“You have some explaining to do!”

Misato had barely even gotten her foot through the door before raising her voice and angrily making her presence known. She looked across to see Ritsuko staring back at her, it was hard to read the blondes expression. A fact that annoyed Misato, the least Ritsuko could do was look ashamed at all that had happened.

As it was Misato was angry, incredibly impatient and very tired. She hadn’t slept since yesterday, since long before they had arrived at the colony. The past day and a half had been a complete blur of arriving, taking part in the battle, the recovery, the debriefings and visiting Shinji. This was her last act before she knew she’d inevitable pass out. An attempt to get some answers and take out some of that anger.

“Well, I’m waiting!”

“I was wondering when you’d come here.” Ritsuko let out a sigh and nodded her head towards the desk. “Sit down.”

Misato’s eyes were drawn towards the desk, set up in the middle was a teapot and two cups. She was hit by a pain of nostalgia as she recognised the items and their peculiar shapes. The teapot and the cups were shaped like cats. It was a whimsical design which provided a stark contrast to the way Ritsuko generally came across.

“You’ve been waiting for me then?”

“Of course, I have.” Ritsuko confirmed, “It made sense that you’d come to me, even if everywhere else wasn’t off limits to you… I’m the only one that you know here. It was obvious.”

“Well, aren’t you the smart one?” Misato spat back bitterly.

“Perhaps.” Ritsuko gave the hint of a smirk, “Sit down.”

Misato didn’t argue with her, instead promptly taking a seat at the desk and watching as Ritsuko picked up the teapot, poured some of the hot liquid into each of the mugs, followed by pouring a small amount of milk into each one and two spoonsful of sugar into Misato’s cup and stirring.

“I know coffee is more your thing, but I figured you could use this.” Ritsuko smiled, “It’s like being at the academy again, isn’t it?”

“Why are you here Ritsuko?” Misato asked, “Where have you been? The last I heard you were on Starbase 515! What are you doing in this… hellhole of an outpost? You’re lightyears away from Federation space and in the Gamma Quadrant of all places! Do you know how dangerous it is?”

“I didn’t realize you cared so much.” Ritsuko quipped, “I could ask you the same thing. When we left the academy, you vanished without a trace. I tried looking you up but I always got the same replies, you were on a deep space assignment somewhere. Do you know how dangerous they can be?”

“Ritsuko…” Misato lowered her eyes, “I had… my career has been busy.”

“As has mine, and the academy was a long time ago. We’re not the same people we were back then.” Ritsuko paused for a moment to sip her tea, “But that isn’t why you’re here, you want answers. So, I’ll provide what I can.”

“Thank you. I would appreciate that.” Misato nodded, thankful to end that portion of the conversation, “So, why are you here?”

“Official, I’m was brought here on request of Commander Ikari for my expertise in bio-medicine and bio-engineering. I’m the chief scientist on Project E and part of the effort to safeguard the galaxy against the sort of monstrosity you saw today.” Ritsuko answered, “Unofficially…”

“Let me guess, you can’t tell me?”

“Correct, I can’t tell you.” Ritsuko answered, “But… I will because I’m sure you’ve already guessed. Whilst I was working at Starbase 515, I was approached by an officer in a black uniform. Much like the one you see me wearing now. He explained that there was something more happening here, explained how I could be useful and given what is at stake, I didn’t think I could turn him down.”

“Ritsuko! You… that’s so dangerous, how could you- “

“Don’t Misato.” Ritsuko interrupted her with a hint of annoyance in her voice, “My choices in my career are not for you to question.”

“Sorry.” Misato bowed her head, “Continue…”

“Computer, engage security protocol Akagi-1995-4-10” Ritsuko ordered, “There, that should give us some privacy. I will tell you a brief rundown of the situation, but then I want you to leave here, go back to your quarters and rest. I’ve already arranged to send you additional information via our secure channel. I’m sure you can remember the details for it.”

Misato felt herself blush, “Yes…”

“Okay, so are we agreed. You get what you want, and then you rest?”

“Maybe, don’t forget I outrank you now.”

“And don’t you forget, I’m a Starfleet doctor, I can have you declared unfit for duty quicker than you can think those words.” Ritsuko shot back, “I’m not saying this to get rid of you, I’m saying this because you need to look after yourself. You have a crew now, remember?”

