might be a human colony but don’t forget, we are in Dominion space, if this had happened elsewhere, if you deviate from a path given in the wrong place you risk more than your lives. Do you understand?”
Kensuke nodded, “I do, and I’m sorry.”
“This is what we’re going to do. I can’t overlook this but I’m going to regard your actions as an internal incident and take it no further for now. Starfleet Command will not hear about it nor will your records receive any blemishes.” She explained, “I will however be keeping a very close eye on the two of you from now on. Tomorrow, you’ll both be reporting to Ibuki, who will deal with you both going forward. Is that understood?”
The two of them nodded, “Yes captain.”
“Very good. You’re both at the start of your career, see to it that it doesn’t end early and you don’t make a fool out of me.”
“We won’t.” Kensuke bowed his head, “Thank you captain.”
“Now Aida, you’re dismissed.” Misato ordered, “Suzahara, there is something I want to talk to you about.”
The two men shared a confused glance but Touji simply nodded and Kensuke left the room. Misato waited a moment for Kensuke to be completely out of the room before standing up straight and unfolding her arms.
“Captain?” Touji asked.
“You know, there is a part of me that understands why Aida suggested what he did. I can appreciate his enthusiasm even if it was misguided.” Misato spoke, “What I cannot appreciate however, is misguided aggression from my officers, do you know what I mean?”
“N-No…”
“Do not bullshit me ensign.” Misato spat back, “Did you seriously think I wouldn’t find out? Did you think that NERV and its facilities exist in some reality where people are free to act as they want?”
“Soryu…” Touji started.
“No, no Soryu.” Misato cut him off, “Despite the poor job she did of patching Shinji up, I knew before he arrived. How I know isn’t relevant, what is relevant is that you, a Starfleet officer, assaulted a civilian for no reason.”
“He hurt my sister!” Touji protested.
“It was because of me that she ended up on that bridge and was ultimately hurt.” Misato explained, “Does that mean you’re going to hit me as well?”
“No captain.” Touji answered.
“Now, I am sorry about your sister, I truly am. I don’t want anyone aboard this ship to get hurt but that is the risk we take when we put this uniform on. You know it, I know and your sister knew it.” Misato informed him.
“It… He shouldn’t have been piloting it! He’s just a civilian!”
“You think I don’t already know that?” Misato shot back, “Do you think I was happy putting him in the line of fire like that? Do you not think that if I had my way, I’d have done things a bit differently?”
“I…”
“But even if I had the option Suzahara, to put an officer of my choosing in there, your sister could still have been hurt. What then? Would you have punched that pilot instead?”
“I… I… I don’t know.” Was all Touji could say.
“If you have an issue with my orders or my decision making then you’re more then welcome to feed that back to your department head. I will happily welcome any feedback, but what I won’t tolerate is people taking matters into their own hands like that.” She replied, “You should know better than this.”
“I was…. I just…” Touji stopped midway through his sentence, there was a clear frustration in his voice but he knew what she was saying was right. He had known it immediately after he had done it and even more so after he had been on the ship itself, “I… I’m sorry. Was he okay?”
“Was who okay?”
“The pilot…” Touji answered, “He was… he seemed upset when we were there.”
“He’ll be fine. He’ll be in some discomfort for a few days from the battle, he’ll have a bit of swelling from the punch but most of his pain will be psychological.” She explained, “It’s taken a toll on him. Like you’ve said, he’s a civilian, he isn’t prepared for our way of life. He’s caught up in something he shouldn’t be.”
“Damnit…” Touji spat, “I just made things worse, didn’t I?”
Touji trailed off as he recalled what had happened on the ship. He was there when Shinji disobeyed the captains’ orders to retreat. He had heart Shinji screaming out in pain as the ship took damage and he had heard Shinji crying in the aftermath of the fight. He felt a knot in his gut.
“Actions have consequences Suzahara.” Misato reminded him sternly, “It’s a fact we all have to come to terms with. We’re not on a playground. You were on that ship and you heard and saw everything. I’m just going to say the same thing to you that I said to Shinji earlier today, we were lucky but luck like that doesn’t last forever.”
Misato could now see Touji for exactly what he was. Nothing more than an inexperienced ensign playing the tough guy. An over-protective brother that was only able to see what was directly in front of him. A hurt and confused man, that had picked the wrong outlet for his anger.
“He disobeyed those orders because of me…”
“Perhaps.” Misato nodded, “I by no means wish to put the blame on you. At the end of the day, the only one responsible for what Shinji did, is Shinji himself but I won’t deny actions like yours might have influenced him.”
“I… I’m sorry.” Touji shook his head, “If you want to transfer me away then…”
“I don’t want to transfer you away from the ship.” Misato cut him off, “That’d be too easy for you, I want this to be a lesson for you. Everything we do here has consequences.”
“Then… I should report to the brig?”
“No.” She shook her head again, “Whilst some captains would throw you into the brig without hesitation, I’ve never liked that sort of punishment. I simply want reassurance that what happened yesterday won’t happen again. I never want to see footage of my officers assaulting people like that again.”
She paused as she walked back around to her seat and sat down, “I had to reprimand Shinji as well today for his conduct. It wasn’t easy, like I said, he isn’t prepared for this way of life. Barely a few weeks ago he was just a civilian stepping aboard for the first time and now he is an enlisted officer fighting for us. He feels alone, afraid and without any friends.”
Touji glanced down, “I had no idea…”
“Well… now you do.” Misato folded her hands in front of her face, “I don’t think Shinji sees me in a very positive way after I had to reprimand him. So here is what I want you to so Suzahara, no punishment but if you really do regret what you’ve done and want to make amends for it… go and seek him out, apologize to him and… show him he really isn’t alone here. Show him what a crew really is.”