“Who do you think I’m doing this for?” Misato fired back, “Their lives were put in danger today because I and they were brought into a situation they knew nothing about. I need information so I can act.”

“I’m aware of that.” Ritsuko nodded, “But I also know what you can be like. When you lock onto something, then to hell with yourself and others.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it’s supposed to mean.” Ritsuko answered, “And you know I’m telling the truth, I’m just looking out for you.”

“Fine!” Misato folded her arms, “Tell me what you can. Short version and then, I’ll go and sleep.”

Ritsuko let out a sigh, “The short version is that the thing you saw today, is the very reason NERV was set up and the reason for Project E. On the surface the goal is simple, we defend against and repel those ships that we know as Angels. To do that we developed and built the bio-ship known as the Evangelion class. They’re capable of generating and nullifying the A.T. Field, the special shielding you saw the enemy ship use.”

Misato refrained from jumping in at this point to ask more questions. Who and what was this enemy? Why did they call them Angels? What made the Evangelion class so special and why was it only Shinji or Rei who could pilot them? For now, she felt it better to remain silent.

“NERV, as you already know is not a Federation colony and has no supposed affiliation with Starfleet. You’ll find all this in what I’ve sent to you.” Ritsuko continued to explain, “NERV wasn’t always NERV though, in fact at one point it was affiliated with Starfleet. I assume you know by now of GEHIRN?”

“GEHIRN?” Misato’s eyes widened, “That… was the colony…”

“Shinji’s mother died in?” Ritsuko nodded, “Yes, correct. GEHIRN wasn’t just the name of that colony, it was also the name of an organization set up years prior. That incident was not the only tragedy to befall a GEHIRN facility. Three years prior there was another colony, you won’t find records of it. They’ve been scrubbed from the database replaced by records of a small settlement that was unfortunately wiped out by a Borg incursion.”

Misato felt a surge of anger at hearing Ritsuko’s words, not towards her but towards the people she served. She was certainly not naïve enough to believe Starfleet was as pure as they liked to present themselves. Section 31 was proof enough of that, but to lie and forge records about an entire colony? It all seemed so very wrong.

“Why?” Misato asked, “What happened that they had to cover it up and blame the Borg of all things?”

“It was because of what they found and the implications of it. It’s not the first time, there was once a ship in the 23rd century I’ve been told about that had some interesting tech on it but due to Starfleet’s hubris they had to erase all records of it after an incident with rogue AI.” Ritsuko shrugged, “it’s a shame.”

“We’re getting off topic.” Misato reminded her, “What did they find?”

“It was a bio-ship, something they referred to as ‘Adam.’ They took it to that colony and began to study it, but in doing so… they unleashed something terrifying. It ended up destroying the colony, wiping out the population of the colony and leaving the planet inhospitable.”

“And they blamed the Borg?” Misato shook her head, “What the hell did they do?”

“Adam was a living ship, but it was lying dormant, they… woke it up and on waking it, it destroyed them but… it sent a signal.” Ritsuko answered her, “I’m sure you already know the next part.”

“So… they’ve known for longer than a year?” Misato asked, “They’ve known for… eighteen years.”

“Yes, the Evangelion class is the result of eighteen years of research and development.” Ritsuko explained, “The technology that powers it, is based on what they learned from Adam. It is the only ship that can stop the Angels. That ship they sent is only the first, there will be more.”

“So… We will need to fight again?”

Ritsuko nodded grimly, “Yes, both Shinji and Rei will have to pilot.”

“Why those two?”

“Unfortunately, there isn’t anyone else capable of doing it. The Evangelion’s are bio-ships and as such they require certain compatible pilots to synchronise with them.” She answered, “And before you ask, no we can’t install technology that generate the A.T. Fields on regular starships. Believe me, I’ve tried looking for a solution but it has to be one of these ships.”

Misato had so many questions she wanted to ask. Who or what was it that decided Shinji was compatible? Why did NERV exist now? Who gave the orders to keep everything quiet for so long? She felt like she was barely scratching the surface. Yet, she was suddenly starting to feel the effects of the last two days finally start to catch up with her.

“We should end this here Misato.” Ritsuko spoke up, “Go back to your ship, sleep and then look at what I’ve sent you. It’ll explain more and probably do a better job of it. You know me, I’ve never been a people person.”

“Hah, yeah… You always did have trouble mixing with others.” Misato smiled, “Fine, I’ll… got back to my ship and I’ll get some sleep.”

“Good.”

Misato rose from her seat and moved towards the door. As she reached the door, she heard Ritsuko speak again, “Misato I… know this probably isn’t the reunion either of us expected, or wanted but I hope you know… I am happy you’re here.”

888

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Next Day – Early Evening.

Shinji leaned back, resting the back of his head on the edge of the bath as he let the warm water wash over him. It was definitely helping to ease his aches and pains, but doing little to solve the problems going on in his head. If anything, the silence of the bathroom was just making things worse. There was little else to focus on than the events of the last few days, with today having its own fair share of issues.

The day had started with him being woken up by a doctor, he was given back his clothes and then released from the medical facility. From there he met a now rested Misato who escorted him to a secure interview room within NERV. Shinji had then been questioned as to what had happened to him in the Eva. It was a dazzling array of questions that he had no answer to. He could remember Misato getting annoyed at the person asking the questions.

After that they were whisked away to another part of NERV where Shinji was issues with his NERV ID and Credit Chip before being told the location of his quarters. He had not been asked if this was what he wanted, deep down it wasn’t what he wanted but he nodded and accepted it.

That was when Misato stepped in.

888

Earlier that day

“I have a question, if you’ll allow it.” Misato broke the silence, placing her PADD down on the desk. Shinji remained quiet; he didn’t want to make a fuss.

“Of course.” The uniformed man replied.

“This home, this apartment for Shinji.” Misato nodded, “If what I see here is correct, then Shinji will be living in this facility by himself with no one else living in this area?”

“That is correct.” The man nodded, “That location has been designated as being for pilots only.”

“What about Rei?” Misato asked, “Does she not live here.”

“Pilot Ayanami has complicated medical needs which require her to live on site.” He answered, “These are direct orders from Commander Ikari, I’m afraid there are no alternatives.”

Shinji felt his hands clench into a fist. So, it was his father that had arranged all this. Shinji couldn’t help but wonder why. He wasn’t exactly the most social of people but being brought up in a somewhat loud household, his aunt and uncle were always playing music, he himself played the Cello and he worked in a busy restaurant, he didn’t know how he could handle having absolutely no one around. Even when he had isolated himself on the Tokyo, he still knew there was someone nearby.

He had to wonder if this was just because he was a pilot or was it because his father wanted to keep him away? His father had said nothing to him since he had agreed to pilot, he hadn’t visited him in the hospital and in that brief moment they did see each other, his father just kept on walking. Was this some sort of punishment? If so, then what had Shinji done? Was it to do with his mother? Was that why his father had left him years ago?

His mother, Shinji couldn’t really remember her. He couldn’t remember her voice or her face and there were no photos or records. It seems his father had seen to that, either destroying them all or taking them with him. Shinji’s aunt and uncle had spoken of her a few times, Shinji had at least a name to go on. Yui Ikari, she was a scientist and a kind, good-hearted woman. It hurt Shinji so much that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t remember anything of her, it was as if those first eight or so years of his life hadn’t happened.

‘He blames me for it… what did I do?’

“It’s okay Misato.” Shinji piped up, “I… I don’t mind being alone. I’m sort of used to it.”

It was a lie but the guilt brought on by his thoughts was settling in, and he thought to just get this over and done with. He didn’t want to live there but he would deal with it.

“Absolutely not.” Misato shot back sternly, “I will not condemn someone to live isolated like this, it’s inhumane. If there are no alternatives at the colony, then I request Shinji be allowed to stay onboard the Tokyo, at least until an alternative is worked out.”

888

There had been an initial disagreement from the security officer after Misato had made her request. He seemed reluctant to even try going against Shinji’s fathers’ orders but Misato was able to reach out to Admiral Jackson who had seen to it that it was allowed. Shinji had felt quite embarrassed by Misato making such a big effort for him, but he was thankful.

Afterwards, Misato had taken him to one side and apologized before explaining that he would be expected to pilot again and she wasn’t sure if there was anything she could do to stop that. Shinji had no response for her, he had expected it himself. He didn’t want to pilot but there was little choice for him. Misato did however say that whilst the Tokyo was in orbit of NERV, she would do everything she could to prepare Shinji and train him, suggesting that interacting with the ship and its crew would be of great benefit.

So now, here he was, back in his quarters aboard the Tokyo and once again contemplated all that had happened over the last few days, trying to fill in that gap in his memory. It was frustrating for him to know that this battle had taken place, one that he had supposedly won as well. Maybe, it was a good thing that he couldn’t remember it. Maybe his brain was keeping the details from him because lives had been lost, in which case, why would he want to remember it?

‘Memories… They usually come to me when I’m in the bath, but it always seems to be the most painful ones. My father leaving me, bullies at school… this is just the same. Misato said it’d be good for me.’

“Bathing is the laundry of life!” She had quipped to him with an enthusiastic grin, before telling him to take the time to actually enjoy his quarters.

‘What am I now? Am I still a civilian? Am I a starship pilot? Am I part of NERV or part of Starfleet? I… I don’t really know who I am but then… I’ve never really known.’

His thoughts turned to Misato, she seemed friendly enough but her being nice to him was just part of her job, wasn’t it? To her he was just some civilian that was part of her mission and him being here now, was that because she actually cared? He supposed that she could have just taken her crew and gone home, but was she staying because of him?

She was definitely different to the famous captains he had read about. He definitely couldn’t imagine Kirk or Picard instructing someone to take a bath.

His mind turned to what tomorrow might bring. Misato had said she would have some basic tasks for him. Shinji hadn’t thought of working on a starship before. He remembered his teachers telling him that he had the potential for Starfleet and he was going to sign up. He couldn’t remember exactly what it was that stopped him, he supposed it was a question from the recruiter about why he wanted to sign up.

Shinji was only doing it because that’s what it seemed like he was supposed to do. He realized that this wasn’t a good reason to join and rescinded his application. He quickly realized that he wasn’t the same as others applying for it, he had little to offer the organization, all he would do is get in the way and disappoint.

He was scared of what would happen to him now. Scared of being hurt or hurting others and letting them down. Scared because he knew the comfortable life that he had grown so accustomed to was over. He wasn’t going to get it back. Some might say that’d be a good thing, he had been accused by his teachers in the past of just coasting through life and he knew that that was true. It always felt like he was waiting for something.

Maybe that thing he was waiting for was this. Maybe instead of him having to find his path, it had found him.

He closed his eyes and sunk a little bit more into the water, letting it come up to his chin.

888

Two Days ago - Evangelion 01

“Okay Shinji, take us to red alert. Get shields and weapons online.” Misato’s order came through clearly, “It’s time.”

Up until now piloting the ship hadn’t been quite the arduous task that he thought it’d be. The interface seemed quite simple in theory and although he had only made the ship travel a short distance, he definitely felt like he’d be capable of doing more. Of course, now it was going to get a lot tougher. All he could do was trust in Misato.

‘Um… red alert… Evangelion 01… go to… red alert?’

Commanding the ship via this interface was definitely unusual. It felt like a weird combination of him giving an order to the ship whilst also willing himself to do it. This interface made it feel like he and the ship were one and the same.

He heard the sound of the siren, indicating the ship going to red alert. A quick glance at the screens in front of him confirmed the status, he also saw the shields being raised to maximum, as well as the weapon systems being brought online.

‘Okay, I can do this… If I just do what Misato says… I’ll be fine.’

“Great job Shinji! Now, make sure your phasers are at full power and you have torpedoes ready. I want you to move forward at half impulse, fire your fore phasers at the target, bank yourself immediately to port and fire starboard phasers.” He heard her order, “Keep it simple and quick. The key thing is to stay mobile and keep attacking so as soon as you see your phaser banks are charged or you can fire a new spread of torpedoes, don’t hesitate.”

“O-Okay…” He replied nervously.

He started the process of following her orders and brough the ship up to half impulse. He could feel a cold sensation wash over him as it picked up speed. Ahead of him, he could see the imposing silhouette of the enemy vessel. It was hard to not be in awe of it, it completely dwarfed his craft. He felt a churning in his stomach as he moved within range.

“Okay Shinji… Fire! Now!” Misato’s order echoed around him.

On hearing her order, he willed the ship to fire the fore phasers at full power, just as she had instructed. Two beams of orange jetted forth from this ship, directly towards the waiting enemy. Remembering Misato’s instructions clearly, he immediately started to bank the ship to its port side, in the distance he could see the phasers colliding against the enemy vessels mighty A.T. Field, there was a large octagonal ripple in front of the vessel.

“Great job Shinji. You’ve weakened the shields ever so slightly, keep it going.”

He kept banking the ship, watching his screens keenly for the signal to fire his starboard phaser banks. He did so, three blasts were sent forth, the first two bounding off of the A.T. Field but the third one passed through and smacked straight into the hull of the ship. There was a bright flash of light as white-hot phaser fire struck deeply into the enemy’s hull. He could see fragments of the ship be send spinning into space.

Shinji felt a strange mixture of panic and elation as the adrenaline kicked in. Misato’s plan seemed to be working, he was actually doing this. He was fighting against this giant enemy ship that had wiped out an entire armada.

He kept banking the ship, away from the enemy readying the next stage of the attack, firing a full spread from the Evangelion’s aft torpedo bay. He had his back to the enemy, his heart pounding rapidly and his mind laser focused on the attack. He almost missed Misato’s shout through the comms.

“Shinji! Evade now!”

The shout came too late, Shinji was aware of the flash of light from the ship and tried his hardest to bank the ship in the other direction. It wasn’t enough as the beam from the enemy collided with the Evangelions own A.T. Field. Shinji’s head snapped back in his seat; pain surged throughout his body. He screamed out, clutching his arm. He had never known pain like this before. It felt like his arm was on fire, and yet a glance at it revealed no physical damage.

He hissed through the pain, hearing the yells of people over the comms. He looked at the screens to see the damage done. An officer on his bridge relaying information.

“Starboard shields have taken a beating, they’re down to 36%, aft shields are down to 60%! We can’t take another attack like that.”

“My body… it feels like it’s on fire.” He gripped his controls again.

Ritsuko’s voice came over the comms, “Shinji, listen to me. That pain you’re feeling is not real. I know it feels like it is but try to fight through it. Look at your arm and your leg, see how they’re okay? Stay focused.”

Staying focused was much easier said than done, especially when they weren’t feeling the same thing he was. Shinji gritted his teeth, willing the ship forward and trying to fire the spread of torpedoes as he had intended to. Frustratingly nothing was happening.

“Pilots sync ratio has dropped to below 10%” He heard the voice over the comms, “Vitals are fading.”

He was sure he could hear something else but it was harder to harder to focus through all the pain. He was aware of something trickling down his face into his mouth. Blood! It was blood! Shinji was bleeding somehow and the world around him was becoming hazier.

He tried again to move forward, to fire the torpedoes but the link between himself and the ship was fading. There was a dull ache in his head from there it had hit the seat after the enemy’s attack. He was vaguely aware of another flash of light. There was a brief moment and then more pain shot through him, this time focused on his chest. Around him were hisses and the loud sound of explosions. There was more yelling and then suddenly… nothing.

Everything went black, no more yelling, no more explosions, no enemy and no pain. There was only Shinji and the strange sensation of him floating towards some destination. His first thought was that he had died, that this was death but then why was he still sat in the cockpit?

He had no time to think about it before a single orb of light rose from the console in front of him, radiating a soothing warmth. At first, he felt his eyes widen in terror but the urge to scream faded, and was replaced by only calm.

“Let me help.”

It was a woman’s voice that Shinji heard. A calm, strange and familiar voice.

“Let me help you.”

It echoed again as the orb remained still in front of him. He wondered what he should do. Should he reply? Should he do nothing? Was this real or just a dream brought on by his condition.

Before he could get any of his answers the orbs form changed. Altering itself from a sphere or light into that of a woman. She hovered in place in front of him before slowing reaching out with her hand. Shinji, as if controlled by some external force reached out too. Her touch was soft and gentle. Their fingers intertwined as she moved closer to him.

“H-Help me…” he muttered as the figures other hand came up to caress his cheek.

The light suddenly faded and the darkness subsided to reveal the view of space once more. There were the faint sounds and screams of battle and through misty eyes he could see the enemy ship still in view, preparing for a final attack. He was doing nothing but his ship seemed to be moving forward. Was this the help that figure had offered him?

The last thing he remembered before slipping into unconsciousness was his room glowing a deeper shade of red, there was the sound of Ritsuko’s voice, “His sync rate is going up again! I’ve never seen anything like this before! It’s at 100%!”

There was one final flash of light, and then followed by a large sequence of cross shaped explosions. This was followed by more shouts and screams, from who, Shinji did not know. All he was aware of was his eyes closing again, followed by the sound of his voice muttering a single word.

“Mother…”